Always His

by James, J. P.

  “I missed you too. My mom took away my cell phone, so I couldn’t reach you,” he reveals. I’m actually relieved to hear that. At least now I know that he hasn’t been avoiding me. It’s Elena’s fault why we haven’t spoken since we left the nature preserve.

  “I was afraid that I would never see you again,” I admit, my heart pounding in my chest. He smiles sweetly.

  “There’s no way that I would’ve let that happen. I love you too much,” he says.

  I have a quick reply on my tongue, but I swallow it because it’s time for me to tell him the truth. No more hiding the fact that I was convicted of statutory rape, or that I went away to prison for five years. I have to tell him everything and clear the air, once and for all. It’s the only way we can move forward with our relationship and be together. I take a deep breath. Do I have the guts? I don’t know how Jake’s going to take it, but at least he’ll finally know everything.

  “I want to tell you what happened,” I say. Jake’s eyes fill with tears. I can tell he’s terrified to the know the truth, but I can’t keep this from him any longer. “Take a seat.”

  “Okay,” he manages while sitting down at the kitchen table. I sit across from him and stare into his eyes. Hopefully, he can see that this is totally from the heart. I begin slowly.

  “A little over five years ago, I went out to a club for a few drinks. It was no big deal. Back then I was a player, so often I would meet a guy at the bar and then bring him home. I was a single guy and that’s just what I did back then. I’m not proud of it.”

  Jake is totally silent, merely listening. Taking a big breath, I continue. “That particular night I say a guy standing by the bar with a few of his friends. It was an eighteen and up club, so I figured everyone there was an adult. I started chatting with the guy, and before I knew it, we were dancing and having fun,” I say.

  So far, my lover doesn’t have much of a reaction. He stares at me hard while listening to my story. But I haven’t reached the worst part yet.

  “By the end of the night, he was all over me. I figured, why not? We ended up back at my place and did … well, you can guess what we did. Afterwards, I told him that I wasn’t interested in a romantic relationship, and that must’ve hurt him because he started crying. I mean, I didn’t expect that at all, but it was my first indication of his age and immaturity. Next thing I knew, the cops were at my door. I told them the sex was consensual, but they didn’t care. Evidently, a seventeen-year old can’t have consensual sex, even if he says yes.”

  Still total silence from Jake.

  “How did he get into the club if he was only seventeen?” my lover questions.

  I shrug and sigh heavily. “Apparently, he had a fake ID. He lied about his age, but I’m the one who got in trouble. Ironically, he even testified on my behalf at trial, stating that the sex was consensual, but it didn’t matter. The prosecutor was out for blood that year and charged me with statutory rape. I ended up spending five years in prison because of it,” I reply.

  “Really?” asks Jake, his nose wrinkling with disbelief.

  “Yeah,” I say with another heavy sigh. “It was the worst time of my life. Imagine having everything taken away from you, and all because of a single mistake that could have happened to anyone.”

  Jake merely sits there quietly, not uttering a single word. Fuck, I told him everything, but he still looks unsure. Doesn’t he believe me? I’m not a rapist, nor a child molester. It was just a mistake, and one that had severe consequences. Surely he sees that I’ve paid my debt by serving a heavy sentence. Finally, he speaks.

  “Why didn’t you tell me all of this before?”

  I shrug even as my heart plummets.

  “I wanted to, but I was afraid that something like this would scare you away,” I admit, feeling a bit ashamed. “There were so many times I wanted to tell you, but it never felt exactly right.”

  It’s true. I was on the verge of coming clean about my criminal background yesterday, until Elena appeared out of thin air and screamed her head off. Jake’s silent again, and my heart can’t help racing. Does he believe me? Our eyes are locked, but his lips stay firmly shut. I need to know what he’s thinking. I reach over and take his hand in mine. Tenderly, I stroke his hand with my thumb as I wait for him to speak.

  Finally, Jake opens his mouth.

  “I’m sorry that you had to serve a five-year prison sentence just because some kid lied about his age. Most of my classmates have fake IDs too. Anyone could have gotten caught in a trap like that, honestly. I turned eighteen only six months ago, so it could have happened between us as well,” he says, relieving my anxiety.

  “Do you think I’m a monster?” I ask.

  The air hangs between us, but Jake shakes his head.

  “No. If anything, I think you’re the real victim. That guy took advantage of you, and then turned you over to the police when he was the one who lied.” He pauses for a moment. “I’m also sorry about what happened with my mom. She’s crazy, and she can’t help it.”

  “So you believe me?” I ask.

  “Yes,” he says without hesitation. He leans in closer to me and gently caresses my cheek. “I know who you really are on the inside. That’s why I had to come here and talk to you in person. I knew you couldn’t have been the man my mom described. You’re too loving and caring to ever hurt anyone.” Turning my head slight, I kiss the palm of his hand gratefully.

  “I just hope that we can move past this. I meant it when I said I love you, Jake. I can’t imagine my life without you.”

  He smiles.

  “I know, Vance. I want to spend the rest of my life with you too,” he says.

  My heart beats so hard I’m afraid it’s going to pound right out of my chest. “There’s nothing else in this world that I want more than that,” I murmur while gathering him in my arms and pulling him onto my lap. “You’re the most important person in my life.” Placing my hand on the back of his, I press a kiss to his lips.

  “I know. I feel the same way,” he murmurs softly.

  I take a deep breath and reveal my greatest fear.

  “To be honest, I didn’t think I was going to meet someone once I got out of prison. At least, not anyone good because who would want to date an ex-con? But sometimes life takes wonderfully strange turns, and I’m so grateful for you, honey,” I confess.

  “I’m grateful for me too,” he murmurs while throwing his arms around my neck.

  We kiss, and I tighten my grip around Jake. I never want to let him go. He belongs here with me, always and forever, as we fall deeper in love each day. I’m glad he stopped by, because what would have happened if he hadn’t? Now, I don’t have to contemplate that possibility. Sure, things aren’t perfect, but together, Jake and I will work on our issues together, without any fear going forwards.

  19

  Jake

  Things between Vance and I are back to being perfect, but there’s still one problem that has to be addressed. My mom. I can hear Elena downstairs in the kitchen making a martini, and my heart is racing because Vance will be over any minute now to confront her with me. There are two big things we need to tell her: one, that I’m gay and always have been; and two, that Vance and I plan on being with each other whether she likes it or not. I’m eighteen years old, so she can’t tell me what to do anymore.

  I’m glad that Vance is coming over for the big confrontation. I don’t think I would be able to do it on my own. After all, I never even worked up the nerve to tell Elena that I’m attracted to men. But now, I don’t want to hide anymore. I’m ready to speak the truth.

  The doorbell rings and my heart nearly pounds out of my chest. That has to be Vance. I fling open my bedroom door and fly down the stairs, but by the time I reach the last step, my mother is already pulling the front door open. This is it. I just hope Elena takes it well.

  But nope, things aren’t off to a good start. Her face twists in disgust as she stares at Vance, and tries to slam the door shut in hi
s face, but I grab hold of it before she can.

  Elena turns towards me.

  “Go to your room, Jake,” she hisses.

  “No, Mom. We need to talk. All of us,” I say, locking eyes with Vance. “Come in, Vance.” He strides inside, brushing past my mother.

  “I don’t want that sick bastard inside of my home! I’m calling the cops!” she says while dashing over to the phone.

  Vance stands in her way, blocking her movements with his muscular bulk.

  “You know, I find it ironic that you’re acting like this. Last week, you were coming onto me, and now you’re acting like I’m some kind of disgusting animal.” What? My mom was coming onto Vance? Shocked by his words, I turn toward my mother.

  “Elena, what’s he talking about?” I ask.

  “Nothing, Jake. Don’t listen to him,” she spits, glaring at Vance.

  But my lover shakes his head.

  “Tell him the truth. You’ve been throwing yourself at me since the moment I moved in next door,” Vance reveals. My eyes practically fall out of their sockets. Holy shit! Could this be true? Has my mother been hitting on Vance all along?

  “Mom? Aren’t you going to say anything?” I probe. She grows quiet for a moment, her eyes shifting between the two of us. Her face flushes with color as she tries to think of what to say next.

  “Admit it, Elena. That’s the real reason you were enraged when you saw Jake and I together,” Vance says.

  Finally, she screws up her face, her mouth forming an angry rictus.

  “Fine! So what if I came onto you? But don’t play innocent in this, Vance Raider! You’ve been flirting with me all of this time too.”

  My lover shakes his head.

  “Are you out of your mind? I’ve never shown interest in you even once since I moved in because I’m gay and always have been. I’m not attracted to you, nor any other woman for that matter.”

  “But what about that night when you were out by the pool?” she hisses. “You had to have known I was watching you.”

  “The night by the pool?” I repeat. Oh no, was my mom watching Vance masturbate that night too? That would mean she wasn’t moaning because she was having sex with her ex-boyfriend, but rather she was touching herself watching Vance as well. Ew! I think I’m going to be sick! My mom and I have been crushing on the same man? This is both gross and awkward.

  Vance looks repulsed too.

  “I had no idea you were watching me as I did laps. Wait, how many other times have you spied on me?” he asks with disgust in his face. I don’t think I’ve ever seen my mother this quiet before. It’s almost as if she’s speechless. Not only that, but her face is beet red and covered in droplets of sweat.

  “Don’t make it seems like you’re an innocent victim here, Vance. You took advantage of my son, just like you did that seventeen-year old boy! I caught you molesting my son!” she hisses.

  “He didn’t do anything to me, Mom!” I say, raising my voice. She turns towards me with a shocked expression. “We were making love. You may not like it, but I’m gay. I’ve known it ever since I was a little boy.” I walk over to Vance and take his hand in mine. “We’re in love and there’s nothing you can do about it. I’m eighteen and I can make my own decisions now.” I can practically see the steam coming out of her ears.

  Vance narrows his eyes at her.

  “What were you doing in Glenwood Forest that day anyway?” he asks. Good question. Elena never explained how she happened to be on the same exact hiking trail as us two hours away from home.

  “Why does it matter?” she asks defensively. “The only thing that matters is that I caught you there having gay sex with my son.”

  My lips turn down in a frown.

  “Mom, answer the question. What were you doing there that day? How did you find us?” I ask. My mother doesn’t hike, so it is bizarre that she’d be out in nature.

  Finally, she caves. “I have my methods, okay? I googled Vance, what else? When I saw his criminal record online and read that he was convicted of raping a seventeen-year old boy, I couldn’t believe that he was gay. It just didn’t make sense to me! I mean, why would you want boys, when you can have this?” she says, gesturing at her lumpy body. Vance and I both try not to grimace.

  But Elena’s on a roll, and she continues. “When I saw Vance’s car pulling out of the driveway, I decided to follow him. I mean, there was someone in the car with him, and I wanted to see for myself whether or not he was really gay, but the last thing I was expecting to see was him having sex with my teenage son!” she laments.

  “You were spying on me?” Vance asks, his handsome face disgusted.

  “You were screwing my son at a nature preserve!” she hisses back furiously. “I was justified in my spying!”

  Vance merely shakes his head.

  “Honestly, this is so wacko that I don’t even know what to say. Are you jealous of your own son, Elena? Because I’m interested in Jake, and not you?”

  My mother immediately protests.

  “No of course not,” she sputters. “Now that I know what you are, I wouldn’t touch you with a ten-foot pole.”

  Vance and I share skeptical glances. Hardly. If my lover crooked his finger at Elena, she’d be all over him like white on rice, gay or not. Still, this is bad. I knew my mom was desperate for attention, but I had no idea her behavior had gotten this out of control. I’m starting realize that Elena’s the one who’s mentally ill. She’s a middle-aged woman who throws herself at men, even when they don’t show interest in her. I’m embarrassed for the both of us right now.

  Vance steps forward, with both hands up in the air.

  “Elena, I’m in love with your son, and we plan on being together out in the open now. He’s eighteen, so there’s no crime. We’re not asking your permission to be together, we’re just giving you a heads up because there’s not going to be anymore sneaking around,” he says as he stares my mother straight in her eyes. Her jaw drops, and her eyes goggle wildly. Elena’s shocked, but I think she finally realizes that there’s nothing that she can do.

  “He’s right, Mom,” I say. “We’re in love and I’m finally ready to come out of the closet. I want to be with this man, and it doesn’t matter what’s happened.”

  Elena sputters.

  “How can you be with a man who was in prison for five years, Jake? He’s a criminal. What kind of life can you build with an ex-con?”

  Vance interjects then.

  “Jake knows about my past and understands that I never intended to take advantage of anyone. That kid had a fake ID, so I thought he was legal. Jake knows that I’m not a sexual predator. There are nuances to every story, but you just don’t get it, Elena. You think everything is black and white, when it’s not.”

  “Shut up,” she snarls before turning to me. “As long as you’re living under my roof, Buster, you have to follow my rules!”

  I sigh again. True to form, Elena’s just not getting it.

  “Mom, I’m not seeking your approval. My bags are already packed upstairs and I’m moving in with Vance for the rest of the school year,” I inform her.

  “Like hell you are!” she says in a rage. “Over my dead body!”

  But it’s too late.

  “I’m an adult, and you can’t stop this from happening. You’ll always be my mom and I’ll always love you, but I love Vance too and we want to be together,” I say. “That’s final.”

  My mom looks back and forth between us again, completely unable to speak, which is a first. I know she’s upset, but in time I hope that she realizes that I’m not doing this to hurt her. She and I have always had our issues, and it’s time for me to leave home as a result. Besides, I’ll only be right next door. It’s not like I’m forsaking Elena forever.

  She’s breathing heavily and her face is the same color as a chili pepper. No doubt she’ll need time to process all of this, which is another reason why I want to move out. I don’t want to be constantly nagged about my sexual ori
entation the same way I was nagged about my social life for the last few years. Not to mention the drunken rants she’ll go on every night. I’d much rather be living with Vance while Elena learns to accept the truth about her son. I’m gay, and always will be.

  “I’m going to go get my bags now,” I say as I turn toward Vance. He nods supportively, but my mother sputters as I run up the stairs. I’ll bet she’s giving Vance the evil eye right now. She’s probably blaming him as if this is all his fault, but frankly, it was my idea to move in with him. I brought it up to him, and he thought it was a great option.

  After all, we’re in love, and we’re going to be together whether Elena likes it or not. I get it. She was coming onto my lover, and can’t believe that her son has stolen him out from under her nose. But still. My mom’s been married and divorced multiple times, so she’ll get over it.

  I toss my backpack over one arm, and a duffle bag onto my shoulder. I take a look around my bedroom, realizing that this will no longer be my safe space from my mom because now, Vance’s arms will be that place for me. I thought I’d be leaving home after graduation, but I’m glad I don’t have to wait until then. I’m ready to be with the man that I adore, and the time is right.

  I grab my suitcase handle and wheel it out of my bedroom. Vance glances up the stairs and sees me standing there with it. He darts up and grabs the suitcase from out of my hand, like a true gentleman. My mother’s eyes are locked onto him as he carries it down the stairs with bulging muscles. Heck, Elena’s probably still fantasizing about what a night with him would be like, she’s that desperate. But he puts the suitcase onto the floor and turns to her.

  “I hope one day you can learn to accept our relationship, Elena,” he says. “Jake and I truly love each other, and I plan on making him happy for the rest of our lives.”

  “You should just go,” she says rolling her eyes. “Both of you.”

  I ignore her as best I can. Clearly, it’s going to take a while for Elena to accept me being with our hunky next door neighbor. She’s angry with the both of us right now, and I get it. Hopefully, it’ll all blow over in a matter of weeks or months. Maybe it will never blow over, but I just have to hope.