Unbearable

by Alaska Angelini

  As Diane begged him to come back, I was torn whether to wake her up or let her sleep through the hell she was living in her mind. My rules won. When her eyes fluttered open and she squinted against the light at me, she began crying even harder.

  I kissed her then. More because a part of me wanted to absorb her pain and take it away. The other reason was because I needed to make an impact. Sex does it for Diane. Although I touch her and let on that I will go all the way, I know where to draw the line. But she doesn’t know that. With as much distaste as she harbors for me, I can see this turning out just as I planned.

  The cut on my lip is proof it’s working. The damn, stubborn woman has a knot on her forehead from head butting me, too. Even if I am doing this for her own good, she will have me in pieces before this is over with. Maybe more on the inside than the out…I shouldn’t have obsessed so much over her. I’m not good with being denied something I want. And right now, I crave every part of body and her mind.

  Rustling caused my hand to slow. From the way her head was tossing and turning, I knew what was coming. Again. The clock read almost seven in the morning. Even with the disturbance at three, I’d still slept hours more than I usually did.

  “Wake up, slave.” I shut the book, pushing to my feet. The throb in my arm was a motherfucker and only intensified under the suit’s jacket as I walked over and tapped her foot. But it wasn’t as bad as I thought and the liquid stitches worked just fine. “Up, come on. We don’t have all day. You have a lot to do.”

  I stood by the bed, waiting to see her reaction to the restraints I’d removed not an hour before.

  Her breathing had slowed. The nightmare apparently gone. “Go away,” she groaned.

  “Not a morning person? How about coffee?”

  Another sound left her as she rolled to her stomach and froze. With a flash, she pushed up to her knees and wheeled her head in my direction. Dark hair flared around her, the waves now frizzed from sleeping with her hair wet.

  “Do you think you can be good or do I need to put them back on?”

  “You mean,” she pushed her long bangs out of her face, “I don’t have to wear them the entire time I’m here?”

  I raised an eyebrow. “That depends. This is a test. For now, I’m going to let you roam around your room. But,” I stressed, “if I feel like you’re up to something, or you try anything I feel is inappropriate, I’ll restrain you and crop you again. Now, go use the restroom real quick. There’s a toothbrush on the counter.”

  Surprisingly, she obeyed without a fuss. As the door shut, I walked over to the monitor, not really watching. I knew she was safe in there. The toilet flushed and the sound of the water came on. Within minutes, she was walking back out.

  “I hate that you invade my privacy.” There was anger on her face as she came back over to me. “It’s bad enough I’m walking around in front of you naked. But that,” she said, gesturing to the bathroom door, “pushes the line.”

  “If it makes you feel better, I didn’t invade your privacy. But if I feel I need to, I will. Now, come. You have clothes in your closet. For now, you can dress. There’s a lot I want you to do today.”

  Wearily, she moved closer. She looked like a house-pet released into the wild for the first time. There didn’t seem to be anything she missed as her eyes darted around and she began to follow behind me.

  “What are you going to do with me? Am I going to have to watch more movies like the one before?”

  The broken lamp and bloodstained sheets were long gone. I’d spent the half hour before my shower cleaning up her mess. Had I trusted her not to try to cut me with the damn broken pieces, I would have made her clean it up herself. As it was, she would no doubt try to filet me alive. Or herself. I wasn’t going to let either happen.

  “Yes, amongst other things you’re not going to like. We’ll go more into that later. There are panties in the drawer and a white sundress in the closet. Put them on.” I grabbed the remote, hitting the button that would put the video back on, just to loop over and over. “While I get your coffee and breakfast together, you’ll pay attention and tell me exactly what you learned while I was gone.”

  The scene was of a victim who’d died from an overdose. I knew this video like the back of my hand, so the questions I planned to quiz her on were already present in my mind.

  “Is this really necessary? I mean, I know I want to die. What’s going to come out of watching this graphic documentary? It’s sure as hell not going to benefit me with taking the final transition to death.”

  I shrugged. “No. It’s not. But, like I told you before, this is what happens. Someone has to deal with the aftereffects. You’re going to be responsible about committing suicide and have appreciation for what they do before I let you off yourself.”

  “I do appreciate it,” she groaned, slipping the dress over her head. “Their job sucks, but I didn’t choose it for them. If it were up to me, I’d die in the morgue. I don’t care. At least, there, I’d already be conveniently in place. I just want to go.”

  My stomach turned at her impatience. All those hours of pushing her, for nothing. It hadn’t seemed to change her mind the smallest amount. At least she wasn’t in zombie mode anymore. That was a positive. And she responded well to being touched. If you considered lashing out to be good, which I did.

  “In time, slave. Right now, your death is on hold until I deem you ready.” I pointed to the television. “Watch. I’ll quiz you when I get back.”

  I walked over, securing my door from the inside and leaving through her main door, pulling my key out and locking it behind me. She wasn’t going to like what I had planned for her today. If she thought the pictures from yesterday were hard to stomach, I knew she’d damn near lose it when I made her face my next test. Would she shut back down? Break completely? If she did, could I bring her back? The latter wasn’t really a question. I would help her overcome this. I had to. Failing wasn’t an option.

  The stairs creaked beneath my feet while I pulled my phone from my pants pocket, hitting the screen to bring up the monitors. Even if I wasn’t watching from my room, I’d be able to keep my eye on her. It was crucial in this first moments of her being completely alone. Even though she was locked in the room, Diane had managed to break the lamp already. I’d taken the other out just in case she thought of going that route again, but you could never be too cautious. Everything was a weapon. It would just have to be used the right way. From the looks of her pacing the room, her mind was already going full steam.

  The sound of the film filled the kitchen as I turned up the volume. I could see her mouth moving, but I had no idea what my slave was saying. I started the coffee and pulled out a tray from the shelf, placing some fruit down on a plate.

  “Something. Something.” The repeated word sounded both desperate and anguished. She walked to the closet and I hit the button on the screen, switching to the camera at the back of the closet. I blindly reached for a bagel as she began rummaging through the clothes. A blue dress had her hand becoming still and her lips parted. The wardrobe she was going through was her own. Right from her closet.

  A tear escaped down her face and she closed her eyes, breathing into the material deeply. My eyebrows drew in as I wondered what memory she was conjuring. Had she worn that dress during a special occasion? Did what she was seeing have something to do with her husband, her daughter, or both? There wasn’t anything fancy about it. The spaghetti straps made it appear more as a summer dress. Something she might wear to the park or out around town.

  The hardening of her features had me moving more toward the screen. She threw the dress down and began pulling at everything she could get her hands on, tearing them from their hangers. I watched, deciding to let her work it out. I wouldn’t interrupt her grief. It was good she was getting it out and facing what upset her.

  Gowns rested at the end of the closet, just like it’d been set up in her own. I switched cameras to give me a better view. As she worked her way d
own, she froze for the slightest moment before racing to one inside of a zipped up protector. I knew there was a red sequined dress inside, but nothing about it had stuck out to me.

  “God, please,” she breathed out raggedly.

  My pulse picked up and I felt myself edging to the kitchen door. Had I missed something during my search?

  The zipper was ripped down just as I breached the opening and headed for the stairs. I stayed focused as I watched her move the dress to the side to reveal a pocket in the covering. Fuck! What she was going to pull out, I wasn’t going to wait for. I broke into a run, darting up the steps and to her door. The key bit into my palm at my grasp and I shoved it through the opening, turning with a quick jerk. My eyes went down to the screen again, just in time to see a small antique looking pocketknife in her hand. She rushed to the far corner, turning toward it and blocking me from seeing her actions.

  The door slammed open at my push and I raced to the closet, watching her spin in my direction. A drop of crimson rolled down her skin and I dove toward her, deflecting the strike she’d thrust toward me.

  “Get off me!” Her arm jerked against my hold and the knife fell to the floor as I nearly crushed her wrist.

  “Did you really think I wouldn’t know what you were doing?” I exploded. My hand fastened around her throat, red covering my vision as my own past roared its head. “What did I tell you? You just couldn’t resist, could you?” I had her slammed against the wall before I even realized it.

  “Do it,” she gargled out. “Harder.”

  I gripped tighter and saw her hands shoot up as if she wanted to grab my arm, but resisted, just shutting her eyes. I couldn’t take it. Couldn’t stomach how easily she accepted the end. She was already dead. Truly gone inside.

  A blue color etched her lips and I let go, stalking to the bed and tossing her on, springing to cover her before she could slide off. The panic on her face told me she knew what was coming. A yell filled the room as I fought her thrashing and got her handcuffed. My mind wouldn’t think past the blood that I saw covering my own wife. The only true slave I had ever had. I couldn’t save her then; never even saw the depth of pain she’d bottled up from the loss of our own infant son. Diane’s attempt was all too raw a reminder. Too deep for me to be able to accept.

  “Now, you’ll pay for your stupidity.”

  She hurt me by her actions, opening emotional wounds I wasn’t even aware were still there. Ones I’d blocked from myself as much as I could. The close call left me desperate and I couldn’t think past wanting to teach her a lesson that would somehow strike past the gravity of her surrender to death.

  The straps to the dress broke apart as I yanked the top down, exposing her breasts. I didn’t wait for her reaction. My clothes went flying off and I dove down, biting against her neck as I began to suck the soft skin and work my way lower.

  “No,” she sobbed, shaking her head.

  “Yes,” I ground out. “You don’t want to feel anymore, I’m going to make you.”

  I pushed the dress to her hips, pulling at the side of her panties until I heard them rip on one side. With a tug, I brought them up, applying pressure over her pussy.

  “You knew the consequences. Knew I was watching,” I said, bunching them to fit between her folds as I jerked them up even more. “Yet, you attempted to harm yourself anyway. What did you think was going to happen? Surely not the death you long for.”

  “Stop,” she cried out. Her head lifted as I lowered and sucked her nipple into my mouth, tugging at it with my teeth. My eyes stayed on her the entire time as I teased her, repeating the action. Biting harder at the end. “Please…Master,” she begged, her voice rising in pitch toward the end.

  A growl rumbled my throat and my mouth pressed into hers. My self-imposed safeword be damned. She didn’t have choices here. If she did, she’d be dead in the closet right now. My actions may have been repulsive, but what was there to lose? I’d make her feel if it was the last thing I did.

  “Say it again, slave.” My hand twisted in her bangs while I held her head down and licked over her bottom lip.

  “Get off and I will.” The push of words past her throat sent my blood racing even faster.

  “You can’t bargain with me. I give the orders, not you.” I gripped tighter, the pain evident on her face as I angled her head back more. A frustrated sound turned into a moan as the underside of my cock slid against her wet slit.

  “Say it.”

  She sucked in air as I rubbed along her again. My cock was aching to inch into her channel, to feel her grip around me tightly as I buried myself completely. My sudden fear left me confused whether to pound her pussy until she begged for me to ease or take it slow and try to make it passionate. That wasn’t usually my thing. Hadn’t even been with Rosa.

  “Will you stop if I say it again?”

  My other hand came down and I lifted enough to fit it in between her legs. The wetness that met me had my eyes closing in disbelief. She was so hot and swollen, aroused as she pushed into my touch. I traced my finger around her opening, never penetrating, even as she began to try to rock her hips.

  “I’m waiting.”

  Her legs bent and she bucked her hips, trying to knock me off, but I easily kept her pinned to the mattress.

  “No. Not until you agree that you’re going to get off of me.”

  “You’ll never know until you say it. By your silence, you just tell me you don’t want me to stop. And that’s good, because I don’t want to.”

  My face buried back in her neck as my fingers worked their magic over her pussy. The slow circles I made over the top of her slit had her breathing heavier. I knew she was trying to hold in the sounds, but she couldn’t stop herself from rotating her hips at my teasing.

  “Oh, God.” She tried to shake her head back and forth, but I kept my grip tight enough on her hair that she could hardly move. “You have to stop.”

  “Why? Because you like it? There’s nothing wrong with that, slave.” At least she was feeling something other than wanting to die. My touch moved down until I was tracing just inside her opening. Her teeth bit into her lip until blood appeared.

  “You’re wrong,” she exploded, moaning in the process. “This is wrong. Get off.” A sob followed and she kicked her foot into the back of my calf. Once. Twice. I left her pussy and unbuckled my belt, ripping it free. As I pushed to my knees, I gripped her ankles, putting them together while she fought.

  The moment I had her ankles restrained together, I lifted her legs, separating her thighs and forcing myself through until I was lying back against her. The fit was tight, just like I knew her pussy would be.

  “I want you, slave.”

  “Diane,” she said, glaring through the tears.

  “You are my slave. Diane is dead. You let me kill her.”

  Her head turned to the side and I lowered until my lips were even with her ear. “You belong to me, now. And I belong to you, too. We’re in this together. How it all plays out depends on you.”

  Slowly, she turned in my direction, meeting my gaze head on with that darkness she harbored within. I couldn’t look away, fascination keeping me every bit the captive that she was.

  “If this depends on me, then that means I hold the control. Not you.” A smile tugged at the corner of her lips. “So, who’s the Master, now…Master?”

  Chapter 6

  Diane

  The sarcasm in my voice was thick as I stared up into eyes that had the ability to leave me wading through a fog so thick, it left me feeling lost. Fingers pushed under my shoulder and grabbed my hair, yanking hard, causing my head to snap back and a gasp to escape.

  “Do you think this is a fucking game?” He pulled harder until a cry came out uncontrollably past my set teeth. My lip stung from the self-inflicted cut and the pain that kept coming to my body had every nerve ending sizzling to life.

  “Yes. This is your game. I’m just a mouse scrambling through the maze for your sick entertainme
nt.” The shakiness of my voice couldn’t be hidden. I was so turned on and so scared at the same time, it didn’t make sense.

  Teeth sinking into my shoulder had a scream tearing from my throat. The agony was more than the previous one. My whole body jerked, spasming from the heightened sensations. Tears fell freely before I could think to stop them.

  “Wrong,” he snapped. “This is not a game, but a lesson. When you learn the difference, you’ll understand.”

  “I don’t want to understand. I want you to leave me alone. To let me go!” There was something seriously wrong with me. Why didn’t I want him to stop hurting me? To stop the pain while he continued to threaten to fuck me? The realization only made me break down even more. This wasn’t normal! Who was I becoming?

  “Too bad. I want you to show me a fight. Being sincerely determined to die isn’t enough. To leave this life, you’re first going to live. You’re going to earn your ticket to the other side and I’ll be the one stamping the motherfucking passport. Now, get that through your thick fucking head and put your strength into something worth a shit.”

  If I’d been aroused before, I couldn’t think past his words. My conversation with Jaime came back with the force of a big rig. “You want me to do something good to earn death?”

  The grip loosened and I was able to face him. Anger turned into something hardened as he stared down. “Yes. I have a job for you. One that will hurt you worse than you’re probably prepared for, but it has to be done if you want to ever leave here again.”

  I swallowed past the burning in my throat from his choking. “What is it?”

  “You get better and do as I say. Call me Master and quit trying to pull this bullshit. Only then, will you learn. There’s still weeks, though, before you make it to that point. I don’t trust you not to do something stupid. To yourself, or someone else.”

  Someone else? So, I’d get to leave here. Or at least have some sort of connection to the outside world.

  “If I comply with your orders, will you stop this, right here?” I tried to move underneath him. The edge of his lips pulled back as his gaze stayed locked to mine.