Unbearable

by Alaska Angelini

  “Master?”

  I paused just outside of the doorway, picking up on what appeared to be tapping.

  “In here. Come forward, slave.”

  My legs almost refused to work, but I somehow managed to breach the entrance. The stairs leading up, combined with the wooden beams ahead, told me it was to the attic. Master was sitting halfway up the stairs, his forearms resting just above his knees.

  “I’m ready to tell you my story. Would you like to hear it?”

  I was easing forward before I could process the action. Each step took me closer to his pain and it was hard to stomach as I kept my focus on his face. “I am, Master.”

  His arm lowered. The tap on the step he was sitting on drew me to his side. It was barely wide enough to fit us both, but I managed to squeeze in while still being able to sit slightly angled so I could watch him.

  “I was married once. It wasn’t your traditional marriage. Rosa and I didn’t meet and fall in love like so many people are blessed with.” His head lowered while he stared at the floor. “I knew her brother, was actually indebted to him from years before. He saved my life during my youth.

  “When I received a call from him out of the blue, I knew it had to be something big he wanted from me. I promised him I’d pay him back and he knew I always kept my word. It was simple. His sister was here illegally and he wanted me to marry her. Although I didn’t take it lightly, I didn’t hesitate. I’d met Rosa once before and she was…submissive in nature. It was a good match. Love came after a while. Not the fairytale sort of love, but one of a best friend. We were happy.”

  My pulse raced and I could feel my nausea breaking through. I knew this story wasn’t going to have a happy ending and it pained me to imagine what he must have gone through.

  “After almost five years of being married, she got pregnant. It was planned. She wanted to start a family and I respected that. Perhaps, somewhere deep down, I was ready, too.” He let out a sigh and shifted. “The pregnancy went perfectly. Our son was healthy. I was, for the first time, truly content in my life. I was looking forward to being a father. Maybe I would have been a really good one.

  “For seven days, I helped take care of our son. I changed him, rocked him to sleep…even held him for hours afterward. I couldn’t get enough of seeing what I had created. It left me in awe. There was an instant love that I couldn’t deny and it made me happier than I had ever been. Then, one morning…” He stopped, lifting his head. The heartbreaking expression on his face made it hard to breath. My own pain resurfaced.

  “Rosa’s screams from the nursery still haunt my dreams. I can’t sleep. For the longest time, I couldn’t eat. When I got to the room, she was holding my son. Screaming. Crying. He wasn’t breathing.” His eyes closed for a fraction longer than a blink. “The report said it was Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. It didn’t make sense to me. I think I lost it for a while. Rosa and I barely spoke for the first two days afterward. The morning after his funeral, I found her. She’d killed herself in our bed. Her wrists were cut so deep that I wasn’t sure how she’d managed not to scream. I would have heard her if she had. And I didn’t hear anything.”

  Tears were streaming down my face and I couldn’t stop my hand from clutching my mouth. Pain flared as my fingertips pushed into my cheeks, but I felt nothing but the heartache for my Master as he turned to face me.

  “I wanted to kill myself, too, slave. I wanted to walk away from life and never look back at the nightmare I’d been handed. So, yes, I know your pain. I feel it every second and it never truly goes away. You will hurt, day in and day out, but it fades enough to be bearable. Trust me on this. You will live and you will move forward, but your family will always be a part of your life. I just hope that I’ve made you strong enough to see that, and you realize that choosing to move forward without them is okay.”

  A sob broke free and I pushed away his rules, throwing my arms around his neck. The comforting hold was nothing different than a brother consoling a sister. And I didn’t want it to be him trying to make me feel better — I wanted to be the one to help him out, for a change.

  “You weren’t ever going to let me take my life, were you?”

  “No. Not if I had to keep you here for the rest of your days. I don’t fail, no matter what. Whether people agree with my methods or not, I do what I have to do to enforce a deeper fear than the one they’re trying to escape. Yours…were very easy to decipher from the beginning. But what I didn’t expect was your spirit. I’m going to miss that the most. You’re going to be okay. I know this in my heart. If I didn’t, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”

  I looked up, nodding. “Am I leaving soon, then?” The question almost wouldn’t come. My throat burned with each word that had come out and I could feel panic begin to set in at the challenge that was ahead. I knew I could do it, but it didn’t stop the fear of the unknown.

  “Yes, slave. Very soon. Come, let’s go pick up the groceries. There are some other things I need to get while we’re there, too.”

  We stood and I let him lead me down the stairs. As he locked the door behind him, I couldn’t help but wonder what had been up there. No doubt everything from his past. My heart still ached for his pain. But at his truth… everything seemed to fall together. Where grief plagued me within the darkness, light broke in. The flame had fully ignited and was now racing through my veins like wildfire. I loved him. He may have been a monster, but he was one with good intentions and I couldn’t ignore that.

  “Do you like cookies?”

  I frowned as I glanced over at him and kept heading for my room. Flip flops were resting by the door and I slid them on, joining him as we headed for the stairs.

  “I like all kinds. Did you get some?”

  He smiled. “Always. Oatmeal raisin. They’re my favorite. My guilty pleasure, so to speak.”

  “Is that the only one you have?”

  The transformation on his face went from happy to downright sinful. “You tell me, slave. I think if anyone knows about those, it ought to be you.”

  “Hmm.” I couldn’t stop my own smile from forming. I stared ahead as we headed for the front door. “I might be able to think of a few on the way there.”

  And, boy, had I. But I didn’t speak them out loud and the mood that had settle over my Master was one I couldn’t decipher. The moment we’d gotten into his expensive sedan, I could sense his change. And it wasn’t good. He was pulling back again, and I didn’t like it. The distance was becoming too much and I longed to have him on me, no matter how that turned out.

  The trunk popped open and I watched as men came out and started loading the paper bags in the space. When it was full, they put the remaining ones in the back seat. The silence was almost too much.

  “I need to run inside to grab something. Do you have my wallet on you?”

  The look he gave me had me sighing. “If you don’t, I need money. I can’t very well walk in there and get it for free.”

  “Well, you’re not going in there alone. Come on.” He groaned, letting the men know he’d be right back and to shut the door when they were done. The small grocery store was nearly deserted and with the size, I was able to find the aisle I was looking for. Heat crept up my cheeks, but I didn’t stop. I grabbed the first box of condoms I came in contact with and handed them over. Master’s eyes widened as he looked between them and me.

  “What are these for?”

  “You,” I rushed in. “I want to be safe.”

  He put them back. “I told you I was safe. I can’t...” His jaw tightened. “You’re safe, dammit. It doesn’t matter anyway, we’re done there.”

  “Bullshit,” I exploded. “You owe me.” I lowered my voice, trying to calm my temper. “You said you’d make love to me right and I’m not letting you back out of that. Not after everything we’ve gone through. I want it and you’re going to give it to me.”

  Master’s hand was around my throat before I could move. His eyes lifted, scanning th
e area, and came back to mine. “You don’t know what you ask. If I say no, I mean it. Besides, you’re better off without that part. It’s time to move on.”

  I gasped at the gush of air that filled my lungs. Tears stung my eyes, but I kept them at bay. “I can’t believe you led me on. I’m so disappointed in you.” It didn’t take a genius to see that I’d affected him, but I didn’t wait around to take it in. I spun, heading back to the car. Master was at my side, gripping my arm after only a few steps.

  “One more outburst and I’ll throw you over my shoulder and bust your ass right here in this store. You don’t believe me, say something.”

  Oh, I believed him. I may have been pissed and crushed by his rejection, but I wasn’t stupid, or looking to be embarrassed beyond belief.

  “Mr. Tyler.” I was pulled to a stop as Master’s face beamed to an older woman walking toward us. “Sevastian Tyler, I thought that was you. So good to see you in town. Are you going to visit Henrietta after you leave here?”

  “You know my routine,” he laughed. “That’s exactly where we were headed. Mrs. Clawson has my favorite waiting. You know I couldn’t miss the opportunity while I was in town.”

  “Oatmeal raisin cookies. That’s right. She was telling me about your sweet tooth last time I was over there.”

  The grip loosened on my arm. “You know me. Gotta have my fix. Speaking of which, I’m already running late. Are you going to the picnic the company is throwing for Alzheimers? I sent you and George an invitation. Did you receive it?”

  The woman’s smile grew impossibly wider. “We did and we wouldn’t miss one of your amazing fundraisers. You’re such a good soul.”

  I laughed sarcastically under my breath, unable to help it. Luckily, Master laughed at the same time. “Great. I’ll see you there on Saturday.”

  He stepped back for the door and turned us around. The fast pace to the car left me almost jogging to catch up. When the door opened, I braved a look up.

  “In,” he ground out.

  And in I went, but not happily. I threw myself down as he slammed the door and made his way around. The car was still on. I could have locked the door and hauled ass. The temptation was there, but I grounded myself, knowing he was done with me anyway. I’d probably be leaving sooner than he’d hinted at before.

  “I can’t believe what I just saw in there.” He slammed his door shut while I crossed my arms over my chest and stared forward. “No treats for you today. You’re in so much trouble.”

  “For being passionate about wanting you to uphold something you said you were going to do?”

  His hand grasped my chin, turning me to face him. “Passionate and stupid are two different things. Passionate would have been stating your case thoroughly and convincingly. Not throwing a fit like a child because you couldn’t have your way.”

  “Maybe I should have just asked you to beat and fuck me again. That would have at least gotten your attention.”

  Fingers wrapped in my hair, jerking me forward. “You want my cock so bad, slave? Hmm?” His hand slapped against my face in a steady rhythm. “Here. I’ll give it to you.” The sound of his belt had me shaking my head, despite the stinging in my scalp.

  “No? You’re sure as fuck acting like it to me. I think you’re lying. You want me. Come here, baby.”

  The seat moved back at the push of his button and I took in the dark tinted glass. We could do something if we wanted to, it wasn’t like anyone would see, but that was beside the point. He’d hurt me at pushing me away and besides, he’d put the damn condoms back.

  “Here.” He pulled me roughly, to straddle his waist, jerking up my dress in the process. A thrill shot through me and I tried to push it away, but failed. I wanted nothing more than to have him deep inside of me. It left me lost to everything but the anticipation of him making me his.

  “Stop, we can’t.” I pushed at his shoulders, not moving anywhere with the grip he had.

  “Bullshit. We can and we’re going to. You don’t think I want you, slave? God help me, I fucking do. I want you so bad that it’s driving me crazy. And I know you want me too. Say it. Tell me right now, I want to hear you say the words.”

  My lips parted as he pulled his cock free and lifted me higher, slapping the tip against my slit.

  “I should have forbidden you to wear these damn things.” He ripped at the material of the panties until one side tore under the force. The other side left me jerking at the strength he’d used to break them completely free. “There.” He tossed them to the floorboard of the passenger side. “Now, tell me.” Again, he slapped his length against me. The sound from the wetness accompanying the pleasure from the contact had me moaning and moving against him like desperate addict.

  “Slave,” he growled. “Speak those words or you’re going to be paying for it when we get home.” More, he tapped and teased my pussy. It took a few seconds to get my mind wrapped around what I needed to say. What I craved more than anything.

  “I want you,” I breathed out. “I do.”

  A scream tore from my throat as he plunged deep inside of me. Breaths barely came while he ground his hip, grasping to my shoulder to hold me in position at the base of his cock.

  “That what you wanted?”

  “Condom,” I choked out.

  “Pointless. I’m telling you the truth. You have nothing to fear. No more worrying. Obey your master like you’re supposed to. Is this what you wanted? Answer.”

  Instinct told me he was right. I believed him. And I knew I could truly stop him if I wanted. Suddenly, I didn’t.

  “Yes. You know I did.”

  His fingers gripped my face while the other locked on my ass, driving me up and down on his thickness.

  “Did what?” More, his fingertips pushed in. A whimper filled the car and I grabbed his jacket, bracing myself through the pain.

  “Master.”

  “Yes, that’s right. I still own you. You’re not gone yet.”

  Own. Such a powerful word. One I loved hearing come from his mouth.

  “Kiss me while I make you scream.” His hand grasped my hips and I didn’t pause in meeting his mouth. Cool leather from the seat rest slid against my palms and I held his while he lifted me and began slamming into me, repeatedly. The taste of coffee and something sweet intoxicated me and I drank him in, teasing his tongue with mine, sucking it into my mouth. The nibble on his bottom lip had him growling into my mouth.

  “Oh...fuck.” I broke away, gasping as I felt myself tighten around him.

  “That’s right. Come all over my cock, baby. I can feel how close you are.” He slowed the thrusts until they were the torturous speed of how he’d made love. I was pushed to sit up and my dress and bra strap were pulled from my shoulder. At the suction that drew my nipple into his mouth, I had to fight against the orgasm threatening to overtake me. My back arched and with the lack of room, I bumped into the steering wheel.

  Rumbling vibrated from Master’s mouth and all sense of equilibrium was thrown off as I was suddenly being pushed into the back seat. Bags crunched underneath me, but I didn’t have time to contemplate where to go. Master gripped my leg, spinning me right over the purchases and nearly crushing them. I reached out for him just as he managed to fit his large frame in the back.

  “Stubborn woman. God, you really push me. We shouldn’t even be doing this right now,” he stressed. The slap to my inner thigh was followed by him gripping into the flesh and pushing my legs apart. I cried out at the one that followed.

  “Fuck me, Master. I want you to.” I reached for him, watching his eyes flare.

  Whack! Whack! Whack!

  Heat enflamed my clit at the spankings. “Shit,” I breathed out, pulling my hands back.

  “You love the pain and I love giving it to you. I think I’ll just give you your punishment now.” My legs were lifted and I twisted, bracing myself for what I knew was coming. Fire exploded over my ass and I clawed at the door, trying to ease the pain that grew by the secon
d.

  Whack! “What were you thinking, acting up in that store?”

  Whack! “Then tempting me after I’ve tried so hard to stay away.”

  Whack! “This time, your mouth and body have gotten you in more trouble than you know. You were doing so well, slave.”

  Two more spankings came and I couldn’t stop the sob that left me. All I wanted was him and it was killing me just as much as it had been with him.

  “You’re not going to act up any more, are you?”

  My head shook as he turned me back to face him.

  “No, Master.”

  “And you’re going to leave tonight, aren’t you?”

  My mind all but blanked. “What?”

  He sighed, pulling back and crushing more bags. “You have to go, Diane. I want you to stay with Jaime for a while.”

  Still, I couldn’t make sense of his words. I pulled the dress down and fixed the top to cover me. “But why? Because I misbehaved? I said I wouldn’t do it again.” My mind was so fucked, I didn’t understand anything.

  “No, slave.” The genuine concern had me believing him. “You and I…I never get involved like this with my slaves. But you, you were different. We’re so much alike. Our pain. I’d never wanted to save anyone more than I did with you. Now that you’re almost better, we have to put an end to that part of us. It should have never happened to begin with.”

  All I could do was blink like a shocked fool. Emotions weren’t registering. At least, not anything that I could decipher. I knew it would take time. I either exploded in bad situations or it sunk in and the result was even worse later. What just happened was going to be one of those times and I knew it, even as I climbed into the front seat. Words wouldn’t come. Not when he joined me in the front or even on the drive home.