Unbearable

by Alaska Angelini

  Master kept looking over, studying my every move. I knew him. Knew that he was afraid I was spiraling in a bad direction at his news. And, maybe, in a way, he was right. As I helped carry in the bags, I could feel the shock wearing off. The hurt was sinking its fangs deep into my heart. Where I thought I’d been brought back to life, the blaze was fading. Death didn’t beckon, but destruction did. I wanted to hurt him like he’d just hurt me. With as tempting as that thought was, I knew I wouldn’t react. He was right. It was time for me to leave.

  “Slave.” My head turned as I took out the boxes of pasta and began to place them in the walk-in pantry.

  “I think we’re past that now.” There was no fight or attitude in my tone. I was just…monotone. Like a fucking robot, waiting for his betrayal to kick in and send me from zombie to pissed-off woman. It was coming, just… not yet.

  “Diane. I know you’re upset right now and I am truly sorry for that. If I could have found another way...” His head shook. “I probably could have, but I wanted you long before I met you. It was greed. Lust. I had plans of keeping you, but…that wouldn’t work. Not with how we are.”

  I took a step forward, feeling my eyes narrow. There was the anger. “How we are? How is that, Sevastian? Please, enlighten me, because I’m fucking confused as shit!”

  A deep exhale had his shoulders caving. “We’re too into each other. I can’t have you and continue to help others. I’d be sidetracked and lose focus. Someone could die because of it. I’m sorry, but I can’t risk that. I couldn’t take being responsible again.”

  I blinked. Once. Twice. And then turned back to the bags. He had his points, but it still hurt like hell to know that he wasn’t choosing me — not that we even really knew each other, other than being Master and slave.

  “Jaime is probably on his way over. I called this morning to invite him back over for dinner. I wanted you two to bond even more, that way you’d leave with him at the end of the week.”

  I slammed the canned food onto the shelf. “No worries. I won’t fight him. I’ll be a compliant little slave until we reach Portland. Then, I’m going home. Away from you, him, and all of the fucking mess that comes along with it.”

  Master stepped back, leaving me alone in the little room. My eyes stung like hell and I wanted nothing more than to go to my room and break down. But I wouldn’t if I could help it. Sevastian was nothing but a memory I needed to put behind me, the prologue to the new Diane. I’d been to hell and back and survived enough to start the first chapter of my new life. One I planned on making the best of.

  Chapter 20

  Master

  Worry had me watching Diane like a hawk. We ate lunch in silence; me on one end of the table, her at the other. She wouldn’t look at me. Would barely speak. Her stability was shot to shit, thanks to me. I hated myself for going as far as I had with her in the car. I stopped it the only way I knew how: by speaking out my plans and ruining her want of me. The damn truth and the expression on her face was going to haunt my fucking dreams. I didn’t truly want her to go. If I didn’t feel like I had a responsibility to help others, I would have gladly made her mine. Fuck, I wanted her so bad that it was making me sick. But, if my planned worked…

  “What a gloomy pair you two make.”

  I’d vaguely heard the alarm, but seeing Jaime in person only made my heart sink further. Diane stayed quiet, staring down and picking at the grilled chicken with her fork.

  “Okay.” He let the word drag out as he pulled out a chair and sat down between us. “You both want to clue me in on what the hell is going on? I’m starting to get a little uncomfortable here.”

  I took a drink, finally turning my attention to him. “It’s time for Diane to leave. She’ll head back to Portland with you.”

  “Already?” The surprise in his tone had me looking from him to her.

  “It’s time.”

  A nod was his only response as he turned toward her. “I’d be glad to have you in my home. You have no reason to be afraid.”

  Her head snapped up, anger present, only to fade while she looked at him. “I’m going home, Jaime. I don’t need to be looked after anymore.” As her gaze return to her food, Jaime turned to me, his eyebrow raising. I gave him a quick shake, telling him I didn’t intend for her to go home.

  “Sounds like a plan to me. I’ll drop you off whenever you’re ready to go.”

  “No time like the present.” She pushed from the chair, not even looking at me as she left the room. The sound of her footsteps faded and I looked back at Jaime.

  “You get those locks in place?”

  “Sure did. How long do you want me to keep her?”

  I swallowed hard, not liking this decision in the least. Did I trust her at Jaime’s? Did I trust him with her?

  “Give it two weeks of her behaving. You don’t have to go to the extreme that I did, but if you feel the need, do it. Under no circumstance is she to run you over. None. Do you understand?”

  A smile pulled at his mouth and I gripped the fork tighter.

  “Loud and clear. Don’t worry, Master. I’ll take care of her.”

  “Appropriately,” I growled. “Hands to yourself. Do not touch her sexually or so help me, I might have saved your life once, but I’ll end it just as fast.”

  “Jesus,” he said, eying me warily. “You love her. I get it.”

  My teeth clenched together and I grabbed my glass again, refusing to continue.

  “I never thought I’d see the day, Master. Why are you letting her leave, if that’s the case?”

  Annoyed, I looked over at him. “Is it not clear? I can’t keep her and continue to help other people. She…would make it impossible. It would spell trouble.”

  “So, why don’t you stop? You’ve already helped so many people, maybe it’s time to call it quits.”

  “What I do isn’t something I can walk away from, Jaime. People randomly show up at my door. Am I supposed to just turn them away? I don’t think so. That’s blood on my hands and I refuse to have more than I already do.”

  I stood, grabbing my keys. It may have only been lunchtime, but it was never too early for Scotch. And I sure as hell needed some.

  “Master, I have to ask this. Given the circumstances, I think I have a right to know.” Jaime leaned against the bar as I reached in, grabbing the bottle. “Have the two of you…I mean, how bad off is she going to be? Does she feel for you the way you feel for her? Have the two of you connected on more than just a physical level?”

  I poured the glass almost to the top, downing it all in one drink. “Yes to everything, except the feelings part. I can’t answer that question. All I know is a compliant slave who wants to continue what we have going on. Whether that’s love or need for comfort after going so long without it, I’m not sure. Just…” My hand gripped to the bar like a fucking anchor. I was needing a lot of those lately. Diane had me drifting in a sea of uncertainty. Who the hell was I now? She’d changed me. Or at least, messed with my wiring. My head was a mess with nothing but my addiction to her. Fuck if I couldn’t get enough of her body or the way I let her devour my darkest fantasies. Or…the dream of a future I thought was long gone.

  “Take care of her,” I rushed out. “Like…she’s your sister. Not anything else. Sister,” I stressed.

  “I don’t have a sister. How about a dear friend?”

  I nodded, pouring the glass full again. “Friend will work. But be a firm one. Keep her in line. Don’t let her get her hands on anything sharp for the first two weeks. Or at least until you know she’s okay. After that, she can leave if she wishes. But I want to know where she’s staying, what she’s driving, even where she’s working. I want every single detail. She’ll need to be checked on often. I’ll keep tabs with Rachel.”

  “Hey.” Jaime’s hand came to rest on my shoulder. “Slow down. I’ve got this. I know what to do. It’s like this with every slave. I’ll make sure to keep an extra close watch on her. You have nothing to worry about.
Diane will be safe. You’ll see.”

  My head shook even as I took a drink. The possessive part of me was ready to fly up those stairs and force her. Tell her I was a fucking idiot and she wasn’t leaving anywhere ever again. Why wasn’t I doing that? Because I couldn’t. Not unless some miracle worked in my favor.

  Footsteps had me clutching the glass even harder. I waited for it to shatter and shower me with Scotch. Maybe even cut me. Yes…I deserved to spill blood for her. I’d done it once before in the heat of our passion. If it would ease any pain she’d experienced at my hand, I’d let her do it again. As much as she wanted.

  “I’m ready.” She held the bag she’d come here with. I sighed as Jaime and I walked closer to the entrance, toward the front door. I couldn’t stop the trembling from adrenaline. Shit, was I really doing this? Letting her fucking leave when I knew damn well she was mine. It said so right there under that dress she wore. Diane belonged to me.

  Jaime turned off the alarm and opened the door, wrapping his arm around her shoulders while leading her through the entrance. Her feet planted and I stepped forward as she spun around to pin me with a furious glare.

  “Thank you for all the good you’ve done, and fuck you for the shit you didn’t have to do but did anyway. I won’t forget you. You made sure of that.” She reached out to hold the door, but didn’t turn away from me. Pain stabbed into my chest.

  “I’m deeply sorry…Diane.” Damn if I didn’t want to call her my slave. “I hope you have an amazing life and happiness finds you. You deserve it.”

  “And what about you?”

  My head lowered, her heart-wrenching question was too much to take. Her need of me was engrained in every syllable of her words. In her expression and tone. “Don’t worry about what happens to me.”

  “I have every right to worry!” she exploded. “I wouldn’t even be here right now if it wasn’t for you. Yet, here I am. Don’t you dare dismiss my questions as if they don’t matter.”

  “They do matter. But I saved your life. Not to share it with me, but to give you another chance to find something worth living for. You’ll find that.”

  A sarcastic laugh filled the space between us as she shook her head. “Maybe. But let this sink in, Master. When you have no one left because you’ve run them off, who’s going to save yours?”

  I stared at her in silence, trying to imagine the rest of my days here alone, helping slaves and praying for something more in between them. And what happened when I got too old to help anymore? Then, I’d be alone for good. Until I died, in this house by myself with regrets and what-ifs.

  “That’s what I thought,” she blurted out. “You fight for everyone else’s life, but you won’t even fight for your own. Do you want to know what the worst part of leaving you is, Master?” Her eyes welled with tears. “It’s knowing that with as powerful as you are, you don’t even have the guts to try to stop me. To fight for what you want.”

  Glass shattered as I threw it against the wooden floor. “You want me to fight, slave? Is that what you need?” I stalked forward, ready to give her the fight of her life. To kiss her back into submission and make her forget any of this shit had happened.

  “Don’t do it.” Jaime pulled her back behind him, nudging her down the step and toward the car. She didn’t have to be told what to do. With one last look of disappointment, Diane glared at me and climbed into the passenger side.

  And I stayed at the entrance of my door, the prison I’d locked myself away in, watching them leave. Knowing that she was now secretly heading to another place she wouldn’t want to be.

  Diane was now Jaime’s and I’d just have to learn to accept it. For both of us.

  Chapter 21

  Diane

  Death. Not once had I thought about it since leaving Sevastian’s home. Answers, insight into who I’d become, those were questions I prayed to have revealed every day. Even now, as I stared up at the blurry, distorted image of my new Master, I couldn’t stop my mind from getting some form of pleasure from the twisted discipline he’d decided to enforce on me.

  Water rippled above while I clawed at his arms. Black dots were starting to cover my vision and I jerked my body violently, pushing my feet into the side of the tub for some form of stability.

  “Do you think this is a joke?”

  I gasped for air, gagging and coughing at the water that had forced its way deep into my mouth.

  “Answer me. Is this s a fucking joke to you?”

  My head shook and before I knew it, I was dunked back under. Burning made my lungs feel like they were caving and my limbs were growing weaker by the minute.

  The loud intake of breath echoed in my ears and I barely recognized it as mine while I tried to breathe.

  “Sevastian was right. You are the most stubborn, thickheaded woman I’ve ever come across. Now, answer my question, and do it correctly, or else you go back under.”

  I blinked, letting his question come back. “No, Master, I do not think this is a joke.”

  I’d fought Jaime with every ounce of strength I had. He wasn’t the man I thought I knew. Inside, he held something so sinister, I wasn’t even sure Master was aware. He enjoyed when I acted up. Loved the fight just as much as I did. I learned quickly to bend to his will, for he made it so.

  “Get out.” He grabbed my arm and dropped me at his feet. Water poured down and dripped against my thighs. The night shorts stuck to me, clinging to my bruised skin.

  “Next time I tell you to get out of bed, you’ll do it. Immediately. Now, take off your clothes while I get you some new ones. You know where the towels are.”

  Drowned. That’s what he’d tried to do to me when I refused to get out of bed. A little over a week here and I found his tactics sometimes crueler that Master’s. I’d been held under the water until I was sure I’d swallowed enough to suffocate. It wasn’t far off from the shower incident with Master, but there was something scarier about being fully emerged. It had put me into the panic of my life. I didn’t know Jaime. Not really. And I was wondering if anyone really did.

  I stripped off the clothes as fast as I could. Towels rested on a rack at the far side of the room and I tried to stop my teeth from chattering as I reached to grab one. The moment my hand connected, the door swung back open.

  “Just so you know—”

  Jaime didn’t move a muscle as he stared at me. Where his gaze stopped was the one place I didn’t want him to see. I jerked at the towel, bringing it in front of my body.

  “No, no, no,” he said, rushing forward. “What the hell was that on your stomach?”

  “Nothing, get out!” I tried my best to wrap myself, but it didn’t work. He ripped the towel out of my hand.

  “Oh…shit.” He dropped to his knees, coming eyelevel with the scar of Master’s name. I flinched at him running his finger between the S and T. “Did he do this to you, or did you consent?”

  I pulled back, but Jaime gripped my hips, not allowing me to leave.

  “It was consensual. He holds mine on his stomach, too. Can I cover myself now?”

  “Here, too,” he breathed out, raising to trace over the M by my shoulder

  “That one was not consensual. Now, please.”

  He lifted the towel and I blanketed myself in it. How many times had I ran my own finger over my Master’s name? I missed him so much that I couldn’t even think about anything else.

  “That’s amazing. Beautiful, really.”

  My eyebrows drew in and I lowered to my knees, staring at the floor while I waited for what he wanted me to do next. I was finished talking about Sevastian. Couldn’t bear to even speak of him, more or less hear his name. An impossible task since Jaime was always on the phone with him.

  “May I please go to my room now and get dressed, Master?” The title came out through gritted teeth. To call him a name that held so much emotion was almost impossible. It had taken me almost five days before he had me repeating it. Maybe I was a slow learner, but I’d finally
realized that I’d never escape these men until I complied with their orders. The sooner I was free, the better.

  “Yes, you may. I need to make a few phone calls anyway. Next time, when I tell you something, do it the first time.”

  Before I could answer, he turned and walked away. I stood, edging down the hallway, trying to listen for where he was going. From the footsteps on the marble, I knew he was back in the living room. The penthouse had marble everywhere aside from the bedrooms, and he never entered the kitchen.

  “Master.”

  I froze, stopping to listen, wishing that Master was really here and not just on the phone. It conflicted with what my brain wanted. The anger I had toward him was still great, but I couldn’t stop the longing to see him again.

  “She’s fine.” He paused. “No…she’s coming around.” A few seconds went by before he sighed. “About two weeks. Maybe three. I can’t really tell yet.” Pacing. “No, we agreed she’d only need two, but she’s fought almost every day this week. I’ve only just recently gotten her to obey.”

  Slowly, I walked closer toward his voice.

  “You want to know how?”

  I nearly laughed. Master would probably get a kick out of how similar they both were. It nearly made me roll my eyes.

  “I whip her. Spank her. Just this morning she refused to get out of bed, so I held her under water to get my point across. It worked. But that’s actually the reason I called you.”

  It got quiet and although I couldn’t hear what Master was saying, his deep tone had my eyes closing. God, I loved and hated that man with a passion.

  “I saw what you did to her. The cutting. Is it true? Was the one on her stomach consensual?”

  Why would he care? I stepped closer.

  “Mm-hmm. And the one on her shoulder wasn’t? That’s what she said. Okay, I just wanted to check out the story.” The footsteps seemed to near and I rushed back a few feet. “And you hold her name on your stomach as well?” A pause. “Jesus, Master. What in the hell were you thinking? To just cut her up like that and then let her go?”