Letters to Lily (Letters to... #1)

by Christine M. Butler

  Still, how the hell did I get a hold of her? Something had to happen to make her change not just her phone number, but her e-mail address too. Look at all the things that had happened to me in just the past week that had spiraled my life straight into crazy family drama hell. It was unnerving to think how easily you could loose touch with someone in this day and age. Suddenly, I was wishing we had been the type of people who were social media hounds, but neither of us had been. Sasha used to have a Facebook, but she deleted it last semester for some reason saying the only people she really needed to keep track of were Kristin, her mom, and me. Everyone else was just there or gone. Hell, I had felt pretty much the same way, and ended up deleting mine too. Of course, once I decided to go after Sasha as something more than a friend I cut the social media off because it kept the girls at school from thinking they had an easy way to contact me on the sly.

  It didn't hurt that I hadn't ever used it much to begin with. Having my dad involved in a sex scandal when I was in high school pretty much told me who my friends were or weren't. The girls that clung to me did so for the most shallow of reasons. While I didn't mind getting in some experience and blowing off some steam with them, none of them could come close to touching the epic proportions a person would need to reach to take my mind off of my best friend.

  Even then, when I was still in denial and trying to work through my own demons, I knew she was my forever. Somehow, I'd managed to screw that up if Jason was telling the truth, and hell, pictures didn't lie. That was the toughest thing. I could sit here in denial. I could fail to believe it. I would rally against the idea of someone even thinking it was a possibility if I hadn't seen those damn pictures of her wrapped up in another guy's arms.

  “Kaden Miller?” A woman's voice called out as I looked up from the breakfast I'd been avoiding. Getting lost in my thoughts apparently meant eating cold eggs and dealing with strangers who somehow knew who I was this morning.

  “Yeah?”

  “I thought it was you,” she smiled my way then, and something familiar washed over me. “I don't know if you remember me, but my name is Sandra Crawford.”

  “Holy shit!” I spit out without thought.

  “I see you've maybe learned a few things about me then?”

  “Just the other day, as a matter of fact.”

  “So, Brad found you then?” She smiled hopefully.

  “Brad? What? No, why would he be looking for me?”

  “Oh, I thought maybe that was why you were here. Brad took off for school in North Carolina, Northbrook University.”

  “You've got to be shitting me?” So, my half brother was currently in the one place I wish I could be, and here I was back on his home turf talking to his mom. If my life got any weirder I was going to have start looking for hidden cameras, because someone had to be masterminding this clusterfuck.

  “Nope. He wanted a chance to hunt you down and explain your connection. I didn't tell him until he turned 18, as per the agreement your parents made me sign.” She didn't look too happy about that, but she parked her butt at the table across from me anyway. “If Brad's news didn't bring you out this way, then what?”

  “My parents. Dad lives here with the latest girlfriend. Huh, excuse me, wife, I guess. I just found that out too. Also, there's a daughter. So, Brad and I have a little sister. I think she's two or maybe three.”

  “Jesus, I guess he never learns, huh?”

  “Not in the least, and neither does my mom. She came out here to help him financially. He had her convinced they were getting back together. Turns out, he just needed a check to give the builders for the house he just built for his new family. He wasn't above fleecing it out of my mom.”

  “That poor woman,” Sandra expressed. When she saw the look of disdain I was throwing her she nodded and continued. “I get that you're looking at me like I am part of her pain, but I never knew he was married, or that he had a kid on the way either. Hell, I don't even think he knew he had a kid on the way when he knocked me up. Brad is only a couple months younger than you, you know.” She smiled. “Feb. 25th. So, probably right at two months difference.”

  I nodded my head. “When I found out I was pregnant, I went to see Harlan, and tell him the good news. After all, he claimed to be in love with me. That's the day I met your mother. Bless that woman. She really tried to make it work for everyone. She forbid us to see each other romantically again, of course. Something that I held to, because I never wanted to be the other woman. You boys even played together once in a while, but even though it's Vegas, it's a small town for locals. People talk, and your mom couldn't handle it. Plus, I do believe there was yet another woman in Harlan's life too. I don't think that one got pregnant, but when your mom found out she gave him an ultimatum. He could stay married to her and move back to North Carolina, or he could keep his ass in Vegas and say goodbye to her money.”

  “Yeah, sounds about right, based on what I've pieced together.” I sighed. “If she'd been smart she would have just took me and left his ass here.”

  “Ah, yes, but the heart wants what the heart wants, even if it sometimes causes us just as much pain as it does the good stuff.” Her smile was pained, and while I didn't think she was thinking of my dad anymore, Sandra definitely had her own battles with love that she was fighting. “How is your mom handling the latest let down?”

  “Not well. I can't really talk about it, but I'll end up stuck here for another month or two as a result.” Sandra nodded knowingly again.

  “If I can help at all, you let me know. I hate that I was the other woman, or one of, during her marriage. I do have the utmost respect for your mom though. It couldn't have been easy to handle our situation the way she tried to back then. It took a lot of courage and fortitude. I owe her, even if things didn't work out as we had hoped in the end.”

  “I'm sure she'll appreciate hearing that about herself right now.” Sandra and I sat chatting for the next couple hours, catching up on each other's lives until she had to go. She traded cell numbers with me, and told me to let her know when I got back to North Carolina so that she could set up a meeting for Brad and I. Yup, I was looking around for the damn cameras now. How crazy was it that I would be meeting my long lost brother when I got back home? Even weirder still, we were the same damn age, and apparently attending the same school now. At least we would be when I got back since I had to apply for a deferral just this morning due to family hardship. The guys on my old football team in school used to call these two sophomores “twins from another mother” and now I had to chuckle, because that's kind of what Brad and I were. Crazy.

  If I was being honest with myself, I was ready to go check into a room next to my mom. Maybe my stay in Vegas should be medicated and full of therapy too.

  Chapter Seven

  ~Sasha~

  May 7 - I found the perfect house today. Honestly, it couldn't have come sooner, because I was starting to get sick every day, and I wasn't sure how many more of these house hunting days I had in me when I started out every day vomiting up my breakfast and most of my lunch before things settled back down.

  “This is it, mom!” The house we were standing in was a 1500 square feet, 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom, brick ranch that was only a half-mile from the main campus of the university. It was also only five miles from my mom's house, and convenient to shopping, entertainment, and in a surprisingly good school district. Granted, I wouldn't have to worry about schools for a few years, but it was nice to know that was all ready covered if necessary down the road.

  “Are you sure? It's awful close to the University.”

  “Considering I will continue on as a student there for the foreseeable future that's a good thing.”

  “I know that's what you're planning, but lots of students live near here, and they aren't going to have babies with them. What are you going to do when some jerk's partying keeps you and the baby awake on a day when you could really use the sleep?”

  “Um, threaten my neighbors with bodil
y harm?” I joked, trying to lighten the mood. “Seriously, I'm a college student who happens to be having a baby. This is going to be the perfect blend for me. Far enough away, but still close enough that I can come home between classes to breast feed if I need to.”

  “Is that what you plan on doing?” My mom asked me, her eyes going wide, because I hadn't talked to her about a baby plan yet.

  “Honestly, I don't know. I'm thinking on my feet here, mom. I just know it's the perfect amount of space, it's convenient, great schools,” at that my mom smirked.

  “Always thinking so far ahead. I bet you wish you could have seen this turn of events…” her face blanched as she realized what she was saying out loud. “Oh, I'm sorry baby, that came out wrong.”

  “It's okay. I know what you meant. I obviously can't plan for everything, but I think this house is pretty perfect.” I was trying to deflect from talk of Kade and push things back toward the house. I wasn't really ready to talk about him with anyone right now.

  “I think you're right. Plus, you're not too far away from me either. That's always a bonus for a soon to be new grandma.” We both smiled as she pulled me in for a quick hug.

  “Let's negotiate this thing with the seller,” I told the realtor, who immediately started plugging away on her cell phone. My mom had all ready walked me through what to expect as far as the timeline for purchasing a house. Luckily, I wasn't having to fiddle around with loans and whatnot. I would be paying cash for the house I was buying, thanks to the money my dad left for me when he died years ago. Not having to pay rent was going to be awesome, and I had a feeling Kristin was going to love it too. There was no way I was making her pay rent. We would split the utilities and other costs evenly until she decided it was time to move out. If she was smart, that would be right around the time I had the baby, so she wouldn't be subjected to all the sleepless nights I was in for.

  The other good news though, was that my due date meant I would get a small respite in between having the baby and going back to school for the next semester. I was hoping we could get on some sort of schedule that would help with the transition, but my mom laughed at me when I told her that particular plan. I assumed that meant my plans were going to continue to go awry for quite some time.

  ~*~

  “I put an offer on a house today,” I told Kristin when she walked through the door that evening.

  “Really? Where is it? When can I see it?” She was jumping up and down excitedly.

  “Well, I have to be there next week for the home inspection, so if you can get out of class you can go with me.”

  “I wouldn't miss it! I can't believe we're going to be moving. I guess we better start getting packed, huh?” She turned then and looked at me. “Wait, this apartment is furnished. Shit, I didn't even think about the fact that neither of us really has anything beyond our dishes. We're going to need furniture.”

  “Yeah, we are, but I'll have most of it covered, and you won't be paying rent anymore, so you'll be able to get whatever you need for your place on the first too.”

  “No, ma'am. I will be paying my share. What about your mortgage?”

  “I decided not to go that route. My mom signed over the whole trust to me. It's not a huge amount, but it was enough to pay for the house outright and see me through school, and maybe a little beyond that too.”

  “But, I can't just live there for free, Sash.”

  “You'll be paying half the utilities, cable, and whatnot. It's not exactly free. It's just much, much cheaper.”

  “Is it okay if I sigh in relief that I won't actually have to struggle as hard next semester?” She asks with a shy smile on her face.

  “Are you kidding? I'd be sighing in relief if all this weren't happening because I was about to have a baby. That part kind of takes the wind out of my sails a bit.”

  “I understand that, Sash, but there are going to be so many blessings to go with it too. Just wait and see.”

  ~*~

  July 1 -

  “It's moving day, officially!” I squeaked out to my best friend and roommate. “I can't believe I actually bought a house, and now we get to go live in it. It kind of feels insane.”

  “It really does.” Kristin was flittering around stacking boxes, and making sure they were all properly labeled so that our little helpers knew where they went today. “Have you heard from the guys yet? I thought they were supposed to be here by now?”

  As if on cue, a light wrapping sound filtered through to us from our front door before they just came barreling in. “Hey, sweet girl, how's the bun baking going?” Malcolm, one of the two guys that lived across the landing from us asked me. I rolled my eyes.

  “Lil' Bit is baking just fine, thanks.” I patted my slightly protruding baby bump and his big brown eyes bugged out as he pushed his wavy blond locks back out away from his face.

  “Holy crap, I can actually see it,” he pointed. “You know, your belly is getting…” another hesitation as his eyes slid from my belly back up to my face before he continued. “Uh, bigger.”

  “Yep, that's what happens in pregnancy,” I deadpanned with another eye roll as our other neighbor, Malcolm's roommate, Brad, smacked him upside his head.

  “Maybe you shouldn't speak to women until you learn to pull your foot out of your damn mouth, Mal,” Brad chided him before turning a gorgeous megawatt smile to me. His hazel eyes lit up as he turned the smile my way. “You're glowing, Prego, don't listen to the moron.” He moved in closer, dropping his eyes to my now obvious baby bump. “May I?” I knew what he was asking and nodded my consent. His large hands came up to mold around the bump, sending chills across my skin at the moment of contact. It had been quite a while since a man had actually touched me to offer more than a sympathetic hug. I wasn't getting turned on by my neighbor touching my bump, but it did make me realize how starved I was for that intimate contact. Hell, I hadn't even had it that long with Kade, but damn if my body wasn't telling me now how much it was missed. “Are you feeling it kick yet?”

  “I can feel it moving around sometimes. At first it was just like bubbles or butterflies fluttering in my belly. It's starting to get stronger as the weeks go by.”

  “That's amazing. I can't wait to feel that.” His eyes locked on mine then, as his hands continued to hold on to my belly. His thumbs were rubbing across the underside of the bump absently as his smile widened again. “I'm so glad you'll be in a real house without all these damn steps to get up and down every day, but I sure am going to miss being able to hop across the hall to check on you.” His hazel eyes flared as Brad spoke about missing me being next door. He was ruggedly handsome with his two-day scruff hiding the strong jaw line he had and the chin dimple I knew was hiding out in the stubble. He had a small hump in the bridge of his otherwise straight nose from an obvious break. I often wondered if it was from football or just being a boy. At any rate the small imperfection coupled with the amber flecks in his hazel eyes made for a stunning combination.

  “It's not like you won't know where we live. You guys are welcome any time.” I made sure to include both of them in my statement, because sometimes there was a look in Brad's eyes when he watched me that I didn't quite know what to do with. If things were different, if I hadn't dated Kade, if I wasn't pregnant, I would probably end up dating Brad. He was a sweet guy who definitely seemed interested. It was a simple fact that I was having a really difficult time moving beyond Kaden Miller. I had loved him for far longer than I dated him and now I had his baby growing in my belly reminding me of that fact every day. I couldn't escape those emotions even if I was ready to let them go yet.

  “I take it you still haven't heard from the dad?” Brad asked me this same question in some variation every time he hadn't seen me for a few days. I never had a new answer for him. This time was no different so I just shook my head and looked down at my feet while I could still see them. “I just don't get it,” he mumbled. Then he looked up and caught sight of something over my shoulder. “Well
, let's get these boxes down and loaded into the truck.” When I went to pick up one of the smaller boxes he stopped me. “No, ma'am. You are not to lift a single thing. Your job is to shout directions at us if we're not working hard or fast enough.”

  “Yeah, because it will be hilarious to have the pregnant chick outside yelling at us guys to go harder and faster,” Malcolm hissed out amidst his fit of laughter. Kristin joined in, which only encouraged him further. “You're not doing it right. Harder! Faster! That's it, move it over there a little, oh yeah! That's the spot!”

  “Moron!” Brad called out to Mal as he took the first load of boxes down the three flights of stairs. I simply laughed, and waited as everyone else worked.

  It didn't take long for them to get all of our boxes down and loaded in the back of Brad's truck. We didn't have a whole lot between the two of us. The furniture we bought was delivered directly to the house over the past two days, and all of our clothes, kitchen and bathroom stuff, and miscellaneous things were what was left to get from the apartment to the house. We'd left Kristin's car over there knowing we wouldn't really need to come back to the apartment after today's move. So I was driving her while Brad and Mal followed in Brad's truck. Once we were there, they had agreed to help us move the boxes in too.

  “Are you sure you don't need us to stick around and help you unpack too?” Brad asked, as I was looking around my bedroom at all the boxes stacks up.

  “No, we'll be able to get it from here.”

  “Are you sure? I don't want you to hurt yourself or pull anything by moving all this around once we leave.”

  “No worries, Brad, I will be helping with any maneuvering of boxes that is needed from here on out. Seriously, it won't take us long to go through all this.” Kristin was always there with a quick save when Brad moved into over protective mode or tried to get too close. I understood his motivation. Apparently, he had grown up with a single mom who had to do everything on her own. I think its part of why he was always so overprotective with me. He saw his mom's struggles reflected back at him through my eyes. No matter what though it was becoming obvious that one day soon I was going to owe Kristin something big for all the interference she ran for me.