Letters to Lily (Letters to... #1)

by Christine M. Butler

  I nodded realizing what had been niggling me just under the surface ever since I'd met Brad. He reminded me of someone, and now I felt like a complete fool, because for all the thinking about Kade I'd done, I never thought about him being the person Brad resembled.

  I moved over to the front door to pick up my messenger bag I had flung there when I came in. I needed my phone. “Crap,” I realized as soon as I put my hand on the phone that I hadn't needed to move my journal out of the way to get to it. “Oh no,” fresh tears started falling again.

  “What's the matter now?”

  “My journal is gone. It must have fallen out of my bag. Maybe in the cab, but possibly when I fell in the diner.”

  “Damn, I'm sorry. Let's call the cab company and ask them to check with the driver, and I will call the diner and see if the nice older lady saw it.”

  “Bernadette, her name is Bernadette.”

  “Okay, I'll ask for her specifically.”

  “The letter Kade gave me last year was in that journal.” I wouldn't cry over my lost letters to my daughter, because I could always write more. I couldn't replace that letter from him though and that sucked.

  “Well, let's not cry over everything just yet. Maybe we can track it down.” Kristin was all ready dialing the diner and asking for Bernadette before I could even move my fingers over my phone to search for Brad's number.

  I tuned her out as I left Brad a message after the phone went straight to voicemail. “Brad, I need you! As soon as you get this message, please call me back, or just come over. It's sort of an emergency.”

  By the time I hung up and looked up at Kristin she had a funny look on her face. “Okay, thank you so much, I'll let her know.” She was saying. “No, she's okay, just shaken up is all.” She paused a moment, and then nodded her head as if the person on the other side of the conversation could see her. “Yeah, he is. Okay, thanks, bye.”

  “Well?”

  “Ms. Bernadette says that your journal was found at the diner. Kade picked it up, the waitress girl tried to throw it away before he could look at it, but he wouldn't let her. Then he scanned through the first page, the waitress said something to him about you always writing letters to your baby in it, and he went ballistic on her. It's safe to say he did not know about the baby, and he realizes now that she did.”

  “Oh,” I said simply. “That doesn't mean anything though. He was still with her, so what Jason said before must have been true. He really did leave because of me.”

  “Okay, I'm going to stop you there, because too much miscommunication has happened all ready. Let's wait to pass any more judgments until we can get everyone in one place and you two can discuss what actually happened. I have to believe there's more to the story than we've seen, because otherwise…” Kristin didn't continue with what it would mean otherwise. I think she would be a lot like me and lose faith in pretty much everything. “He's loved you for a long time too. I just never understood how all this happened.” Kristin handed me a steaming mug of hot chocolate then. “Did you get a hold of Brad?”

  “I left a message because it went straight to voicemail.”

  “Oh, wait, weren't they traveling for a game tonight?”

  “Yeah, he is on the road. I guess I'll have to wait until he turns his phone back on to find out anything.”

  “In the meantime, do you want me to call your mom to let her know, or to be here with you?”

  “No, actually, I think I'm just going to go to class. I can't sit here all day with nothing to distract me. It will literally drive me crazy.” She was shaking her head as if that was a bad idea. “What? Please, just drive me back to school. I left my car in the student lot anyway. I can't sit here. Seriously, I need to be able to focus on something else right now. If I stay here I'll just cry and cry some more, and I'm so tired of crying over this big suck fest that is my life. Besides, I really don't want to keep seeing the image of the two of them together on repeat in my mind.”

  “Okay, I'll drive you, but you have to leave your phone on so I can check in on you. Put it on vibrate for class.”

  ~*~

  Oct. 30 -

  I still hadn't heard from Brad yet, and decided that since school was the perfect distraction the day before it would have to do today too. “Are you sure you want to go to school today?”

  “Honestly, I'll be fine, besides, I may end up missing classes at the end of the semester if Lily decides to give me hell or show up early. I really need to be there for all the classes I can log right now.”

  “Fine,” Kristin breathed out. “I'm just worried about you. I don't even know how you're functioning right now. I can barely focus on anything, and I'm removed from the situation, you know?”

  “Believe me, I know.”

  Two hours later as I made my way out of class I could have sworn I saw the waitress heading into the student union so I went that way too. Once I was there I couldn't find her anyway so I grabbed a muffin from the coffee counter, lamenting the fact that I couldn't also get a coffee, and I started to head back down the stairs to the lower level so I could leave. There were bunches of people in costume all around, clearly ready to start the Halloween celebration and keep it rolling for a few days instead of the customary one. The problem with that scenario was that one of the costumed people bumped into me and knocked me down, which still would have been okay had I not hit my head on the railing, and slid down the last four steps to the bottom.

  I immediately clutched my stomach as I heard gasps and people yelling things about calling 911 and getting help. I didn't think it was that bad until I touched my head and came away with a handful of blood. Within minutes the ambulance arrived and the Emergency Medical Techs that showed up started asking me a bunch of questions starting with how far along my pregnancy was. “Almost 34 weeks,” I answered.

  “Are you in any pain?” One asked.

  “My head hurts and my tailbone got a little battered on the way down the steps, but I think everything else is fine.”

  “That's good. Can you tell me what day it is?”

  “October 30,” I responded as they finished assessing my initial injuries.

  “Okay, well, since you're pregnant I want to put you on the gurney to take you to the ambulance. I don't need you walking and that head injury suddenly making you pass out, okay?” I nodded my head. “All right, Ben's going to help you move over and then we'll throw the rails up and get you moving.”

  “Please, make sure my bag is with me. I need to call my mom.”

  “Sure thing, I've got it right here. Once you're on that gurney I'll put it down by your feet so it stays with you.”

  “Okay.” I kept my head ducked down somewhat because there was a huge crowd gathered round, and I could still hear the group of people who had bumped into me talking.

  “I didn't see her. This stupid costume,” one of the guys was saying.

  “She's going to be fine, they just said so.”

  “What if her kid dies though? That will be my fault.” I sucked in a pained breath with his words and Ben, the EMT helping me onto the gurney, shot the guy a dirty look.

  “Shit,” the guy said as he realized I could hear them. Campus security finished getting his name and information from him for their report as Ben and Gary, I kid you not those were their names, wheeled me to the ambulance.

  “So, you guys get ice cream jokes a lot while working together?”

  Ben smirked at me as Gary climbed into the driver's side. “It's a good day if our patients are joking about our names, so we don't mind that much.”

  “Yeah, I guess it is, but honestly I think your employer set you two up together for that very reason. Speaking of, I could totally go for some Chunky Monkey right now. I've had a really shitty week, and this fun little ride to hospital hell is just the ice cream on the top.”

  Ben burst out laughing then, “I think you're going to be just fine if you can sling some fun ice cream puns around like that. We'll just get you to the docs
and let them make sure you're both one hundred percent to be safe though.”

  He reached down and dug in my messenger bag then. “You needed your phone right?”

  “Yes, thank you,” I said as he handed it to me. Rather than get stuck in call hell on the way to the emergency room I sent out a group text letting everyone know what happened.

  ME - (to Kristin, Mom, Brad) Fell down some stairs outside the student union, on way to hospital. Everything's fine, so no worries, just getting checked out as precaution and maybe some stitches in my head.

  MOM - On my way.

  KRISTIN- WHAT? Be there soon. Love you!

  Nothing came in from Brad. I was beginning to wonder if something was up with his phone or if he was avoiding me considering his brother was apparently my ex. I hated not knowing.

  “Texting instead of calling, huh? Probably cuts back on the drama,” Ben teased.

  “Exactly.” I looked up at Ben then, “Ben, I haven't felt the baby move or kick since I fell.”

  “That's normal. She may have moved around a bit, but because you've been so caught up in the excitement and what's happening around you maybe you just didn't notice. Keep an eye on it; we'll mention it to the doc when we get there. I'm actually going to pull up your shirt and hit that belly up with the Doppler right now, okay?”

  “Okay,” I agreed. I would definitely relax more if I was able to hear Lily's heart beating.

  “This isn't the doctor's office, the gel is going to be cold,” Ben warned me. I nodded, he squirted, and I flinched. He wasn't kidding it was like someone rubbing ice on my belly. “Sorry,” he offered the apology as he placed the wand on my belly and moved it around. Well, that's you,” I was used to this game. The slower heartbeat was always mine, but then a faster one starting hammering out of the speakers and I almost cried. “There's the baby,” Ben smiled down at me. “Sounds good. Do you know what you're having?”

  “A girl,” I told him and then the ambulance was no longer moving. Gary had come around the back and popped the doors open, and Ben was helping him roll my stretcher out the back of the ambulance.

  “All right, Ms. Garrett, we're going to drop you off with the doctors and let them have their way with you. Try not to attempt surfing down stairs again, at least until after your little one arrives.” Ben winked at me as he handed me off to a nurse and doctor in the emergency room. Gary was relaying my stats and details of the fall to them as he did so.

  “I guess they don't hand out gold medals to the ones who fall. I will have to do better, afterwards of course. I'll make sure you get an invite ahead of time when I go for the gold again.”

  Ben laughed. “Man, I wish all our patients were this much fun. Seriously, take care of yourself, Sasha. Good luck with the little one.”

  “Thanks,” I managed to get out before Ben and Gary were sweeping back out of my shiny new emergency room with their stretcher in tow. The transfer from gurney to bed had been executed quickly while Ben and I had joked around. This time I got to move on my own with just a little assistance from Ben and a nurse. So, at least that was a step up from having to be placed on a gurney earlier at school.

  “We're both family, and she's definitely coming back with me to see my other daughter,” I heard my mom snapping at someone further down the hall.

  “Ma'am, you need to give them a minute. She just arrived via ambulance, and is being evaluated.”

  “You might want to go tell her I'm in x-ray or something, maybe just have them send her back. My mom is not the type to give up before raining down hell on people who get in her way.” I told the nurse who was looking back over her shoulder to see if you she could figure out what the ruckus was all about.

  She smiled at me then and was walking off before shooting back over her shoulder, “be right back with company then.”

  The doctor was in the middle of asking me what hurt and what didn't when my mom and Kristin came in, escorted by my cheery nurse. “Baby, what happened?”

  “Mom, just sit tight and give us a minute. Doc here is pretty busy, and he wants to finish up with this nonsense and get back to real patients ASAP.” I winked at the doctor who shook his head.

  “This one is being rather difficult. The EMTs told me she was being cheeky in the ambulance, but I guess I didn't believe it was possible until she opened that mouth of hers.” The doctor joked back.

  Kristin burst out laughing then. “Yeah, she's going to be just fine.”

  “How's the baby?” My mom asked.

  “So far everything looks good. We're going to hook Sasha up to a fetal monitor for a while just to check in and make sure everything is staying stable. We're getting ready to clean up this laceration to her scalp and I'll probably toss in a couple staples instead of stitches. You're going to need to keep it dry for a couple days, and I still need to get a look at your backside before we get the fetal monitor set up. I want to see if you're bruising, need to partake in wheelchair races to x-ray or what.” He looked over his shoulder at the two women who were anxiously awaiting his final evaluation. “Do you mind if they're in here?”

  “She shows her ass plenty enough that we've seen everything.” Kristin laughed as she said it, and my mom, the traitor, joined in.

  “Lies, and deceit!” I called out while my face grew warm and red with the blush of embarrassment.

  “Good to know. Your backside is apparently famous, so I suppose we can proceed.”

  I hate going to doctors and hospitals, but nothing beat being seen by a doctor with a good sense of humor and a fabulous bedside manner. The nurse and good doctor helped me stand so that I could pull my pants down to my knees and my shirt up my back. The nurse's hiss of air let me know it must not have looked pretty.

  “Hmm, while I don't normally like to send pregnant women for radiation photography I'm thinking it's necessary this time. There's a lot of bruising, and you are definitely going to be very sore tomorrow.”

  “I'm very sore right now, I'm just trying not to freak out about it,” I admitted.

  “Don't let her fool you. She has the highest pain tolerance I've ever seen on a person. We're all ready taking bets on whether she smiles through labor or what. I think she'll be making a spot of tea and scarfing down cookies or something while she casually gives birth,” Kristin teased. The nurse snickered.

  “Well, at any rate, I'd rather be safe than sorry. Considering the bruising is concentrated near the spine I want to check for breaks, bone fragments, or anything else that could potentially be a problem if you're moving around too much, or getting kicked in the back by little feet.” His smile was reassuring even while he was telling me he wanted to check for spinal injuries.

  “Can you be my doctor when the baby comes? I love Dr. Marsh, but I just don't see her making me laugh through labor. I think there's a real chance of that with you hanging around.”

  His grin brightened his chiseled features, and now I was crushing on the very handsome doctor just a bit, and then I remembered what he'd see down there when I was trying to spit a baby out. “On second thought, maybe that wouldn't be a good idea.”

  Kristin was in hysterics, because she had caught on to why I was having a change of heart. My mom let loose a knowing snicker, and I swear I saw the nurse give me a sympathetic nod too as she hid her smile. “Wait, why the change of heart?” He asked with a little pout.

  “Sorry doc, you can't smile at a girl like that and then see her pushing a baby out of her naughty bits.” Kristin howled through her laughter. My doctor looked sufficiently embarrassed now and even a little red in the cheeks.

  “I see why you're so quick witted, Sasha. You must have a thick skin to be around such blatant honesty.”

  “You don't even know the half of it,” I agreed.

  I was in and out of x-ray quickly, which apparently was almost unheard of. The good doc moved me to the front of the line so they could hurry me back to the fetal monitors. Two hours later my lovely - and seriously how had I not noticed how handsome he was
at first sight - doctor came back in my little curtained-off ER space. “Okay, Sasha, I didn't see anything to be concerned about on the films, but you are severely bruised back there so sitting, sleeping, walking, pretty much anything that requires movement or leaning on your back are not going to be fun for a few days. So far the baby's stats look good too, but when we checked you after speaking to Dr. Marsh, we did find that you are somewhat dilated.”

  “Dilated?” I asked, starting to get nervous.

  “Yes, I'm sure Dr. Marsh has explained that when you are ready to go into hard labor where you push the baby out women are generally dilated to 10 centimeters? You are currently at a one pushing two.”

  My breathing picked up a bit then. But he held out his hand and gave me a calming look. “Honestly, you could have all ready been dilated before the fall. We have no way of knowing, which is why we want to keep you over night just to be sure. We haven't seen any signs of contractions on the monitors since you've been here, but we'd prefer to err on the side of caution when it comes to expectant moms.”

  “Wait, but I'm dilated, so does that mean there's a chance I could go into labor?”

  “Some women start dilating a little early and can walk around like that for weeks. It really is a common thing. If you were past two centimeters, or if you were showing signs of contractions, we would worry a bit more. For now, we just ask for an overnight so you're all ready here if things change quickly. If you make it through 24 hours with no further dilation and no contractions, you'll be good to go. Besides, Ben warned us you have a penchant for surfing stair rails, so this way we can make sure you're not participating in extreme sports before you're ready.” He winked at me then. “Ben's my cousin, by the way, he called to check in on you earlier. Said to tell you to hang loose.”

  I laughed at that. “Ben and Gary still owe me a pint of Chunky Monkey. You let him know he has 24 hours to deliver!”