Letters to Lily (Letters to... #1)

by Christine M. Butler

  “A big mess of a thing happened right around the time I found out I was pregnant with you. Your dad was all ready gone when I found out, and let me put your mind to rest by telling you now that you need to keep in mind while you're reading through my journal that not everything was as it seemed to me when I was writing.” A ghost of a smile, tinged with a little sadness sits upon my mother's face as she says this. I'm still stunned. My parents are the happiest couple in the world. I never would have guessed there was ever trouble in paradise.

  “Anyway, I want you to read this before you go running off to college, because…” she looks away. It's clear my mom wants to say something specific, but for some reason she won't. “Well, it's important, and I think it will help give you perspective.”

  “Okay, mom. Do I have to do this alone, or can Jamie read with me?”

  “I don't mind if Jamie hears our story.” My mom was smiling again as she said this. “I'll leave you to it then.” When she stood to leave she turned back for a moment and called over her shoulder, “shall I send him up?”

  I just nodded my head as I continued to stare down at the box in front of me. I had come up earlier to get changed so that we could go for a swim at the lake. Jamie had stayed downstairs playing a video game with my little brother, Ryder. Looking at the beautiful box in my hand I couldn't help but think my plans for the day had just changed. Curiosity about my parents' time apart when mom was pregnant with me was definitely winning out.

  A few moments later the baritone voice of my best friend called out to me as he walked into my room. “Lils, your mom sent me up, you okay?”

  “Yeah, I'm fine. She gave me this box with these journals in it.” I looked up at him now and Jamie's eyes were bouncing back and forth between my bedroom door and me.

  “Can I just point out the fact that your mom sent me to your bedroom?” I had to laugh at that, because while Jamie had snuck into my bedroom plenty of times in the past he had never been given permission by either of my parents to be here. In fact, there was a time when my father threatened him with a very messy un-death if he ever caught him here. In other words he would torture the poor boy, but leave him alive and in perpetual pain, for daring to enter the inner sanctum of his daughter's room. I love my dad, but he can be crazy over-protective.

  “Yeah, well, I guess we'll be here a while reading these. My mom said the journals were from when she was pregnant with me, and that my parents were split up then.”

  Jamie's eyes went wide in disbelief too. “Seriously?”

  “Yeah, so, come on.” I patted the spot on the bed beside me in invitation.

  “How about we sit on the floor beside the bed? No offense, but if your dad comes in to check, I'm not ready for the un-death he has planned for me.” When I laughed he paled. “Details, Lils. He gave me very in depth details of what would happen. I have nightmares about those details.” Yeah, my dad scarred poor Jamie to death.

  “Be glad I never had to introduce you as a boyfriend then. I think he went easy on you since we're just friends.” A weird look crossed Jamie's face as I said that. He turned away for a minute, looking back towards my bedroom door, and then he walked over and sat on the floor with his back up against my bed.

  “So, I guess we should get started, then.”

  It took three days and five sittings to get through all the journals. Jamie and I were both dumbfounded through a good portion of it. To think of all the things my mom had gone through while she was pregnant with me broke my heart. I even caught Jamie tearing up more than once. Of course, he would always look away and feign disinterest when I caught him. We may have been best friends, but he still wanted to maintain his manliness.

  That was only a thing with him since his voice changed and he grew so tall and handsome though. When we were kids he didn't care if someone saw him cry. If they didn't like it, he'd punch them in the nose. In fact, that was how we'd started our friendship. In third grade we were playing dodge ball in gym class and I took a direct hit to the nose, which of course caused my eyes to tear up immediately. It wasn't like I wanted to cry, but a hit to the nose hurts. A couple kids in class were teasing me, and the next thing I know Jamie is taking a direct hit to his nose as well. I found out later that he made this other kid, Baxter, throw the ball at him real hard. Anyway, his eyes welled with tears just as mine had, and he came over, threw his arm around my shoulders, and sat with me on the bleachers for the rest of class. “It's okay, Lily, we can cry together. Those balls hurt!”

  From that moment on, we were the best of friends and pretty much inseparable. We were even going away to the same college in a couple of weeks. The crazy thing was I knew about my mom and dad being best friends since grade school too, but after reading through the journals and the old stories it was mindboggling to see some of the painful similarities in their story and mine and Jamie's. Especially since I had feelings for Jamie that I had been hiding for a long time, and for the same reasons my mom and dad hid from their own feelings. I was afraid it would ruin our friendship if we ever tried to be more.

  After reading my mom's journals there was one more from my dad. He wrote about what happened on his end when everything was going on during my mom's pregnancy with me. It was just as heartbreaking to hear his side, and to know how much they both hurt over losing one another.

  “This is the last one, an envelope addressed to you, Lil.” Jamie pulled me out of my thoughts about everything we had just read, and as he handed me the envelope our hands grazed across each other's and sent goose bumps up my arm. Jamie smiled at me when he noticed, but his fingers lingered there still for a moment longer. I took the envelope and opened it to find a final letter to me.

  Dear Lily,

  I'm writing this as I watch you sleeping across the room from me. You were born just yesterday, and all ready I love you more than I ever thought humanly possibly. One day, you will know that kind of love too, but until then, I want to impart some wisdom on you. As we grow up our parents teach us lots of things, but some of the more important lessons seem to slip through the cracks. By now, you've read all the journals I saved for you through my pregnancy, and it's probably come as quite the shock, because your dad and I have promised not to talk about the time we spent apart anymore. We're leaving it in the past so that we can focus on the here and now in order to one day enjoy our futures together.

  The lesson I hope you learned from reading our biggest regrets is that communication and honesty are two of the most important things you can ever have in a relationship. Kade and I liked to think we were honest, but half the time we weren't even honest with ourselves when it counted. You see, I loved your dad from the day I met him, and I fell in love with him more and more as the years of our friendship went by. The mistake I made was in not telling him how I felt.

  The mistake he made was in doing the same thing I was. We thought we couldn't have a romance because we had this amazing friendship. Let me tell you a secret, the best romances stem from the best of friendships. Once we were honest with ourselves, and each other, we were both much happier people.

  Our biggest regrets came as a result of not communicating well once we were finally honest about our feelings. I don't know if we both thought relationships were magic, and required little to no effort or what, but had we communicated better the chaos that took over our lives for those months never could have occurred. We could have saved ourselves a whole lot of heartache if we had just spoken up about our feelings for one another and about the life we each wanted with each other.

  My hope for you is that you can learn from our mistakes, and never be doomed to repeat them. Your wiggly little arms are flailing from the bassinet now, so I have to go. Know that I love you so much now, and will love you with all my heart for always, my sweet girl. Don't be afraid to take chances, to chase love, and to be honest in all things!

  Love Always,

  Momma

  Tears were rolling down my cheeks then, because my mom, the one from 18 years ago,
was speaking to my own dilemmas I was facing today. How was it possible? It was like she knew I would walk her same path. For the past three months I had watched as my best friend dated Meghan Farrow, and it hurt my heart every single day I had to see them together, but I never spoke up, because I was afraid of losing my best friend. The day they broke up, I was so happy, and yet I still hadn't worked up the courage to tell him how I felt. I figured I would wait until we were away at college to tell him, and that way if things didn't work out I wouldn't have to face as much humiliation as I would at home.

  “Lily?” Jamie's voice broke through my thoughts.

  “Yeah?” I asked, finally looking up at him. Jamie turned to me, cupped my cheeks with his hands and wiped away my tears, and then he bent down and kissed me. His lips felt warm and soft on mine, just a quick brush and gone again. The heat and tingle that he left in his wake set my body to quaking on the inside.

  “I feel like your mom, the one from way back then, knew what was going to happen and she wrote that letter just for us.” My mouth parted in surprise with his admission. He couldn't mean… His lips were back on mine again. This time they lingered longer, and once they were gone they came back again a moment later with a little more force behind them. This time he set my whole body ablaze with the sweet friction. Finally, he pulled away once more, and with his hand still cupped around my face he looked me in the eye and said, “I love you, Lils.”

  And I did the only thing I could think of. I went with honesty like my mom just told me to do. “I love you too!” And then our own sweet story had its true beginning.

  Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoyed Sasha, Kade, and Lily’s story. There will be a second book, Letters to Liam, coming later in 2016. It will be from Kristin and Brad’s points of view, and picks up not long after Kade and Sasha get back together so you’ll get glimpses of them together too. Check out www.moonlitdreams.org for more information.

  This book is a new genre for me, which often means a new audience. If you enjoyed this book please, take a moment to leave a review, as it helps let others know about the book. :)

  Other Books by Christine M. Butler:

  The Ancients Series (New Adult Paranormal)

  The Ancients Series (books 1-4 bundled)

  Shadows of the Ancients (Free)

  Falling into the White

  Branches of the Willow

  Bound by the Moon

  The Death Viewers Series (Adult Paranormal)

  Breathless

  The Awakening Trilogy (New Adut Paranormal)

  Birthrights

  Revelations

  Incarnations

  The Voodoo Follies

  The Voodoo Follies (Young Adult)

  Falling Star Series (New Adult - Fantasy)

  Catch a Falling Star

  About the Author

  Christine M. Butler lives in the Appalachian Mountains on the state line between North Carolina and Georgia with her children, a dog, and a cat. When she's not writing she enjoys getting out in nature and taking pictures of the beauty that surrounds her. Christine is also often struck by wanderlust, and takes off discovering new real life settings that inspire some of the scenery in her books. She credits her wanderlust to her upbringing as coastal hopping military brat whose parents loved the outdoors too.

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  Website: www.moonlitdreams.org