All in the Mind

by Judith Cranswick

  As soon as she heard the boys coming down the path, her mother was at the door with open arms. Cuddles and kisses were exchanged and Sarah was relieved when she got a perfunctory peck on the cheek from Jenny.

  Justin wanted to put his suitcase into the boot of her car straightaway.

  ‘Mum’s put my Wellingtons in a bin bag,’ he informed her.

  ‘I thought you were coming for a week, not moving in!’ she teased as Greg lifted out a suitcase, a small grip and an assortment of carrier bags.

  ‘That’s just some books and games and things Mum said I ought to bring to keep me quiet when you have to do your work,’ Justin protested. ‘Dad said not to put them all in one big case as it would be too heavy to carry up the stairs at the other end.’

  ‘Very sensible.’

  ‘Don’t you believe him, the little crawler,’ Greg said shaking his head. ‘What I actually said was that the boot on this apology for a car of yours wouldn’t take a decent-sized case. You do realise the only reason he wants to abandon his beloved parents is to get a drive in this flash thing, preferably with the top down?’

  ‘Don’t be so rude about the love of my life,’ Sarah gave him a mock scowl. ‘Flash indeed! If I’d wanted flash I’d have chosen Laser Red or Lime Yellow not a perfectly respectable Silver Grey. You’re just jealous!’

  Even Jenny managed a wan smile as Greg lifted in the last of the bags. ‘I’ve packed plenty of clothes so don’t bother to wash any of his things. I’ll do them when he gets back.’ It was the nearest thing Sarah was going to get to a peace offering from Jenny and she accepted it gratefully.

  When they got into the house and she saw the two boys standing side by side, Sarah was surprised to see the enormous difference in their heights. True, Justin was at the shooting up stage, but Todd didn’t seem to have grown at all in the last year. She hadn’t noticed when she’d seen him in hospital because he’d been lying in bed. Although she was no expert on eight-year-olds, she felt sure he was much shorter than he should be for his age. Greg must have noticed her frown.

  ‘Don’t you think Todd looks well?’ he asked pointedly.

  ‘Heaps better. How are you feeling, my old soldier? Got to have you fighting fit so you can come down and spend some time with me as well.’ She did not want him to feel left out. It was an amazingly fine line to tread not to step on family feelings.

  A little later, when she and Greg were in a quiet corner, she decided, to dip a toe into dangerous waters.

  ‘Justin’s shooting up fast. He’ll be as tall as you before we know it. I expect Todd will be putting on a spurt soon.’

  ‘He’s the smallest in his class at the moment.’

  ‘Have the doctors said anything about it?’ she asked airily.

  ‘They’ve mentioned it.’ It was evidently a topic of some concern but it was presumably being dealt with.

  ‘Fine,’ she said and changed the subject quickly.

  Lunch passed more or less smoothly and it was quite late by the time they’d finished coffee and started clearing the table.

  ‘Thanks, Mum. That was super. Nothing quite like home-made apple crumble.’ She kissed the rosy cheek as she sidled round the ample figure stacking the saucepans next to a pile of dirty plates by the sink.

  ‘Just you put down that tea towel. The rest of us can manage this lot. You’ve got a long journey ahead of you and it’s gone two o’clock already. You get off so you don’t have to drive in the dark.’ The fact that Sarah had done the whole trip after sundown a couple of days before seemed to have eluded her mother.

  Even so, with all the kisses and goodbyes it was nearly half an hour later before the car pulled away.

  Chapter 18

  On Tuesday evening, his face flushed with all the day’s excitement, Justin sat ensconced in the big armchair chatting away on the phone to his mother.

  ‘The Vampire Ride was really cool. You sit in these bat shaped things that hang down and you whizz along.’

  Sarah could not hear Jenny’s response.

  ‘No. Paul was with me. Auntie Sarah chickened out and stayed with Matt down at the bottom. She wouldn’t go on any of the roller coasters.’

  ‘I went on the Runaway Mine Train,’ she protested.

  ‘That was tame! Just for wimps. You wouldn’t go near the Rattlesnake.’ Sarah threw a cushion at him and he burst out laughing. ‘That was really wicked,’ he informed his mother enthusiastically. ‘Rameses Revenge wasn’t bad either. I liked it better than the Pirate Ship. You go upside down when it goes right over the top. Auntie wouldn’t go on any of the really good things and she even got scared in the Terror Tomb.’

  ‘Rubbish. I love ghost trains,’ she shouted out over Justin’s giggles.

  Jenny made some comment.

  ‘No they weren’t all scary. We went in this boat along a sort of river that kept spinning round and then at the end it went through the fountains and we all got wet.’

  Sarah groaned inwardly. He was doing a good job of destroying any credibility as a careful child-minder she might have had with her sister. By the time she got to speak to Jenny, Sarah would be lucky to get away without a lecture on putting Justin in jeopardy on life-threatening rides and risking him catching pneumonia.

  ‘Auntie Sarah was ace at shooting on the rifle range in the Fairground. She did better than Matt and he’s supposed to be a policeman!’

  ‘He’s not in the LAPD! I don’t suppose he gets involved in that many shoot-outs around here,’ Sarah called out in protest.

  ‘And then we went round the zoo, but it was getting late so we only had time to see the big cats and the sea lions.’

  He sat listening to Jenny, nodding and shaking his head at intervals.

  ‘Okay, I will. I’ll pass you over to Auntie.’ He held out the receiver.

  ‘He sounds as though he’s having a smashing time.’ Jenny sounded more relaxed than she had been at the weekend. ‘Don’t let him be any trouble.’

  ‘Don’t worry. He’s being a perfect guest. Good as gold.’

  Once she had asked about Todd’s progress, Sarah passed the phone back for final goodbyes.

  The next morning, Justin was happy to go with her to the college. Sarah didn’t plan to stop but she wanted to take a look through her post and reassure herself that everything was running smoothly in her absence. She thought that Justin might enjoy looking around the place where she worked.

  The Second Year Performing Arts students were due to put on a Christmas production, and Sarah was not surprised to find that Jim McArdle had the group in for a rehearsal. Jim was into experimental drama with a great deal of audience participation. The whole thing fascinated Justin and Sarah was able to leave him for most of the morning watching Jim put the students through their paces. Simon Ellis was also around and promised to show Justin the lighting and sound systems, which, thanks to a recent grant, now had state-of-the-art computer control.

  When she went over to collect him for lunch, Sarah found Justin decked in a voluminous old shirt, happily wielding a brush in the design room with the rest of the scenery painters.

  Sarah liked to take visitors to the Training Restaurant during term time and show off the skills of the catering students. However, even if it had been open, the sort of silver service menus normally on offer would not have interested Justin. The college cafeteria opened up for a couple of hours at midday even during half term because so many staff were in. It had a very limited choice of food – sandwiches, filled baked potatoes and sausage and chips – but Justin was more than content.

  ‘It’s not often we see you in here, Mrs Harcourt.’

  Sarah turned to see Dev Sharma holding a tray.

  ‘Hello, Dev. Come and join us. Let me introduce you to my nephew, Justin. Mr Sharma is in charge of the Technology Faculty.’

  Dev Sharma looked somewhat apprehensive at the unexpected invitation.

  On impulse, as they sat down, Sarah asked, ‘We were hoping to have a look round the Technolo
gy Block this afternoon. Would that be possible?’

  ‘Of course. I’ll show you round myself if you like. We’ll have to call by my office first to collect the keys.’ He gave Justin a grin and explained, ‘Because of all the expensive equipment, most of the workshops have to be kept locked so it’s a good job you ran into me.’

  Without students at work on the heavy equipment, there was little to see in some places. Nonetheless, the motor vehicle and machine shops had Justin enthralled. He was fascinated by computers and the normally reserved Dev was in his element demonstrating the CAD CAM facilities. Though Sarah had not planned on angling for a guided tour, she was grateful to her nephew for giving Dev the opportunity to demonstrate the strengths of his faculty to her. Sarah was convinced that Dev avoided her most of the time because he felt that his faculty was the poor relation of the college.

  There was a time when it had been the most thriving area in the place, but things had changed. Not only did it now have the smallest number of students, it also had the highest dropout rate and the poorest examination results. Sarah did not seem to be able to make him understand that she did not hold him responsible and that these difficulties were only to be expected. Engineering was declining in the area in line with the national trend. His faculty also covered all the craft courses and though she saw no problem with lads not finishing their bricklaying, carpentry or plumbing courses to take up a job offer, he was always on the defensive.

  By the time Sarah and Justin eventually left the college, what she had planned for a brief couple of hours had taken up the best part of the day.

  They had only been back at the flat for an hour or so when Matt rang.

  ‘I was wondering if you two had anything planned for tomorrow?’

  ‘I was thinking of going to the Railway Museum but the weather is so great it’s a shame to waste it staying inside. I’m toying with a trip to somewhere like Stonehenge or possibly to see the birds at Slimbridge. I’ll have a chat with Justin after we’ve eaten and see what he fancies.’

  ‘The boys got on so well together when we went to Chessington, I wondered if you’d both like to come with us to the New Forest for the day. The kids love that sort of thing and I thought you might like to see the autumn colours.’

  ‘Sounds great. Hang on a minute. I’ll call him.’ Justin came hurrying from his bedroom and she put Matt’s suggestion to him. The beaming smile he gave was all the answer she needed.

  ‘We’re both looking forward to it,’ Sarah said into the phone. ‘What time do you want us?’

  ‘Hi there, I’m back!’

  Justin was obviously still engrossed in one of his games, Sarah thought, because she did not get an answer. She staggered through to the kitchen and plonked the assortment of carrier bags on the table. How come one extra person in the house and a picnic increased her usual shop tenfold? she asked herself as she tried to rub the feeling back into her palms where the strained plastic handles had cut deep groves.

  Before she could sit down with a well-deserved cup of tea, she would have to put away all the perishable items. The rest could wait until later.

  Though it had begun to get dark, there was no light in the living room when she pushed the door open. Justin was buried in the corner of the settee, knees to chest, curled into a ball, his face as white as chalk.

  ‘What’s wrong, sweetheart?’

  Quickly she crossed the room and sat beside him, pulling him to her.

  He turned huge brown eyes towards her. ‘There was a phone call.’

  ‘Not Todd!’ Her heart was in her mouth.

  He shook his head. ‘I picked it up and before I could say anything this horrible voice said, “I’m going to get you!”’ The tears he had been holding back welled over.

  She wrapped him in her arms and he clung to her burying his face in her chest.

  There had been no calls for over three weeks, why oh why now? She should have been here. She had only left him for half an hour!

  Chapter 19

  Much to Sarah’s relief, Justin came into the kitchen, eyes shining, already dressed; the previous day’s terror apparently forgotten in all his excited anticipation.

  ‘You’re up early! They won’t be here for ages yet.’

  He gave her a rueful grin and helped himself to cereal. After breakfast he volunteered to do the washing up whilst Sarah buttered rolls and made flasks of coffee and soup. Looking at the pile of fruit, crisps and biscuits lined up by the tower of sandwiches, she decided she had prepared enough food for a small army. No doubt, two growing boys and a man, made ravenous by fresh air and exercise, would soon demolish the lot. Her mother’s first rule of catering – it’s better to have too much than not enough – had been well ingrained.

  Inevitably, they were both ready a good half hour before Matt and Paul were due to arrive. They checked through all the things they were to take with them for the umpteenth time and Justin insisted that they should make a start by carrying down at least the waterproofs and boots to the front door so as to be ready the moment they appeared.

  To judge by their early arrival, Paul was equally excited. As the two boys began pilling things into the boot, Sarah went back up to get the food. A few minutes later, she heard Matt coming up the stairs.

  ‘Come to help?’

  He took the basket she handed him, but stood looking at her with a slight frown on his face. ‘I thought you said those calls had stopped.’

  ‘Justin told you, did he?’

  ‘You told him it was one of your students playing a sick joke.’

  ‘Damn. He didn’t mention it at all this morning and I hoped he’d forgotten all about it. The last thing I want is him to be upset.’

  ‘I think he’s worried about you. He asked if I could put a trace on your phone.’

  ‘Well that won’t be necessary. I rang the phone company and they’re changing my number. It’ll take twenty four hours apparently and then I’ll have to spend ages letting everyone know.’

  Matt continued to scrutinise her expression. ‘I didn’t realise it had got that bad.’

  ‘I can’t pretend that the bastard wasn’t getting to me but now I’m just plain angry. I could wring his bloody neck for what he did to Justin.’ Sarah’s vehemence brought the flicker of a smile to Matt’s lips. ‘We’d better get down there. The boys will wonder where we are.’

  ‘Fine, but just you make sure you let me know if there’s any problem.’

  At least now she could tell him about the post and mail order parcels without worrying he’d think it was her overworked imagination, but it would have to wait until there was time. There’d be plenty of opportunity at some point in the day. ‘Will do. Thanks.’

  If Justin was worried, he was making a good show of covering it up. For most of the journey, there was non-stop chatter from the back seat.

  Justin, who had never been to the New Forest, was fascinated by the vast numbers of ponies wandering about freely. The moment the car came to a standstill, the boys were out and moving stealthily towards a small group of mares with their foals clustered under the trees at the side of the car park. The expression on Justin’s face when he found one happy to be stroked gave Sarah a warm glow. Any last vestiges of doubt that Justin was covering up some deeply traumatised state were wiped away. If Justin could manage to forget about it for a while, so could she. Why let her tormentor ruin her day?

  They eventually donned boots, stowed anoraks into the rucksacks and, armed with maps and a pair of binoculars, set off along the trail.

  ‘What a glorious day! You’d think it was summer,’ she said lifting her face to warmth of the sun. ‘It’s surprising how many of the trees are only just beginning to turn. After all the golds and glorious russets as we drove through Savernake Forest I hadn’t expected to see it so green down here. Some have begun to change colour but there’s not that many fallen leaves.’

  Matt smiled at her obvious enjoyment. ‘Give it one strong wind and they’ll soon be down.’r />
  ‘Spoil sport.’

  As the boys skipped ahead, she could hear Paul pointing out the names of the various types of trees to a willing listener.

  ‘He’s very knowledgeable,’ she said to Matt.

  ‘We come here often and we’ve been on several of the guided walks. Paul’s into the entire nature thing. At the moment, he fancies being a Forest Ranger. He can tell you the difference between pendunculate and sessile oaks and you’ll probably get the lecture on the problems of Turkey Oak wasp before the day is out,’ he said indulgently.

  They had lunch in a beautiful spot by one of the huge ponds. Halfway through the afternoon, they called another halt and demolished the last of the coffee and chocolate-chip cookies.

  ‘We haven’t seen any deer,’ Paul said wistfully.

  ‘They are easier to spot when it begins to get dark. We could try stopping off on the way home at the place near Nomansland where we saw them before,’ his father suggested.

  ‘Yes, please.’ Justin was so delighted at the prospect, Matt quickly stressed that he could not make any promises that their hunt would be successful.

  It was quite a walk from where they left the car in the pull up area alongside the pub, up through the village and onto the rolling rising ground beyond. Nevertheless, once they left the road, they were soon out of sight of any sign of human habitation. After a patient wait sitting on the bank at the edge of the enclosure, their trek was eventually rewarded with a distant view of a fallow buck emerging from the trees. The animal stood grazing just long enough for each of them to have a turn with Matt’s binoculars then, with remarkable speed, it dashed across the heath and disappeared back into the forest. It was not the best of sightings but at least the boys could add it to list of creatures that they’d seen that day.

  As they retraced their steps, a few bullocks lifted their heads to stare at them as they passed. Neither Paul nor Justin wanted to go back when they reached the top of the gravel track that led down to the road. Despite her protests that it would soon be dark, they begged to be allowed to investigate what lay in the opposite direction. At the top of the gentle rise, a tall hedgerow with occasional breaks bordered the open land. The track appeared to continue through a narrow stretch of woodland.