All in the Mind

by Judith Cranswick

  ‘It will probably bring us out on the far side of the village and we could walk back along the main road,’ Matt suggested.

  The boys thought it great fun jumping onto the bars of the cattle grid that marked the beginning of the path. A few yards further on, the two of them stopped to peer through a gap in the trees at the animals in an adjacent field.

  ‘I’m glad there’s a ditch and a fence between us and them,’ said Justin.

  ‘They won’t hurt you. They’re only bullocks,’ Paul teased.

  ‘But there is a lot of them.’

  As the track went deeper into the trees, it became darker. They turned the corner and came upon an enormous fallen tree trunk that barred their path. It was impossible to get round because of a muddy ditch on one side and the fence on the other.

  ‘I think we’d better go back the way we came,’ Matt decided.

  Rounding the final bend, they saw the shapes of the bullocks lumbering past beyond the trees. One came to the cattle grid and stared at them along the track.

  ‘Let’s wait here until they’ve moved on,’ Sarah said lightly. Bullocks might be friendly, but she for one had no wish to push past such a huge beast.

  They’d reached the gap in the trees where they’d spotted the large herd earlier. They could see that the animals were now making their way out of their field onto the open ground through a gap in the far hedge that none of them had noticed before. It took ten minutes for them all to file through and move on up beyond the entrance of the woodland path.

  ‘Go and join the rest of your friends,’ Paul called out defiantly to the animal that had decided to station itself blocking their passage.

  Reluctantly, with a toss of its head, the bullock ambled off up the slope.

  Their route lay across the bottom corner of the vast stretch of open ground. It was marked, at least for the first section, by a line of large, spreading oaks dotted at irregular intervals. The majority of the herd was now assembled on the rising ground well to their left and the few that remained seemed amiable enough as the small party skirted around them.

  As Paul strolled ahead chattering away to Matt, Justin kept close by Sarah, his eyes darting from side to side. They’d only gone a dozen yards or so when their movement attracted the attention of the curious animals which advanced en masse to investigate. Fifty or sixty enormous animals closing in at remarkable speed, was not a pleasant experience. ‘Get behind that tree,’ Matt told the boys sharply.

  When they stopped, so did the bullocks. Sarah was apprehensive but gave Justin a grin as though this was all part of the adventure. After a minute or two, all seemed calm.

  ‘They’re only curious. They don’t mean us any harm,’ Matt said encouragingly, smiling at Justin. ‘When I give the word, we all walk slowly down to the next tree.’

  The boys did as they were bidden trying to ignore the relentless march closing in behind them. They repeated the process from tree to tree, pausing for several minutes behind each massive trunk. Each stage brought the animals nearer. Sarah tried not to think about the final stretch which must have been a good three hundred yards long.

  They were halfway to the last tree when one animal, more frisky than the rest, broke into a run, which started a charge. All four raced for sanctuary, the sound of the pounding hoofs loud in their ears.

  Once they’d reached the comparative safety of the far side of the tree, Paul and Matt started laughing. For them it seemed a huge joke but Sarah was petrified. All the excitement had attracted the whole herd and now eighty or ninety beasts, ranged in a great arc, lay behind them. She accepted that they had no evil intent; even so, the thought of those powerhouses thundering down on them wasn’t one she cared to dwell upon. The pinprick lights of the house beyond the track shone in the distance. Much too far away for their cries for help to be heard.

  ‘We’d better sit it out here until they’ve calmed down a bit. They’ll lose interest in a while if we keep quiet and still.’ Matt’s voice was low and cheerful. If he felt any of the panic that was gripping Sarah, he didn’t show it.

  It was a very long ten minutes. Even in the open, the dusk was deepening fast. She cursed the fact that she was wearing a cream sweater and light coloured slacks. She must have stood out like a beacon. If, like Justin, they had all been in relatively dark clothes, they might have been able to sneak away without attracting the animals’ attention.

  ‘What are they doing,’ she whispered to Matt as he peered round the enormous trunk.

  ‘They seem quiet enough now. Some have wandered off.’ He turned and smiled at the boys. ‘Right lads, we are going to take three or four steps away from the tree and then stop. If the bullocks don’t move, we’ll try a few more but if they start coming again we return to the tree. We take it very slowly. No sudden movements and don’t hurry. No running. Understand?’

  All three of them nodded. Sarah said a silent prayer.

  With the boys in front of them, they left the protection of the tree. Her ears pricked for the slightest sound of movement behind, Sarah kept her eyes on their goal ahead in case turning back to see what was happening aroused the interest of the beasts.

  At the halfway stage, she softly reminded the boys to keep to the slow, steady pace. They must be feeling the same temptation to make a belt for it that she was having to hold back but even at that distance, at full charge, the bullocks would easily outrun them. Matt’s hand found hers. She gripped it hard, every muscle in her body tense; her gaze still fixed on the two fence posts that marked the end of the track.

  The moment the two boys jumped over the cattle-grid, they raced ahead laughing and jumping in a great release of tension. Sarah and Matt picked their way more sedately across the rounded metal slats to safety.

  ‘That wasn’t nice,’ she said meaningfully looking up into Matt’s laughing eyes.

  He put his arm around her and gave a comforting hug. Instinctively, she lifted her face and kissed him full on the lips. It’d been a spontaneous gesture of thanks, but a wave of acute embarrassment flooded over her. It also seemed to take Matt by surprise. The two of them turned and walked side-by-side following the boys as though it had not happened.

  ‘That little adventure will give those two something to talk about for a while,’ he said in a perfectly normal voice a few minutes later. ‘I don’t suppose we were in any real danger. The bullocks were just a bit frisky and they get nervous in the dusk.’ He turned and laughed. ‘Goes to show what terrible townies we are. Shouldn’t be let loose in the country.’

  She smiled back but he must have realised how mortified she was feeling because he took her hand and gave a reassuring squeeze. He did not let go until they reached the car park.

  Both boys fell asleep in the car going home. After the fresh air and all that excitement, even Sarah found herself dozing and she did not remember going through Salisbury. They were all tired when they got back so decided to call it a day and abandon the idea of a trip to McDonald’s. Matt dropped Sarah and Justin back at her flat just before eight.

  Matt helped carry the all the stuff inside while Justin stayed by the car saying his goodbyes to Paul so the adults had a few moments alone.

  ‘I’ll give you a ring tomorrow.’ Matt gave her a quick peck on the cheek and hurried out to the car.

  She and Justin stood side-by-side waving until the car disappeared around the corner. Sarah was the first to turn and lead the way up the stairs. She did not want Justin to see the silly smile on her face.

  Justin was happy to get to bed early. He had already snuggled down when she took in his hot chocolate.

  ‘Are you going to marry Matt?’ Round eyes looked guilelessly up into hers from the pillow.

  ‘No of course not,’ she said with a laugh. ‘You know I’m already married to Nathan.’

  ‘But you don’t live with him anymore. You could get a divorce.’

  ‘And you a good Catholic boy!’ she said in mock horror, ruffling his hair. ‘I’m not going to marry Ma
tt because I don’t want to. He’s a friend and that’s all. I do have a lot of friends and quite a few of them are men,’ she finished seriously.

  ‘You were holding hands when we crossed that field.’ Justin sounded far from convinced.

  ‘Only because I was scared out of my wits.’

  The brown eyes widened and he stared at her open-mouthed. It was several moments before he spoke. ‘Were you really frightened?’

  ‘Petrified!’ she answered sincerely.

  ‘I thought I was the only one. You sounded so calm and the others were laughing.’

  ‘Believe me they were both as terrified as we were.’ She took his empty mug, sat on the bed and put her arm around him. ‘You were very brave.’ They cuddled closer at the memory. ‘There’s only one thing worse than the thought of facing a field of frisky bullocks charging about the field.’

  He looked up at her, a puzzled expression on his face. ‘What’s that?’

  ‘Your mum, when she finds out I took you there in the first place.’

  He collapsed in a fit of giggles. ‘What she doesn’t hear, she won’t be able to complain about.’

  ‘Fine. Let’s keep it our secret. Now snuggle down and don’t forget to say your prayers. Night, night. God bless.’

  He was probably asleep before she closed the door.

  As she walked back to the living room, Sarah realised how much she would miss Justin when she had to take him home. He was a quiet, sensitive lad and she had been awarded the privilege of seeing beyond the wall of reserve he had built around himself. The past few days had been as enjoyable for her as she hoped they had for him. And, from a purely selfish point of view, she had to admit that it’d been good for her to have someone else to have to think about rather than wallow in her own fears and problems. Fluffing up the cushion on her favourite chair, she sank down with a contented sigh. Despite the rocky start, it had been a good day.

  Blast. She had forgotten to tell Matt about the other stuff. Oh well, there was always next time.

  Chapter 20

  On Monday morning, Sarah could hear voices in the outer office. Anxious to get on, Sarah needed to know if there was anything urgent in the post sitting on Lucy’s desk that required her attention before she started on anything else. Whilst someone stood out there gossiping, not only Lucy was being held up!

  Some five minutes later, Lucy knocked on her door.

  ‘Sorry about that. Tom was in the office and I had problems getting rid of him. I didn’t want to be rude.’

  ‘What did he want?’

  ‘He brought up a copy of the evening class figures.’

  ‘He could have given me those at the faculty meeting tomorrow like all the other directors.’ Sarah could not keep the annoyance out of her voice.

  ‘He did ask how you were,’ Lucy said reproachfully as though that excused his time wasting.

  ‘I hope you told him I was brimming with health and vigour.’ It was difficult to keep the sarcasm out of her voice.

  ‘He assumed you’d been glued to your desk all week trying to get on top of things. He seemed a bit surprised when I told him you’d been gallivanting off all over the place.’

  ‘Why on earth should he imagine that I needed to catch up on anything?’

  Lucy shrugged. ‘You know what he’s like. He seems to think you’re under a lot of pressure these days.’

  ‘Is that what he said?’ Sarah asked, more sharply than she’d intended.

  ‘Not in so many words, but he implied that’s what all the other senior staff think and he keeps telling me that I need to make sure that you don’t get too stressed.’

  ‘Next time you can assure him that I am coping admirably.’

  ‘I told him that if he wasn’t careful, you’d have him up for sexual harassment.’ She gave a little giggle. ‘He looked a bit shocked when I told him that I thought his remarks were sexist and he wouldn’t dream of repeating such stupid gossip if we had a male Principal.’ Sarah could not suppress a smile. She could picture the poor man’s expression. ‘He went off in a huff looking all offended. In this place, you have to stand up to these male chauvinists,’ came Lucy’s parting shot as she closed the door with a determined bang.

  ‘Am I the first?’ Barry put his head round the open door.

  ‘You can come in,’ Sarah responded coolly. ‘Lucy’s just about to bring in the coffee.’

  Rather than take his usual chair he came and perched himself on the table next to her. ‘I’ve had a few thoughts about this working party…’

  ‘Can you save it for the meeting Barry,’ she interrupted getting up and walking across to the door. ‘I need to take a look at something before we start.’ The last thing she wanted was the others coming in to find her and Barry apparently hatching plots before the rest of them had a chance to hear the latest developments.

  For once, they were able to start the meeting on time. One of the issues down for discussion was the difficulties arising from the no-smoking policy. This had been introduced just before her arrival at the college and caused considerable acrimony in some quarters. There had been demands for smokers’ rooms, at least for staff, which the governors had refused, but every now and again the old chestnut came up. Sarah was well aware that several of the staff continued to smoke behind the closed doors of their own offices, but the immediate problem involved the students. Although the rules were strictly adhered to within the buildings, the ever-increasing number of student smokers tended to congregate in the car park.

  ‘One of these days there is going to be an horrendous accident. It only takes a discarded butt to roll under a vehicle and the whole place could go up in flames,’ David Ford argued vehemently.

  ‘Suggestions?’ Sarah looked around the table.

  ‘How about giving them a specific area outside where they can go?’ said Dev.

  There were half-hearted nods of approval. ‘Do you have anywhere in mind?’ she asked him.

  ‘The most logical place is at the back of the A Block; the area that looks out over the playing fields. There’s a decent amount of covered space where they could stand if it’s raining.’

  ‘Sounds good to me,’ Sarah replied. She had given the matter some thought before the meeting and this had been exactly where she had in mind.

  ‘It’s a hell of a walk all the way round there,’ protested Frank, the only smoker among them. ‘Why not let them smoke out the front? The whole of that section by the steps is protected and they’d be out of the wind there as well.’

  She waited for someone to point out the obvious but it seemed that none of the others wanted to take Frank on. ‘It wouldn’t give visitors a very good impression of the place as they come up to Reception,’ she said mildly.

  ‘So now we’re putting the sensibilities of outsiders before the needs of our students, are we?’ Frank muttered just loud enough to be heard. Such a comment was typical of the way he tried to subvert the decision-making. Barry raised his eyes to the ceiling, Tom smirked and the others stared ahead, faces impassive.

  She wanted to scream. Here she was, desperately trying to hold it together as her world rapidly fell in around her ears because of some demented maniac intent on pushing her over the edge of sanity, and her senior colleagues were behaving like a bunch of infants squabbling in the nursery to see who could get the most attention. What the hell did it all matter anyway?

  ‘Any other ideas,’ Sarah asked crisply. She let the silence go on for a few seconds. ‘Then we’ll take that as read. I’ll put it to the governors next week, but I don’t anticipate any objections. I’ll let you all know their decision and we’ll issue the information for tutors to pass on as soon as possible. Now to the last item, the faculty review working party. As you know, the subcommittee still has to present the guidelines, however, after the next governors’ meeting it should be all go. We’ll need representation from each of the faculties to join the working party and there should be one director…’

  ‘If you’re look
ing for a volunteer, Sarah, I’d be willing to sit alongside you,’ Barry cut in before she’d time to finish.

  ‘No. I’m not actually,’ she said firmly. The reason for Barry’s earlier bonhomie was now clear. He’d been angling to get himself a more high profile opportunity both with the college staff and, more importantly, the governors.

  As she paused to consider her words, Frank cut in. ‘He can do it as far as I’m concerned. I’ve got enough on my plate without having to go to any more bloody meetings.’ He put his hands behind his head and leant back watching her discomfort with relish.

  ‘I have obviously discussed this with Sir Richard,’ she said quickly before anyone else could pass comment. ‘This place began as a Technology College. Times have changed and our courses now cover the whole range, but he feels that those traditions mustn’t be overlooked and consequently the Director of Technology should be on the committee.’ A few surprised looks meet her gaze. ‘And incidentally, it will be George and not me on the working party. He’s agreed to convene the first meeting and after that the group will elect their own chair.’

  There was silence while they digested the news.

  ‘I still don’t see how you can have equal input from all the faculties when you’ve got one represented at director level and others possibly at Scale One,’ muttered Frank.

  ‘We’ve been all through this several times.’ Her voice was icy. ‘I don’t propose to waste time doing it again. Every member will be there to put forward the views of their faculty, not as individuals. It’s up to each of you to ensure that you discuss all the relevant issues as they affect your area in your own faculty meetings so that your representative will be fully briefed. And, if I heard you correctly, Frank, not five minutes ago, you made it quite clear that you had no wish to serve on the working party, so I can only assume that you’re being deliberately bloody-minded.’