Growing Up Strong

by Patesel, Adela

  ***

  Saturday morning I went into the garage and move all our boxes around until I found the one painted with “Lizzy’s world beautifier kit”.

  Once I set up the easel and paints in my room I plugged my headphones to my IPOD, started my painting playlist and began painting. I didn’t have to fake it for long. Four hours later I was singing along with Maroon5 and finished two paintings. Grandma would be proud. It was the first real smile I wore in weeks.

  I wanted to share this with someone. I picked up my phone, my finger immediately began to text:

  Me: I painted today

  Boyfriend: That’s great. What did it for you? Love Like Woe….No it had to be Back to Back….

  Me: Adam Levine (sigh)

  Boyfriend: sounds like I should be worried.

  Me: If Adam was posing for me then you should be worried but he is only singing to me.

  Boyfriend: I can pose for you if you need inspiration.

  Chapter 9

  Beth

  Dad walked in through the garage and tossed his coat on the bench. You could see the worry lines in his pinched forehead and his sunken in eyes from the lack of sleep. I was in the kitchen leaning on the marble island eating an apple. I was picking paint off of my green shorts and purple shirt; clothes I normally wore when I painted. There were layers of different colors blended together. When he saw me standing there he smiled “you started painting again.”

  I shrugged. “It was time. I forgot how much I missed it.”

  Nodding he walked to the fridge, pulled out a bottle of water and took a long drink. He let out a loud satisfied sigh and put the empty bottle in the recycle bin.

  “What do you say to dinner out tonight?”

  “Sure.”

  “Let me go change and we can meet you mom.” He walked down the hall and stopped abruptly. After my four hour painting session I hung some of grandma’s old paintings in the living room. Taking a few steps backward, he straightened out the painting, smiled and went to his room.

  I walked over to admire it. Grandma created this one for my 15th birthday. Even though she was new to this whole world she had mastered it with such skill. It was a portrait of the pond by her house in Montana. We had been sitting outside watching the snow fall. .

  ***

  The first snow had touched down early that morning. Grandma grabbed her cup of coffee, my hot chocolate and we headed outside to the garden. She had created a magical sitting area. The enclave overlooked a small pond and was nestled in between dozens of trees with pink and white flowers. I opened the shed and pulled out two blankets handing one to her.

  After we settled in she asked “How are things going with Kim?”

  “She is doing ok. She loves her teachers and that high school is nothing like we had expected. Oh and she has a few classes with that boy Felix, you remember him?”

  “The troublemaker?”She asks quizzically.

  I laughed “that would be the one. Anyway, she said that her friend Becky was with him at a party a few weeks ago and then last night he showed up with Natasha. They were all over each other. She understands the appeal but going out with someone like him is degrading yourself; or something like that. School has been in for five months and he has already been through half the female population, can you believe that? Not to mention being suspended for fights.”

  Grandma nodded. “Did you know his momma died?”

  Shocked, I just shook my head no. She nodded her head and looked out at the pond.

  “Do you know when that happened?”

  “I think it was when ya’ll were in elementary maybe fourth grade or so. She was killed during a home evasion. Word was that a former friend of his daddy went into rob the place. He wasn’t expecting anyone to be home. When she surprised him he shot her. According to the news she was left alive but died shortly after at the hospital. Gunner, I think his name was, the friend. He was killed that same night. He drove his truck off the bridge near that retirement home in our old neighborhood.”

  “That’s so sad.”

  “I heard his daddy didn’t take the news well and sort of lost himself for a while. I can understand that. When your grandpa died he took a little bit of me with him. But we were older we lived our life together, we shared things, we got to watch our child grow up.”

  “He must really miss his mom.”

  She gave me a single nod. “Remember when we talked about not judging people. Well, this is one of those times. He may have physically lost his mom but the dad he remembered from before is missing as well. Every day he loses himself in a bottle and it’s a fight for him to find his way back. You might not remember but his grandma and I have been friends for a long time. Mrs. Navarro moved Felix in with her a few months ago. She hadn’t realized how bad his home life had become. Poor kid.”

  “She received a call from him one night. Said he needed help she went to their house when he wouldn’t answer the phone. His daddy was passed out on the couch and Felix was on the ground with a bloody face. The house was torn up. She packed that boy up and took him that same day. She told her son to get it together.”

  ***

  Felix

  Angel text me to say she started painting again. That’s a huge step. I remembered the first painting she showed me. I am not an artsy guy. Actually I don’t know shit about it. But that fire I would see in her eyes when I would make her mad as kids, that was there and her face would light up. She was absolutely breathtaking.

  The stories she would tell me of her grandma were pretty cool. Her grandma and mine were pretty close friends a long time ago. Grandma Navarro was sort of my angel as well. If it weren’t for her I would have suffered more beatings or ended up dead. Who knows but I am thankful that she answered the phone that day.

  ***

  I was late getting out of football practice. I still had to eat, do homework and laundry. My dad was probably either at a bar drunk or passed out again. He drank occasionally before mom was killed but since then I don’t think I have seen him sober. As for being a dad that ended when she was buried. I either learned how to find food or risk starving to death.

  Thankfully grandma would come over every weekend and help do laundry. If it wasn’t for her I wouldn’t know to separate the clothes before throwing them in.

  Since I couldn’t rely on my good-for-nothing father to pick me up from practice so, I had to walk home. By the time I got to the front porch the door was wide open. This normally wouldn’t bother me except that it was almost 30 degrees and dad’s truck wasn’t around. I hesitated for a bit before I decided to man up and go inside.

  The furniture was turned over, there was broken glass and the TV was on. My dad was standing in the kitchen with bottle of Jack in his hand. Through his slurred speech he asked “Where have you been?” dragging his ‘n’.

  “Football practice” I put my gym bag down by the stairs and toed around the glass near the sofa. I could see the pictures of mom that were once on hanging on the walls now lay shattered against floor. “What happen in here?”

  He staggered to where I was standing. “You think you are better than me don’t you?”

  Taken back by venom but driving by anger at the man he use to be I said “Yes, I do.”

  For a drunk he sure did wallop a punch. “You’re nothing. You couldn’t even save her.” Dad screamed. He continued to throw punch after punch. I blocked as many as I could and returned a few. As he charged toward me again I took a step back, my foot caught on the strap of my gym bag and I began to fall backwards. My piercing scream as I first landed on the shattered glass didn’t stop his onslaught. He kicked at my body as I tried to get back up to defend myself. His work boot clipped the side of my head.

  He staggered back to the couch, fell to the side suddenly aware of what he had done. He muttered an “I’m sorry.” He attempted several times to get something out of his pocket. Successfully he pulled out his cell phone. “Mom, I need help” he slurred. The phone dropped to the
floor as his body began to tilt sideways. He passed out.

  I was sure my ribs were bruised. I couldn’t get my legs to move. I laid there praying the pain would subside or I would pass out either one was a welcome at this point.

  I must have passed out because when I woke up at grandma’s house. “Don’t worry mijo, you aren’t going back” she whispered and she dabbed something wet against my forehead. That was all the reassurance I needed before I fell back to sleep.

  ***

  She still thinks that the first time that jackass hit me. I was just good at avoiding him. That night I didn’t expect him to be home. He rarely ever was.

  Although he did get help I still refuse to see him. I occasionally see him when he comes to visit grandma but he doesn’t ask about me and I stay the hell away when he is around.

  Chapter 10

  Beth

  Monday morning I sat in my car waiting for the bell to ring. I haven’t been to my locker since I came back to school two weeks ago.

  I keep looking at the text message Felix sent me this morning; wondering if I should respond.

  Boyfriend: Good Morning Angel. I miss you.

  I silence my phone and head into the building after I am sure the hallways will be empty.

  Felix is waiting at the door.

  I smile and shake my head letting him know I am still not ready. He nods, holds the door open for me and walks away. I wish I could just talk to him and tell him what I saw. But I am struck by fear that once I burst my perfect bubble of him that whatever it is that I am holding on to will drown me.

  For the past few weeks I have been spending my time in the library during lunch. No one bothers me except I do see Felix and Kim on occasion watching me from a distance. Neither of them approached me.

  I pull my phone from my back pocket and see three text messages:

  BFF: I am here when you are ready to talk.

  Dad: Don’t forget our date. I will be the man in the black suit and red tie.

  Mom: How do you feel about Italian tonight?

  I quickly text back mom:

  Me: Sounds like a plan Stan.

  I pack up my stuff and head to the office.

  Kim stops me on my way out of the library. “I know you aren’t ready to talk to me Beth but I just have to know that you are ok. I miss my best friend. You look pretty today by the way.” She rushes it all out like it might be the last thing she is able to tell me.

  “No I am not ready but I am getting there. I have to go.” I said as I walked down the hall. I kept my head down

  “Bye” she said softly.

  My dad was already waiting in the lobby of the school office in a black suit and green tie.

  “Excuse me sir. I think you are the man I am supposed to meet. But the invite said red tie.”

  He laughs “I spilled taco grease on it.”

  ***

  “Let’s talk about the day of the accident Beth. What were you and your grandmother doing that day?” Mrs. Parker asked me.

  “I don’t know if I am ready to talk about that.” I said picking at my shimmering pink nail polish.

  “Ok, I will respect that. What would you like to talk about?”

  “Did you know my grandma had cancer?”

  “Yes, I was aware. According to the doctors she only had a few more good months left. From what you and your parents tell me she was a ‘live life to the fullest’ kind of person. I admire that about her.”

  “Yes, she was. She always pushed me to go after what I wanted. The things worth having are worth fighting for so don’t you forget that.” I said in my grandmotherly voice.

  Mrs. Parker laughs “that’s a very true statement. Your grandma was a wise woman.”

  ***

  “This place smells like old people.” I said as we walked through the retirement home.

  “That’s because old people rely on young people to help them clean their naughty bits and young people suck at cleaning.” She said with a smug look on her face.

  “Very true…. point taken, grandma and may I add, gross….. So what do you want to do today?”

  “Let’s go grab some lunch and catch a movie. I hear that hottie has a new release out.”

  “And which hottie would that be grandma?”

  “As long as he is older than 21 and younger than 40, it really doesn’t matter.”

  We made our way to my car parked in the visitor’s area. The silver Honda Accord was a gift from grandma on my sixteenth birthday. When she handed me the keys she said dramatically “I give you the gift of freedom. Use it well and remember it’s a privilege to be free.”

  I opened the door for her as she made her way in. I made sure she had her seatbelt on before I walked to the driver’s side. As I got in she asked “Do you have any music from those boys the Ready Set?”

  I smiled. This past Christmas I bought her an IPOD and added a whole bunch of music to it. She likes to text me her favorite new song as she listens to it. This week it’s Hollywood Dream by the Ready Set. “Grandma it’s a boy, Jordan, not boys and of course I do.”

  I took out my IPOD and plugged it into the adaptor. “Well aren’t we fancy” grandma chuckles. “Yes we are.”

  I set up the playlist for her favorite songs and set it down on the console. “So Ms. Fancy pants where would you like to eat at on this fine afternoon?”

  “Olive Garden, I have been craving some soup.” We set out for our short drive to the local OG. As we sat down to eat Grandma was telling me all about the class she was teaching at the retirement home on painting. That she really had not one clue what she was doing but no one complained. They all just loved to paint. And I told her all about Felix.

  I had a flat tire my first week back on my way to register for school. The football team had started their practice season already. He came walking out of the stadium freshly showered and headed to the parking lot. We made small talk while he changed my tire. Ever since then he has been asking me out and flirting with me.

  Back in the car she asked “Why are you so against going out with him?”

  “It’s not so much that I am against going out with him. We just got back a few months ago. It’s nice to be admired but I don’t want to be someone’s play toy.” I said with a shrug. Felix has been a player since I can remember.

  “Quit letting fear stop you from trying new things. Look at me, I know you don’t want to hear this, but I have an expiration date. It’s the simple truth. Do you think I am going to let that stop me from living? It’s just a date. If things don’t work out then drop him like a bad habit”

  “Maybe.” I hate when she talks about dying. Things are black and white there is no gray in her eyes. I wish I could be a little more like that and stop my brain from over thinking.

  “Ok let’s go check out the hottie” grandma says.

  As we pulled up at the theater I found a parking spot right in front. I get out and run around to help her out. We walk up to the box office and place our ticket order for the new Vampire movie.

  I am frozen in place as I watch Felix at the concession stand taking orders. Grandma walks around me toward his line. “Grandma no lets go to the other line.”

  “What, that line is longer, we can wait here. And look we have eye-candy too.”

  Ugh. Sometimes I wish I had a normal grandmother. We waited and five minutes later it was our turn.

  “Hey Lizzy.”

  “Hi. Grandma this is one of my classmates. Felix this is my Grandma Elizabeth.” I introduced them. Grandma smiled a toothy smile. I knew right then and there I was done for.

  “Is this the hottie that has been asking you out Beth?”

  Felix laughed “I am sure I wasn’t the only one ma’am. There have been lots of guys asking little Lizzy out.”

  I roll my eyes; because really there have been a few but his offer was the only one I was entertaining.

  “That’s not true Felix. Quit filling my grandma’s head with lies.” I said.

 
; Grandma looks between Felix and me “well I don’t know about the others but I do know about a Felix that keeps asking her out and she refuses because she thinks he is only doing it to play with her heart.”

  Big gaping hole please swallow me up now. How embarrassing.

  Nervously I pull at her arm “Grandma our movie is going to start let’s get to our seats.” I kept trying to pull her along but she is a stubborn ox.

  Finally I just left her there and waited off to the side away from the two of them. “Wait Beth. I haven’t placed my order. Young man can I please have medium popcorn and a large coke.” She turns toward me and asks “what kind of candy do you want Beth?”

  “She likes skittles ma’am.” Felix says. I love skittles but how does he know.

  “Alright-y then can you please give me some skittles as well.” Grandma smirks.

  Felix hands her order and says “On the house ma’am. Please come again.”

  As we walk off she just grins at me saying “Well, well child.”

  “Grandma you are so embarrassing sometimes.”

  She laughs “I am just helping you kick start a normal teen life child. You ain’t gonna start living by sitting on the side lines. You have to fight for what you want.”

  ***

  Smiling Mrs. Parker asks “How did things turn out with Felix after her interference?”

  “Somehow he had gotten my cell number and text me that night. Telling me how cool he thought my grandma was. We ended up texting back and forth all night. The following Monday at school he asked me out again and I said yes.”

  She laughs “So, did grandma do you a favor that day?”

  “I guess she did. We were together for almost 7 months.”

  She picked up on my use of past tense and asked “are you no longer together?”

  “Yes and No. Officially we are still together I just haven’t ended things with him yet.”

  “I see. So officially why are you ending things with him?”

  “I caught him in a compromising position with my best friend” I finger quoting compromising. That’s when I started feeling the disloyalty all over again. I thought I was getting past it.

  “You caught him with Kim? When did this happen?” she asked clearly just as shocked as I was.