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by Dawn Kimberly Johnson

  “I don’t know.” Alec thrust into Eli’s fist. “Am I up to it?”

  “It feels like a definite possibility.”

  Alec laughed and rolled Eli onto his back and then positioned himself between Eli’s legs. He pressed his palm playfully against Eli’s cock, trying to make it lie flat against the man’s abdomen, but it wasn’t having it. Alec grinned as he popped open the lube and slicked up his fingers. He hovered over Eli, smiling as he ran his palm over Eli’s chest and nipples. He kissed Eli, pushing his tongue into Eli’s mouth just as Alec pushed his fingers into him. Their tongues danced against each other as Alec’s curling, active fingers soon had Eli whimpering and squirming beneath him.

  When Eli was ready, Alec quickly shifted position, rising up on his knees and pulling Eli forward until his bottom was resting in Alec’s lap, one leg on either side of him. Eli lifted his bottom a bit, and Alec slid gently into him. They made love slowly but to exhaustion, and as Alec drifted off—Eli’s steady breathing tickling his neck—he succeeded in keeping his fears about tomorrow at bay. Tonight is good. Right now is enough.

  Chapter 16

  THE buzzing came again—the buzzing and the knocking. In his sleep, Eli furrowed his brow and changed position in the bed, rolling away from the sound. He ignored the slipping sheet and the cooler air kissing his bottom. Sometime later the buzzing came again—the buzzing and the knocking. This time he raised his head, and through blurry eyes saw, on the other side of the bed, a cell phone dancing across the nightstand. He thought that was funny and smiled. A dancing mobile.

  He slowly came a bit more awake and stretched, groaning as his aching muscles made themselves known. “Jesus, Alec.” He reached out across the bed and realized two things: he was on Alec’s side of it, and he was alone. His head flopped back down on the pillow. He smiled. It smelled like Alec. He hugged the pillow and began to drift off again. Then he heard the shower, the sound floating in around him as if from across the world.

  He sat up, contemplating joining Alec in the shower, but before he could get out of bed and execute his plan, the buzzing and the knocking came again. He rolled over and grabbed the phone, flipping it open.

  “Hello?”

  “Mr. Sumner, so glad I caught you. This is Chase, and I wanted to change the order of properties I’m showing you today, if you don’t mind.” Eli heard the rustling of papers. “Since you obviously favor Prescott Towers, if you would please meet me at—”

  “I’m sorry. This isn’t Mr. Sumner,” Eli managed. “Um, he’s—”

  “Oh, I was sure I had the correct number—”

  “Yes, yes, this is his phone. I’m just not him,” Eli laughed. “But about those prop—”

  “Could you please take a message for him? I’m in a bit of a rush and want to make sure we meet at the right—”

  “That’s just it, I’m afraid. He’s no longer looking to view any—”

  “Eli?”

  He turned to see Alec standing just outside the bathroom door, a towel around his waist while he dried his hair with another one.

  “Oh, here he is. Just a moment.”

  Eli smiled and held out the phone to Alec, who rushed over to take it but then turned his back and walked back across the room to stand in front of the windows.

  He grabbed his cane, got out of the bed, and padded over to the bathroom, passing Alec on the way and dodging a poorly aimed smack to his bottom. He was laughing as he closed the bathroom door, but he heard Alec say, “I’ll be there by nine. Thank you.”

  Once again Eli found himself standing on the other side of a bathroom door, experiencing a rush of dread. He tried to shake it off and went to relieve himself. Afterward he stepped in the shower, rushing through to get back to Alec as soon as possible. He stepped out of the shower and toweled off quickly, exiting the bathroom to find Alec on the bed, tying his shoes.

  “Hey, that was fast,” Alec said, standing and tucking in his shirt.

  Eli nodded and vigorously rubbed his hair with a towel. “You’re dressed and ready.”

  “Yep.”

  “For what?”

  “Why… are you wanting to spend more time in bed?” Alec asked with a wink.

  “Always,” Eli said with a chuckle, “but I have a client today.”

  “Lynette?”

  “No, I’m tagging along to a job interview.” Eli slipped back into his sweatpants from the previous night and located his T-shirt. “If he gets the job, the company will provide an interpreter.”

  “Sounds great.” Alec went to his dresser and brushed through his hair a few times, massaging in some product to tame the waves. “Best of luck to the two of you.”

  “Thanks.” Eli finished pulling on his shirt and waited for Alec to say more, but after checking his reflection in the mirror, Alec turned to face him, saying nothing. “Where are you off to?”

  Alec sighed and stared at him for a couple of moments, long enough for the dread inside Eli to expand, clutching at his heart and lungs. “I’m meeting Mr. Mackens to look over some properties.”

  Eli blinked at him. “What?”

  “I’m meeting him at Tony and Lyle’s in thirty minutes.”

  Eli felt as though ice water was pouring over him. “I thought we settled this last night.”

  Alec held up a hand to forestall any outrage. “Eli, I admit I shouldn’t have moved forward before getting a definite answer from you, and I’m sorry for that.” Alec walked over to him. “But I meant what I said last night. I won’t ask you to move out again.”

  “Then why the appointment—”

  “There’s no reason I can’t look for myself.”

  Breathe, Eli. Breathe. “But you…. Alec, you live… here,” he said softly, though his heart was racing.

  “It’s time I got my own place.”

  “I don’t see—”

  “Each time I’ve relocated, I’ve moved into a group situation like this. It was easier to acclimate to a new city that way, surrounding myself with the natives, so to speak.”

  “I get that, but I—”

  “And I was always running from a failed relationship, running from our home, their home. The success of my book means I’ve got the money now.” Alec smiled wistfully. “And I want a home of my own this time. Now is as good a time as any.” Eli’s mouth was working, but he couldn’t manage to comment. Alec glanced at his watch. “I need to get going. If you’re ready, I’ll help you downstairs.” Alec reached for him.

  Eli looked at his outstretched hand, but he didn’t move toward it. He could feel the anger building in him, and he couldn’t contain it. Even though he knew it was fueled by fear, he couldn’t name the fear, so he looked into Alec’s eyes and simply said, “I can make it on my own.”

  Alec frowned. “Don’t be that way.”

  “What way? Last night was amazing! Bloody fucking amazing!” He advanced on Alec angrily. “And you knew then, didn’t you? You knew that you were moving out!” Alec nodded. “Why?” Eli turned from him and dropped onto the bed. “We’re here together, happy. Why—?” He stopped and stared at Alec. “We are… you are happy, right?”

  Alec went to him, dropped to his knees, and took Eli’s hands in his. “Eli, I’m happy with you. There is no one else I want to be with.”

  “But—”

  “No, it’s a fact. Just because I’m moving out doesn’t mean I’m ending us. And I hope to God it’s not a deal-breaker for you.” Alec stroked Eli’s face. “Please tell me you understand that.” Alec kissed him, and Eli tried to stay strong, pulling away from him. Yes, I’ll stay strong by pouting. But Alec held his face fast, kissing him again, and he swooned, his heart beating faster and aching at the same time. He found himself leaning into Alec, gripping the sleeves of his shirt, and moaning.

  He could feel his throat tighten around the sob fighting to escape. Why do I want to cry?

  “Please, don’t go,” he managed after their lips parted.

  Alec embraced him, whispering in
his ear, “I’ll find a place, and when I get it just the way I want, I’ll have you over. I’ll make you dinner. And we can christen it together.” They kissed again, and Eli managed to grin. Alec got to his feet but paused in the doorway, turning to look at Eli as he remained sitting on the bed. “You sure you don’t want to go down with me?”

  “I’m good. You go on. I’ll see you later.”

  “You’re okay?”

  Eli nodded. Alec turned, headed down the stairs, and out of the house. Eli stared at the empty doorway a bit longer. He knew he was being silly. He had said himself that their current living situation wasn’t any different than the two of them living in separate flats. Now that was going to happen. Feeling a familiar fear twist his gut, he rolled himself back into the bed and wrapped his arms around Alec’s pillow, burying his face in it and breathing in his scent.

  Chapter 17

  ELI went about his day a bit on edge. He didn’t want Alec to move out, and he kept telling himself it was entirely possible Alec wouldn’t find anything he liked. That’s when another voice in his head would shout, Bollocks! and he’d want to hit something. What Alec had proposed made perfect sense—a place of their own, no stairs, and properly sharing a bedroom—but Eli didn’t feel ready, nor was he ready to examine the reasons why. Work saved him. He was able to put all his concentration on his client, and wonder of wonders, the man got the job. He was so thrilled he took Eli out for a pint.

  Afterward he walked around London, window-shopping at first, and then he went into a bookstore and grabbed the latest copy of British Deaf News. He passed a small display of Alec’s book, the one that had made him a good amount of money, the one that had prompted Ilsa to seek Alec out when she’d read about it online. Eli picked up a copy and stared at Alec’s photo on the jacket, tracing the outline of his face.

  “I guess, in a way, this brought us together,” he said out loud. Suddenly remembering where he was, he quickly replaced the book, fearing people had heard.

  As he waited in line to pay for his magazine, he grinned, recalling how he had successfully and secretly read the book. It was difficult to accomplish without Alec finding out because they spent so much time together, but it had been a good read, not dry and clinical as he’d feared when he’d first sneaked it into the house. The book didn’t pull any punches or offer miracles. It urged people to walk through their heartache. It honored those feelings and urged the reader to face them. It assured them they were stronger than they thought.

  The book postulated that the loss of a loved one did not have the power to destroy you, as many people thought. Yes, it turned your life upside down. Yes, it hurt like hell. But these conditions were temporary, unless you clung to the pain—which was about as useful as a life vest filled with lead. Eli had squirmed a bit upon reaching that passage. I wallowed. I’m a wallower. Alec’s book didn’t suggest you suffer your loss and then just shake it off—only that you remind yourself that it will get easier, that the empty, dull ache at your core will end. It will change. You will keep breathing, getting up in the morning, working, even laughing at some point—usually unexpectedly.

  When he was done, Eli could see why it was so popular. Grief was universal, and the book offered hope. Who didn’t need that? His smile faded somewhat, however, as he realized that though he’d read and enjoyed it, he hadn’t really allowed the book to sink in or to touch him. How could it? There was more to his loss than anyone else knew.

  Still, he was happy with Alec and moving on, wasn’t he? Aren’t I?

  After paying for his purchase, he stepped back out onto the street and, not eager to return home just yet, he decided to sit in a nearby park and read for a while. He stopped to buy a sandwich and water and spent the next two hours eating, reading, and watching the goings-on around him. A breeze stirred the pages of the magazine, his hair, and the trees. He could smell the promise of rain on the wind, even though it was a fairly sunny day. There were children running around in no particular order or with any discernible purpose. Eli smiled to himself. That must be where ‘willy-nilly’ comes from. There was a pick-up football game on a distant field and a healthy collection of joggers running by.

  Eventually he glanced up to see parents trying to corral their children; runners were becoming fewer and far between; and there were more footballers lying in the grass panting and holding their sides than taking the ball in for a goal. He sighed and gathered the remnants of his lunch, tossing it in a trash bin. He’d have to go home at some point. It might as well be now. He decided he’d have to get used to going back to the house and Alec not being there.

  AS HE slid his key in the door, Eli was startled by an explosion of raucous laughter coming from inside.

  “Hello?” he shouted as he entered the house.

  A chorus of “Eli!” greeted him. He slowly walked into the living room and, looking into the dining room, saw a crowd of people around the table. There were the familiar—Alec, Casey, Lyle, and Tony—and the not so well-known—Shana and Lori, two of Ilsa’s ex-lovers, and two men, one of whom looked familiar. They were all smiling at him.

  “Uh, heya,” he managed as he advanced slowly into the room. Alec hopped up and greeted him with a kiss. It ended too quickly, but Eli smiled at him. “What’s going on?”

  “We’re planning Ilsa’s birthday party,” Casey said. “She’s at work and won’t be home for a while.”

  “I didn’t hear about this.”

  “It was a bit impromptu,” a handsome black man said. He had a kind face and was a bit older, maybe in his late thirties. He was tall and slender with a bit of a swimmer’s build, his skin a beautiful caramel brown. His eyes were coal-black, but not cold or lifeless. In fact, they seemed to twinkle like the night sky, and Eli found himself smiling unconsciously. The man stood and extended his hand. “I don’t know if you remember me. I’m Keith—”

  “Albee?” Eli asked in almost a whisper. “DS Albee?”

  “Yes, but it’s Detective Inspector now.” He beamed at Eli, apparently pleased he’d been remembered.

  “Congratulations.”

  “Thank you.” Keith’s eyes narrowed. “How are you, Eli?”

  Eli felt his face flush, and he looked quickly from Alec to Ilsa. “I’m fine,” he mumbled. “Ilsa told me you were very helpful when… you know.”

  “Uh, yes.” Keith cleared his throat and, glancing at the man seated near him said, “This is my partner, Bishop.”

  A slightly younger man with light brown hair and large hazel eyes stood, his eyes flicking to Eli’s cane before he reached out and shook his hand. “Nice to meet you.”

  Eli smiled and nodded. “Are you in law enforcement as well?”

  Bishop shook his head. “I’m a solicitor. Haven’t had much experience with dangerous criminals, but it’s not beyond the realm of possibility, I guess.”

  “At least he’s not defending the blighters, getting them off,” Keith added with a laugh.

  Several of the others joined in.

  “Good to see you, little man,” Shana said, all five-eleven of her leaning in the kitchen doorway, nursing a drink. Her long blonde hair was pulled back in a ponytail, and she watched Eli through amused, yet predatory eyes.

  “Shana,” Eli said coolly before squeezing Alec’s hand and moving a bit closer to him.

  Her partner, Lori, reached out and took Shana’s hand to remind her that she was sitting nearby and could see Shana openly fantasizing about Eli.

  “Keep it in your pants, sweetie,” she said with a toss of her short, silky black hair. Despite her diminutive stature, Eli got the sense that she was practiced at keeping Shana in check. “Good to see you again, Eli,” Lori said. “It’s been a long time.”

  He nodded and smiled at Lori, but then his eyes went warily to Shana, who was still watching him. To this day, the woman unnerved him. At a party years ago, when she was still with Ilsa, Shana had gotten drunk and cornered him in the kitchen. She seemed to regard Eli as some adorable toy or pet, an
d she’d grabbed him and kissed him, giving his package a possessive squeeze. Eli shuddered just thinking about it. Bennett had walked in and shut her down, rather forcefully, if he remembered correctly. She and Ilsa had split shortly thereafter, probably more to do with her drinking than with her kink for him.

  “Well, now that you’re here, Eli, I think I’ll take my leave,” Tony said as he slid out of his chair and over to the bar, where he mixed himself a drink. “Call if you need me.” And with that he headed through the kitchen and out onto the deck.

  Eli took a seat, and Alec sat next to him, resting his hand on Eli’s thigh. “So what have you all decided?” he asked, giving Alec a smile and covering his hand with his own.

  Casey, Keith, Lori, and Lyle launched into a detailed description of the music, food, gifts, and decorations they had planned for the party. Eli smiled at their enthusiasm and chuckled at the bemused expressions on Alec and Bishop’s faces as they tried and failed to keep up while the four others ran down the list of preparations. Shana had apparently lost interest and wandered out onto the deck to join Tony. Eli was feeling better about his day, almost hopeful.

  When the ideas petered out and the discussion wound down, Casey hurriedly showed Keith, Shana, and their respective partners out. Ilsa would be home soon. Eli took Alec by the hand, and they went into the kitchen. He backed Alec up against the island and kissed him.

  “It seems you’ve had a busy day.”

  “Yep,” Alec said, grinning. “The party should be spectacular.” He glanced back into the dining room. “And it was nice meeting others who knew you before I did.”

  Eli followed his gaze. “You mean Keith?”

  Alec nodded. “And Shana and Lori.” Eli frowned. “They each used to date Ilsa?”

  “At one time or another,” Eli said with a chuckle.

  Smiling slightly, Alec shook his head in disbelief, and then his expression became guarded.