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by Dawn Kimberly Johnson

  “Keith… he was there that night… right?”

  Eli frowned and nodded. “I only have a vague memory of him before I was loaded into the ambulance.” Alec’s arms encircled him and tightened, and Eli felt revived. “The next time I saw him was in the hospital, six weeks later.” He rested his head against Alec’s shoulder, reveling in the feel of him, the scent of him, and closed his eyes. They stood like that for several minutes.

  Eli opened his eyes. “I’m sorry about this morning,” he said softly.

  “It’s okay.”

  It was his turn to tighten his grip on Alec. This comfort felt too good for either of them to end it, but Mirabell had no such qualms.

  “Are we ready?” she said, bursting into the kitchen from the deck, with Tony on her heels, laughing.

  “This she-devil is wicked!” he said. “Wherever did you find her, and why haven’t we met before now?” He slid up to Lyle, who was entering from the dining room, and kissed him automatically. Lyle’s hands were filled with folders, papers, and notes of party data, but he shifted them quickly enough to accommodate Tony.

  Eli gripped Alec’s bottom and whispered, “How about you come to my room for a proper apology?”

  “I’d love to… b-but we’re all headed back to my new place to take some measurements and make decorating decisions.”

  He pulled back from Alec abruptly. “You already have it?”

  “Yeah,” Alec said, smiling nervously. “It’s several floors below Tony and Lyle, but it has a similar layout. And it’s early enough in the construction for me to customize it to my liking. It’s beautiful.”

  “Not yet, it’s not,” Mirabell said. “It needs a makeover.” She sighed. “I love makeovers.” She looked pointedly at Alec and then at Eli. “Let’s go, shall we?” She walked by them and out of the kitchen.

  “I don’t think she likes me,” Eli said.

  “What’s not to like?” Alec squeezed Eli’s hand. “Come with us.”

  “Um, I’m… I’m afraid I’m in for the night.” He gave Alec a quick kiss.

  “There’ll be pizza.”

  Eli smiled and patted Alec’s chest. “I’ll see it another time. I promise.”

  Alec watched him closely, and Eli tried to keep his expression pleasant.

  “I’ll be back soon,” Alec said, pulling him in for a deeper kiss. “I promise.”

  Chapter 18

  ALEC parked his car, switched off the engine, and sighed as he rested his head against the headrest. He looked up at the house, noting the dark sky and bright moon above it. He hadn’t meant to be so long at his new place, but the moment he’d unlocked the door, Mirabell and Lyle had rushed in with tape measures, notepads, camera, and swatches flying. Tony had continued up to his apartment and ordered pizza, giving Lyle a call on his cell when it arrived.

  They had eaten, discussed, laughed, and argued for hours. Alec found it odd that he had no recollection of asking Mirabell or Lyle to decorate his new place, but he did remember expressing interest in their opinion. Maybe that was all they needed to attack the project so enthusiastically. Tony seemed quite taken with Mirabell, like he’d discovered a younger, more colorful, but equally cynical sister. He and Lyle watched as the two of them discussed art, music, films, and the idiots involved in it all.

  Sometime around midnight Alec had glanced at his watch and been reminded of a very warm, firm, welcoming body waiting at home for him. He swore out loud and hustled Mirabell out the door, dropping her off before heading home.

  “Come to a full stop next time, ya git!” she’d shouted as he’d driven away, honking his goodbye.

  Now here he was sitting outside the house and looking at it with dread. He wanted to rush in and find Eli, tell him about the apartment and his plans for it, share with him how his hand was shaking when he signed the contract, but he wasn’t sure how his enthusiasm would be met. He sighed, unbuckled his seatbelt, and climbed out of the car, immediately spotting Ilsa walking up the street.

  “Ilsa?”

  She glanced at him but kept walking. “Alec.”

  “Where’s your car?” he asked, catching up to her.

  “Died on Wardour,” she said, not looking at him. “Couldn’t get it started again. Towed away. Took the bus.”

  Alec smiled to himself. “Not very talkative tonight, I see.”

  “I’m just tired.” They headed up the walk side by side, and she glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. “Where are you coming from so late?”

  “My new place.”

  She stopped and looked at him directly. “Already?” He nodded. “You and Eli are leaving already?”

  “No… uh, Eli isn’t moving out. Just me.”

  “But….”

  “But what?”

  She immediately resumed her path to the house with Alec on her heels.

  “Nothing,” she said, shaking her head and unlocking the door. They both noticed the silence upon entering. Ilsa went to the hall table and dumped her keys in the dish there, but Alec noticed the pale light flickering in the living room.

  “Looks like there’s been some movie watching, huh?”

  Ilsa turned, following his gaze, and then turned back to going through her mail.

  “Guess so,” she said. He noticed the chill in her voice, but he ignored it.

  “I promised Eli I’d be home sooner,” he whispered as he quietly entered the living room. He didn’t say anything more, but when Ilsa finished, she turned to see where he was and found him standing by the sofa in the darkened room. When they caught each other’s eye, he waved her forward silently. She walked in and stood next to him, looking down at two sleeping figures, their faces bathed in the glow from the television.

  “Why do I keep coming home to this?” Ilsa asked softly.

  Eli and Casey were huddled together, their arms around each other. Ilsa and Alec smiled and then turned simultaneously to look at the wreckage of stress-eating strewn over the coffee table. But as they took in the empty beer bottles, remnants of popcorn, chips, and day-old lasagna, the smiles fell from their faces, and they looked at each other.

  “I guess we’re pretty hard on them, huh?” Ilsa asked, leaning closer to the pair. She rose back up and whispered to Alec, “Casey looks like she’s been crying.”

  Alec nodded. He leaned over and carefully removed the empty pint of cookie-dough ice cream from Eli’s lap, taking care that the two spoons in it didn’t rattle. “I think Casey was expecting you home sooner too.”

  “Yeah, I had something to do,” Ilsa said, “and afterward is when my car decided to truly torpedo my evening.” She walked around the sofa to take hold of Casey. “Sugar? Casey, wake up.”

  Casey stirred and then groaned. “I feel horrible,” she said as Ilsa’s face came into focus. “Where were you?” she whined.

  “I had something to do after work, babe,” she said as she carefully disentangled her girlfriend from her best friend.

  “You mean someone to do,” Casey said, getting unsteadily to her feet. Ilsa froze, stunned, but shook it off and steered Casey toward the stairs. Alec looked at his sleeping boyfriend and then at Ilsa and Casey. He rushed over and took hold of Casey, swinging her up into his arms. He nodded at Ilsa to lead the way. She smiled gratefully and sprinted up the stairs ahead of them.

  They reached her bedroom at the end of the hall, and Alec carried Casey in and put her on the bed.

  “My hero,” Ilsa whispered as he passed her in the doorway. “Thanks.”

  “You’re welcome.” He headed down the hall on his way back to Eli, but he stopped and turned back. “Ilsa?”

  She had almost closed her door but stuck her head back out. “Yes?”

  “I know it’s none of my business, but what were you doing tonight?”

  She quickly glanced back over her shoulder at Casey and walked out into the hall to join him. “I went to a meeting.”

  “Meeting?”

  “AA.”

  “Oh, I see.” He
looked at his feet. “I didn’t know you still went to those.”

  “I go whenever I need to. They’re always there to help.”

  “I didn’t mean to upset you with this moving out thing.”

  “I’m okay, Alec. I know when I need help… I know when to ask for it.” They stood in silence for a few moments, until she sighed and leaned back against the wall. “I’ve been… I’ve been thinking about my family a lot lately, missing them.” She folded her arms across her chest and rubbed her tired eyes. “Especially my little sis.”

  Alec leaned next to her. “When did you see her last?”

  “Right before moving to London. My parents had written me off, but Sissy was struggling.”

  “How so?”

  “You know my father is a Baptist minister. So were his father and grandfather. I grew up surrounded, embraced in faith. Sissy is studying now to join Dad in it, but she loves me. She loves me just as I am.”

  “And that’s a struggle?”

  “It is when you’ve grown up being told one thing and suddenly you discover someone you love is… ‘on the express train to hell’.” Alec grinned, and Ilsa returned it. “Dad is Southern Baptist. He can be colorful.”

  “Did you have much of a struggle… with…?”

  Ilsa shook her head. “Not much. As I said, I grew up surrounded in the faith, and a big part of those teachings is ‘God is love’ and that He doesn’t make mistakes.” She looked Alec in the eyes. “I am not a mistake. Who I love doesn’t hurt anyone else, and I am who I’m supposed to be.” She sighed. “Unfortunately my parents didn’t focus on those messages.”

  Not knowing what else to say, Alec said, “I’m sorry, Ilsa.”

  “No, Alec, I’m sorry.” She reached out and touched his arm. “I shouldn’t have come down on you the way I did Wednesday. I just panicked, felt like another family was unraveling in front of me.” She laughed and spread her arms wide. “I suddenly saw myself rattling around this big old place alone.”

  “Forget it, Ilsa. We’ll never leave you alone.” He wrapped her up in his arms. “You’re stuck with us.”

  She hugged him tightly. “You’d better get back to Eli. He’s liable to have a stiff neck if you don’t put him to bed properly.”

  “I’ll see you in the morning.”

  Alec headed down the hall, but Ilsa called to him before he got too far. “Did you mean what you said about Bennett? About Eli not wanting to leave here because of him?”

  He looked at her standing in her doorway for a few moments, not exactly sure what to say.

  “It’s just a fear, Ilsa.”

  She glanced over her shoulder at Casey and smiled. “I guess we all have those, eh?”

  He nodded and went back downstairs into the living room, but the television was switched off, and Eli wasn’t on the sofa. Alec quickly cleaned up the bulk of the mess on the coffee table, taking the empty containers, bowls, and bottles into the kitchen. The rest would have to wait.

  He went to Eli’s bedroom and found the door wide open. The bedside lamp was askew but on, casting a soft glow over the prone figure lying face down on the bed. He smiled to himself as he approached. Eli had almost succeeded in getting undressed. His T-shirt hung loosely from his left arm. He’d managed to take off one shoe and almost an entire sock, and the waist of his jeans was around his thighs.

  Alec sat on the foot of the bed, carefully removing Eli’s right shoe and sock and then his left sock before setting the shoes neatly, side by side, under the bed with the socks shoved in them. Then he gently rolled Eli over, pulled the shirt free, and finished pulling off his jeans. He tossed the clothes in the chair at the foot of the bed and undressed himself before climbing in bed and shoving Eli over to his favorite side, rolling him under the covers as he went.

  He slid up behind Eli, embracing him and sighing into his hair. Eli mumbled something as he took Alec’s hand and held it against his abdomen.

  “Hmm?” Alec asked.

  “You’re late.”

  Alec grinned as Eli’s breathing quickly became even again.

  Chapter 19

  ELI felt lousy the next morning, but Alec joined him in the shower, and he soon felt fabulous. Over the next few weeks, he simply watched, smiled, and nodded as Alec, Lyle, and Mirabell rushed in and out discussing décor for the new flat. Eli had even gone over to have a look at the place during the repainting, and he was surprised by the amount of space. Alec seemed so happy and excited, so Eli kept his unfocused trepidation in check, but it remained just under the surface, humming and ever-present.

  Aside from the painting, Alec was making a couple of other adjustments to the property: darker hardwood floors and a spacious, glassed-in shower with slate tile and a bench. Alec caught Eli eyeing the bench and smiling to himself as the workman installed it.

  “What are you thinking about, Mr. Burke?”

  “Oh, um… nothing,” Eli said. “That’s just… that’s a fairly deep bench.”

  “It’s a steam shower.” Alec grinned at him and pointed to the rain showerhead in the ceiling. “I might like to linger in comfort.”

  “Fair enough,” Eli said with a chuckle. A soft thrill ran through Eli as Alec grabbed him and kissed him, but then he went rigid in Alec’s arms, pulling back and glancing nervously at the workmen. But nary an eyebrow had been raised. He looked at Alec, who smiled.

  “Many of them are… uh, family.”

  Eli looked sideways at one of the workmen: a large, muscular, blond brute in overalls who winked at Eli, causing him to blush violently.

  The routine at the house was essentially unchanged: Ilsa, Alec, and Eli going in and out for work; Tony and Lyle coming by for décor discussions or surreptitious party planning; Casey visiting for some quality Ilsa-time; and now and then—a dash of Mirabell.

  As the day of the move drew closer, Eli became restless and agitated, seemingly unable to settle. He noticed and appreciated Alec giving him extra attention, extra affection, and extra time, but it didn’t fully dispel his unease. No matter how often Alec stuck to his side when he was home—gazing at him, touching him, talking, laughing, and making love to him—it didn’t erase the fact that he was moving out, and in the pit of Eli’s stomach it felt like they were moving apart in much more than a physical sense.

  “Dray’s not going to help, is he?” he asked one night, staring at his ceiling.

  “Hmm?” Alec asked sleepily, stroking Eli’s hair and nuzzling his neck. They’d made love, and with the way Alec’s thigh was restlessly rubbing between Eli’s legs, Eli would soon be ready for another round.

  “Friday. Is Dray helping you move on Friday?”

  Alec raised his head and looked at him. “You’re joking.”

  Eli laughed. “Just curious.”

  Alec began viciously tickling Eli. “Don’t play that with me.”

  They wrestled around, Eli trying to tame Alec’s wicked hands, failing miserably, and finally shrieking.

  “Shush!” Alec said. “You’ll wake the house.”

  “S-sorry,” Eli said, covering his mouth but unable to stop laughing. He threw his leg around Alec’s waist, allowing them to grind deliciously against each other. “If I’m making too much noise, you know how to silence me.”

  Alec grinned and kissed him, his hands exploring. Eli closed his eyes and concentrated on the feel of Alec’s lips on his, tongue against his, hands sliding over his skin. He didn’t cringe away anymore when his scars were caressed. He smiled at that realization and wondered if Alec had noticed.

  “I was going to hire some guys to help me move,” Alec was saying as he kissed and nibbled at Eli’s collarbone. “But a couple of my teammates offered to help in exchange for pizza and beer.” He sucked Eli’s earlobe into his mouth, causing him to gasp and quiver beneath Alec. “But in answer to your question…” Alec said, pausing and looking him in the eye, “which I know had some honesty in it.” Eli smiled and looked away. “Dray will not be attending the move.”


  “Good to know.”

  “Lincoln might show up, though.”

  “Lincoln?” he asked as he gripped Alec by the hair and held Alec’s mouth against his left nipple.

  “Mmmm….” Alec’s tongue swirled busily. “He’s keeping in touch with his friend Mickey for me… the waiter who froze up at the party.”

  “You n-never told me—oh yeah—why he f-froze—or c-can’t you say?”

  Alec paused, thinking. “Suffice it to say, he’s been… through something and is living in a neighborhood surrounded by people who don’t know he’s gay.” A chill ran through Eli, his playful, sexy energy immediately evaporating. He wondered if Alec sensed it.

  He had.

  “No, no, babe,” Alec said, quickly cupping his face, “he wasn’t bashed.” Eli grinned uneasily, relaxing again into the feel of Alec on top of him. He was warm, safe, and turned on, so he showed Alec just how good he felt by making sure Alec felt spectacular.

  THE night before the move, Alec was delighted to discover a surprise dinner waiting for him. He noted Ilsa had become strangely accepting of the move and had prepared a meal to wish him well. He remembered being welcomed into the house nearly a year before with her home-cooking, and apparently she wanted to send him off the same way, knowing it would be a very long time before he had any more.

  As he took his seat, he also noticed that the dishes in front of him were virtually the same items the two of them had ordered when he first came by her restaurant to inquire about renting the attic room. He and Ilsa shared a private smile as Alec recalled how she’d tested her waitstaff by having them practice at serving them.

  After a slightly inebriated Tony chased a giggling Lyle out to their car so they could get home and likely tear each other’s clothes off, Casey and Ilsa retired to the deck with their coffee and pie while Alec and Eli started on the dishes. But the two of them didn’t seem to have much to say to each other beyond working out who would wash and who would dry. As they worked their way through the last few dishes, the uneasy silence reached its most uncomfortable.