Did You Read That Review?: A Compilation of Amazon's Funniest Reviews
Page 8
Avery Economy Binder with 1-Inch Round Ring
Check out the real thing: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000V99JYI
3.4 out of 5 stars
Name: Avery Economy Binder with 1-Inch Round Ring, Black (3301)
ASIN: B000V99JYI
Price: $2.31
Avery economy binders are perfect for light, everyday use. The round rings accommodate up to 460 sheets of paper and can be opened and closed easily when you need to add or remove pages.
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
40 of 42 people found the following review helpful
Life is changed
By BrittanyC, October 18, 2012
I used to sleep in a bed and show my face in public. I even had a job and no plans of having children! Boy, was I a horrible wench. I found the love of my life a few years ago and married, and he even supported my sinning ways. However, I am a changed woman now. I started hearing about the new binder trend and, being of the female species, I of course couldn’t put aside my natural need to fit in. I bought this binder, and no longer will I act out and pretend to be an equal. I have eaten and slept, knitted baby clothing, and had my dirty female hysterics inside of this binder. I heard the Trapper Keeper is more comfortable, but I feel that now that I don’t earn money and only do all the cooking and cleaning and baby care, I don’t deserve to have nice things.
451 of 480 people found the following review helpful
The only source to find well-qualified women
By Dan, October 18, 2012
This is the greatest! If you have spent decades as a captain of industry, surrounding yourself only with other rich white men THIS IS THE BINDER FOR YOU! It’s chocked full of women of all levels of education and experience—Tupperware Ladies, Pink-Escalade-Driving Mary Kay Sales Girls, and the Happiest Housewives in the Land! I bought the pink one, but I am seriously considering getting the brown and black binders to finally become involved with minorities, too!
79 of 85 people found the following review helpful
A binder to protect the fairer sex
By ARL, October 18, 2012
It’s fitting that this binder is being offered as part of the “Add-on” program, meaning that it’s too small and fragile to ship on its own. Thank God the women of America are being protected, at least when it comes to mail. Not so much health care or equal pay, but whatever.
55 of 59 people found the following review helpful
Very cheap women organizer
By D. Hentze, October 18, 2012
This is a very inexpensive binder. It is definitely no “Trap-her Keep-her.” It offers little protection for your most valuable women and won’t hold many at all. It is OK for your cheap women, though. For your most precious ones, spend a little more for a binder that offers some better protection. This 1-inch binder is most suitable for home use or small businesses. For large corporations, you’ll want to upgrade to a 2-inch binder. If you’re a former governor running for the Presidency of the United States, then go with a 3-inch, better-built binder.
This binder can hold fifty women!
1,747 of 1,815 people found the following review helpful
A Legitimate Binder
By Sue Ellen Crandell, October 18, 2012
I am so excited to order this binder! My husband said that I’ve been doing such a great job of cutting out of work early to serve him meat and potatoes all these years, and he’s finally letting me upgrade from a 2-ring without pockets to a binder with 3 rings and two pockets! The pockets excite me the most. I plan to use the left pocket to hold my resume, which will highlight my strongest skills including but are not limited to laughing while eating yogurt. The right pocket will be great for keeping my stash of aspirin, in case of emergencies, when I need to hold it between my knees.
BIC Cristal for Her Ball Pen
Check out the real thing: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B004F9QBE6
3.1 out of 5 stars
Name: BIC Cristal for Her Ball Pen, 1.0 mm, Black, 16 ct. (MSLP16-Blk)
ASIN: B004F9QBE6
Price: $9.15
BIC Cristal for Her has an elegant design—just for Her! It features a thin barrel designed to fit a woman’s hand. It has a diamond-engraved barrel for an elegant and unique feminine style.
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
1,108 of 1,165 people found the following review helpful
Gender-exclusive language
By ADB, April 19, 2013
If you are going to make a pen for her, please refrain from calling it a Ball Pen. We’re confused enough.
185 of 196 people found the following review helpful
Just in time
By Liz, August 27, 2012
This product came just in time, and thankfully with this low price my parents were able to afford me a pack of these even after they paid my dowry. This way I didn’t have to inconvenience my new husband by asking to borrow his pens to write all the thank-you notes for our wedding. I could leave him in the office while I penned away (no pun intended), barefoot in the kitchen. All my friends will be so happy to receive their thank-you notes on time and in this perfectly feminine ink!
32,847 of 33,194 people found the following review helpful
FINALLY!
By Tracy Hamilton “Tracy Hamilton”, August 24, 2012
Someone has answered my gentle prayers and FINALLY designed a pen that I can use all month long! I use it when I’m swimming, riding a horse, walking on the beach, and doing yoga. It’s comfortable, leak-proof, nonslip, and it makes me feel so feminine and pretty! Since I’ve begun using these pens, men have found me more attractive and approachable. It has given me soft skin and manageable hair, and it has really given me the self-esteem I needed to start a book club and flirt with the bag boy at my local market. My drawings of kittens and ponies have improved, and now that I’m writing my last name hyphenated with Robert Pattinson’s last name, I really believe he may some day marry me! I’m positively giddy. Those smart men in marketing have come up with a pen that my lady parts can really identify with. Where has this pen been all my life???
511 of 548 people found the following review helpful
Hallelujah!!!
By AnnaGram, August 29, 2012
I wrote down this review actually using this product, but my husband will have to type it out for me as I have no idea how to use any form of technology other than a blender. The pen is great.
3,930 of 4,174 people found the following review helpful
Very upset
By P. Davies, August 27, 2012
First of all, I’m a male. I picked a pink one up by mistake to write a quick note…next thing I know I’m sitting down to take a pee. Be careful.
Progress! Rosie the Scrivener.
* * *
Customer Questions & Answers
If I slip one to my man, will that make him more “agreeable”?
asked by Jenn Heimrich on April 12, 2013
Dear Jenn: This is such a heavily loaded question you are asking! You have all of biology, religion, and sociology to contend with! Such a careful balance you might easily topple by slipping your man a she-pen! The next thing you know, people will want to marry their pens. The Slippery Slope is ALWAYS PERTINENT. Then again, maybe the slimmer barrel and more demure ink color is just what the male doctor ordered. Give him a break from all the stress of being a breadwinner and not being able to cry. Just don’t sue BIC when he wants to watch The Birdcage for the 37th time and then try on all your shoes. Allons!
Jen S answered on April 12, 2013
Pin Tie Tack Angel Moroni
Check out the real thing: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00BIGIPDE
4.7 out of 5 stars
Name: Pin Tie Tack Angel Moroni, Silver—J26S
ASIN: B00BIGIPDE
Price: $4.95
Angel Moroni Silver Pin. Pewter. Silver Plated. 19 mm × 5 mm. Makes a wonderful gift. Designed by members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latterday
Saints. Look for all of our other related LDS Mormon CTR Ring related gifts.
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
16 of 17 people found the following review helpful
Weird tie tack. What’s this guy supposed to be drinking, anyway?
By michael tweedy, April 5, 2013
The tie tack appears to be crudely made, but is provocative in any case. It appears to be a guy on a ball chug-a-lugging something from a sort of beaker. Maybe using some sort of bong? And what’s with the hospital gown? What, exactly, is happening here? Oh, well. It’s kind of cool in its own way. It does work pretty well to hold the tie down, and quite a few question me about what the little guy is doing.
26 of 27 people found the following review helpful
Whimsical character pin
By Don Bagley, April 5, 2013
This delightful little imp appears to be quaffing a “yard of beer” whilst balancing on a soccer ball. Finished in cherubic silver, it should match well with any tie.
15 of 17 people found the following review helpful
A true relic for the believer
By Edward, April 5, 2013
Made of silver mined by the Nephite peoples circa 500 BC in present-day New York or possibly Mexico, this exquisite piece is the perfect way to prove to disbelievers what we all know to be true.
1 of 2 people found the following review helpful
Impeccably graven object
By George, April 6, 2013
This well-crafted image will clearly communicate the level of your religious devotion and righteousness. Don’t spend one more hour in church meetings sans this little guy. If you can’t play the trumpet in sacrament meeting, at least you can wear a replica of the ones on display at the tops of the most sacred edifices on earth.
30 of 32 people found the following review helpful
Great for vuvuzela lovers
By coke drinking guy, April 5, 2013
As many of you might know, we vuvuzela enthusiasts don’t get a whole lot of respect. A lot of people claim we are a bunch of d-bags who are willing to annoy everyone around us for a single moment’s worth of attention. Nothing could be further from the truth. We are regular family people who love public events and who seek to enhance public events through the cheerful noise of our vuvuzelas. I am glad there is finally a product that we can wear in order for the public to realize how much our special interest means to us.
Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon
Check out the real thing: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00032G1S0
4.0 out of 5 stars
Name: Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl. oz.
ASIN: B00032G1S0
Price: $9.99
Whole Milk
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
6,074 of 6,245 people found the following review helpful
One Friday without the Milk
By Catherine Swinford, October 30, 2006
He always brought home milk on Friday. After a long, hard week full of days he would burst through the door, his fatigue hidden behind a smile. There was an icy jug of Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl. oz. in his right hand. With his left hand he would grip my waist—I was always cooking dinner—and press the cold frostiness of the jug against my arm as he kissed my cheek. I would jump, mostly to gratify him after a time, and smile lovingly at him. He was a good man, a wonderful husband who always brought the milk on Friday, Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl. oz. Then there was that Friday, the terrible Friday that would ruin every Friday for the rest of my life. The door opened, but there was no buoyant greeting—no cold jug against the back of my arm. There was no Tuscan Whole Milk in his right hand, nor his left. There came no kiss. I watched as he sat down in a kitchen chair to remove his shoes. He wore no fatigue but also no smile. I didn’t speak but turned back to the beans I had been stirring. I stirred until most of their little shriveled skins floated to the surface of the cloudy water. Something was wrong, but it was vague wrongness that no amount of hard thought could give shape to.
Over dinner that night I casually inserted, “What happened to the milk?”
“Oh.” He smiled sheepishly, glancing aside. “I guess I forgot today.”
That was when I knew. He was tired of this life with me, tired of bringing home the Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl. oz. He was probably shoveling funds into a secret bank account, looking at apartments in town, casting furtive glances at cashiers and secretaries and waitresses. That’s when I knew it was over.
Some time later he moved in with a cashier from the Food Mart down the street. And me? Well, I’ve gone soy.
43 of 46 people found the following review helpful
Let me tell you something
By Susan’s Man, August 9, 2006
Let me tell you a little something about this milk…Apparently, it’s not such a great birthday gift for “some people.” (Yes, I’m talking about you, Susan.) Just because “some people” feel like six years is a long time to be dating and really expected to get an engagement ring for their birthday, doesn’t mean it’s going to happen. I mean, where did you expect me to get a ring when I don’t even have a savings account, Susan?! What do you want from me…blood?! Obviously, you don’t want my milk, which I thoughtfully had delivered to you at work so people would see it and be jealous of you. But you didn’t appreciate that, did you? No. You said that you hated me, and that you’ve been cheating on me for a year and a half. Well, I’ve been cheating on you too, Susan…and I’ve never been happier.
Artist’s rendition of Tuscan Whole Milk
Tuscan cows are unperturbed by even the unexpected fire.
912 of 949 people found the following review helpful
What Do You Mean I Can’t Bring My Milk???
By Kevin “KP 2001”, May 25, 2009
I approached the airport security gate and fed my bags into the X-ray machine. “Sir,” said the TSA agent, “is this your bag?”
“You know it is,” I replied.
“There’s no need to get testy, sir,” he said. The agent escorted me over to a side table. “Do you mind if I search your bag?” he asked.
“What will you do if I say no?” I asked.
“I’ll take you in the back room, and we’ll strip search you,” he replied.
“Then by all means, go ahead and search the bag,” I said.
The agent opened my bag and peered inside. “What do you call this, sir?” the agent asked, holding up a pair of nail clippers.
“Those are nail clippers,” I said.
I’m going to have to confiscate these,” he said.
“That’s all right,” I replied. “They sell them for a dollar in the store next to my departure gate.”
The agent looked at me with hate in his eyes. He looked back into my bag and pulled out my gallon of Tuscan Whole Milk. “Sir, you can’t take this on the plane,” he said.
“Why not?” I asked.
“Because, if you have more than three ounces of a liquid you could use it to blow up the plane,” he said.
I was astonished. I had no idea that Tuscan Whole Milk was so powerful. “May I drink it now?” I asked.
“Yes,” he said. “Liquids are harmless once they are inside of you.” I drank the entire gallon of Tuscan Whole Milk that I had purchased on Amazon.com while the people behind me grew increasingly impatient. It was delicious. I did not blow up.
125 of 129 people found the following review helpful
The Tuscan Wind
By J. Reeve, August 1, 2008
It was the last day of summer, and the Tuscan wind played with their hair. They leaned against the railing of the balcony, looking up at the stars. “In Italiano, we call it the Via Lattea,” he said, savoring the last syllables of the Italian word like they were bites of creamy tiramisu.
“That’s beautiful,” she said, looking into his eyes with white thirst.
“Si.” His arm grazed gently against hers. “If only…if only we had a gallon, one hundred…�
��
“…and twenty-eight fluid ounces?” she said, producing a gallon of Tuscan Whole Milk from the folds of her evening dress.
“How did you know?”
“Oh, Amato,” she said. “I’ve known all along.”
33 of 34 people found the following review helpful
Seriously misleading
By Mad Gremlin, January 24, 2013
Doesn’t taste a darn thing like a Toucan. I thought, Whoa, tropical bird flavor. Boy was I wrong. Returning this immediately.
114 of 128 people found the following review helpful
Breakfast nooks of darkness
By Gunter Doorgunner, July 20, 2006
My grown children and I sat down to breakfast this morning looking forward to trying this new…milk we bought online. At first it seemed absurd to buy milk and have it shipped at almost three times the cost of the milk itself. But then…we tasted it. It didn’t taste like milk at all. It tasted…better. This could not have come from a cow. Men of great knowledge must have…engineered this substance. I couldn’t help myself; I had to have more. I finished my glass like a man just rescued from the desert. And I remember…I…I…I cried…I wept like some grandmother. I wanted to tear my teeth out. I didn’t know what I wanted to do. And I want to remember it. I never want to forget it. I never want to forget. And then I realized…like I was shot…like I was shot with a diamond…a diamond bullet right through my forehead…and I thought: My God the genius of that. The genius. The will to do that. Perfect, genuine, complete, crystalline, pure. And then I realized they were stronger than we.