Sanctity

by S. M. Bowles

  “Here, let’s let her rest,” Margaret urged Danielle to the door and called to Kaley. Kaley was defiant and made it clear that she was not going anywhere.

  “Very well,” she closed the door and dropped Dani at her bedroom. “I’ll take you home in the morning; she will most likely sleep through the day. When she is feeling better I’ll have her call you but please remember not to talk about this, not to Lily, not to anyone.”

  “Yes, Mrs. Donovan.”

  “Thank you Danielle, you’re a good friend.”

  I slept for two days in a fitful state, sometimes half awake, sometimes half asleep, always frightened and always heartbroken. Margaret checked on me every few hours, she would try to soothe me and forced me to take sips of water or juice. Occasionally she would notice the fresh tears that were drying on my cheeks and she would just sit beside me stroking my hair while whispering her apologies to me. I didn’t know what she was sorry for, other than that I felt so badly and there seemed very little she could do.

  By Monday evening Margaret was ready to try and get a doctor to make a house call but when she came to check on me she noticed that I was sleeping soundly; my color looked fresh, the dark circles around my eyes fading and I had a somewhat relaxed and peaceful expression of rest on my face.

  “Oh, Lily, thank goodness,” she sighed and left the room happy and though not free from worry, decidedly less fearful.

  When I woke up Tuesday morning I tossed back the covers and questioned why I was still in bed. I believed it was Sunday morning and when I glanced at my clock it said 10:47. I couldn’t imagine that I slept so late especially since we napped before the formal and really didn’t stay out all that late. I felt a little disoriented and a bit woozy as well. I sat up and wondered if Danielle was awake and whether Margaret had made her breakfast and kept her company while I slept.

  I nearly tripped over Kaley in my haste to get to the door. “Oh, sorry Baby, I didn’t know you were there,” I bent down and gave her a hug. As I wandered down the hallway I paused at the guest bedroom only to find that it had been made up and there was no trace of Dani or any of her belongings. “That’s odd,” I thought to myself, “I don’t remember her needing to be anywhere today.” I took a few more steps and had to stop when I got to the top of the staircase.

  I was a little breathless and had to sit down. Kaley lay down beside me and rested her head on my lap. I stroked her ears and daydreamed for a moment or two, though I was not really certain of what. After a few minutes I realized that I was crying. I absently wiped the tears away and tried to organize my thoughts.

  Once I felt I could manage the stairs I made my way down to the foyer and into the kitchen. Again I started to feel a little breathless and had to draw myself up onto one of the kitchen stools. There was no sign of Margaret or of Danielle. As I sat and wondered why I was so weak I considered that I must be hungry and tried to remember when I had last eaten. I couldn’t recall what time we had dinner after the dance and wondered why my mind was so foggy. I knew we were supposed to go to the Italian restaurant downtown but I seemed to have no recollection of whether we ever went or not.

  I grew a little frustrated and confused that I couldn’t make any sense of what I may or may not have done. “What is wrong with me?” I posed the question to myself. I lay my head down on the table and closed my eyes as I desperately tried to recall the evening’s events. At some point I must have dozed off because I jumped to wakefulness when I felt a hand on my shoulder.

  “Lily, dear, you’re up,” Margaret was looking at me with a great deal of concern. “Oh, Margaret,” I threw my arms around her and began to sob.

  “I can’t remember, Margaret, I can’t remember anything about last night. What happened to me? Why can’t I remember?”

  “Denam@mcr-it.com, dear, ssh,” she absently stroked my hair and rocked me back and forth. “You haven’t been feeling well, dear; you’ve been in bed for over 2 days now.”

  “Two days!!” I pulled away in utter dismay.

  “What day is it?” I asked.

  “It’s Tuesday, sweetie.”

  “Two days,” I whispered shaking my head. “How could that happen and what could have happened? How have I lost two days,” I looked to Margaret for some kind of explanation.

  “I don’t know, dear, you came home with Danielle, you took Kaley for a walk, you went to bed and at some point during the night you must have gotten up. Kaley was a little hysterical and woke Danielle and me. We found you on the floor and we helped you back to bed. You were feverish and weak but other than that I couldn’t find anything wrong with you. I sat with you as often as I could and was ready to call the doctor but then your fever suddenly broke and you looked so much healthier that I decided to give you one more day to rest before I panicked. How are you feeling, other than confused?”

  “I’m hungry and I had to stop twice just to make it down here.”

  “I’ll make you something to eat; some toast and water, a little something until we are sure you are well enough for more.”

  Margaret brought me a glass of water before fetching the bread from the pantry and toasting it for me. She brought me a little plate when it was done. “No butter,” I asked in dismay.

  “It’s been a while since the last time you’ve eaten, I think it would be best to take it easy for now; until we’re sure you’re alright.”

  I nibbled at my dry toast and it seemed like the best thing I had ever eaten. I knew I must be terribly hungry if toast and water felt like a gourmet meal to me. I asked Margaret to make me some more but she insisted that I wait a while, at least a half hour, before I could try to eat again. She encouraged me to drink my water and came to sit with me at the table.

  “Do you think you are well enough to take a shower?”

  The prospect of a shower brightened my mood and I told her that I wanted to give it a try. She insisted that I take her arm even though I felt sure that I could make it on my own. Kaley was very concerned and followed us down the hallway. It seemed like she wanted to help but didn’t quite know how. I called her to my side and put my hand on her back to steady myself and between Margaret and Kaley I made it up the stairs without overexerting myself. I sat on the edge of the tub while Margaret laid out a towel and robe for me.

  “Don’t push yourself. Take your time and rest if you need to. I’ll come check on you if I feel like you are taking too long OK?”

  “OK,” I smiled and waited for her to close the door before I stood up and adjusted the faucets and jets for myself.

  It felt so nice to stand in the shower and enjoy the heat from the water and the pressure of the jets massaging my neck and back. I washed my hair and slathered a generous amount of conditioner into it. I took a clip and pinned it up out of the way so I could wash myself without rinsing it all out. The effort to get myself clean was really taxing me. Reluctantly, I decided to give in to Margaret’s advice and sat down for a moment. I drew my knees up to my chest and rested my head while the water cascaded all over and around me.

  “Lily, are you alright, you’re starting to worry me,” Margaret checked in on me a few minutes later.

  “Yes Aunt Margaret, just finishing up.”

  I took the clip from my hair and fastened it to one of the jets. I rinsed the conditioner out and turned off all the faucets. After wringing my hair I stepped from the shower and dried off before swaddling myself in the fluffy robe Margaret had set out for me. I went to my bedroom and sat on my bed to rest for a moment before selecting a comfortable outfit to wear. It seemed as though I had been through much more than a simple fever like Margaret suggested and I began to wonder how long it would be before I felt like myself again.

  Kaley was waiting for me when I left my bedroom. She looked up with knowing eyes and I felt like she was trying to tell me she wanted to help again. I put my hand on her back and she gave a little wag of her tail before starting on her way down the hall. She looked back once or twice almost as though she wanted some
reassurance that she wasn’t going too fast for me. I smiled and told her what a good dog she was.

  Margaret was just coming to the bottom of the stairs as Kaley and I made our way down. “How are you feeling, Lily?”

  “Better. A little tired but better. I’m still very hungry, do you think it is alright to eat again.”

  “Yes, and I think it is probably safe for you to try a little juice with the toast this time; I’m sure you could use the extra calories.”

  I tried not to worry but I hadn’t looked at myself yet and the way Margaret was studying me made me a little suspicious. I hoped that I didn’t look quite as bad as I felt.

  “I called the school to let them know that you are feeling better. I would like to keep you home this week but I don’t want you to fall behind. Ms. Kelly said Charlie volunteered to get your assignments and bring your books to you this afternoon. If you are not up to seeing anyone that is perfectly understandable but he and Dani have been very worried about you.”

  “I’ll e-mail Danielle later to let her know that I’m fine. I guess if I’m up and around it wouldn’t hurt to see Charlie.”

  “OK. Can you make it to the kitchen or would you like to sit in the family room?”

  “The kitchen is fine, and yes, I can make it, right Kaley?” I patted her back and started walking towards the kitchen. She stayed right beside me until I was seated comfortably in my stool, then she lay down at my feet.

  Margaret brought me another slice of toast, this time with a little scraping of butter on it, as well as a glass of juice. “I looked online to see what we can do to help you feel better quickly. It seems that the most important thing right now would be to get you hydrated. One of the articles I read suggested that we set a timer and have you take a sip of something with some electrolytes every few minutes.”

  “That makes sense.”

  “Well, I don’t have any sports drinks here but if you’re comfortable on your own for a little bit I can run to the store and pick some up. What do you think you would like?”

  Charlie always used these little packets of powder that he put in our water bottles when we rode. They had a heavy dose of vitamin C as well as B vitamins and electrolytes. I couldn’t remember what they were called but I remembered liking them more than most of the sports drinks I’d tried. I did my best to explain them to Margaret and told her that if she couldn’t find them to pick out whatever sounded good. She handed me a timer and told me to stick with the water in the meantime.

  She said goodbye and headed out the door. I set the timer for 3 minutes and finished up my toast and juice. I poured myself a glass of water and I called to Kaley. She helped me to the family room where I stretched out on the couch and flipped through the stations until I came to one of the cooking channels. It was showing a competition between a number of pastry chefs. They were creating desserts with chocolate and sugar and sculpting them into remarkable showpieces that were too amazingly intricate to want to eat.

  The doorbell rang towards the end of the show and pulled my attention away from the chefs just as they were moving their creations from their workstations to the judging tables. I was hesitant to get up but Margaret wasn’t home yet and I was worried it might be Charlie with my schoolwork. I didn’t want to miss him, so I called out, “Just a minute,” and shifted my weight from the couch. Kaley had forgotten me in her excitement to see who was at the door. I hated feeling so weak as I slowly made my way to answer it. When I got there I gave Kaley a little pat, “Thanks for the help,” she wagged her tail unable to comprehend my sarcasm.

  I opened the door and it was indeed Charlie. He was watching Margaret as she pulled into the driveway but turned toward me as soon as I swung the door back, “Hey,” he said, his smile quickly fading to concern as he took in my deteriorated state of health.

  “Come on in,” I motioned to him. I moved aside to let him in as he gave a hearty greeting to Kaley. I called to her and put my hand on her back as I led the way to the kitchen.

  “Here, let me,” Charlie glided to my free side and offered me his elbow.

  “Thanks Charlie. I’m alright, really,” but I let him help me anyway.

  He had a book bag on his shoulder that he shrugged off and put on the kitchen island after he helped me to one of the nearby stools. “So, I think I’ve got everything here,” he pulled out a list of assignments and set it beside the bag. “Oh and there’s this,” he unzipped the bag and pulled out a greeting card. “It’s from everyone, we all miss you.”

  I opened the card and there were dozens of signatures from all my friends and even some of the teachers. I set it down to look over later, “That’s really sweet of everyone,” I smiled.

  Margaret came into the kitchen and said a quick hello to Charlie before showing me the powders she bought. “Yep, those are the ones,” I said and turned to Charlie. “I haven’t looked at myself, is it really that bad?” I tried to sound unconcerned.

  “Nah, you just look a little tired,” he tried to brush off my fear.

  “Thanks,” I said, “I hope you won’t worry anyone unnecessarily.”

  “Don’t fret, I’ll paint a pretty picture,” he grinned. “Listen, I’ve got some time if you want to work on some of this stuff together.”

  “Sure, that would be great.

  Charlie hopped up and ran to his car to fetch his work.

  Margaret smiled as she mixed a drink for me. “Where’s your timer?” She asked.

  “Oh, I left it in the family room, sorry.”

  “I’ll get it,” Charlie called as he stepped back into the foyer.

  It was going off so I took a sip as soon as Margaret handed me my drink. I reset the timer while Charlie gathered the first of my textbooks. We readied ourselves for work and after he explained the lesson to me, he started on his assignment and I tackled mine. I had to stop a couple of times to ask him to clarify a point or two. Margaret offered to fix us a snack. I still felt hungry and since I was getting something, Charlie agreed to have a bite as well.

  Though he wasn’t in all of my classes, Charlie was familiar with almost everything I was working on. I always knew he was smart and the ease with which he got me through the assignments certainly reinforced my opinion of him.

  “How do you know all this stuff?” I asked impressed at how quickly he could finish what for me was challenging work.

  “Just lucky I guess, I have a good memory,” he brushed it off.

  Charlie finished his homework well before I finished mine. I had a couple of days’ worth of classwork along with the homework but he helped me almost to the point where I felt like I was cheating and when we were done I thanked him for staying and getting me through it all.

  “I have a good reason,” he stood and smiled as he gathered his work together, “Zach cracked the frame on his bike and dislocated his shoulder; he won’t be riding for weeks.”

  “I see,” I tossed him a sly look. “Well, I’m sure Margaret will have me nursed back to health in no time and you won’t have to hit the trails alone.”

  “Do you want me to turn any of this in for you?” Charlie asked

  “That would be great.” I stacked my papers and handed them to him.

  “I’ll be back tomorrow,” he turned to Margaret, “Bye Mrs. Donovan. Have a good night,” he smiled.

  “Do you want to stay for dinner?” Margaret asked, sorry to see my company go.

  “No, I have a thing but thanks. Some other time, maybe?”

  “Any time Charlie, Lily is a really good cook, you know?” Margaret tried to add a little enticement to the offer.

  “So I’ve heard and I’d really like to be the judge of that myself. Next time, though” he flashed a regretful grin at me and headed to the door. Kaley saw him out and trotted back to the kitchen.

  “Well, that was very nice of Charlie wasn't it?”

  “Yeah, Charlie’s a great friend,” I smiled reflectively. I could see Margaret’s wheels turning as she eyed me to see if there was
something more, “He has a girlfriend,” I said almost snappishly.

  “I wasn’t asking,” Margaret was defensive.

  “Sorry, I just,” I didn’t know why I said it or why I said it so grudgingly, “he’s seeing Missy and I guess I just don’t want anyone, even you, to think he’s doing anything more than helping a friend.”

  “Right, I understand. Listen, I bought a few extra things while I was out. How do you feel about a little Chicken Tortilla Soup for dinner?”

  It was my favorite soup and her thoughtfulness made me feel even guiltier for being so sharp with her. “Perfect,” I said and hoped that I sounded apologetic as well. “I think I am going to lie down for a little bit. Do you mind?”

  “No of course not, I’ll let you know when everything is ready.”

  I put my books in the bag Charlie left for me. It must have been an old one of his; it looked a little worn and dusty. He probably dug it out from somewhere to make it easier to get my things to me. As I stuffed one of my books in it got caught on a crumbled up piece of paper. I absently pulled it from the bag and smoothed it out. It was dated from freshman year and looked like some notes from a science class. There were little doodles on it including one with a little heart and the initials C. B. & L.D. written in the center of it.

  I smiled and tucked it back to the bottom of the bag. “It must be about 3 or 4 years old,” I thought of the paper. I couldn’t help but wonder if Charlie still had feelings for me and that was why he was putting himself forward to help me out. “I have my reasons,” he said and mentioned biking but I wondered if that was the only meaning behind what he had said.

  I left the bag by the front door and trudged upstairs to lie down for a bit.

  I was a little winded by the time I got to my room and it took me a moment to get comfortable once I managed to make it to my bed. As I turned over and over again the little I could remember of the formal I started to feel, “Penitent,” I thought to myself. I couldn’t imagine what I had to regret or feel sorry for. “Gosh, what have I done, why can’t I remember anything,” I tried to recall something, anything from the past few days and it was impossible.