Destined for You

by Tracie Peterson

  “Did such love ever truly exist?” his father questioned. “From your first breath it seems you’ve been against me.”

  Theodore hated him for the response. They had been at odds since the day Theodore was born. All he remembered of his father were rules and regulations. Long boring sermons at church and at home. Discipline that bordered on the edge of cruelty.

  “I like to think it did,” Theodore forced himself to say.

  “What I remember is rebellion and difficulty—a full-out rejection of the God I served and loved.”

  “When I was a child, I thought as a child. The Bible allows for that, so why shouldn’t you?” Theodore fought to keep his voice gentle. “I come seeking forgiveness. Your God says that you must give it, lest you not receive it from Him.”

  “My God? I thought you were claiming an association for yourself?”

  Theo wanted to scream in frustration at his mistake, but instead he shrugged. “This is still new for me. For years you acted as though He were yours alone—that no one in this family could come to Him except through you. But even that I cast aside as my own misconception and hold you to no account.” He paused and gave a pleading look. “Will you let your anger at me estrange you from God Himself by refusing forgiveness?”

  The last of his father’s wall seem to crumble. “Of course you have my forgiveness. I wouldn’t refuse any man that. I’ve only ever wished good for you, Theodore. I don’t know why you would think otherwise. What does it merit me to pray down condemnation on my own child?”

  Theodore had often wondered that himself, but now wasn’t the time to question it. If he forced the issue and insisted that had been his father’s heart all these years, he wouldn’t be able to move forward and accomplish what he desired to do—which ultimately was to ruin this man and his precious Duluth once and for all.

  Theodore smiled. “So may we start again? Would you perhaps extend a welcome and allow me to stay here with you while I begin work for my position with Mr. Jay Cooke?”

  “You’ve been hired by Mr. Cooke?” His father’s arms relaxed to his side.

  “I have. I’m assigned to Cooke’s representative in Duluth, Mr. Lucas Carson. I believe he has a brother, Scott Carson, who works as a fisherman here.”

  Father’s expression grew grim. “He had a brother. The poor man was lost in the last storm. His ship, the Ana Eileen, went down.”

  “The Womack fishing boat?”

  “Yes. It’s gone, along with several others and the crews that manned them. I’m afraid you’ve joined us at a grievous time.”

  “I heard voices. What’s going on?” a female voice intruded.

  Theodore saw his mother look out from her room down the hall. “Mother!”

  “Teddy?” She tied her robe as she hurried to join them. “It is you!” She wrapped her arms around him. There was no love so forgiving as a mother’s.

  “I’ve come home.”

  She hugged him close, then pulled back and looked at her husband. She was still taking her cues from him, and Theodore hated her for it.

  “I have asked Father for forgiveness and now am asking you as well. I have come to an understanding of my wicked past and have made myself right with God,” he said.

  “Oh, Teddy, that is good news,” she said, not waiting for her husband’s reply.

  “I wondered if I might stay in my old room for a time. I’ve just arrived and will be working with Lucas Carson, Mr. Jay Cooke’s representative. I will, of course, look for other furnishings on the morrow, but for now . . .”

  “Of course you may stay with us.” She looked at his father.

  “Yes. Yes, you may stay with us, Theodore.”

  Theodore could see that his father wanted to add something to his agreement, but instead he remained silent. No doubt a list of rules and regulations would follow at another date, but for now Theodore had what he wanted. The pretense of peace with his parents and a place to live. The rest would be arranged in time.

  It seemed all of Duluth turned out for the memorial service for those who’d died in the storm. Gloriana donned her best clothes and made sure to have two handkerchiefs in her reticule. She had arranged with Pastor Sedgwick to offer a small private burial for Sally just after the larger service, and she knew there would be tears aplenty.

  JT had been terse all morning, not wishing to attend. He was still convinced that his bitterness was the cause of his father’s death, and he begged Gloriana to let him stay home.

  She went to his room and found him lying on his bed. Without a word she slipped off her shoes, slid onto the narrow mattress, and pulled him close, as she’d often done after their mother died.

  “JT, you know in your heart that only God gives or takes a life. We have no power over such things. Your anger at being punished did not cause the storm. We do not believe in such superstition, and Papa would be disappointed in you if you started such nonsense now.”

  “But I was so bad.”

  “It doesn’t matter. You’re forgiven. Papa forgave you before you even acted that way.”

  “How could he?”

  “Because that’s what papas do.” She tried not to think about God and her own ongoing war. “Papa knew before you were born that you wouldn’t always do things right, but he loved and wanted you more than anything. Without even needing to speak a word, it was understood that he would love you even when you were naughty and did things you shouldn’t do. Can you honestly imagine those silly school desks being more important to him than you were?”

  “No, but he told me I’d shamed him.”

  “So do the right thing now and bring him honor. Come to the memorial and tell people what a wonderful papa he was. Tell them how much he loved you and me. How good he was to us and how much we will miss him.”

  “We will miss him for a long, long time, Glory. I still miss Mama and Tabby and Aaron.”

  “I do too.” Gloriana fought back her tears. “We will always miss them, JT. That’s because we will always love them.”

  “I don’t want them to be gone. Not even Scott and Sally. Poor baby Sally won’t ever know her mama and papa.”

  “That’s why we must care for her. As she grows up, we will teach her about them. I’ll need you to help me with that, because you knew Scott so much better than I did.”

  “Luke knew him even better than me,” JT said.

  “Yes, but baby Sally will need all of us.”

  “Is she going to the church too?” JT sat up.

  Gloriana did likewise and nodded. “She is.”

  “She won’t remember it.”

  “No.”

  JT thought for a moment. “Then I’ll remember it for her and tell her about it. I can do that for her.”

  Gloriana smiled as her eyes dampened with tears. “That would be a very kind thing.”

  A half hour later, they sat in the church as a family. Luke sat at the end of the pew on Gloriana’s right, while JT sat on her left. She held the sleeping baby, thinking back on the evening Sally Marie had been born. Born into despair and sorrow. Would her life be bound up in such things?

  The church was the largest building in town, although it was small by the standards of what was needed. The new St. Paul’s Episcopal Church, being funded in part by Jay Cooke, was still weeks from being finished. It was hoped that their first service would be on Christmas Day. But today, the mourners gathered in the old church, with the family members of those who were lost let inside first, and then the townspeople filling in. Mourners even spilled out into the churchyard. The windows of the building were opened so they could hear what was being said as best they could. Thankfully, it was a calm and pleasant day.

  Pastor Sedgwick opened them in prayer and then song. “We will sing ‘Rock of Ages,’” he announced. The pianist played the introduction.

  Without benefit of hymnals, the congregation joined in.

  Rock of ages, cleft for me,

  Let me hide myself in Thee;

  Let the water
and the blood,

  From Thy wounded side which flowed,

  Be of sin the double cure;

  Save from wrath and make me pure.

  Gloriana hugged Sally close as the baby began to stir. The congregation continued to sing. Sally opened her eyes as if to acknowledge the music’s purpose. Gloriana smiled at her and gave her cheek a tender touch. A baby of sorrow.

  The words of the song trickled through her thoughts, and Gloriana wished she could take comfort in them, but none was found.

  Not the labor of my hands,

  Can fulfill Thy law’s demands;

  Could my zeal no respite know,

  Could my tears forever flow?

  All for sin could not atone;

  Thou must save, and Thou alone.

  The congregation continued to sing, but while there was no solace in their words, Gloriana was caught by the rich baritone voice of the man at her side . . . and by his tears.

  The weeks passed, and Gloriana found herself growing quite attached to baby Sally. Having helped her mother with her siblings, especially JT, Gloriana wasn’t a stranger to the care and upkeep of an infant. She couldn’t feed Sally from her own body, but the wet nurse supplied that need, coming every four hours night and day to help.

  Luke paid the wet nurse generously, but after weeks of service, she announced she was expecting another child of her own and had to resign her position. Gloriana was devastated, not knowing how they would get by. The midwife mentioned glass bottles that were proving to be useful to other women. But when Gloriana tried them, the baby refused to take them. She seemed to despise cow’s milk, be it fresh or canned. As the baby grew hungrier, Gloriana was at her wits’ end.

  “I don’t know what to do for you, sweet Sally,” she said, rocking the baby by the fireplace. The infant fussed, unsatisfied with words and warmth.

  The front door opened, and JT and Luke blew in.

  “It’s the witch of November,” JT declared. “She’s come early and is churnin’ things up something fierce.” He sounded just like their father. Would he one day follow in those footsteps and risk his life on the water too?

  “I’m glad you’re back from town,” she said. “What were you able to accomplish?”

  Luke held up a jar of what appeared to be milk. “The midwife said to try goat’s milk. She said it might sit easier on Sally’s stomach.” He placed the jar on the table, along with a burlap bag. “I got the other things you asked for.” Next he saw to his dripping coat and hat.

  JT had already hung up his coat and hat and was crowding in next to Gloriana at the fire. “I’m so cold.”

  “Well, pull up your stool and sit.” She looked back at Luke. “Would you please put some of the milk in one of the bottles? I’m not convinced it will help, but we must try. She seems determined to starve herself. I wish we could get the wet nurse back for just a little while.”

  “Abigail said she’d try to find us someone else, but . . . well, she made another suggestion.”

  Gloriana shook her head. “What? Anything to help.”

  Luke flushed. “She suggested . . . well, that you could, um . . .”

  “Out with it.” Gloriana grew more frustrated, and as she did, so did Sally.

  He turned away and poured the milk in one of the bottles. “She said to try putting the bottle under your arm, very close as if . . . as if you were feeding her from . . . your . . . ah . . .”

  Gloriana caught on. “I see.” She looked at the baby and then at her breast. “I hadn’t considered trying to fool her.”

  “Abigail said the warmth of your skin against the baby’s face might also help, so you could open your . . . well, you know how it would need to be.” Luke brought her the bottle, capped with a leather nipple.

  “At least we got rid of that nasty-tasting rubber,” Gloriana said, looking at the bottle and then the baby. “Do you want to say hello?”

  Luke took the swaddled baby and held her up to his face. “Hello, Sally. How’s my darling girl?”

  Gloriana got to her feet. “I think this will work better if I feed her alone. You and JT stay out here, and I’ll go to my room and see what I can do to hide the bottle close to my body. Supper’s in the oven, so you might check it in a few minutes, and then when I’m done with Sally, we can eat.”

  “What am I checking for?” Luke asked, his expression confused.

  Laughing, Gloriana reached for Sally. “That it isn’t burning. If something looks too brown or smells burnt, take it out of the oven, please.”

  Luke handed her the baby, and Gloriana made her way to the solitude of her bedroom. She placed Sally on the bed long enough to unbutton the front of her dress and unfasten the ties on her corset cover. This wouldn’t be easy, but if it helped the baby feel more comfortable and actually eat, it would be worth any amount of trouble.

  Gloriana unhooked the top of her corset and hid the bottle under her arm, then tucked her corset cover around it. Next she lifted Sally in her arms and maneuvered her to the bottle. At first the baby protested, but finally she latched on to the leather nipple and sampled the goat’s milk. Gloriana waited to see whether the baby would like the offering. She hadn’t even thought to warm it up, but thankfully, it didn’t feel all that cold. Luke had no doubt kept it close to his body, and that had warmed it some.

  Sally continued to feed, pausing now and then to look at Gloriana as if to question this new arrangement. She finally seemed to accept the situation and ate her fill, falling asleep as she fed.

  Gloriana breathed a sigh of relief. Finally, they had figured out something that worked.

  “I wasn’t expecting to find you here,” Pastor Sedgwick said to Luke as he greeted him at the door with JT.

  “Luke eats with us all the time. He helps with the baby too,” JT explained. “But he lives next door because he can’t stay here. That wouldn’t be . . . wouldn’t be . . .” He struggled for the right word and then blurted it out without warning. “Proper!”

  “No, indeed,” Pastor Sedgwick replied. “How are you today, Mister Womack?”

  “I’m okay. Gloriana’s feeding the baby, and then we’re gonna have supper. I’ll bet Gloriana would let you eat with us too.”

  “I would imagine you’re right, but alas, I promised Mrs. Sedgwick that I’d be home for supper, and I don’t want to disappoint her.”

  JT nodded. “Well, you can still sit down.”

  Pastor Sedgwick laughed. “Thank you very much for the invitation. I shall do exactly that. Maybe you can tell me how you’re doing. Is there anything I can help you with?”

  The curly-headed boy considered this a moment. “I don’t know. Glory just makes everything work out. I go to school and she does everything else. She’s really good at everything.”

  “I agree, she is,” Luke said, enjoying JT’s ease as he spoke to another grown-up. The boy never seemed to be at a loss for words. Perhaps because he was the youngest, and there was never anyone for him to speak to but adults.

  “Oh, I forgot. I’m supposed to get my boots cleaned before supper.” JT jumped up and went racing for the door. “Excuse me.”

  Luke chuckled and motioned for the pastor to join him by the fireplace. “Come sit. I haven’t had a chance to talk to you much. I believe you know that your son is working for me.”

  The pastor took a chair, and his expression seemed to sober. “Yes. Theodore told me.”

  “He’s doing quite well, although I admit it’s hard to get used to working with a stranger. I had a secretary back in Philadelphia. We’d worked together for several years. Trying on a new secretary hasn’t been without its challenges, but I have to say that your son works hard to please.”

  Pastor Sedgwick gazed into the fire. “I’m glad to hear that. He has struggled a bit to find where he belongs.”

  “I suppose we have all done that.”

  “Oh, certainly. I used to be a fisherman before becoming a preacher. Our family was here prior to the Panic of ’57, when so many peop
le pulled out. We’re members of the ‘Ancient and Honorable Order of the Fish Eaters.’”

  Luke chuckled. “I’m afraid that’s an order with which I’m unfamiliar.”

  “We’re the ones who remained. There was a big boom here prior to the crash. A lot of people came up here, hearing about prosperity. There were eleven incorporated townships and a combined population of fifteen hundred. We had sawmills and flour mills, boat builders and farmers. And then it all came to an end.”

  “I remember the crash well,” Luke admitted. “My father is in banking, and it wasn’t pretty. Problems started abroad in England. My family is originally from London, and we heard about the issues early on. As soon as the prime minister circumvented having gold reserves to back their currency, we knew there were going to be major problems and took steps to do what we could to protect our fortune. Still, we lost a good amount of money.”

  “It spelled doom for us here. The towns dissolved with the evacuation of the people. We had to get our supplies from Superior, which was better situated and established. Those of us who were left found our main food supply in the lake. Hence we were called fish eaters.” He smiled. “We still are. It’s a sort of rite of passage.”

  “So what happened?”

  “Your Mr. Cooke happened. Of course, there was also a little thing called the War of Northern Aggression.”

  Luke gave him a curious raise of a brow. “I’ve only heard Southerners call it that.”

  Pastor Sedgwick laughed. “Yes, well, I had a lot of dear family in the South. But that aside, I did not feel we were wrong to take our stand against slavery. After the crash, my faith was challenged, and I began to study God’s Word with more interest. As I studied, I felt a calling to share what I learned, and before long, I found I was doing more preaching than fishing. It started with simple discussions amongst other fishermen. Then folks started coming to me with their questions. One day they asked if maybe I could just have a little gathering on Sunday, since most of the preachers had gone and those who’d stayed weren’t to their liking.