Sounds of Yesterday

by Pacheco, Briana

  “No, that little black smudge on your collarbone.”

  I glance down, confused.

  Sophie stops mumbling and bends down to look into Landon’s car. “We got matching tattoos! Do you like?”

  Ooooh. I honestly kind of forgot about the stars for a second.

  “No.” Soph stands up, straight as a board. She looks about ready to start kicking his car for saying that. “Em promised I was her tattoo guy. I feel like I was cheated on.”

  “It’s my fault,” Sophie admits. “It was a spur of the moment thing and we went to a shop near the beach. Next one is all yours. Promise.”

  “Yeah, yeah. Freaking traitors. Hop in.” Landon smirks as he adjusts his sunglasses so I know he’s not that heartbroken. I did promise he’ll be my guy. I’ve seen his drawings. Anyone who gets tatted by him will never regret it. The day he becomes a professional tattoo artist isn’t far. I just know it.

  I hop in the front so Landon doesn’t feel like a chauffeur, and Soph climbs into the back. Since they’ve only met once and don’t really know anything about each other except the basics, Landon starts off by complimenting my bestie and her ‘hot as sin, fiery hair.’

  She gushes over it and for the next five minutes we’re engrossed in Landon’s vision of a Little Mermaid tattoo design that he’s working on for a friend of his.

  Landon parks his car in the back of the gym and we get out, walking toward the brick building with a sign that reads, The Pit, aka, hell. Because it’s a gym. It’s everything you’d expect to find in a boxing gym. The Pit is known for having a bunch of ‘macho men with huge muscles’ come in but the back of the gym is designed like Planet Fitness. It’s not so intimidating, which is what Landon’s father was going for. There’s a boxing ring that takes up most of the space and off to the side is the weights room. There’s an area that is blocked off to the rest of the gym when you walk toward the back. I call it the ‘female room’ because of the treadmills and ellipticals. It sounds sexiest but come on, it’s not every day I see a woman benching three hundred pounds. Good for her if she can but I’ll stick to the twenty-pound dumbbells that line the wall with the rest that don’t go higher than thirty-five pounds. It’s really comforting to be in here.

  I spot a few women already sitting around the blue mat by the far wall of the ‘female room.’ It can fit up to thirty people, which is perfect for Sunday’s self-defense classes. The gym closes at one-thirty so the women feel safer to join. I’ve never asked personal questions to the women I see come by when I’m here but I’ve heard some of them mentioned being attacked at random while walking home at night, some were sexually assaulted, and most come to be prepared just in case something ever does happen. The classes start at two and end at four. It’s still light outside by the time we’re done, which I’ve learned makes everyone feel safer. Myself included.

  I honestly never thought of taking self-defense classes until Landon mentioned it one day while he and his girlfriend were getting smoothies. He must have read something in my eyes that I tried to hide. When I showed up the first day, I made Charlie take me and he waited outside. I breathed a little easier when I saw how nice Landon and the other trainer, Bryan, were. I also breathed a little easier when I saw that we would actually hit these guys and take them down when they wore their protective gear. Being in control has become my life motto at the moment. No one will tear me down again.

  Bryan is a professional trainer that knows Landon’s dad so he offered to help with the classes when they started this gym.

  I feel like every woman, even males, should check out the self-defense classes in their areas.

  You’ll feel so much better knowing that you can defend yourself.

  “So Red, are you joining us or are you going to watch today?” Landon asks, nodding at Bryan as he walks toward the women sitting down.

  “Do I get to hit Em?”

  Excuse me. I give her the side-eye. What a sneaky little hooker.

  Landon chuckles and nods. “We’ll start off with groups of two so the women can practice some moves on each other before we bring out the suits and have some one-on-one. You can pair up with Emily.”

  Soph silently pumps her fist into the air. I mentally punch her in the throat. Nicely.

  “You can sit anywhere you’d like as we wait for anyone else to come,” Bryan comments, stopping beside Landon. “It’s nice to see new faces. I’m Bryan, I’ll be one of the bad guys today.” He throws in a lazy smile and holds out his hand for Sophie.

  “I’m Sophie. I’ll be the ruthless bitch that kicks your ass for even thinking of touching me.”

  That’s the spirit!

  And now we wait for more women to join us.

  ***

  When Landon, Sophie, and I walk out of the gym, we hop back into his car and head back to the dorms. Sophie stretches her legs out in the backseat and says she thinks she broke something important in her legs. We did a lot of kicks and have to have powerful stances. She’s just not used to pushing herself that hard. She’ll fell better after a nice warm shower.

  “I can’t believe that’s what people go through. It’s one thing hearing about it. Actually seeing it…fighting them off…” I look over my shoulder at Sophie, curiously. “Being attacked. It’s fucking scary.” She turns her watery eyes on me. “What if there are two attackers? Or the person has a knife! A gun! Why do people do that?”

  I reach back and pat her leg soothingly. “There’s a lot of anger and violence in the world, Soph.”

  “It’s not right.”

  No, it’s not.

  Sophie sits up and wraps her arms around my seat, hugging me. We don’t say anything but for a change, I’m the one who says ‘I’m here’ for her.

  Landon stops at a red light and glances at us before he changes lanes and takes us to an ice cream place. “I don’t think I can return you two to school in this state. How about we get some ice cream and think of unicorns flying or some shit?”

  Sophie fans her face and snorts while laughing. “I guess. Em always wished she was a unicorn.”

  “To stab people,” I finish.

  Landon’s eyes widen and he looks around to make sure no one heard. “You two are so odd.”

  I bring my hand to my forehead and I stick out my pointer finger. Then I stab him with it. Just to prove a point.

  Chapter 18

  The moment my skills ensemble professor tells the class that we need to come up with a musical piece that describes us, shows what we can do, I am the giddiest person in the class. A month in this class and she finally wants to know who we are through our music. I’ve been dying for this moment.

  And then she pops my happy bubble when she says that we’ll do it in groups of three. She wants to see our different styles come together, and we’ll be graded on it because it’ll be a part of our final exam in a few months. I look around the room and see people already forming groups.

  I walk over to a girl that plays the violin. I can’t remember her name.

  Before I can open my mouth, a tall guy who I think plays the double bass brushes past me and asks if she’s in a group. She immediately answers him with a smile and a shaking of her head. He whisks her away.

  Am I invisible? I’m literally standing right here and he didn’t even look at me.

  I feel like the kid who is always picked last. I hated it back in school and I hate it now.

  I glance around with less enthusiasm as I watch everyone forming their little groups, chatting away about whatever the fuck they’re going to do.

  I walk back to my seat, thinking of what I’ll have to tell the professor. Obviously she didn’t think this through. I’m the loser that nobody wants.

  This is why most students hate when the teacher doesn’t assign them partners.

  The feeling of being alone and not wanted fucking sucks.

  I bring my hand to my mouth and start to chew on my thumbnail. It’s better than breaking down and crying in front of everyone. I’ve been
in this class with them for a month and yet, I still feel like they’re strangers. I don’t even know most of their names…

  “Why the long face?” Liam asks, handing me a stick of gum. It’s his thing, I’ve noticed. He doesn’t go anywhere without it. And he’s always offering me a piece. I don’t know if he’s trying to tell me something. “We thought you were never coming back. Do we seriously suck that much?”

  I look up at him. “What?”

  Tyler comes up from behind me and takes a seat. “You’re with us. It was kinda already decided. Thanks for ditching us though.”

  My brows furrow, not following. Sure we’re in the same class and have been hanging out ever since Alex and I started getting closer but they don’t sit with me anymore. At least, not every day. They’re usually scattered across the classroom, talking to the pretty girls.

  “I figured you two would pick Shannon or Chelsea or something.” I know their names because I’m constantly hearing about their ‘nice tits and sexy mouths’ from these two.

  “Um, no.” Liam throws a piece of gum at Tyler and gives me the side-eye. “They play the cello.” And? Both of them smirk at me and then Liam adds, “We wouldn’t get much done knowing their legs would be open.”

  “Ohmygod.” I slap my forehead and turn my back to them for a second. “They’re serious.”

  “Stop talking to yourself and let’s get started. We’ve been dying to play with you.” I turn and throw a brow up at the confession. Tyler shrugs his shoulders and pats my seat. “It’s true. You’re good. Everyone knows that.”

  My lips start to curl up into a smile.

  I so don’t feel like a loser anymore.

  ***

  When classes are over, I head back to my dorm to drop off some things before I head to a rehearsal hall with Liam and Tyler. We got lucky and booked a time. The guys pimped me of course. Mostly everyone on campus knows or heard of Alex’s family. Just mention that I’m sort of dating their son and I’m looked at like a rare diamond.

  As I head out of my dorm, Alex is walking into his. I run over to him as quietly as I can and throw my arms out, trying to cover his eyes with my hands. He stills and shifts but I keep him from turning. I’m so lucky he doesn’t punch me in the face. You can’t sneak up on a rich person. Seriously. They’ll think they’re being kidnapped or murdered.

  “Guess who?” I ask, changing the tone of my voice.

  “Your cold fingers are a dead giveaway.”

  Damn! I sigh and drop my hands. Alex turns and pulls me into his room, kicking the door closed.

  “I have to meet Tyler and Liam so none of what you’re planning on doing!” I throw in a pointed look so he knows I’m serious. If he tries to kiss me, I know I’ll give in and stay here until I’m sated. Partially sated.

  His eyes sparkle as he looks me up and down. It’s been three weeks since we’ve had sex. And we haven’t tried to do it again since. School gets in the way. So does my reasoning for trying to do things differently.

  When we first met, it was all about sex.

  Now, I want to do what normal people who are going to date do.

  I want to go slow…er than what we’ve been doing.

  Alex said as long as we get to touch and have some serious make-out sessions, then he’s fine with it. Or else he would go mad. So would I.

  “Not even a little?” Alex drawls.

  Ohmygod. If he takes one more step or another word leaves his mouth, I’ll willingly stay.

  “I just came over to say hi.” I reach for his arms and slid my hands up until they’re on his shoulders. “And that I’ll be gone for about two hours…” I lean forward and kiss his cheek quickly. “After that I thought we could–”

  “Yes.”

  I smile into the crook of his shoulder. “Go out or something. Have an official date since the others kept getting ruined.”

  I shit you not, the world doesn’t want me to spend time with Alex. That trip to Key West Sophie wanted to go on, yeah, that didn’t happen. All four us got food poisoning on her birthday so the trip was postponed. Alex’s birthday plans were ruined when Zach threw up on him (he was still sick) as we planned on going somewhere to celebrate for both Alex and Sophie. The next week, Soph and Alex had science things keeping them busy. Then all the homework and babysitting I was doing, kept me away from him and my besties.

  I want a date dammit! It will happen.

  “I’ll plan something then,” Alex drops his head and kisses my neck. My eyes drift closed as I lean into him. I breathe in and nozzle my head against his warmth. I so don’t want to leave. “Em?”

  “Hmm.”

  “How about you stay for a few minutes?”

  Okay!

  I tilt my head up and our lips meet.

  Ten minutes later, I’m running, yes, running, to meet up with the guys. When I walk into the room, panting, they both look at me with irritated scowls. They immediately drop the look and go for a smile.

  I stare at the grand piano in the middle of the room, waiting to be played. Oh, how I love grand pianos. I’m going to enjoy this way too much.

  “She so ran here,” Tyler says, holding out his hand. Liam rolls his eyes and reaches into his back pocket, grabbing his wallet. He hands Tyler a few bills then adds the middle finger.

  “I didn’t think you’d run.” Liam walks up to the drum kit that is set up and takes a seat on the stool.

  “You’re both a bunch of assholes. I run.” I try to defend myself halfheartedly.

  “Yeah, if food is involved,” Tyler teases.

  I walk over to him and point at the guitar case lying near his feet.

  “Pick up the guitar and shut up. And you do whatever you need to do to get ready,” I add toward Liam. I get all excited when they actually do it. Look at me, bossing around these big dudes. “Okay, you two play first so I can see what I’m working with. I’ll work around you on the piano. Is that okay?”

  “More than okay, ma’am,” Tyler answers with a two finger salute.

  I walk toward them and listen to each play. The moment it’s my turn to play for them, I lose myself in the musical piece, the keys listening to my every demand. We discuss what we think will work and how to come together to get this thing right.

  We have to create something that shows who we are in a way that collides our styles. I honestly think that we can do this and not look like amateurs. All three of us have been playing music for most of our lives. We understand each other from a few strokes of the guitar, a few notes from the piano, and a few beats from the drums.

  ***

  When we’re done practicing our piece, the guys walk me back to Eaton. Alex is standing outside, leaning against the side of the building, talking on the phone. He spots us and throws me a sexy smile and a wink. He holds up a finger and mouths for me to wait.

  My lips kick up into a blushing smile. Alex’s winks do that to me every time. Everything he does has some kind of affect on me. When he smiles, I melt. When he winks, I blush. When he laughs, I get this fluttering, tingling, electric feeling throughout my whole body. When he kisses me, man, when he kisses me, I feel like I can fly.

  Tyler whistles at him and calls out, in the most distorted female voice I’ve ever heard, “All of this will cost you, baby!” And then he starts touching himself, rubbing his chest and swaying from side to side, while moaning.

  My smile turns into a horrified yet entertained expression.

  “Stop!” I blurt, laughing loudly, hitting his chest. Some people walking by stop and stare. Alex looks mortified. “People are looking!”

  “I don’t give a fuck,” Tyler shrugs but finally stops when Liam looks uncomfortable. Thank god!

  “You’re weird as fuck, bro,” Liam comments softly. “I’m heading up. See ya, Em.”

  Tyler reaches out and nudges my arm before following Liam into the building. “Don’t stay up too late! We have practice again tomorrow.”

  “Thanks, Dad.” I shake my head and turn back to Al
ex, slowly creeping up to his side.

  He ends the call with the person on the phone and then starts walking towards me.

  “How was practice with those two?” He grabs my hand and pulls me into him. I wrap my arms around his neck loosely as his free hand lands on my hip, their special place.

  “Amazing! They’re great together. I think we’ll make this work.” Thinking of the way we all let loose just a short time ago has me wishing that it didn’t have to end. I could play music for the rest of my life, every second of every day, and never get tired from it. That feeling is what I crave. I almost feel guilty and ashamed for turning my back on music after. I wanted nothing to do with it for months.

  I didn’t know how to create something when all I felt inside myself was static.

  There were no voices. There was no motivation.

  There was no sound.

  There was just a void.

  It ate away at me. Slowly. Hauntingly.

  I was so close to succumbing and letting it have me. I was–

  “Hey,” Alex squeezes my hip and dips his head so we’re eye-level. “You with me?”

  I blink away those unwanted thoughts and nod, staring into hazel eyes that keep me from going under. “I’m here.” He doesn’t seem to believe it though. I pull him down and kiss him quickly. “I’m here.” I was lost for a few seconds but I’m here.

  “Good.” He presses his lips against mine for a few extra seconds. When he pulls back, I watch him watch me. Please don’t let that little slip ruin our night. “I had no time to plan this date so forgive me if it doesn’t meet your standards.”

  I laugh because my standards for our dates are there needs to be food. That’s it. Nothing fancy.

  “I’m sure whatever you thought of will be perfect.”

  We pull away from each other and walk side by side, our hands joined, to wherever Alex planned our date.

  As we walk the familiar route to the new student activities center, Alex keeps me from thinking of all the walking I’ve been doing by telling me about his day. I get distracted when I notice two females walking in the opposite direction, eyeballing Alex. It’s not the typical who’s-the-hottie look. I’ve come to understand it’s the you-know-who-that-is-right look. Alex doesn’t notice it. He’s too busy smiling while talking about something that happened in his biology class.