What The Heart Wants

by Gadziala, Jessica

  She was about to walk out of the garage when he called out to her. “Tell him,” he said.

  “Okay,” she said, walking over to her car and getting in.

  Easier said than done.

  Sixteen

  Anna drove home slowly, trying to talk herself into talking to Sam. She let herself into her house, and walked over to her bed, falling onto the soft pile of blankets.

  She couldn’t bring herself to go. There was a tightness in her chest at the idea. She didn’t know what she could possibly say. “Hey Sam, I just realized I really like you” was just not going to cut it.

  She went to bed early, curling into her pillow like a lover.

  Anna was awake before the sun was up the next morning, changing quickly and going outside. She needed some distraction. And she needed to get her mind off of boys and back to work. The weeds in the bed out back were growing fast, almost as high as the plants from not being tended to for days.

  She threw herself into work, pulling weeds until her fingertips hurt and she had a ten gallon bucket packed with them.

  The sun came up hot and unrelenting, making sweat trickle down her back and neck.

  Around nine- she sat back on her heels, looking over at Sam’s property. Then she was on her feet, walking quickly. She climbed up and over the fence, her heart pounding in her throat. She still didn’t know what she was going to say, but she needed to get it over with before she choked on her own anxiety.

  His house came into view. She glanced around, not seeing him outside anywhere, she opened the back door leading into his kitchen. She skidded to a stop right inside the entrance. Sam was standing there, brewing coffee.

  His head snapped over at the sound of the door closing. “Anna,” he said, his brows pulling together. “Everything okay?”

  Anna’s eyes went round. What the hell was she thinking? “Um, yeah. Yeah everything is fine. I just… I wanted to come over and… say hi,” she fumbled, feeling dumb.

  Sam’s eyes looked unconvinced for a moment but he smiled at her. “Well hi,” he said.

  “Hi,” she said, shaking her head and looking out the door, like she was debating just running.

  “Are you sure…”

  Anna lost track of what he was saying. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw something moving. Her head turned, curious. And there was a woman. In the doorway to the kitchen. Wearing nothing but an oversized t-shirt.

  She was gorgeous, Anna realized with a sinking feeling in her chest. She was the kind of tall that Anna had always admired, tall but not manly. She had the most stunning straight black hair that fell almost to her waist. Anna felt the lightness of her own hair and suddenly missed her long locks. Her face was dominated by high, sharp Native American looking cheekbones and huge gray eyes with thick black lashes. From what she could see with a baggy shirt on, the woman had a wonderful figure, wider hips and large breasts.

  Envy filled her immediately. The girl looked at her, a strange mix of surprise and discomfort filling her face.

  Sam finally noticed Anna’s attention to the side of the room, looking over and smiling. “Oh, Hannah,” he started.

  The girl, Hannah, held up one hand with long delicate fingers. “Hold that thought, I didn’t realize you had company. I’ll go get dressed.”

  Anna shook her head. She needed to get out of there. She felt like she couldn’t breathe. Sam was seeing someone other than her. He had her in his house in the early morning. He had obviously had her there overnight. He had slept with her.

  She glanced up at Sam for a second, despair filling her. But she quickly forced that away. She wasn’t going to let him see her like that. She wasn’t going to let him have that. She had the upper hand. She could play it off. She felt her walls that had been slowly starting to topple down since she moved to Stars Landing building back up and reinforcing.

  She felt her face slip into a mask of indifference. “No no,” she said, waving a hand. “It’s alright. I was just leaving.”

  She turned quickly, pulling open the French doors and closing them behind her.

  Alone outside, her heart starting beating so hard she felt it in the back of her throat. She took off toward her property at a dead run, knowing that she needed to be alone. She needed to throw herself into bed. She needed to blare music until her ears hurt. She needed to let herself cry it out so the sudden heaviness in her chest would go away.

  “Anna,” Sam called, forcing her to run faster.

  No no no no. She couldn’t deal with him now. What the hell was he doing running after her with a half naked woman in his kitchen? Her legs hurt as she ran faster and faster, not wanting to have to face him.

  “Anna, hold up,” he called and he was closer than before. He was actually chasing after her.

  She sucked in a breath and tried to push faster. “Anna,” he said and this time he was right behind her. She felt his hand brush her arm once before grabbing it.

  Anna felt her stomach clench. She was going to have to talk to him. She stopped running, sucking in two long, slow breaths with her eyes closed before turning to face him.

  Sam’s eyes were questioning. “I called you,” he said, taking a breath.

  “Oh, sorry I didn’t hear you,” she lied through her teeth, her eyes wide and innocent. “What’s up?”

  “Why’d you leave? You didn’t tell me why you were…”

  “I came to say hi. I didn’t mean to interrupt your time with your… company.” She gave herself props for not sounding jealous or bitter.

  Sam smiled. “I wanted to introduce you to her. That’s Hannah. She’s an old friend.”

  “Of course,” she said, her voice sounding clipped. “But I have a lot of work to get to,” she said, turning half away. “so I don’t have the time.”

  Sam’s eyebrows drew together, off-put by her tone. “Okay, well if you want to come over for dinner…”

  “I have plans,” she said automatically, knowing he would think she meant with Eric. Knowing it would annoy him.

  “Oh alright, well,” he said, putting his hands in his pockets and looking uncomfortable. “thanks for stopping by.”

  “Sure,” Anna said, her chin lifted in an almost haughty way before turning and walking deliberately away, keeping her pace efficient but not rushed. She wasn’t running away from him. She was consciously leaving him behind.

  --

  Sam walked back to his house slowly, a worried hand running through his hair. What the heck was that? Anna didn’t just drop over to say hi for two minutes. It was a thirty plus minute brisk walk from her house to his. She wouldn’t make the trip to just turn around and leave.

  And then there was the tone. That detached, cool tone. It was so unlike her usual sugar and honey voice.

  He walked into his kitchen, looking up startled when he saw Hannah standing there, redressed.

  “You look like someone just killed your dog,” Hannah said, handing him a cup of coffee. “So that’s your girl,” she said.

  Sam looked up, shaking his head. “No. She’s not mine. I think I’m currently sharing her with Eric.”

  “Eric,” Hannah almost laughed. “No way.”

  “Yeah way. She’s with me one day, with him the next.”

  “She knows he’s a man whore, right?”

  Sam sighed. “I think he actually likes her.”

  “Eric O’reilly has feelings for someone?” she asked, her black eyebrows drawing together. “Well there’s a first time for everything.” She looked over at Sam, her gray eyes keen. “What happened?”

  Sam rolled a shoulder. “I dunno. I caught up to her and she was being so… not like herself.”

  “You’re an idiot,” Hannah rolled her eyes. “Don’t give me that look. You are. She thinks we slept together.”

  Sam’s eyes flashed with recognition. “Oh hell,” he said, sighing.

  “Yeah little does she know, the one time we did it, we decided we would never do that again.”

  “As I recall,
you decided. I wasn’t part of that decision making.”

  “Oh please,” Hannah smiled. “You were a teenager. It wasn’t personal, you would have slept with anyone.”

  Sam cocked his head to the side. “I loved you,” he clarified.

  “And now you love her,” Hannah said, brushing their past away.

  Sam’s face looked shocked for a minute. “I never said I loved her.”

  “No, but everything about you is screaming it.”

  “She’s pissed.”

  Hannah smiled. “Yeah she is,” she agreed. “Worse than that, she doesn’t want you to know she’s mad at you.”

  “That’s worse because…”

  “Because she’s going to be resentful and cold and put up guards around you now.”

  “I’ll talk to her,” Sam said, feeling uncomfortable.

  “She wont listen, but you can try.” Hannah sat down and patted the chair next to hers. “Give her a day. Let her cry it out.”

  “Cry it out,” Sam said, looking up. “Why would she be crying?” he asked, the idea making him feel antsy. He didn’t want to be the reason she would cry. Since she arrived, he had done everything within his power to make her life better and now he was the reason she was upset?

  “Because she likes you and thinks you’re screwing around.” She reached out, patting Sam’s hand. “Don’t worry. You’ll get her back.”

  Sam stood up, shaking his head. “I never had her to begin with,” he said, walking out the back door and toward the barn.

  Anna got back to her property, throwing herself down in the ground next to a flowerbed. She snipped the buds off of chamomile plants, hung and dried them then went back outside to weed the beds she missed before going to Sam’s.

  It was stupid of her to think he was only interested in her. It was especially stupid of her to feel so damned guilty for seeing Eric when, apparently, he was seeing other people as well. She toyed with the idea of calling Eric, telling him to come over and finish what they started. Maybe she just needed to get laid. Maybe all the sexual tension was just making her irritable.

  The look in Eric’s eyes when he said he loved her too was the only thing that kept her with her knees in the dirt. She couldn’t do that to him. She couldn’t string him around because she was upset with Sam.

  Even though Sam was not part of the equation anymore.

  There was a finality in that decision she hadn’t expected. She didn’t want to be involved with Sam anymore.

  But she couldn’t let that be the reason she ran into Eric’s arms either. Not until she let herself cry it out, let herself be angry and bitter. Not until she was sure that the reason she was going to him had nothing to do with Sam.

  She dragged weeds out of the ground until her fingertips were numb, the skin around her nails cracked and half-heartedly bleeding. It was past four in the afternoon, she turned on the sprinklers and went inside.

  She rinsed herself off in the tub, the water running deep brown down the drain for a long while. Later, she sat down on top of her bed. Sleep wouldn’t come and she knew she could never focus on anything on her laptop.

  Feeling unattached to her own hand, she reached for her phone, dialing the first number in her speed dial and bringing it up to her ear.

  “Annabelle,” he mother screeched into the phone, excited. Anna felt guilt building. She should have been calling her mother more often.

  “Hey mom,” she said, wishing it was like the old days and they could sit up and drink too much tea and talk about their problems.

  “What’s wrong?” Viv said, shushing whoever she was with. The background noise slipped away as Viv moved away from whatever company she had over.

  “Nothing,” she said too quickly. “I just wanted to talk to you. We haven’t gotten a chance to catch up.” She heard her own melancholy in her voice and knew Viv had picked up on it too.

  “Go put the kettle on, baby,” she said and Anna felt herself smiling a little. “Have a couple cups of tea. It makes everything better,” she urged. “Now, tell me. Are there any attractive eligible men in Stars Landing?”

  “What about Bob?”

  Viv laughed. “Not for me, for you. I don’t like the idea of you all alone all the time in that little house.”

  Anna rolled a sore shoulder, laying back against her pillows. “There are actually a lot of eligible men here. It’s weird. But there’s no one special,” she clarified, finalizing the subject.

  Viv’s voice was low and concerned when she spoke again. “Annabelle Goode I told you to go make some tea. So tell me about the farm. How are things going?”

  Anna made her way to the kitchen and put the kettle on. She ended up drinking four cups while she went on and on about herbs and weeds and customers, careful not to talk about Sam or Eric or whoever it was who was ruining her property.

  They hung up two hours later and Anna fell back into bed, feeling less distraught than before. But as she lay awake as the night drew on, she thought about Sam. She thought about Sam being to kind to her. Sam with his fingers touching her. Sam with his mouth on hers, his mouth on her breasts, his mouth between her legs.

  Then she thought of him with his fingers touching that other girl. Hannah. With her gorgeous, striking face and her curvy body. She thought of him with his mouth on her much fuller breasts, his mouth between her legs.

  And then the tears came fast, hot and streaming. She cried quietly at first, sniffling as she buried her face in the pillow. But soon she was hysterical, her sobs bursting out of her loud and unrelenting. She cried until the skin on her face felt raw. She cried until her eyes were so swollen that she couldn’t keep them open anymore.

  Seventeen

  After a night of restless sleep, she got up and made a list for town. She still hadn’t gotten around to ordering the canisters for her herbs or a big icebox. She needed to stop worrying so much about men and focus on making her business a success. If she didn’t get it up and running, all the male drama was going to go away anyway because she was going to have to move back to New Jersey.

  She dressed uncharacteristically in a flowing skirt and loose blouse. The heat inside her house felt stifling and the idea of tight material on her legs made her itch.

  Throwing her things into the backseat of her car, she got in and turned the key. And it wouldn’t start. Anna sighed, twisting the ignition again, being greeted by a clicking and nothing else.

  Anna sighed, climbing out of the car and heading back inside. Of course. Nothing could ever go right. She reached for her phone suddenly realizing that she didn’t have the number to Eric’s garage. Or anywhere else in town for that matter.

  She sighed, sitting down to do a quick search online and adding the number to her contacts. The phone rang five times before Eric finally picked up, his voice winded and faraway sounding. “Yeah?”

  “Those are some great phone manners,” she commented, amused despite her bad mood.

  “Anna?” he asked and she heard the radio turn off in the background. “What’s up?”

  “My car wont start. I think it’s the battery.”

  “Does it do anything when you turn the key?”

  “Yeah it clicks,” she said, waving a newspaper in front of her face.

  “Alright. You’re probably right. I’ll grab a spare and be over in twenty.”

  He knocked on the door forty minutes later. She opened the door, an eyebrow raised at being kept waiting. “You’re late,” she said.

  Eric looked down at her, his head tilted to the side. “Baby, it’s fixed already.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me when you got here?” she objected.

  “So you could stand over my shoulder while I dropped a new battery in? What’s the point of that? Hey,” he said, his face looking concerned as he took in her splotchy skin and swollen eyes. “What happened?”

  “Doesn’t matter,” she said, brushing it off and moving into her living room.

  Eric sighed, following her. “Look. If you
don’t wanna talk about it, fine. But if you need someone, I’m right here.”

  “I don’t but thanks.”

  “So what were you going into town for?”

  “I was looking to order…”

  “Anna,” Sam’s voice called, coming in through the back door and walking toward them. He stopped dead in the entry to the living room. Eric was sitting close to Anna, her legs turned to the side and touching his thighs.

  Sam felt jealousy build, making him irritable and unsure of himself. He saw the irony of the situation. Anna was jealous of finding Hannah in his kitchen, and here he was jealous of walking into her house and finding her with Eric.

  Anna looked up at him, hey mouth falling slightly open. “Sam what are…”

  “Never mind,” Sam said, a voice more curt than he had ever used around her before. “Just… never mind.”

  And then he was gone. Anna felt the lump in her throat lessen a little as soon as he was out of sight.

  Eric whistled under his breath. “Well that was uncomfortable,” he said, leaning back against the couch. “What’s up with that?”

  Anna sighed. She didn’t want to tell him. It felt unfair to tell him. But she found her mouth opening anyway. “I went over there yesterday to you know…”

  “Tell him how you feel,” Eric supplied.

  “Yeah, that. Well, I got there and there was a half naked girl in his house.”

  Eric sat up straight, looking at her for a second before speaking. “In Sam Flynn’s house?” he asked as if it was the most ludicrous thing he had ever heard.

  “Yes, in the sainted Sam Flynn’s house,” she spat. “Is it really that surprising to everyone? The man has a dick. I’m sure he feels the urge to use it occasionally.”

  Eric was silent for a second before busting out into a big, booming laugh, his head tilting toward the ceiling. “You’re cute when you’re scorned.”

  “I am not scorned,” Anna denied, enunciating each word carefully. “I just wasn’t expecting that. And it changes things.”