The Fifth Gospel

by Grubb, Michelle

  “Yes, I would.”

  “You regret not going to the safe house with her.”

  “That didn’t sound like a question, Seb.”

  “No. It wasn’t.” He stared intently. “But I just realized that’s why you’re so sad.”

  “And?” Anna wasn’t stupid. She just needed to hear someone else say it.

  “Because you love her. It’s as simple as that.”

  A protracted silence fell heavy in the room. Neither of them moved a muscle and both stared into space.

  It was out there now. Anna’s stomach knotted as both fear and relief collided and fought for dominance over her emotions.

  She finally broke the silence. “But it’s not that simple, is it?”

  “Maybe it is.” Seb was in deep thought. “Well, besides the fact that you can’t see her, talk to her, touch her, or even know where she is, I think it’s perfectly simple.”

  Anna laughed. It surprised even her. “Other than that, it’s all just coming up roses.”

  Seb eyed her carefully. “You’re not arguing with my assessment of the situation?”

  She shook her head. She felt relieved.

  “You don’t need a label you know.” He shrugged. “You can just love a person. It doesn’t matter what gender they are.”

  “Is that really true? I mean, I know the world has changed, but you forget I’ve seen and heard all the comments thrown at Flic in the last few months. There’s some horrible people out there.”

  “And there’s some amazing people too. I’d suggest you’ve fallen in love with one of them, so don’t let that worry you. The world is full of rapists, pedophiles, murderers, bigots, and homophobic twats. It always will be, but the rest of us love and accept people based on their good bits, not the box they fit in.”

  “This is the scariest thing I’ve ever faced.”

  “But you’re not alone. I’m here for you anytime.”

  Anna smiled. He had a heart of pure gold. “I know. But I don’t know where Flic is, and she’s the only one who makes me never feel alone.”

  Seb left the room and returned with the car keys and threw a coat at Anna. “Come on. Let’s go find your girl.”

  “What?”

  “You heard me. Let’s go.” He dragged Anna to a standing position. “There’s no point wallowing here any bloody longer.”

  “But where are we going?”

  He held the door open for her. “We’re going to talk to the cops. They know where she is.”

  “MI5 aren’t just the police, Seb. You can’t just call in.”

  He seemed determined not to be deterred. “Did that Stark woman give you a card?”

  Anna raced to her room and returned to thrust a bent and tattered card at Seb. “It’s been in my purse the whole time.”

  Seb dialed the number and handed his phone to Anna.

  Within a minute, Anna and Stark agreed on a meeting place.

  Seb drove his Mini Clubman like a maniac to a pub twenty minutes away. Since surviving the journey, Anna believed anything was possible.

  Just when the adrenaline was threatening to wear off, Stark rushed through the squeaky pub door in worn jeans and a woolen jumper. Turns out she was human after all.

  Anna introduced Seb and Stark indulged the pleasantries, but she quickly moved on.

  “What’s so urgent, Miss Lawrence? I gather it’s not my good company you’re here to enjoy.”

  Anna stalled. What she was about to ask seemed so utterly ridiculous.

  “I, um…”

  Seb nodded his encouragement.

  Anna coughed. “When Flic, Felicity Bastone, was moved to a safe place, she asked if I would go with her.” Anna’s courage faded and she scratched at the shabby wooden table in front of her. “Can I?”

  “Can you see her? No. I’m afraid not.” Stark seemed to refrain from suggesting that if anyone could just “go and see her,” it wouldn’t be a safe place. Thankfully, she simply elaborated. “Unfortunately, that isn’t how this works.”

  “No. I mean can I go to the place now? She asked if I could go with her. I want to go now, to the safe place to stay, not just visit.”

  Stark finally caught up. She sighed heavily. “I’m afraid that ship sailed, Anna. It’s too late.”

  “But it can’t be.” Panic and fear saturated her.

  Seb stepped up to the plate. “Anna realizes she made a mistake. She realizes she missed an opportunity that was offered to her, but there must be some way we can get her to the safe house. Surely the house has supplies delivered? Surely your officers change shifts? There must be some way one of them can come and get Anna and take her to Flic.”

  Stark eyed Anna. “If I can get something sorted, and it’s a big if, you must understand that when you enter the house, you stay in the house until this situation is resolved. Do I make myself clear?”

  Anna nodded, the sudden glimpse of hope lifting her spirits.

  “It could be weeks or months. You know that, right?”

  She nodded again. “Yes. I understand.”

  “Right. Stay here. I’ll go and make some calls.” Stark left through the squeaky door with her phone in hand.

  Anna grabbed Seb by the arms. “Oh my goodness, what have I done? This is the right thing isn’t it? She’ll want me there, won’t she?” She knew she was rambling, but couldn’t stop.

  Surrendering herself to a self-imposed period of exile was probably the most insane thing Anna had ever done. Falling in love with a girl was the scariest.

  “Let’s just see what she comes back with.” Seb was so calm she almost hated him for it.

  Twenty minutes later, and Anna was slumped with her head on the table, no longer avoiding touching it because she had no idea which sticky ale or lager had been spilled all over the spoilt surface. Deflated and defeated, she knew that to take this long it must mean the answer was no. Never in her life had she felt so empty from regret. She wasted an opportunity and she would never have the chance to make a different choice. The excessive bile in her stomach left her feeling empty as it churned in response to her anxiety. She let the scratches on the table make an indentation on her cheek.

  It was at least another ten minutes later before Stark returned shaking her head. “I’m sorry.”

  Seb rested a supportive hand on Anna’s shoulder.

  “I tried, I really did. But they won’t budge. There’s protocol, and it’s just too risky.”

  Anna forgot to breathe.

  “I’m sorry. It’s simply not possible at this stage.”

  She buckled. She clawed at her hair and began to sob. The sick feeling that knotted her insides was like winning the lottery but accidentally throwing away the ticket. It was like every dream she’d had where she ran to get somewhere but never actually made it. In that moment, she swore never to miss an opportunity again. The emotional torment when reality hit was too much to bear.

  “What’s risky about one woman being sent to the safe house with another woman?” Seb didn’t understand.

  “It’s not like the movies, Seb. In reality, safe houses are rarely discovered, and that’s because they have strict protocols surrounding their use.”

  Anna took Seb’s hand. “It’s okay. Let’s go.” She dragged him into a standing position. “Thank you for trying.” She was desperate to flee; she just didn’t know where now.

  The elation at having made some sense of her feelings had disappeared. She also felt more alone than she had the night she found out her parents hadn’t wanted her. The end to her lonely torment remained out of reach.

  Chapter Twenty-three

  Flic was tired. She wished she’d never overheard the conversations in Rome. She wished she’d never heard Anna reject her, and she was just plain tired of hearing things she shouldn’t hear.

  Now, at three a.m. on a day of the week she couldn’t name, tonight was no exception. She wished she wasn’t hearing the dogs barking from the property one hundred meters down the dirt road, or the
outside metal furniture scraping along the concrete patio as it was disturbed, presumably by someone careless and in a world of trouble if he failed. But then she guessed his failure wouldn’t be determined by whether he lived or died, but more accurately by whether she did. Above all, she wished she hadn’t heard Barney speak sharply on his radio. “We’re compromised. Albatross is flying the nest.”

  Flic was albatross. A fleeting sense of importance filled her before a man dressed entirely in black entered her room and waited the split second it took her to pull her hoodie over her head. She wasn’t frightened of this man because it was Barney. In contrast, of the men trying to kill her, she was shit scared. Without ceremony, Barney swiftly directed her through the house toward the internal garage. To facilitate her swift departure, Flic made her body turn adequately limp to assist him in her easy removal.

  As the door slammed and Barney thrust her into the waiting vehicle, she heard three gunshots. She wondered if that was one for each of the men trying to kill her. She guessed not. They’d be sent one at a time to increase their chances of success. The thought of enduring another two attempts on her life was unbearable.

  The three shots rang in her ears. Doug, the safe house owner had assured her he never missed. She’d never wished anyone any real harm, but she hoped he had been on target this evening.

  Her book had pissed off a lot of people. Her message to the church pissed off hordes more, and there were probably just enough psychos in the world who took a liking to the shiny new prize that she was. The men from the Order hunting her now might fail, but she wondered if there’d be more. Flic feared her life might never be her own again. That was assuming she had a life.

  *

  It was the middle of the night, but Anna’s phone only had the opportunity to vibrate twice before she snatched it up and answered breathlessly. “Hello.”

  “Is that Anna Lawrence?”

  Anna’s heart pounded, but she recognized the voice. “Yes.”

  “Anna, this is Bethan Stark, Agent Stark.”

  The correction wasn’t required. Anna knew who it was.

  Stark continued. “That request you made yesterday?”

  “Yes.”

  “I can facilitate that, but I need an answer now.” Anna caught her breath. “The window of opportunity will literally be closed at the conclusion of this call. Do you understand me?”

  The meaning was crystal clear. If she went, she went now. “Yes, I understand.”

  “Would you like to proceed?”

  “Yes.”

  “Hold the line, please.”

  Anna waited, the silence polluted by MI5’s irritating hold music.

  When Stark returned, her tone had lightened. “You’ll be collected by a car in approximately ten minutes. You are to take all of your personal Internet enabled electronic devices and surrender them to the officer in the vehicle. Pack as much as you can carry. You don’t have much time.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Good luck.” Stark hung up.

  Seb knocked on her door but entered without invitation. He was in his boxer shorts and barely had one eye open. “What’s going on?”

  “That was Stark. They’re taking me to Flic.”

  “What?” He was suddenly wide-awake.

  “I’m going, Seb. They’re taking me to her.”

  “In the middle of the night? It’s a bit cloak and dagger isn’t it?”

  “I guess that’s what time you do these things.” Anna ushered him out while she dressed. Her body could hardly maintain pace with her brain, which was already out the front door. She inhaled deeply, slowing her breathing so she could at least think.

  “You sure about this?” he called from the hallway.

  Thrusting him her toiletries bag, she said, “I’ve never been surer of anything in my life. Now can you please make yourself useful and fill this with as much of my stuff as you can?”

  “It’s been three weeks. Are you sure Flic won’t have changed her mind?”

  Anna paused and stared at her reflection in her mirror. Over her shoulder she saw Seb lean in the doorway. “There’s only one way to find out, right?”

  “That’s my girl.” Seb threw the toiletries into her duffel bag and began pulling jumpers and tops from her drawers.

  They were waiting by the front door staring out into the darkness of her quiet street in Clapham when Seb spoke. “So, this will be it for a while then?”

  She hugged him close. “Hopefully, not too long.”

  “For what it’s worth, I think you’re doing the right thing.”

  Anna nodded. She needed that reassurance. “Whatever happens is in my hands now, and I know God would want me to follow my heart. I have to trust that.” If there was one thing Anna had come to believe, it was that God wouldn’t want all this fuss about love. Love is Love, she imagined God would say. Now get on with it.

  As a set of headlights pulled into their street and double-parked in front of the house, Seb whispered, “I think God’s got your back. Stay safe and I hope to see you both soon.”

  Anna opened the door as the officer reached the step.

  “Are you Anna Lawrence?” She nodded and he held a photo next to her face, scanning from one to the other. “Can I see some identification?”

  She handed him her driver’s license and passport. He studied them thoroughly before producing a torch with an ultraviolet light. “Do you have your devices?”

  “Yes.”

  “Excellent. I’m Phillip.” He handed her his ID as proof and waited for her to take it in. “Follow me please, Miss Lawrence.”

  Stepping over the threshold was the second leap of faith she’d successfully completed within days. Her final challenge lay ahead, and both anxiety and anticipation filled her.

  *

  Barney was a man of few words. Not that it mattered. He wasn’t authorized to tell Flic anything anyway. Ethan, the new driver of the vehicle—they’d picked him up at a telephone box in the middle of nowhere an hour or so before—spoke even less. At least Barney was in telephone contact with someone and performed the task of saying “Yes, sir” with predictable regularity.

  Barney typed something on his phone. Flic only caught a glimpse and guessed they were map coordinates. Ethan studied it for a moment, nodded, and took the next exit off the motorway. She imagined their vehicle from above, like when you fly over a country in the dead of night and see headlights weaving a path through an unknown land. They met no other cars on their journey, and the monotonous road left her head lolling from side to side as she dozed in the backseat.

  The blue glowing clock on the dashboard read six thirty-seven, and the sky was a dusky gray color when Flic woke. Something told her she was near the sea, and she was correct. To the right of the car she could see the coastline. She thought she recognized the location, but instead of asking, decided to wait until she saw a road sign. It seemed ridiculous to continue to ask questions she knew wouldn’t be answered, but sometimes the silence was unbearable.

  “Are we nearly there? I need the bathroom.” Flic wanted a coffee, too, but thought the toilet sounded less pathetic.

  “Not far now.”

  Flic sensed Barney wanted to say more, but other than a crooked smile, he simply nodded and looked to the front again.

  “Has there been any word on the man who found me last night?”

  “He’s one of the three men from the Order, but so far, he’s not talking.”

  Of course he wasn’t. That would be too easy. The entire process exasperated her. “Can’t someone persuade him with a phone book or something?”

  Barney and Ethan laughed. Barney said, “Oh, we have much more effective means of persuasion these days.”

  “Like teeth pulling?”

  “There’s that.”

  “And fingernail removal?” Flic could see the grin on Barney’s face.

  “Yes, that’s a timeless classic.”

  “Toe removal and finger breaking.” Flic could
n’t suppress the feeling of satisfaction it gave her to think that the man responsible for trying to kill her this time could at least have one finger broken during their interview.

  Barney joined in. “What about persuasion with a power saw or drill?”

  The thought of such intense pain made her empty stomach lurch. “Okay, you win.”

  “Don’t worry. We’re searching the place he was staying and looking through all his stuff. There’ll be a clue there somewhere.”

  “So the three of them have split up?”

  “Looks like it. Not surprising though.”

  “And in the meantime I have you two blokes, right?” It was supposed to be a joke, but disappointment laced every word.

  “Are you hungry?” It was the first she’d heard Ethan speak since they picked him up.

  “I’m starving and could do with a coffee.”

  Ethan caught her eye in the rearview mirror. “Thirty minutes, okay?”

  She nodded. She’d watched helplessly as hours and days passed. What was another thirty minutes?

  *

  The thrill of surging adrenaline was new to Anna, and speeding along country roads in an unmarked MI5 vehicle was certainly nothing like the adrenaline rushes she was used to. Creating a great marketing campaign, Christmas bonuses, charity dinners with Dee, and being the all-round best at her role at Griffin’s was the only real adrenaline fix Anna had ever known. It had never occurred to her to take drugs, jump off bridges with a giant rubber band strapped to her legs, jump out of a plane, or hang glide over the Austrian Alps. Her clever mind, until now, had been the source of her satisfaction. Actually doing something crazy was so beyond her comfort zone, she was practically a different woman.

  Her first question to the police officer had been how long until they reached the safe house. He had vaguely replied that the journey would take “considerable time.” That question had been the first of many. Anna’s voice was reaching octaves so high, she wondered had the devil himself possessed her. But she couldn’t stop. Where were they taking her? Did Flic know she was coming? Was driving people to safe houses all they did all day? Did they always move during the night? Who had authorized her to see Flic? Would Stark come and visit? In the end, Phillip suggested she try to get some sleep.