Tilly and the Crazy Eights

by Monique Gray Smith

  “Great.” He pulled out the chair and sat down. Tilly pretended to adjust her sunglasses as she took a quick glance at him. He was lean and she could see he had the sinewy muscles of an endurance athlete. His sleek jawline was slightly covered by his dark brown, wavy hair that looked like it had been tousled by the wind. Or maybe that’s how it always was.

  “You waiting for the Vortex Tour?” he asked.

  “Yes.”

  “Thought so.” He lifted his sunglasses and smiled at her. She wasn’t sure if it was the way his faded green shirt made his hazel eyes dance, or his dimples or the warmth that radiated from him, but something about him caused her stomach to flip.

  “Oh really, what made you think so?” Tilly said nonchalantly.

  He looked at her briefly. “Your shirt.”

  Tilly looked down and realized she was wearing her T-shirt with BE AMAZING written on it. Bette had given it to her for her birthday last year and it had been her favorite ever since. Although, lately, she had not been feeling all that amazing.

  She tipped her head slightly and shrugged her shoulders. “It was a gift.”

  “Someone knows you well. So, what’s your name, or should I just call you Amazing?” He took a quick sip from his water bottle before continuing, “Cuz you know all those crazy Hollywood types are naming their kids all kinds of names and maybe yours really is Amazing?” He looked at her playfully. There they were again, those dimples, popping right out at her.

  Tilly sat speechless for a moment, wondering, Is he flirting with me? She swallowed hard and answered, “My name’s Tilly. And you?”

  He put his hand out to her and she reached across the table to shake it. “Rob, Rob Sanchez. Very nice to meet you.” He gave her hand a slight squeeze before letting it go. “Where you from, Tilly?”

  “Vancouver.”

  “You’re from Canada, eh?” He teasingly placed emphasis on the eh.

  Without pause, she teased right back, with a long drawl, “Yeh, and you?” From behind her sunglasses, Tilly raised her eyebrows at him.

  “Oh, so that’s how this is going to go this afternoon.” He chuckled and sat up straighter in his chair, as if the games had just begun.

  There was no opportunity for further bantering as a petite, red-haired woman came over to where they were sitting. “Any chance you two are waiting for the Vortex Tour?”

  Rob nodded. The woman, who introduced herself as Kathi, explained that she was their tour leader. She pointed her pen at Tilly and said, “You must be Tilly.”

  Tilly stood and said, “That’s me.”

  “And you’re Rob?” He smiled at her and Tilly noticed that Kathi’s cheeks flushed. She thought, Good it’s not just me who reacts to those dimples.

  Kathi quickly regained her composure. “Okay, well the other two couples are up at the Jeep. What say we go visit some vortexes?” She smiled at them both, turned on her heels, and headed toward the stairs. Rob motioned with his hand for Tilly to go first.

  When they got to the Jeep, Kathi briefly introduced everyone and let them know that at the first stop they’d be doing a circle of introduction and sharing why they’d chosen to do this tour. Tilly noticed one of the men rolled his eyes.

  “Okay. Let’s pile in and get this show on the road,” Kathi stated. “I need a copilot, so one of you couples will have to separate.”

  Tilly started, “Oh, Rob and I…” But before she could explain that they weren’t a couple, she was cut off by a women named Delilah.

  “I need to sit in the front, my knees are too sore to climb in and out of the back,” she stated.

  The Jeep had three sets of seats, each with two seatbelts. “That settles it. Delilah up front with me.” Kathi pointed to the back seat: “Raoul and Alvira, you two back there, Rob and Tilly on the side seat here, and, Frank, you can sit on the other side here with the blankets.”

  Tilly watched as Rob helped Alvira and Raoul get into the back of the Jeep. At first, she wasn’t aware that her gaze had moved from how he was helping them to how his body fit in his faded Levis.

  Damn Levis! They got her every time!

  As Tilly climbed into the Jeep, there was no denying it, there was something about this man that she found incredibly attractive.

  29

  Vortex Tour

  AS THEY HEADED out through Sedona, the wind blew against Tilly’s face and through her hair. With her eyes closed, she leaned her head against a bar and imagined the wind carrying away some of the negativity and hurt she was holding.

  When they arrived at their first vortex, Kathi asked everyone to make their way up to the top of the small lookout and form a circle. “Great,” Raoul said sarcastically and stormed off to the top of the hill. When they’d all reached the top, Kathi introduced herself further, sharing that she had been living in Sedona for over eleven years and was a Jungian therapist in her previous life. “Now I bring people to the vortexes for their healing,” she explained. She asked everyone to share a bit about themselves, where they were from, and why they chose this tour.

  As they went around, Tilly learned that Delilah and Frank were from Tulsa and celebrating their fortieth wedding anniversary. They had been to other energy vortexes in the world, in Maui and New Zealand and wanted to experience Sedona. Raoul went next, his accent was pronounced, but Tilly was unable to place it. “My wife, she make me come on dis tour.”

  Kathi playfully said to him, “Nobody in life can make us do anything. We all make our own choices.”

  Tilly smirked and watched as Raoul rolled his eyes.

  Alvira looked at her husband. Annoyance was written all over her face.

  “What?” he asked.

  She shook her head slightly. “Never mind.” Alvira turned to Kathi and then looked at each person momentarily. The energy in the circle changed, deepened. “My husband and I are from Spain. He had to come here for a conference, so I came along. I was diagnosed with cervical cancer last year and have just come through two surgeries and chemotherapy.” She took a deep breath and Raoul’s eyes dropped to the ground as he delicately placed his hand on her lower back. “Even though I got the ‘cancer free’ from the doctor a few months ago, I’m still afraid. Afraid of so many things, but, mostly, of all the damage that’s been done to my body. So, I wanted to come on this tour for healing.”

  There was silence in the circle, everyone transfixed by Alvira’s honesty. “There’s one thing I’ve learned over this last year, besides how much I love my husband, who behind all this toughness and sarcasm is a big teddy bear.” Raoul lifted his head slightly and looked at Alvira in a way that only a man who has the deepest of affections for his wife can. Alvira continued, “I’ve learned that life gives us plenty of opportunities to experience the richness of being alive, it’s up to us to say yes to those experiences. When Raoul told me he was coming to the US, I said, ‘so am I, and we’re going to Sedona.’”

  It was then that Tilly noticed what a gorgeous smile Alvira had. “So that’s how we got here and why we chose this tour. It’s true, I did make Raoul come with me,” she said as she reached for his hand. “After this past year, we are both in need of healing and positive energy.” They looked at each other for a moment, Raoul lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it.

  Tilly was grateful she had her sunglasses on and that the tears welling up in her eyes were not visible.

  Kathi was not as self-conscious, openly wiping the tears from her cheeks. “Thank you, Alvira.” She smiled at her tenderly. “I hope you find what you are seeking today, and always.” There was quiet for a few moments. Tilly had lowered her head, hoping to avoid sharing for as long as possible, but the silence had become uncomfortable.

  “Guess I’ll go then. My name is Tilly and I’m on a road trip with a group of Native Canadian elders and we are on our way to the Gathering of Nations Pow Wow. As part of our trip, each person
is doing one of their bucket list items. Sedona was on the list for one of the elders, so I looked it up online to learn more and this tour was listed as one of the things to do in Sedona.” There. She’d said a lot without saying why she’d really chosen this particular tour or that she was craving healing, guidance, and clarity.

  Rob was the only one left to introduce himself. “My name is Rob Sanchez. I live in the San Fernando Valley and I’m dad to three amazing girls who keep me humble and in style.” He chuckled and so did everyone else in the circle. “I’m a massage and reiki therapist and so I’m fascinated with the vortexes and healing. But the real reason I chose this tour and why I’ve come to Sedona is that a few months ago, after almost twenty-five years of being together, my wife and I divorced.”

  No matter how many times he said those words, it was still incredibly difficult to hear them reverberate back and hit his heart. “I’m out here trying to remember who I was before all these roles of who I’m supposed to be took over. And to figure out who I want to be. Seems crazy at forty-five. The only thing I know for sure is that I want to be a dad. I love being a father, but any more than that right now…” he paused and his eyes landed on Tilly. She had been watching him, but quickly turned her eyes to the red soil beneath her feet. “Any more than that and I draw a blank. So that’s why I came on this tour. To seek inspiration.”

  Tilly sneaked a peek at him from under her lashes and thought to herself, He just said everything I didn’t have the courage to say.

  “Thank you, everyone, for sharing, it helps us all understand a bit more why we are here on this tour together.” Kathi smiled at Raoul. “Even if your wife made you, we’re all here together for a reason.” Raoul tipped his head slightly. Tilly wasn’t sure if he was agreeing with her or pondering the idea. Kathi told them more about energy vortexes and the differences between the female and masculine energies. She explained that the airport was a powerful masculine energy vortex and now that she understood why everyone had come on the tour, they wouldn’t be going up there. Instead, they would visit only the feminine, healing energy vortexes. She ended by saying, “So why don’t you walk around a bit and we’ll leave for our next stop in fifteen minutes.”

  Tilly went for a short stroll and revelled in the landscape surrounding her. Every direction held stunning red and orange rock formations. She stood on a cliff and overlooked the valley where Sedona lay, overwhelmed by the beauty. Removing her backpack and unzipping the front compartment, Tilly pulled out the pouch of tobacco Bette had given her for the trip. She’d told Tilly, “It’s for the offerings, prayers, and gratitude that you’ve been missing in your life. You’ll know when to use it.” Tilly had used it quite a bit since the trip had started and was now moved to lay some tobacco down in gratitude. She reached into the pouch and removed enough to cover the palm of her hand. Closing her fingers around the tobacco, she offered a prayer: “Great Spirit, Creator of all things, my name is Beautiful Light Woman and I come before you in a humble manner. I offer thanksgiving for my safe passage through the night and for the safe passage for all my loved ones. I offer thanksgiving for the privilege of witnessing the beauty of this land and for the healing energy you’ve placed here. I have so much in my life to be grateful for, Creator, and I thank you for that. At this time, I ask for the strength and courage to release the hurt and negativity I’m carrying. May today, amid this beautiful land, be the start of that releasing. Please watch over my family back home, especially my children, my parents, and the elders I’m privileged to be traveling with. Watch over all of us, guide us, protect us, and keep us safe, healthy, and vibrant. And may we experience joy. Hiy Hiy.”

  Tilly gently squeezed the tobacco in her hand and placed it at the base of a juniper tree. She stood and headed back to the Jeep, noticing the tension in her neck had dissipated.

  They stopped at two more vortexes. At both, Tilly said prayers and made similar tobacco offerings. Each time, she felt a bit lighter. She stuck pretty much to herself, enjoying her own company and needing the time to reflect.

  Before long Kathi called everyone to the Jeep. “The last vortex we’re going to visit is my favorite and I’ve left it for last so we could have a bit more time there. You can only get to it on foot or in 4x4 vehicles, so we’re going do a bit of off-roading to get there. It’s called Mystic Vista and I think you’re going to really like it. Let’s get going.”

  30

  Mystic Vista

  DURING THE DRIVE to Mystic Vista, especially once they turned onto the dirt road, Tilly was aware of Rob sitting beside her. Kathi explained a bit about life in Sedona. She told them that some people say one year of living in Sedona is like ten years of therapy. “There are three rules to living here.” She put the Jeep into four-wheel drive and raised her forefinger. “First rule: Don’t take what anyone says personally.”

  Rob interjected, “That’s a good rule in life no matter where you live.”

  Kathi acknowledged that was true. She smiled at him in the rear-view mirror. “Second rule: Drink lots of water, and third rule: Get out of town at least once a week. This spot I’m taking you to, it’s my spot to come to when I need to get out of town.”

  Over the last few moments, Tilly had become intensely aware of Rob. The bumps and tilts of the Jeep maneuvering the dirt road had her leaning and falling into him. She was embarrassed by her inability to remain on her side of the double seat and apologized.

  “No worries. It’s all good,” he said lightheartedly. “It’s like being a kid again.” His easy, carefree attitude helped lessen her discomfort and enjoy the ride. Before she knew it, Tilly was smiling wider than she had for a very long time and loving every moment of the off-road experience. Even, or maybe especially, the falling into Rob.

  When they reached the base of Mystic Vista, Kathi turned off the engine and asked, “How fun was that?” Almost in unison, as if it had been planned, they all responded, “Awesome!” Rob was right, it was like being a kid again, and Tilly was grateful they still had the ride back out.

  “This is Mystic Vista. You can hike up to the top there, but just be careful because there are rattlesnakes and scorpions. It might be chilly so take one of these blankets to sit on or wrap around you. We’re going to be here for about forty-five minutes, so please, take this time for you. You may never come back here, so make it memorable.”

  Everyone unloaded from the Jeep, grabbed their bags and blankets, and each went their own way. Tilly climbed to the top of the hill and gasped at the beauty that lay before her. In every direction and as far as she could see were the healing mountains and rocks of Sedona. The colors were breathtaking, like a painter’s palette of oranges, reds, yellows, and golds. She searched for a private place to settle in, one where she could be absorbed in the beauty and release the heaviness in her heart. Once she found the spot, she scanned the area for rattlers and scorpions, knowing that Kathi had not been joking. Tilly laid her blanket down and sat cross-legged. Instantly, tears filled her eyes. The sadness and loneliness could no longer be held at bay. She cried, deeply and loudly, not caring who might hear or what they might think. She desperately needed this. After all those nights of crying silently into her pillow, it felt good to hear herself. Her thoughts led to Mick. Her heart physically ached as she thought to herself, How did this happen? How did Mick and I get like this? How did there come to be a chasm between us?

  Tilly used to know how to reach him, how to pull him out of his shell when he turtled. But, in that moment, sitting looking out at the beauty, it occurred to her that it wasn’t just Mick who had turtled. She, too, had withdrawn. Somewhere along the way she’d stopped talking with him and begun talking to him. In her mind, it was a form of self-preservation.

  A few months ago, after going three days without talking to each other, Mick had suggested couples counseling, but, in her denial, Tilly had said they didn’t need it. Truth was, she was terrified of having to sit with him and disse
ct their relationship. Even more terrified of the very real chance that, in the dissecting, they wouldn’t know how to put it back together. It seemed easier at the time to remain in denial than to take that risk.

  Tilly knew she could no longer live in denial. Her marriage was in serious trouble. She wasn’t sure she and Mick could find their way across the chasm and back to each other.

  As she sat atop that mountain, Tilly remembered how she used to be happy. She was someone who frequently felt joy, who loved adventure, and who exuded love and warmth. She wanted that woman back. She needed Beautiful Light Woman back.

  Up there, overlooking the glory of Sedona, Tilly made a commitment to herself. To start taking care of her needs and get back to doing the things that made her happy.

  This time as she pulled out her tobacco and offered her prayers, they were different. “Creator and Ancestors, thank you for the time alone to seek clarity and guidance. I offer thanksgiving for watching over me and protecting me. I am grateful for the opportunities you are sending me that will help me to remember what happiness and joy feels like. Please watch over my family, keep them safe, and may they feel my love all these miles away. Hiy Hiy.”

  She laid the tobacco on the ground in front of her. In that moment, a gust of wind blew by and swept each tiny particle of that tobacco up, spreading it far and wide on the sacred land of Mystic Vista. Tilly smiled to herself, knowing the wind was Grandma Tilly working her magic. She stood and lifted her head to the sky, letting the last of the late afternoon sun shine on her.

  31

  Connection

  THE TRIP BACK to the tour office was fairly quiet, everyone lost in their own thoughts. When they arrived, Tilly said a quick good-bye. She grabbed her pack and headed off to find a coffee shop, seeking time and space to write and capture all that had transpired for her on the tour. Along the way, she came across a store promoting healing massages, crystals, and energy work. Tilly loved stores like this and decided the coffee shop and writing could wait.