Behind the Scenes

by Dahlia Adler

  “Don’t worry,” said Josh. “There’s no way in hell I’d tell him you were here. Even I know that’s no good for anyone.”

  “Thanks.” We exchanged a brief smile, and he walked out, closing the door gently behind him.

  I went to the en suite bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror over the sink. I was a disgusting mess of eye makeup and general blotchiness. My hair, which my mom had painstakingly styled into the kind of curls I could only hold with enough product to style the entire Kardashian family, was a frizzy mess. I frowned at my reflection and then washed my face and brushed my teeth in preparation for a night of crying myself to sleep.

  24

  I WOKE UP FEELING LIKE someone had methodically shoved cotton balls into my mouth one by one, filling it so far that they went up into my brain. I’d completely forgotten Hangover Prevention 101—drink a ton of water before you go to sleep—and now I was paying the price. I couldn’t even imagine how much worse it would’ve been if I hadn’t thrown up the night before.

  Ugh, the night before. If only that could dissipate like the pleasant effects of alcohol. I blinked myself awake, and when I could finally compose my thoughts, the first one was: Coffee. The second was: Wait, where the hell am I?

  It took another few seconds to remember that I was at Josh’s, and as I washed up, I prayed I wouldn’t have to face him again this morning. No such luck. The second I exited the guest room and turned the corner in search of the kitchen, there he was.

  “Good morning, sunshine,” he said wryly. “Or should I say afternoon?”

  “Shit,” I muttered, grabbing his wrist to glance at his watch. It was almost one. I seriously hoped my mother wasn’t freaking out right now. “Can I use your phone?”

  “There’s one in the kitchen. There’s an espresso machine in there too, but I don’t know how to use it, so you’re on your own if you want coffee.”

  “I’m okay,” I lied. No way was I taking a chance on breaking a fancy kitchen appliance I’d have to spend my whole new college fund to replace. “I’ll just take that phone.” I took the cordless handset from the wall and dialed my home number, but there was no answer. My mom was probably at the hospital. I tried her cell instead, and she picked up on the second ring.

  “Hello?” She was obviously puzzled by the number.

  “Hi, Mom, it’s me. Just wanted to let you know that I’m okay and I’ll be home soon.”

  “Did you have fun?”

  She didn’t sound particularly perturbed by the fact that I still wasn’t back. I’m pretty sure that was a glaring sign that my own mother thinks I’m boring. “Yeah, I had a great time,” I replied, which was true for most of the night, at least. “Are you at the hospital?”

  “Yes, with Lucy, and Grandma just got here to visit so I should go. I’m glad you had fun, sweetie.”

  “Yeah,” I mumbled. “Send my love.” I hung up and turned to Josh. “Should I be concerned that my mother doesn’t seem to be panicked that I’ve been out all night with strangers?”

  “You worry about the weirdest things,” said Josh, shaking his head. “If you hand me the phone, I’ll call Ronen. He’s my driver, and he’ll take you back to wherever it is you live.”

  I nodded dumbly. I didn’t want to get in a car with some stranger, but what else could I do? I certainly wasn’t going to ask Josh to come with me, not that he would’ve been all that comforting a presence. The look of hatred that had glittered in his eyes the night before was gone, but I didn’t think I’d magically moved into his top five.

  “Daylight Falls got picked up, by the way,” he added dryly.

  Ah, the glitter was back.

  Still, I was relieved to hear it, although I didn’t bother responding. There hadn’t been much doubt, especially not with the added buzz generated by the awe-inspiring romance of its stars, but despite my fight with Van, I would always want her to succeed. The same went for Liam, although I imagined that finding out for sure that he’d be stuck in this role for however many years the show lasted would only be bittersweet for him.

  Josh and I sat in silence once he hung up on Ronen, but when the black Escalade pulled up in the circular driveway, Josh hopped off his seat and walked me out.

  I whistled. “Taking me all the way to the car, Joshua? I had no idea you were such a gentleman.”

  He rolled his eyes. “I’m getting in with you, smartass,” he informed me as Ronen held open the door. “I’ve got shit to do.”

  “Right,” I mumbled, instantly feeling stupid. For a second, I’d actually thought he was trying to be friendly. Not that I cared if Josh was friendly. The only reason I’d ever want Josh to like me was because he was Liam’s best friend, but now that I was nothing to Liam, Josh was nothing to me.

  I thought the car ride would be as silent as our non-breakfast had been, but as soon as Ronen had pulled away from the house, Josh asked without so much as a glance in my direction, “What is it about you, anyway?”

  “You mean, what did your friend see in me?” I asked wryly.

  He smirked, still looking straight ahead, his eyes concealed by sunglasses that probably cost more than my parents’ house. He pressed the back of his hand up against the tinted window and tapped his nails against it. “No, I’ve had to sit through enough of that from Liam, thanks. I mean, what makes you so fucking immune to us?”

  I raised an eyebrow. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  He turned to glance at me now, his nails still tapping. “I mean, you’re not rich, your parents aren’t in the industry, and you go to public school, so it’s not like you hang out with tons of celebs all day. So why the hell are you so jaded?”

  “You don’t have to have a parent in the industry to get exposed to it,” I informed him. “Growing up with Van and watching her interact with stars and agents and fans and paparazzi—and watching her set herself up to get rejected over and over again for the simple fact of who she is—was really all I ever needed to know that I want no part in anything Hollywood.”

  Josh snorted. “Everyone gets rejected, girly. Aren’t you the one who rejected Liam for who he is?”

  “That’s not—”

  “Look, you’re still close with Park, right?”

  I didn’t feel the need to point out that not lately, I wasn’t. “She’s a good person,” I said. “The fact that she’s made some choices I wouldn’t make for myself doesn’t take away from that.”

  “So the fact that she’s a celebrity doesn’t define who she is for you.”

  “It’s hard to let that define somebody you’ve traded Barbie underwear with.” He raised an eyebrow again, and I rolled my eyes. “We’ve been friends a long time.”

  “We’re all people, Ally,” he said, his voice bordering on weary as he took off his sunglasses and rubbed his eyes. “If you can separate her from Hollywood and be cool with her choices, then why can’t you do the same for Liam?”

  “Actually, I wasn’t cool with this particular choice of hers,” I informed him. “Look, I get that they have to do it or whatever, and that’s fine for them, but I don’t have to have it around me. If breaking up with Liam and cutting off communication with Vanessa is the only way I can deal—”

  Josh snorted. “You call this dealing? Bitch, you’re delusional.”

  “Oh, fuck you.”

  “Whatever. You think you’re so much better than we are because you’re a ‘normal’ person.” He rolled his eyes as he air-quoted. “You think your morals are so much better, and you’re so much more grounded. Except you froze out your best friend; you dumped your boyfriend with, like, two words as if he didn’t matter for shit; you went to prom with an asshole you knew would piss off Liam even more; and then you got plastered and stumbled over to my house, even though I’m basically a stranger. Oh, and the two people you seriously hurt have been doing nothing but trying to help you pay for college and take care of your sick dad.”

  “Shut up. I mean it,” I warned, my voice shaking.


  “So where in there do you come off like a saint who has her shit together?” he continued as if I hadn’t spoken. “Seems to me like the only people keeping you in one piece are the ones you think live a fuckedup, abnormal, immoral lifestyle.”

  “You’re putting words into my mouth.” I narrowed my eyes. “Judging what you do isn’t judging who you are.”

  “What we do is who we are,” Josh snapped. “How the fuck do you not see that? It’s not like Liam chose to chill with a glass of Cristal rather than take you to your prom. This shit comes with the job when you’re still new to the game—and trust me, no matter how long we’ve been doing this, we’re all new until we can stop auditioning and pulling stupid publicity stunts just to get a little attention.”

  “But Liam doesn’t even like this crap.”

  “No, but it’s all he knows. You don’t realize that until you came along, Liam never had anything else. It’s not like he’s got family, and because he hates almost everyone in the industry as much as you do, he doesn’t have a lot of friends either. Work is all he’s got, and he doesn’t know how to stop right now. He’s not going to stop right now,” Josh added emphatically, as if I didn’t get it.

  Which, until that moment, maybe I didn’t.

  I looked away, clenching my jaw as I stared out the window, wishing I were sitting on the side with the ocean view. I was tired of these conversations, tired of getting schooled on Liam and what a terrible bitch I’d been, breaking his heart. All I’d wanted was a relationship grounded in the real world. Hadn’t that been what he’d wanted, too? Wasn’t that part of the draw for him of dating me, of what relaxed him about me?

  “Could you imagine Vanessa stopping?”

  “Vanessa says no to stuff all the time,” I informed him. “And she asks my opinion. She actually cares what I think about what she should and shouldn’t do. Liam never asked me about signing with Jade, or about the party.”

  “You never asked him about prom,” Josh reminded me smugly.

  “Oh, shut up. It’s not the same and you know it.”

  “No, and Vanessa and Liam aren’t the same either. I know you’re all, ‘Oh, they’re both stars and they’re hot and they must be in love by now’ and whatever stupid shit jealous chicks think, but Vanessa has parents and a good best friend to help her think shit through. Liam doesn’t have that. The guy lives on autopilot.”

  “Aren’t you Liam’s best friend?”

  “Yeah, but I’m a stupid dick, or haven’t you noticed?”

  That surprised me enough to turn back in his direction. “I noticed,” I said. “I just didn’t realize that you noticed.”

  To my even greater surprise, Josh laughed. “I know my limitations. Holloway’s my boy and all, but he hates my shit as much as you do. Hates my parties, hates the people I hang out with, hates the chicks I bang. If it were up to him, I’d be living in a one-bedroom condo right next to his and we’d spend our nights chillin’ in front of the TV. I’d kill myself in three days.”

  “Then you really shouldn’t try dating him as a non-celebrity,” I informed him, “because that’s all you get to do.”

  Josh shrugged. “Hey, if it’s not worth it, it’s not worth it. It’s not like you’re even gonna be living in the same state in a few months. I just think you should’ve let him down easier.”

  The mention of the fact that I’d be going to New York at the end of the summer while Liam and everyone else I loved remained in L.A. hit me like a punch to the gut. Originally, getting away had been the point, but now…

  “Stop confusing me,” I blurted out.

  Josh looked at me in surprise. “Was I?”

  “Yes! I mean, no! I don’t know,” I grumbled. “Just shut up. It’s been a complicated few months.”

  “Apparently. You have more drama than Daylight Falls. Are you sure you’re not an actress?”

  I flashed him a look that was meant to shut him up but only made him smirk. Apparently Josh Chester had been on the receiving end of so many death stares that he was immune to mine. Fortunately, we pulled up in front of my house just then. I couldn’t wait to jump out of the Escalade, but just as I was about to, Josh handed me a card.

  “What is this?” I asked, examining it. It looked like a standard business card, black with silver lettering. “Are you trying to slip me your digits?”

  Josh snorted. “Not quite, homewrecker. I want you to work for me.”

  “You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.” Something about being around Josh made me drop the F-bomb about a million times more than usual.

  “Nope. I need an assistant I won’t wanna sleep with, and you now have experience and need the money. I start filming next week and go through the end of July. Ten thousand bucks.”

  Ten thousand bucks. For two months of work. That’d be a huge help; there was no denying it. My dad was doing so well these days—his scans kept coming back showing improvement—and being able to tell him we were going to be fine financially with regard to my tuition would definitely help ease some of his residual stress.

  On the flip side, working for Josh sounded like a nightmare.

  “Fine,” he sighed when I still didn’t respond after a minute, “but fifteen is my final offer.”

  “Fifteen thousand dollars, Josh? Are you out of your mind?”

  “You want more?”

  “I want to know why the hell you would spend that much cash on a barely experienced assistant when there’s a massive pool of qualified people you could choose from.”

  He shrugged. “Like I said, no chance in hell I’ll want to sleep with you. Plus, my manager seems to think it’d be a good idea to have someone around to tell me when I’m being an asshole.”

  “Well, that I can do,” I said wryly.

  “Good. You start Monday. I’ll do my best to work around your classes, but you’re probably gonna have to do some skipping. Good thing you’re already in college, right?” He slipped his sunglasses back on. “Text me your number and I’ll text you where to be and when.”

  I opened my mouth to inform him that I hadn’t actually accepted the offer, but he was already done with me, instructing Ronen where to go as he typed something into his phone. They sped off, leaving me standing in front of my house in fuchsia silk pumps and a sparkly gold prom dress.

  25

  WORKING FOR JOSH was impossibly exhausting, but it was rarely ever boring. (Except when I had to wait in line for him for three hours to get his iPad fixed—that was boring.) My days were packed with handling his fan mail, buying gifts for people whose asses needed kissing, and tracking down random things he came across that he had to have now, whether a scrimshaw-handled pocketknife or an electronic dartboard that spoke in a British accent. I spent hours researching everything from the chocolate and liquor preferences of various assistants to the flower and music preferences of various hook-ups.

  Barring having to buy lingerie for Shannah, which made me gag so hard I thought I’d lose a lung, it was actually kind of fun seeing what absolutely bizarre task Josh would assign me next.

  Until one day in July, when he managed to come up with something worse than finding a lace 32B corset for a girl I despised.

  “No freaking way,” I said aloud to Josh’s empty bedroom, where I was currently separating the huge pile of clothing he’d pointed me to this morning into smaller piles I’d mentally labeled either Sell on eBay, Donate to Charity, or Burn Because No One Should Ever Wear This Again. A disturbing number of items with unidentifiable stains were finding their way into the third pile.

  I looked down at the text again.

  Buy 2 1st cls tix 2 NY 4 this wkd 4 LH bday. Sndng u link 4 gift.

  As if having to decipher Josh’s text speak wasn’t bad enough—even autocorrect seemed to have given up on him—I had to buy the plane tickets he was using to fly to New York to celebrate Liam’s birthday and buy Liam’s gift? Was he trying to torture me?

  Stupid question.

  I went online to buy the ticke
ts. Is the second one for Shannah? I wrote back when I got to the part where I had to input the passenger’s name for the second ticket, silently praying the answer would be no. The idea of her at Liam’s birthday party made my skin crawl.

  N, shes a ho fo sho. Tix 4 u. Nd my asst w/me.

  Oh, hell no. There was no way I was going to Liam’s birthday party, no matter how pissed it made Josh. I started to text back as much when my phone beeped again.

  Chill u cn skip da prty.

  My eyes darted around the room. Did Josh have some sort of secret hidden camera in here? Was he watching me go ballistic at the mere mention of Liam’s name and the suggestion of seeing him again? I did a thorough search of the room and finally decided that no, it was probably just really obvious that I could not handle the idea of being back in Liam’s presence. I took a deep breath and typed in my own name.

  “It’ll be nice,” I reasoned to myself out loud as I proceeded with the ticket purchase. “You’ll get to check out Morningside Heights, familiarize yourself with the neighborhood before you move for good, and it’ll probably be the only time in your life you’ll ever fly first class.”

  I finalized the purchase and decided to stop talking to myself as I moved on to the e-mail Josh had just sent with a link to whatever undoubtedly overpriced piece of crap he was going to have me buy for Liam.

  I clicked, and I couldn’t help but smile. It was a framed original poster of The Godfather, autographed by the entire cast. Obscenely expensive, but Liam would love it. I ordered it to the Bowery Hotel, where he was apparently staying this summer, as per Josh’s instructions, and tried not to ponder who might be keeping Mr. Holloway company at said hotel. Then I did the most pathetic thing of all and looked up the hotel online so I could picture exactly where Liam was sleeping at night. As I clicked through the pictures on the website, I started to imagine my head on one of the fluffy white pillows next to his, and that’s when I decided I should probably shut off the damn computer and get out of Josh’s house.

  But I didn’t. Instead, I did what I’d sworn not to do for months.