Behind the Lens

by Heather Dahlgren

  “What are you saying, Kallie?” I need another cigarette to deal with this.

  “I’m saying that I touch myself, wishing it was you.” Oh, you’ve got to be fucking kidding me. Why the fuck is this happening when she is drunk off her ass? This is the kind of shit I want to hear when she is sober. “Jax, I know I’m wrong. I shouldn’t be having those thoughts. Sometimes I think maybe I shouldn’t be friends with you because what if I let something happen?” I close my eyes willing just that.

  “Kallie, do you really think that would be such a bad thing?” She’s quiet for a minute, and I check to make sure I didn’t lose her.

  “Yes, it would be bad, but probably really fucking good.” She laughs so hard she snorts. “You get it?” I grin and put my cigarette out.

  “I get it.” She starts moaning, but not in a turned on kind of way. It’s a I’m going to be sick, kind of way. “Kallie, are you alright?” She moans a few more times before it gets quiet.

  “Oh shit, did I drink that much? I think if I open my eyes, I’m going to be sick. Why the fuck am I alone? I push everyone away and look where it gets me. Drunk, sick, and alone.” She mumbles to herself, probably forgetting completely that she’s on the phone with me. She starts crying and my heart shatters. I stand up and head back into the house with the phone still on my ear. She shouldn’t be alone right now. I’ll bust down the fucking door if I need to. “I’m such a fucking mess. Oh fuck.” That’s the last thing I hear before the slamming of a door. I throw on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt, grab my wallet and keys, and head out the door.

  Thankfully, she only lives fifteen minutes from me. I get there and quickly make my way into the building, taking the stairs two at a time. When I get to her door, I try the handle first, and son of a bitch, it’s unlocked. I know she’s trashed, but she lives alone, for fuck’s sake, she needs to be more careful. Anyone could just walk in, just like I am. I drop my keys on her counter and head back toward the bathroom, where I assume she is. I see the light shining through the crack on the bottom, so I lightly knock. When she doesn’t say anything, I open the door and poke my head in. There on the bathroom floor is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on, even with her hair a knotted mess with some sticking on her sweaty face. One hand is holding onto the toilet, and the other is under her face. Her dress has ridden up, revealing her panties, and I know it should turn me on seeing so much of her, but my heart is too busy wildly beating as I think about how I need to take care of her. I’ve never taken care of someone like this before, but I’m drawn to her. I want to do it.

  I walk into the bathroom, squat down, and brush the hair off her face. I blow out a breath, building up my nerve to have her in my arms. I put my arms under her and gently lift her up. She doesn’t even move; she is passed out cold. I carry her to the bedroom and lay her on the bed. I look around her room for what I can change her into because her dress stinks like vomit. I see a bathrobe hanging on the back of her door and figure that will have to do. Thankfully, there are buttons on her dress so I don’t need to worry about pulling it over her head. I slowly unbutton each one until it falls open. I carefully pull her arms out and yank it from under her, dropping it on the floor. I’m left looking at her in her bra and panties. I let my eyes take in every inch of her, committing it to memory. I see two tattoos that make me smile. The lips by her panties are like a fucking invitation, and the writing on her side is perfect. It makes me realize what I’m doing is completely fucked up. She’d have me by the nuts if she knew I was looking at her right now. I put one arm in the robe, roll her, and put the other in. I tie it and smile to myself that I did it without waking her.

  I go back to the bathroom and look for a washcloth. When I finally find one, I wet it with warm water and bring it back to the bedroom. I wipe her mouth to make sure it is clean from being sick, and then I wipe the running makeup off her face. Once I’m satisfied she is cleaned up, I pull back the covers and tuck her in. I go in search of Ibuprofen and water because when she wakes up tomorrow, she’s going to need it. After I find it all, I head back to put it on her nightstand. I put her trashcan by her on the floor, just in case. I kick off my shoes, climb onto the bed, on top of the covers, and rest my back on her headboard. For the rest of the night, when she moans, I rub her stomach, when she is restless, I stroke her hair, and when she is still, I take in her delicate body, wishing I could hold her in my arms.

  I WAKE UP AND SLOWLY try to peel my eyes open. As soon as the light gets through, I slam them shut. Fuck, my head is pounding. I don’t even remember getting home last night, never mind how the hell I got into bed. I know I need to get up and take something for this headache because I feel like my head is going to explode. I once again try to open my eyes, more slowly this time, allowing my eyes to adjust to the light. When I am able to squint, I very slowly start to sit up. My stomach is killing me. It feels like I worked out, but I sure a shit know I didn’t hit the gym yesterday. I make it to my elbows and turn my head. I scream and try untangling myself from the covers, kicking and flapping my arms, but it only causes me to fall out of bed, landing with a loud, hard thud. Who the fuck is in my bed? Was I that drunk last night I don’t remember bringing a guy home?

  “Holy fuck, Kallie, are you alright?” Oh my God, this is so much worse than I could have imagined. Jax Burke is standing over me holding his hand out for me to grab it. This is bad. This is so fucking bad. This is worse than all the bad things I’ve ever done, or thought about doing, all combined. I can’t even formulate a response. I am just lying on the floor wide eyed and staring at him. What the fuck happened last night? How did I meet up with him? I look down and realize I’m in my bathrobe. What the fuck. Jax squats down by my head and smirks at me. Shoot me now, please. “Kallie, get back into bed and take the Ibuprofen I got for you.” He holds his hand out once again, and the only thing that makes me grab it is the thought of taking something that might help my head from exploding.

  He helps me off the floor, and I climb back into bed, quickly covering myself with the blanket. He hands me the bottle of water and puts three pills into my hand. I swallow them down and drink almost the entire bottle of water. He sits next to me on the bed, and I take a deep breath, building up the nerve to ask him about last night. I won’t look at him. I pick at the label on the water as I contemplate how to start this. “Umm, I’m embarrassed to have to ask this, but what exactly happened last night?” He reaches over and stops me from picking the label.

  “Nothing happened. You called me, and I knew you needed someone here to take care of you.” I snap my head up which causes further pain, so I grab onto it in an attempt to relieve some of the pain.

  “Wait, what? I called you? When?” He grins and crosses his legs at the ankle. That’s when I realize he is completely dressed, except for shoes.

  “You were trashed, Kallie, I’m not surprised you don’t remember. You called telling me how fucking incredible I am and you wanted to see me naked. I rushed over at your request.” My eyes nearly bug out of my head, and he laughs loudly. “I’m kidding. You called to bullshit, and I could tell you were trashed. You started moaning in pain, and I got nervous with you being alone, so I came to check on you. You were on the bathroom floor, after heaving your guts out, and I carried you to bed. I cleaned you up, changed you, and stayed to make sure you were alright.” Mortified. I am totally and completely mortified. I drunk dialed him, and he found me on the floor and undressed me. I drop my head into my hands and groan. I can’t believe this is happening.

  “You saw me naked?” I can’t ever look at him. I am just mumbling through my hands at this point.

  “You weren’t naked. All the good parts were covered.” I slowly turn my head to him, and he smiles and lifts his shoulders. “I couldn’t leave you in your vomit-covered dress, Kallie. It wasn’t sexual. It was a friend helping out another friend.” Maybe he’s right. I mean, we are friends, and I wouldn’t care if Brinley had done it. Ugh, who the fuck am I kidding. Jax Burke sa
w me in my bra and panties. I’m humiliated. It’s quiet for a while, as I hold my head and try to process everything. I drop my hand and look over at him. He stares at me, and for the first time in my life, I feel myself blush. I’m sure it has more to do with the fact he saw me practically naked.

  “How the hell did you get in here?” Maybe I let him in? I can’t believe I was so trashed I don’t remember a fucking thing.

  “That’s something I wanted to talk to you about. Your door was unlocked. I just let myself right in. You live alone; keeping the door locked shouldn’t even be a question. Especially when you are that drunk.” I close my eyes again and lightly shake my head. I’m never drinking that much ever again.

  “So you just walked into my apartment, saw me on the bathroom floor after puking my guts out, undressed me and saw me practically naked, and stayed with me all night? Why?” I know I’m digging too deep, I shouldn’t do it I know that, but it’s the first time in my life I’ve had a man take care of me. I’m feeling embarrassed yet special all at once.

  “That about sums it up. I did it because you are quickly becoming one of my favorite people, and I didn’t want you to be alone.” I turn my body to face him, making sure to hold the blanket up to my chin.

  “Jax, I appreciate you taking care of me. No one has ever done that for me before.” He winks at me, and fuck, if I don’t feel it in my under-used pussy. I need to get up and away from him; it’s too close, too intimate in my bed. “I’m going to jump in the shower, and then I’m going to make you breakfast.” He laughs, and I can’t help but giggle. “Shut up, I’m going to do it this time. Now get the hell out so I can get my stuff for the shower. I know you saw it all last night, but I don’t want a repeat.” He stands and starts walking toward the door but stops and turns around.

  “You know, I didn’t really see anything. It was dark, and I pretty much had my eyes closed.” I smile feeling a bit of relief.

  “Thank you.” He gets to the door, grabs the handle, and turns his head only this time. He flashes me that smirk of his, and I hold the blanket tighter to me.

  “Sexy tattoos by the way.” I look at him wide eyed and grab the nearest pillow, throwing it across the room at him. He ducks and swings open the door, laughing the entire time.

  “Asshole!” I can still hear him laughing while I grab my clothes to get in the shower.

  I am loading the breakfast dishes in the dishwasher after yelling at Jax to go sit down. When I got out of the shower, he had already started breakfast, and when I tried to take over, he refused. I wasn’t about to let him clean up too. After the last dish is in the dishwasher, I start it and head to the living room. He is sitting on the couch flipping through the channels. I plop down next to him, and he smiles. “So what are your plans for the rest of the day?” He puts the remote down and looks up at the ceiling like he is trying to remember if he has plans. He’s such a smartass. “Well, if you have plans . . .” He laughs when I get up and wraps his arm around me, pulling me back down onto the couch.

  “No plans. You want to do something? Go get drunk?” He laughs again when I punch him in the arm. Damn, that is one hard bicep.

  “Asshole! No, I’m finally starting to feel better, definitely no drinking for me. I wanted to take a ride up the coast to this spot I heard about. I wanted to check it out and see if it is some place I’d like to do future shoots.” I was going to ask Brinley to go with me, but I’ll admit I’m having so much fun with him I don’t want it to end.

  “Yea, I’ll drive you up there.” I laugh, looking over at him.

  “I didn’t ask you because I wanted you to drive me. I wanted the company.” He crosses his arms, making them look even bigger.

  “What time did you want to head out?” I look at the clock and bite my lip.

  “The sooner, the better. It’s an hour ride there, and it’s a huge park, so I’d like time to check it out.” He stands up, and I instinctively follow suit.

  “How about this? You get everything you need, and we will head out. I’d just like to stop at my place for a quick shower and to change clothes. I spent the night at this chick’s house, and she puked all over so I feel kinda dirty.” I don’t even say anything. I just walk away to get my camera and flip him off as I do it.

  Once I have everything I need, which isn’t much, just my camera, purse, and cell phone, we leave to go to his place. He wouldn’t let me drive. He wanted to take his car, and holy shit, what a sexy car. It suits him perfectly. The drive over has been quiet, but not an uncomfortable quiet. We both seem lost in thought. I’m not sure what he is thinking about, but I can’t get the idea of him seeing me naked out of my head. He sees gorgeous, flawless models all the time. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not embarrassed of my body, I work my ass off for it. It’s more of the idea that now he’s seen it and can compare it to other women. For some reason, I hate that. “We are almost there.”

  “I had no idea you lived so close. This is a great neighborhood. How far are you from the beach?” He proceeds to tell me how close he is to the beach and how he bought his house for the outdoors not so much what it looked like inside. I can see that; he’s told me how he likes to entertain.

  We pull into the driveway of a beautiful ranch house. It’s not at all what I expected. It has a beautiful lawn and shrubs under the windows in the flowerbed. It’s very well maintained. “This is it. Come on, I’ll be quick.” We walk into the house and I’m in shock. It’s as beautiful and updated as the outside. The only thing I notice is the lack of artwork on the walls, but that is the photographer in me. He shows me the living room, the bedrooms, and bathroom and has me follow him to the kitchen. I spin in a circle looking at everything from the stainless steel appliances to the granite counter tops. Not the kitchen I’d picture two bachelors having. “Now for my favorite part.” He opens the sliding glass door that leads outside and motions for me to go first. I step out onto a huge patio and take it all in. It is stunning. The pool and hot tub are so inviting, and I see a fire pit area that looks like someplace I would love to spend my nights.

  “Jax, I can see why this is your favorite part. It is breathtaking back here. I’d never want to leave if this was mine.” He lights a cigarette and grins.

  “You are welcome here anytime. I don’t want to leave when I’m here. I told you this is what sold me the house. I spend most of my time out here.” That I don’t doubt. I’d do the same. “I’m going to jump in the shower. You can hang out here. I won’t be long.” He goes inside, and I decide to walk around the yard to look at everything. I check out the fire pit, loving the location. I can just imagine the things that have happened around this thing. I giggle and make my way over to the pool. I kick off my flip-flops and sit on the edge, kicking my feet in the warm water. It is so relaxing out here; there is no noise other than the pool and the birds.

  “A beautiful woman sitting by my pool. Must be my lucky day.” I look over at Blake and smile.

  “Hi, Blake. I’m just waiting for Jax.” He mumbles something under his breath that I swear sounds like he’s the one waiting, but I’m not about to ask. He sits next to me, putting his feet in the water as well.

  “What are you and Jax getting into today?” He is smiling at me, making me feel comfortable with him.

  “Going to check out a new spot for future shoots. What are you doing today?” He tells me how he is having people over tonight and about all the food he intends to get. I smile and think it sounds like such a great time. “I’m not keeping Jax from this, am I? I asked if he had plans.” He winks at me and gets up.

  “Jax does what he wants. Have fun today, and if you want to stop by later, that would be pretty kick ass. You’ll know a lot of the people.” Before I can even ask who was coming, he was closing the sliding glass door. I look down at the water that is reflecting the sun and try not to think too much into the fact that Jax is blowing off this party to come with me.

  “Hey.” I jump at his voice as he takes a seat next to me now. “I’
m ready when you are.” I look up at him and smile.

  “Are you blowing off this party here later to go with me?” He raises his eyebrows but doesn’t say anything. “Seriously, I don’t want you to do that. I would have asked Brin to go with me if you had plans.” He puts his hand on my knee, causing my pussy to take notice. His hand is so rough from working construction, and it feels so fucking amazing on my bare skin.

  “Kallie, if I didn’t want to go, I wouldn’t go. It’s that simple. Now get your sexy, tattooed ass up, and let’s go check this place out.”

  We’ve been here for about an hour already. The ride up was nothing but laughs as we both tried singing whatever song came on the radio, even if we didn’t know it. Once we got here, I was blown away. It is perfect for a shoot. So far, we have found a lake surrounded by trees, much like the lake I used to visit as a kid with my brother. There are plenty of open areas that showcase the beautiful trees and flowers. We walk down a path now and head to another lake that is supposed to be here. Jax has been amazing, letting me take everything in. He hasn’t made me feel rushed at all, in fact, he’s the one who said we should keep exploring. “Do you hear that?” We both stop walking and I listen. I do hear something; it sounds like water. I nod, and we continue to listen. “Did anyone say if there was a waterfall here, because that is what it sounds like?” I squeal and jump up and down.

  “Holy shit, that would be amazing. Come on, let’s go see if that is what it is.” I grab his hand and drag him to keep up with me. A waterfall would be the most amazing find. I could do so many different shoots with it. The closer we get, the louder it gets. When we come to a clearing and look left, I’m speechless. I drop Jax’s hand and make my way over to the lake that does in fact have the most stunning waterfall. It is running down rocks that are moss covered, and there are wooden beams covered in graffiti that just make it that much more interesting to me. I grab my camera and begin snapping pictures of everything. I am totally in the zone, focusing on nothing else but the beautiful site in front of me. I take down my camera, smile, and look around.