Behind the Lens

by Heather Dahlgren

  “Kallie?” I spin around to find Jax grinning. It’s not that I forgot he was here. I just got so caught up in the photos.

  “I’m sorry. I just can’t help myself. I see so much beauty here, and I have to capture it.” He walks over and puts his arm around my shoulder. Holy shit, just a simple touch like this, and I can feel my knees going weak.

  “Don’t you ever be sorry for that. I look at you, how passionate you are, and it amazes me. You are someone people envy with your talent and dedication. Your tattoo is perfect for you, you do capture the moment.” It’s feeling too intimate, and I can’t have that. I lift my arm and elbow him right in the stomach. He leans forward with a ‘humph.’

  “Stop bringing that up.” He catches his breath, stands up, and looks at me. “Sorry.”

  “No, you’re not.” We both fall into a fit a laugher.

  “You’re right, I’m not, but maybe now you’ll stop talking about it.”

  “Yea, probably not.” He winks at me and starts walking closer to the water. Even though I’m embarrassed he’s brought it up again, I can’t help but just let it go. I hold my camera up and begin snapping pictures of him standing with his back to me. Even from the back, he is hot as hell. I snap a few more before I make my way down to him. He wraps his arm around me again, and this time, I don’t elbow him. I just stand there and take it all in with him.

  After about fifteen minutes of complete silence, he squeezes my shoulder, drawing my attention from the waterfall. “Blake told you about having some people over tonight. Would you like to come hang out for a while? We haven’t eaten since breakfast, and I know between him and Max, there will be good food.” How the hell can I say no? He’s gone out of his way for me multiple times last night and today. Plus, I really do want to go hang out and get to know him around his friends.

  “Sounds good. You ready to get out of here?” He lets go of my shoulder but grabs my hand.

  “I’m ready when you are. I’ll wait for as long as it takes.” Fuck, I don’t think he is just talking about being here. I don’t acknowledge what he says. I just smile and take one last photo of the sun dipping down behind the waterfall.

  “I’m ready.” He nods his head, and we silently make our way back to his car.

  THE TRIP TO THE PARK was a success. Kallie loved it, and I can see why. It was definitely a great place, full of perfect settings for a photo shoot. It was the first time since I’ve met her that I wanted to grab her and kiss the shit out of her. Watching her when she is taking pictures is such a damn turn on. She looks so fucking sexy, but after the elbow to the stomach, I figured I had better not push my luck. I did however mean what I said about waiting as long as it takes. I know if she would just let her guard down, we could have something great. I see little breaks in her resolve every once in a while, but she fixes that quickly. For now, I’ll take this friendship because I fucking love being around her. “Jax, do you think we could just stop at my place real quick so I can change? I’d rather not meet your friends dressed like a bum.” I glance over at her and grin. If being dressed in a tight black tank top and jean shorts is her idea of bumming it, I can’t wait to see what she puts on.

  “You got it.” We are almost home, and the ride wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. The ride up may have been full of laughs and singing, but the ride home was a bit more serious. We’ve been talking about our brothers and family. I feel an overwhelming need to thank her brother for pushing her to photograph people. If he hadn’t, who knows if we would have met? I also can’t wait for her to meet Brody. I know they will get along great; they are so much alike with their goals.

  “Jax, who exactly is going to be at this party?” She pulls me out of my thoughts with her question.

  “I’m not totally sure. I know Max will be there, my brother is supposed to stop by, and I could be wrong, but I think Blake mentioned Brinley coming too. There will be a few more models and guys from work I’m sure.” She bites her lip and nods her head. I get the feeling she is nervous, and it makes me wonder why. “What’s up? We don’t need to go if you don’t want to.” I stop at a light and grab her hand. I can’t fucking help it. I feel compelled to touch her in some way.

  “No, no, I want to go. It will be fun.” I squeeze her hand and focus back on the road when the light changes. It’s only a few minutes before I’m parking in a spot at her place. We get out of the car and head inside. I go to the stairs and she laughs. “Why do you always take the stairs? Elevators scare you?” I lightly laugh and push through the door.

  “No, elevators don’t scare me. I just feel like they are the lazy way. I’d rather use the stairs.” She rolls her eyes and starts running up the stairs.

  “I’ll show you lazy.” She laughs as she keeps rushing up. I take the stairs two at a time and catch up to her, grab her by the waist, lift her up, and carry her the rest of the way. She is laughing and holding on tight to my arms. When we make it to her floor, I kick open the door and run down to hers. I put her down and she turns around still laughing.

  “What? Just showing you how fun taking the stairs can be.” She shakes her head and slips the key in, unlocking the door. We go inside and she flips on the lights.

  “Okay, you proved your point. Stairs can be fun.” I smile and lean against the wall. “I’m going to get changed. Sit, I won’t be long.” I sit down on the couch and pull out my cell phone. I text Blake and let him know we will be heading over soon. He doesn’t reply, which doesn’t surprise me, he’s probably busy ‘entertaining,’ I laugh to myself and pull up my Facebook page, checking to see what I’ve missed. I posted a picture earlier, and it is so flattering the comments I get from all these women. They definitely know how to inflate your ego. I’ve gotten some off the wall private messages that are flattering, but nothing I’d ever act on. I usually just reply with a thank you.

  After being on for about twenty minutes, I close it down and wait on Kallie. Thoughts of last night and seeing her in just her bra and panties flash through my mind. What I wouldn’t give to have her squirming under me, her soft skin glistening with sweat, and her wet pussy wrapped around my cock. “Sorry, I’m ready.” I snap my head over to her and try to clear it of sexual thoughts before I attempt to make good on them. My hard cock may take a bit longer to convince though. It doesn’t help that she is wearing a tight dress that is making her tits pop out. She looks fucking stunning. Her hair is down and curled, her makeup is on, and fuck, those tits. Shit, I said that, but it’s like they are begging for my attention.

  “Kallie, you look hot as hell. I’ll need to keep an eye on those assholes tonight.” She laughs and shakes her head, but I’m serious. They will be climbing all over her, much like I would if she fucking let me.

  We pull up to my house, and as usual, the street is flooded with cars. “Holy shit. There are a lot of people here.” I get out and she meets me in front of the car.

  “Yea, but you’ll have fun, believe me. Come on; let me introduce you to some people.” I take her hand, and we walk into the house. Most everyone is outside, but there are a few hanging around inside as well. As soon as she sees them, she drops my hand like it’s on fire. I just sigh and move into the kitchen. “Looks like more people are outside, come on.” She follows me out, and people bombard me right away. Monica runs over and I catch her. We laugh and she gives me a kiss hello. She introduces me to some new friends she brought. Blake comes over and slaps me on the back.

  “Brother, holy fuck, there are some hot chicks here tonight. Glad you decided to come home alone; you need to get your dick wet instead of ignored.” I hear a throat clear behind me and close my eyes. “She’s behind us, isn’t she?” I nod my head, and he turns around, smiling. “Kallie, I’m so fucking glad you made it. What can I get you? A drink? Food? You want to go for a swim?”

  “Shut up, Blake.” I turn to see her looking at him with her eyebrows raised. She doesn’t look happy. “Come on, Kallie, let’s eat, then we will hang out.” She glares at Blake and
smiles at me.

  “Sounds good. I’m starving.” I lead her over to the grill and look behind me at Blake. He lifts his shoulders and mouths ‘sorry.’ I flip him off before grabbing two plates off the table. I get us both a burger and my favorite potato salad. Most people are in the pool and hot tub or by the fire, so we have plenty of room at the table. I put our plates down and sit.

  “I’ll go grab us drinks. What do you want?” She cringes and looks at me.

  “No alcohol, anything else is fine.” I nod and go over to the cooler. I grab myself a beer and a soda for her. We sit and eat just taking in everything going on. A few people come over, and I introduce them to Kallie. I watch as she talks and laughs with all of them, happy that she seems to like them. She is busy talking to Max when Brody walks over to me.

  “Well, look who finally decided to come out of the house. What’s up, Brody?” When I say his name, she turns her head.

  “Shut the fuck up, Jax. I thought I’d stop by for a beer.” I smile and stand up, wrapping my arm around him. I’m excited for Kallie and Brody to meet. I know we aren’t anything but friends, but I really want them to get along.

  “Brody, this is my friend Kallie. Kallie, this is my brother Brody.” Brody looks at me with a grin on his face. He knows I am attracted to her, but I can see on his face that he is impressed. He moves away from me and shakes her hand.

  “Hi, Kallie, it’s a pleasure to meet you. Jax has spoken very highly of you.” She looks at me and narrows her eyes. I hold up my hands and laugh. She looks back at Brody and laughs.

  “Nice to meet you, Brody. Jax has told me so much about you, I feel like I know you.” He sits down in my seat and they begin talking. I stand there with my arms crossed and watch them. He asks about her photography, and her face lights up.

  “Hey, Jax, instead of standing there ogling, go grab me a beer, will you?” They both laugh, and I grin as I walk away to get it for him. I grab one out of the cooler and turn around, nearly bumping into this beautiful woman.

  “Shit, sorry.” She smiles at me and moves even closer—so close that her tits are pressed up against my chest.

  “Don’t be. I’ve been waiting for you to move away from your photographer all night.” I dip my eyebrows in confusion, pissed by her statement. I take a step back, getting her tits off me.

  “First of all, she’s my friend, not my photographer. Secondly, I’m not interested, so excuse me.” I go to move around her but she steps in front of me. She reaches out and drags her fingers down my chest, stopping at the top of my jeans. She keeps her hand there and looks at me with lust clear on her face.

  “Oh, I think you are interested. As a matter of fact, I think I know you are. If you weren’t, you wouldn’t allow me to be this close to you, touching you.” She looks behind her before facing me again. “Your friend looks well entertained, why don’t we go entertain each other? You look like you could use a release.” It’s tempting, so fucking tempting. She has a point; if I wanted to get away from her, I easily could. I look over at Kallie and Brody talking and back at this half-dressed woman in front of me. “What do you say, Jax?” She moves her hand the slightest bit down, closer to my cock, and pushes herself up against me again. Fuck, the idea of actually having her legs wrapped around me is becoming more inviting. I look over at Kallie again, and she throws her head back laughing, just like the first time I ever laid eyes on her. What the fuck. I step around this woman, who would be in my bed in a heartbeat, and head back over to the one whom I don’t stand a chance with.

  A few hours later when the party has dwindled down, the remainder of us are hanging around the fire pit. I’ve turned down woman after woman tonight. Never have I done that before, and it makes me question exactly what I’m feeling here. I am starting to think it is more than just physical attraction. I haven’t taken my eyes off her all night. She is having a great time, talking with my friends and Brinley, who finally showed up. It has kept a constant smile on my face. I take a sip of my beer, and it hits me, son of a bitch, I think I’m starting to have feelings for her.

  “Well look who went to bed alone last night.” I shake my head at Blake as I pour myself a cup of coffee. “Why are you doing this, brother? You are holding on to this fantasy that you are going to be able to get her? She’s made it clear that will never happen.” He hops up on the counter and shoves the rest of his egg sandwich in his mouth.

  “Blake, it’s not that simple.” I’m still trying to figure out my feelings myself. I’m not about to tell him. He rides my ass enough as it is.

  “Brother, it is that simple. You are attracted to her, but that shit isn’t going to happen. There are a sea of women that are more than willing to spend a night with you. Let it go, be friends if you want, but leave it at that. You don’t need to keep looking like a pussy.” He’s pissing me off more and more with every word.

  “You think I don’t know that? You think I haven’t been telling myself the same fucking thing? I have, but damn it, I can’t help myself.” He shakes his head and sips on his coffee. I’m usually the one giving the advice, the levelheaded one. I don’t like when roles are reversed.

  “You need to get laid my friend. That is what will help you. If there is one thing I know about, it’s sex. Fuck her out of your thoughts.” It’s fucked up, it’s a horrible idea, but maybe that is exactly what I need to do. Maybe the only way to stop these feelings is to be with a woman, to think about someone else, even if it’s only for a few hours.

  “Don’t you fucking dare.” I spin around and see Brody standing there. What the hell? It’s like some stupid ass, low budget movie.

  “You stayed last night? What did I miss?” He gets a bottle of water out of the fridge and sits down at the table.

  “You didn’t miss anything. I had a few too many beers, so I slept on the couch. I got up this morning and went for a run. I came in on the brilliant advice Blake here is trying to give you.” Blake looks at him with shock on his face.

  “Hey, I’m just trying to do what’s right for my friend. She’s leading him on, and that’s fucked up.” Brody finishes off his water and throws the empty bottle at him.

  “You’re a fucking idiot. She’s not leading him on. She told him from the get-go that she wasn’t going to be with him. He knew that when he decided to do the friend thing. After talking to her last night, I can tell she’s confused. She didn’t say that, but it was the way she was talking about him. If he fucks another girl to get Kallie out of his system, he’ll never stand a chance with her.” Blake stands up and goes over to Brody.

  “I’m not the fucking idiot here. He is letting her string him along. He’s one of the most popular models out there; he can have anyone he wants. Why should he sit around waiting on something that may never happen?”

  “SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP!” They both turn and look at me. “You are both talking like I’m not standing right here. I don’t need either of you deciding what is right for me. I’m perfectly capable of doing that myself. You both need to mind your own fucking business.” I throw my cup in the sink and head into the bathroom for a long overdue shower. After I’m done, I get dressed, grab my keys, and go for a drive. I need to clear my head. Both of them are right, and it’s confusing as fuck. I know that if Kallie gave us a chance, she’d see how great it could be, but will that ever happen? Is there even a chance of it happening? I punch the steering wheel a few times before heading to the beach.

  I get out and go sit on the rocks. Why the fuck am I being such a damn pussy here? It’s like I’m turning into someone I don’t even know. Never have I chased after a girl, not even in high school. What is it about Kallie that makes her so different? She’s beautiful, smart, funny, talented, and committed to her work. She loves her family and her friends. She understands this world we are both a part of. Plus, she drunk dialed me telling me she was attracted to me. But is that it? Is that why I feel so connected or attracted to her? Or is it the idea of the chase, the challenge?

  I sit fo
r hours just watching the waves crash onto the shore, no closer to figuring out what the hell I’m doing. I pull out my cell phone and text Blake. I ask him if he wants to go grab a drink, and he’s more than willing. I’m done trying to figure shit out, so I’ll go get drunk.

  I AM SO DAMN EXCITED for my shoot today. I’m finally doing one with Jax. It took a while for our schedules to allow it, but today is the day. It’s been two weeks since the party at his place, and we’ve hung out a few times. Jax seemed a bit different the first time I talked to him after the party, and when I asked him what was up, he just told me it was nothing. I wanted to push, but he changed the subject and seemed perfectly fine after that, so I didn’t see the point. Things between us have been fun and relaxed, and that’s exactly how I want it.

  I finished setting up for the shoot, and I’m on pins and needles waiting for him to get here. The photos from the beach shoot have been a huge success. I have sold several of them, and of course, people are asking for more of Jax, so this will be a great thing for both of us. I am sitting on the couch playing on Facebook when there is a knock at the door. My stomach drops, and I shake my head, thinking how ridiculous I am. I open the door, and there he is, looking so incredibly hot. “Hey. Come in.” He gives me that grin and walks in. I close the door, and he follows me to the couch. “Are you ready for this? Normally, I just get right to it, but I wanted to make sure you are ready.” He rests his foot on his knee and looks at me with a serious expression.

  “Why wouldn’t I be ready?” I feel my face flame with embarrassment. He’s right, why wouldn’t he be ready. I feel like a fool if I say that it’s because he is attracted to me.