My Soul Loves

by Barbara Gee

  I grinned. “You have to. That’s gonna be part of the rule.”

  Without further ado, his arms closed me in. I wrapped mine around his back, pressing my face into his chest.

  “I’ve missed this,” I said against his shirt. “I’m so glad to be here.”

  I felt his chuckle vibrate through his chest. “Yeah, well, I should warn you, Jed is going to give us a lot of crap when we go inside. He says I’ve been acting like a kid on Christmas morning.”

  I pulled back just far enough to look at him. “Because of me coming over?” I asked, feeling my whole body get warm. The notion that he’d been as eager to see me as I was him seemed too incredible to be true.

  “Mmm-hmm.” His blue eyes were sparkling and his smile was sweet.

  “You’re sure it wasn’t the food?” I teased.

  He chuckled and tousled my hair before stepping away. “Definitely not the food,” he confirmed. “But if we don’t get those boxes inside soon, Jed’s gonna get cranky.”

  We each carried a box to the porch. Jude reached out to open the front door, then stood back to let me go first.

  JP was in a wheelchair near the kitchen, and he did indeed look a bit impatient.

  “Hi,” I said a little nervously. “Sorry I’m running a bit late.”

  He lifted his chin and sniffed, his grumpy expression magically turning into a smile. “I forgive you. Man, that smells incredible.”

  I set my box on the counter and took out the huge dish of shells and the basket of rolls, which I’d covered with a cloth so they’d stay warm and soft.

  “The table is ready,” Jude said, placing his box beside mine and nodding his head toward the dining table by the window that looked out over the backyard.

  “It’s been ready since five,” JP said dryly. “Our boy here was a little anxious.”

  Jude gave me an I-told-you-so look, and I grinned.

  “I hope you guys are okay with pasta and salad.”

  “We’ll eat pretty much anything,” Jude assured me, picking up the rolls to carry to the table. He stopped and lifted them to his nose. “Are these homemade?” he asked almost reverently.

  “They are. Hopefully I didn’t forget the salt or something else important,” I said, although I knew I hadn’t. I’d done a quick taste test before leaving my house.

  “Oh man, Jed. We hit the jackpot tonight.”

  “No complaints here,” JP said, wheeling himself over to the table, which was just high enough for him to get under with his wheelchair.

  Jude took bottles of water from a mini-fridge sitting in the corner as I carried the shells and salad over. “Sorry I can’t offer you anything fancier to drink,” he said. “The big fridge won’t get here until Monday, so we only have the bare necessities.”

  “I’d probably choose water anyway,” I told him.

  We took our seats and he held my hand against his thigh as he said grace. When he said amen, I smiled at him and he smiled back, giving JP a chance to dig into the shells first. He piled some on his plate and I slid the salad dish over to him so he wouldn’t have to pick it up and aggravate his ribs.

  “So, Jude told me about your creepy stalker,” he said after he’d filled the rest of his plate with salad. “Said you called her today. I think you should call the boyfriend, too. Tell him what she’s been up to.”

  I moved the salad bowl and replaced it with the rolls, butter, and blackberry jam.

  “I sent him a work log to show him she’s been lying about my work on our project. I’m kind of surprised he hasn’t already called me about it.”

  “How do you think he’ll handle it?” Jude asked as he loaded his own plate.

  I shrugged. “It’s hard to say. I don’t think he’ll doubt me, but I’m guessing he’ll come up with some kind of an excuse for her. Then he’ll probably assure me her attitude will improve and urge me to let it go.”

  JP grunted. “I still think you should tell him about the cameras. Put it all out there. That way he’ll know for sure she’s whacked.”

  I winced. “Maybe, but I’d rather not have to take it that far.”

  “Ava feels sorry for the girl,” Jude said, glancing at JP and then giving me a fond smile as he handed me the salad bowl.

  “I do feel sorry for her,” I admitted. “Ian and the team are her whole life. I don’t know what she’d do if she lost them.”

  “Not your problem,” JP maintained. “She could be dangerous.”

  “She just gets crazy where Ian’s concerned. I’ll admit she’d probably love it if I was kicked off the team, but I can handle her. And the others on the team will make sure I’m treated fairly. They’ve stood up for me before.”

  “Which will only make her more jealous,” Jude said.

  “Exactly. If she sees you as a threat to both her place on the team and to her relationship, who knows what she might do,” JP persisted. “She might try to manipulate facts to turn the team against you. Or worse, she could resort to violence.”

  I shook my head decisively. “She wouldn’t lower herself to being physically violent. If anything, she’ll use her hacking skills to try to one-up me. But I’m hoping our talk today convinced her not to try. I made it very clear that if she backs off, I won’t tell Ian about the cameras.”

  The three of us continued to talk it over as we ate. Jude agreed with JP that Abigail might pose more of a threat than I wanted to admit, but I staunchly refused to go that far. By the time we’d finished dessert, with both men declaring the meal delicious, they were chomping at the bit to see the video of my conversation with Abigail.

  JP’s leg and pelvis were aching from being in the wheelchair, so Jude helped him move from to the recliner while I cleaned up. We’d used paper plates, so that part was easy.

  I watched the two of them covertly while I put the leftover pasta in a plastic container I’d brought and found room for it in the mini-fridge. It was sweet how Jude put his arms so carefully under JP’s, trying not to jostle the cracked ribs as he pivoted him from the wheelchair to the recliner. I would have worried about his pelvic bone not being stable enough for the move, but Hannah had told me he’d had surgery and now sported a combination of screws and plates to hold the bones fast.

  When JP was settled, I went over and handed him my iPad. Jude and I knelt down on either side of him to watch the video. When it got to the part where Abigail had jumped all over me for bringing up her and Ian’s relationship, both JP’s and Jude’s heads jerked.

  “Whoa,” Jude said, immediately reaching over to back up and replay it. “Did you see her eyes, bro?”

  JP nodded and they watched it again.

  “She’s not right, Ava,” Jude said.

  “I’m gonna have to second that,” JP agreed. “This video isn’t doing anything to set my mind at ease.”

  I frowned at them. Although I kind of liked having the two intimidating Keller brothers ready to protect and defend me, I was still convinced they were wrong about Abigail. She obviously wasn’t totally harmless—she’d been spying on me, after all—and she definitely had a temper. But I honestly couldn’t see her going any further than she already had.

  “She knows she has to be careful from here on out,” I told them. “There’s no way she’ll risk me telling Ian about the cameras.”

  The video ended and Jude looked over at me, his expression grim. “You sure about that, Ava? I’m getting the impression she isn’t all that confident about where things stand with her and Ian, and if she feels she has nothing to lose, I wouldn’t put anything past her.”

  “Especially if she feels like you’re what’s coming between them,” JP added. “The log you sent is going to show Ian he can’t trust her, and if he calls her out on that, she might go for broke.”

  I stood up and paced to a window. “I guess I shouldn’t have sent it.”

  “You had to do something,” Jude stated. “It’s pretty clear she’s working to get you kicked off the team. Or at least demoted somehow.” />
  I sighed and gripped my arms. “Maybe that wouldn’t be the worst thing. I’ve had some good offers recently. Maybe God’s providing me with an out, before Abigail causes more trouble for me and for herself. It’s just that I really enjoy what we’re accomplishing as a group. We’ve come so far, and I hate to think about leaving now that we’re finally making a name for ourselves.”

  Jude got up and put the iPad on the coffee table before coming over to wrap an arm around my shoulders. “We aren’t trying to tell you what to do, we just want to make sure you aren’t glossing over what Abigail might be capable of. I know you’ve tried to make it clear you’re not interested in Ian, but I think the root of the issue, for Abigail at least, is how Ian feels about you. You’ve told me before that you don’t think he’s gotten you entirely out of his system.”

  “Yeah, but he doesn’t pursue me or anything. He just gets moody and makes snarky comments sometimes.”

  “But what does he tell Abigail? Maybe he compares her to you. Makes her feel lacking.”

  His arm was still around me and I leaned into the comfort of his chest. “Abigail and I couldn’t be more different. I can’t imagine he compares us. And if he does, she should have kicked him to the curb a long time ago.”

  “She’s obsessed. She’s not going to kick him anywhere,” Jude stated. “My guess is she knows he’s still hung up on you to some extent, and that’s been eating away at her. She put in the cameras to keep an eye on you and Ian when you were working together on the bids, and probably to make sure he wasn’t showing up at other times when she didn’t know about it. But she also wanted to study you. To find out what you have that she doesn’t.”

  I hated to even acknowledge that as a possibility. Abigail and Ian could be so perfect together—why were they letting jealousy and old, unrequited feelings ruin that?

  I huddled closer to Jude and looked from one brother to the other. “If she can’t get past those feelings, I’m going to have to quit the team.”

  Jude tightened his arm. “Let’s see how things play out once Ian reads the email you sent him.”

  I tried to think of a scenario with a positive outcome and failed.

  JP carefully reclined his chair and clasped his hands over his stomach. “There’s nothing you can do about it right now, so you might as well put it out of your head and enjoy yourself. Go take a walk with my brother.” He gave us a lopsided smile. “It’s a beautiful night. You shouldn’t let it go to waste.”

  That sounded like the best thing in the world to me, but since I didn’t know whether Jude would welcome the alone time, I stayed quiet.

  Thankfully he didn’t disappoint me. “You up for a walk, Ava?”

  I was more than up for it. I immediately took his hand and pulled him toward the French doors off the kitchen, ready to focus on happier things. The fate of my career could wait.

  Chapter 24

  We walked hand-in-hand along a crude trail in the woods. It was getting dark, but Jude knew the path well and all I had to do was stay close to him. Which was certainly no hardship.

  I loved being with this man more than anything I could think of. I also loved the fact that we talked pretty much non-stop as we wandered through the trees. I’d fully expected to ease back into the relationship, which is what Jude had seemed to want last evening. Slow, careful, one day at a time.

  Instead, I almost felt as though the last few weeks were a dream—albeit a terrible one—and now I was awake again, with everything just like it was before I thought he was JP.

  I was beyond grateful for Jude’s forgiveness, and I appreciated this time with him even more now that I knew how awful things had been without him.

  As we walked, Jude told me more about JP. He admitted their relationship had gone through many ups and downs during their growing up years, but was mostly all good now. He also revealed that JP hadn’t dated anyone seriously since Myla.

  That fact, along with the way JP had looked when he’d asked me about Myla last night, made me think those two had a lot to discuss. Trying to convince Myla of that would be an epic battle, and maybe I shouldn’t even consider it. Let the sleeping dog lie and all that. But I genuinely liked JP, and I couldn’t help but think there was some kind of major misunderstanding that needed to be cleared up.

  Jude and I also talked more about the rec center where he volunteered, and he asked again if I’d be willing to hold some volleyball clinics. He explained that back before I’d stopped communicating with him, he’d talked to the director about finding a net. She’d called him last week to say she had one ready to go, and Jude told me he’d make sure it got set up if I was still interested in helping out.

  I still loved the idea and told him I was game any time. He took that literally and said he’d check to see if tomorrow afternoon would work for an informal introductory session. Sunday afternoons always brought a lot of kids to the center, and he thought that might be a good time to try something new. He assured me he’d be there to help, too.

  I was all for it. Not only because I was eager to play a little volleyball again, but because it also meant I’d get to see Jude. Win-win.

  I would have happily walked with him for hours, fingers twined together and my shoulder bumping against his arm every few steps, but it was getting steadily darker, so Jude turned us around while we could still see.

  We got back to the house much too soon as far as I was concerned. I went up the deck steps in front of him, but before I could reach for the door knob, he tugged me over to a corner, away from the doors and windows. I ended up with my back against the log wall of the house, while he stood close in front of me, hands shoved in his pockets.

  For a few seconds he simply looked at me, his eyes glittering in the moonlight. I returned his gaze, trying to hide the shiver of desire that rippled through me top to bottom.

  “I need to know where we’re at, Ava,” he finally said, his voice coming out low and a little rough. “What do you want from this?”

  I didn’t even hesitate. I looked him right in the eye and told him what was in my heart.

  “I want this to work. I want us to be together. A couple.” He didn’t flinch at my words, and I bravely reached up to trail my fingertips along the defined line of his jaw. “I want you, Jude.”

  A muscle jumped in that well-stubbled jaw, right beneath my fingers. Had I ever, ever wanted anything more than I wanted Jude Keller to kiss me right then?

  It was impossible to keep my eyes from dropping to his mouth. They just went there, and I didn’t even care if he guessed what I wanted. But it had to be his move, because I was still determined to give him the space he needed. Even though for me, a kiss felt far more like a need than a want at this point.

  When I looked back up, his eyes were boring into mine. It felt like he was searching, looking for any sign I wasn’t quite as sure as my words made it sound. I returned his gaze steadily, having nothing to hide. I loved him, and I meant exactly what I’d said.

  He closed the half step between us and removed his hands from his pockets, framing my face with them instead.

  “I want it to work, too. But there can be no more deciding things without talking it out. No more going silent without an explanation.” He gave a tight smile. “I don’t want to ever repeat the last four weeks.”

  “Me neither.” I hooked my hands over his forearms, needing to touch him. “I don’t usually make such bad decisions, Jude.”

  His lips quirked up. “Good to know. But I made some bad ones, too. I should’ve never let it go on so long in the first place. And I shouldn’t have made you wait when you finally asked to talk.”

  “I understand why you did.”

  His thumbs stroked lightly over my cheeks and he leaned in a tiny bit closer. “If you have any misgivings, now’s the time to tell me,” he said softly.

  I kept my eyes on his. “No misgivings,” I said firmly. “I’m all in, Jude.”

  He tilted my face up and lowered his head slowly, until h
is lips were barely brushing mine. “Me too,” he whispered.

  His breath mingled with mine and I couldn’t help but press my mouth more firmly against his. I had just enough time to wonder how the touch of his lips could be even better than I remembered before one of his hands slid down over my shoulder to the center of my back, drawing me closer, while the other cupped the back of my head as his mouth claimed mine.

  And I do mean claimed. There was no teasing, gentle lead in—not this time. Jude kissed me in a way I’d only dreamed about prior to this moment. It marked the end of the frustration and loss we’d endured, and I was so ready to put that behind us. I melted against his warm, strong body, doing my best to show him how excited I was for the next chapter.

  The kiss was long, which I absolutely loved, but the very best thing about it was that it said in no uncertain terms, “You’re mine and I’m not letting you go.”

  I was totally on board with that. Experiencing this moment with Jude after believing I’d ruined everything made his unspoken declaration that much sweeter.

  When he finally raised his head, our breathing was ragged and audible in the still, quiet night air. His eyes were glazed and heavy-lidded and I knew mine were the same.

  “Only you, Ava,” he rasped.

  I tilted my head curiously, the only reaction my kiss-addled brain could manage, and he smiled.

  “This is new to me,” he said softly. “The connection we have—it’s rare. And as good as it is, it’s also why I tried to convince myself it would be better if we stayed apart.” He gave me a half-smile. “It’s too hard to have something like this and then lose it. I don’t want to go through that again.”

  My eyes got wet and I put my hands on his chest, smoothing my palms over the hard muscle beneath the soft cotton of his T-shirt. “We won’t. We’ll make it work.”

  He nodded slowly. “Yeah. I think we will.” He smoothed my hair back as his eyes roamed my face. “Thanks again for coming to me yesterday. I know that wasn’t easy. I admire you for taking the risk, and I learned from it.”

  I swallowed hard and didn’t wipe away the lone tear that rolled down my cheek. “The whole thing was all my fault. I had to try to fix it.”