Creature Keepers and the Perilous Pyro-Paws

by Peter Nelson

  “This is just great,” he said calmly. “Just what I need this morning. Thanks.”

  “We now stand in our underwear,” Mike said. “In solidarity. For Eldon.” He raised his fist and walked out. The others did the same, filing out behind him.

  “That went well,” Doris said, collecting the discarded pink slips before exiting. “Eat your breakfast, now. You seem a little grumpy.”

  Abbie’s taxi reached its final destination, after spending much of the day driving her and Chunk to a number of stops around Progreso and the surrounding area. She’d let the children of Flamboyanes tickle his fat belly, she’d let him float in the cool water of the cenotes and then nap in the warm, Mexican sun. She even bought him a jumbo-size bag of Crazy-Blazin’ Jalapeño-Heckfire Nacho Cheezy Puffs and let him have it all to himself.

  Finally, she stepped out of the cab and looked down at a sign she’d read before: ¡Cruce de la Iguana! She carried Chunk up the road toward the looming Mayan pyramids, where other tourists and visitors were wandering around the open field. Everyone’s gaze was directed upward at the incredible structures rising toward the late afternoon sky. Only Abbie had her eyes on the ground.

  As she approached, a lizard scurried past, disappearing into an overgrown path leading off to the side of the ruins, into the jungle. She set Chunk down on the ground. “C’mon, buddy,” she said. “Time for you to make some new friends.”

  The path led deeper, through a smaller, crumbled monument. She and Chunk followed it down a small ravine, where they abruptly stopped. Twenty or so iguanas were draped over the crumbled, vine-covered blocks of stone. They were mostly sleeping and lounging and paid very little attention to their visitors.

  Abbie looked at Chunk, and Chunk glanced up at Abbie. She had tears in her eyes. “Don’t look at me like that,” she said. “Don’t you want to be free? You’ll make new friends and be happy here. And who knows, maybe— Ouch!” Chunk was suddenly clinging to her leg. She peeled him off and set him down again, taking a step backward. “I’ll miss you, too. But this is for the best. I’ve come to realize that all creatures are meant to be free— Ow!”

  This time the reptile leaped into her arms. This was the most exertion she’d ever witnessed from him. Chunk stared up at her with his big bulging eyes. She stared back. “Don’t you understand? You’re not meant to live in a cage, or a city apartment, or even a large retirement home by a swamp. You’re meant to be here, in the world, with your own kind.” She sniffed back a tear as she set him down on one of the rocks. This time the reptile just stared up at her as she slowly backed away. “Good-bye, my friend. I’ll miss you.”

  She turned and ran out of the jungle before he could latch on to her again—or she changed her mind. She entered the ravine with tears in her eyes, not watching where she was going. She passed through the small ruins, ignoring a small sign: Prohibido el Paso—NO TRESPASSING! Abbie stepped on a boarded-up excavation site, and it gave out beneath her.

  CRACK! WUMP!

  Abbie fell just a few feet through the brittle wood and landed on the cool dirt floor of some sort of antechamber. As Abbie’s eyes adjusted, she could make out worn carvings on the walls. There seemed to be a story line told in pictures like ancient cartoon panels. They depicted an asteroid striking the earth, the aftermath of the collision, and the crater. It was difficult to make out the last panel in the dim light, but there was some sort of figure moving away from the crater. The form was small and crawled on four legs. Beneath it were strange Mayan letters:

  Abbie took a sheet of paper and a pencil from her bag and did a quick pencil rub of the last panel. She tucked it back into her bag, then climbed out. She glanced back in the direction of Chunk’s new home, then quickly made her way back to the main road.

  24

  Jordan and Doris stood at the end of the boathouse dock, staring out at Ponce de Leon Bay.

  “Don’t you worry about Eldon,” Doris said. “He’ll come around.”

  “You didn’t see how angry he was. He may come around, but I don’t think he’s coming back. It feels like the Creature Keepers is ending, Doris.”

  “That may be true about Eldon, but let me tell you something I’ve learned: nothing ever truly ends. Everything just evolves, turning into something else. Look at me. I’m living proof.”

  Jordan smiled at his friend and thought about all the changes she’d been through, before and since he’d met her. Maybe that’s what made her such a no-nonsense person. But for such a tough old cookie, Doris had a sweet and gooey center. Jordan certainly didn’t see her going anywhere for a long, long time.

  The sound of footsteps on the dock from behind got both their attention. Hap was running toward them. He saluted Jordan, then turned to Doris. “Finished clearing the lunch dishes, ma’am. I’m going to do turndown on all the guest rooms, then start prepping for dinner.”

  “That would be very helpful, Hap,” Doris said. “Thank you so much.”

  Hap smiled nervously, saluted Jordan again, and scurried back down the dock, running off through the swamp toward the house. Doris smiled at Jordan.

  “See? Evolution. He’s been demoted to guest services, and now he’s working his tail off twice as hard, trying to get back into my good graces.”

  “Wow. You run a tight ship. Whatever happens, I hope you never retire, Doris.”

  A burbling in the water just off the end of the dock began to stir. “Speaking of tight ships . . .” Doris checked her pocket watch. “Tsk. Forty-one seconds late.”

  A periscope broke the surface of the bay, followed by the turretlike “sail” of a submarine, and finally the deck of the craft. The hatch opened with a squeak, and a tubby old man in a kilt clambered out with some trouble. The top of his head was bald, with orange, curly hair above both of his droopy ears. Jordan would have likely thought he’d never met this curious person before if not for the large grin that spread between those ears, which he instantly recognized.

  “Mac?” Jordan said. “Alistair MacAlister, is that you?”

  “Aye!” The old Scot stepped off the submarine and onto the dock. “In the flesh!” He grabbed his bouncing midsection. “More flesh than last time you saw me!” He gave Jordan a great hug, then pulled away. Jordan couldn’t believe his eyes. He was right. The last time he’d seen the Loch Ness Monster’s Keeper, Alistair was a boy, just a little older than he.

  “That Fountain of Youth elixir took its time working its way through my hearty system,” Alistair said. “But once it left, fwhoosh! My body caught up to my years faster than a highland mountain hare!”

  “Oh, Mac, I’m so sorry,” Jordan said.

  “Ach! I’m still young at heart! And besides, as old as I got, I’m a spring chicken compared to ol’ Haggis-Breath!”

  A splash from beside the submarine doused Alistair in water.

  “SKRONK!”

  The Loch Ness Monster raised her long neck out of the water, snorted proudly, and dived back down, whipping her tail and splashing all three of them this time.

  Alistair yelled after her. “Of course, that don’t mean she’s matured any!”

  “I’m glad you and Nessie are here, Mac,” Jordan said.

  “Came as quick as we could when we got your distress call. We were halfway around the world, cleaning up an oil spill in the Sea of Okhotsk. She’s a bit cranky after such a long trip. Could use a wee nap, if you wanna know the truth.”

  Jordan looked at Doris. The old woman shrugged. “You’re the boss.”

  “There’s really not much we can do until the other two specials turn up,” Jordan said. “And that eggsteroid we’ve got to try and crack open has been lying at the bottom of the Gulf of Mexico for about sixty-six million years. Another day or two won’t make much difference. Besides, Abbie’s in Mexico with the Face Chompers to help keep an eye on things. Let Nessie have a rest, and we’ll all embark in the morning.”

  Nessie snorted her thanks, then shut her eyes and collapsed on the shore.

  “
Much appreciated,” Alistair said. “Say, where’s Eldon?”

  Jordan and Doris hesitated. “He’s locked himself away, feeling sorry for himself,” she said. “I was going to try and talk some sense into him. Mac, why don’t you come along? He may listen to you.”

  “Sure, if you think I can help,” Alistair said.

  “Good luck,” Jordan said. “But don’t get your hopes up.”

  “Have you talked with him?” Alistair asked.

  “I’m afraid Eldon and I have said all we have to say to each other.”

  The sun sat low in the Mexican sky as Abbie made her way along el Terminal Remota. She chose to walk much of the way back, to give herself time to reminisce about her last day with Chunk.

  Out near the horizon, something caught her eye. It was small but moving very fast across the water and flying very low. As she watched, it dived even lower, dangerously close to the waves. There was only one pilot Abbie knew of who flew like that. When the piloted craft suddenly dived beneath the pier, ducking out of sight from any onlookers, she was convinced. It was Bernard.

  She broke into a sprint, heading toward the ramshackle oil platform.

  Down in the Creature Keepers Central Command, Jordan peered through the portal window of the Cooler. Chupacabra’s silhouette was perfectly preserved within the block of ice. Jordan was about to turn and go when something struck him. He scanned the distance between the Cooler door and its prisoner. A chill ran down his back. Was the block of ice closer than before? He roughly calculated the distance at six or eight feet. The ice block looked exactly the same, as did the shadowy figure it entombed. It had to be his imagination, he thought. But then he remembered that’s what he told himself after spotting Harvey Quisling.

  Jordan turned toward Ed, who was working on the computers. “Ed, have you noticed anything strange in that Cooler?” Jordan said.

  “Nope, why?”

  Jordan hesitated, then decided not to mention the idea of Chupacabra sliding closer to the door. He didn’t want anyone to think he was crazy. “Nothing. Never mind. Just making sure everything’s okay in there, that’s all.”

  The greenhouse entry ramp suddenly hissed as it opened. Doris and Alistair came sliding down, along with bunches of carrots.

  “Pretty fancy garage door you got there,” Alistair said, chewing on a carrot.

  “Any luck with Eldon?” Jordan asked.

  “He’s got himself sealed up behind those trees,” Alistair said. “Stubborn fool’s gonna starve himself to death if he doesn’t come out.”

  “I have a plan to take care of exactly that,” Doris said, gathering the carrots from the floor. “As well as one to pull him out of his slump. But I’m going to need to recruit some helpers. If you boys will excuse me.” She took the elevator up to the main level of the house.

  Alistair let out a big yawn. “I suppose I should get a little shut-eye. I’m not the spring chicken I was a month ago. Strange feeling, getting so old so suddenly. But a quick rest and I’ll be raring to go.”

  Jordan gestured toward the elevator. “C’mon upstairs. I’m sure Hap’s got a nice, cozy bed set up for you.” As Alistair made his way, Jordan glanced one more time through the portal, eyeballing the distance between the door and that ice block.

  25

  The darkening sky made it relatively easy for Abbie to climb across from the pier to the platform, even as a few vendors and local authorities were setting up for the next day’s final Alebrijes celebration.

  The voices coming from inside the central shack were a bit louder than they should’ve been for a group of cryptids not quite ready to be discovered. Abbie entered to find all the Face Chompers she’d been up late helping. They were excitedly crowding around another cryptid—one whom she knew very well.

  “Syd!” She leaped into the Sasquatch’s outstretched arms.

  “Hey there, kid!” He grinned as he hugged her tightly.

  “It’s so good to see your big dumb face again,” she teased.

  “Thanks. I was just telling these dudes how much fun we had when you came and stayed with me up in Canada.”

  “You mean when we lost your Soil-Soles, destroyed your treehouse, almost got you broadcast on live television, and nearly caused a megathrust earthquake?”

  “Good times.” Syd plopped himself onto an old couch and put his odd-sized feet up on a table. One was enormous, the other tiny—a sad reminder of how Abbie, Jordan, and the Creature Keepers were able to steal back only one of the Sasquatch’s Soil-Soles from Chupacabra.

  “Syd, what are you doing here? And how’d you find us?”

  “Bernard picked me up! Filled me in on this whole Face-Chompy scene he’s started with these guys. Told me how he left things with Eldon, too. Big bummer. But now he’s more jazzed than ever to introduce these crazy creatures to the world!”

  The Face Chompers reacted to this news enthusiastically, smiling and giggling and high-fiving one another.

  “Syd, are you gonna come with us?” Hogie asked. “We’d love to have ya!”

  “Aw, thanks, but I’m good. I’ve had more than my share of human contact over the years. You guys got this.”

  “I’ve been working with them,” Abbie said. “And they’re gonna be—”

  “They’re gonna be a bigger hit than my ‘All-Star Celebrity Squatchin’ Special’!” The loud, obnoxious voice exploded like a bomb as Buck Wilde, the onetime-famous host of the popular reality TV show Buck Wilde: Squatch-Seeker! suddenly burst in.

  He slapped Syd on the back. “Season four finale episode. Highest ratings ever!”

  He and Syd high-fived as everyone laughed and cheered. Everyone, that is, but Abbie. She’d never been a huge fan of Buck’s, especially back when he was hunting Syd. He’d since quit his show and come over to the other side to take care of his former nemesis. Which was nice. But she still thought he was a loudmouthed jerk.

  “Hi, Buck,” she said flatly.

  “Howdy, little lady! Listen, that smelly fella, Bernard, filled me in on what he and his crazy crew of critters are lookin’ to do. And I told ’em I want in. In fact, I couldn’t be more in love with this project!”

  He threw his arm around her and pulled her tighter. “But I also said to him, ‘Listen here, Stinky. You’re going about it the wrong way, trying to behave like people—’cause you ain’t people!’”

  This surprised Abbie. “That’s right. In fact, that’s exactly what I told them—”

  “Of course I’m right! You can hand a possum to a chimpanzee, but you can’t ask him to act like a banana!” He pointed to Hogie. “Yo, Squirt! You ever try to peel a possum?”

  “Uh,” Hogie said.

  “Exactly! And that’s my point!”

  Abbie couldn’t believe she and Buck Wilde were on the same page. Kind of.

  “So obviously the first thing we’re gonna need is a catchy brand name!”

  “Sorry,” Abbie said. “What?”

  Buck stepped into the center of the room. “A brand name! A catchy title! Basic promotional marketing! Trust me, I was on TV! You think Buck Wilde is my real name? I made it up! And then my fans ate it up! Human fans! You all need to call yourselves somethin’ that’ll get their attention! So what’s it gonna be? C’mon, start spit-ballin’!”

  Donald, taking this literally, hucked a loogie on the floor.

  “Okay, that’s a start!” Buck said. “Anybody else?”

  “Like a name?” Clarissa said.

  “Right!”

  They all looked at one another, then slowly pointed together at the banner that was back up on the far wall: FACE CHOMPERS. Buck studied it for a moment. He burst into a grin. “Heck yeah! I love it! It’s catchy, edgy, and you already got a banner made! Perfect! Now let’s get to work!”

  Abbie sidled up to Syd as she watched Buck continue his spiel to the other cryptids. “Sheesh,” she said to the Sasquatch. “You believe this guy?”

  “I know,” Syd said. “Isn’t he great?”


  Jordan was up early the next morning and made his way to the cypress grove fortress that held inside its impenetrable wall of tree trunks the Puddle of Ripeness—and his old friend Eldon.

  The retired Keepers were there, too, all in their underwear, still in solidarity with the fellow Keeper on the other side of the trees. They tied bunches of carrots to pink strips of silk, which had been fashioned from slips into small parachutes. Peggy was sitting obediently, kept still by Alistair MacAlister, who was dangling a shiny silver kitchen spoon in front of the hypnotized jackalope’s dazed eyes.

  Once the retirees bundled together a carrot-filled parachute, they placed it in a slingshot-like harness attached with bungee cords to Peggy’s antlers. They pulled back the slingshot and let it go—boing!

  The care package flew high above the top of the cypress tree walls, then opened up, gently floating down inside the fortress. The old folk broke out into cheers before packing up the next one.

  “Great job, you guys,” Jordan said. “I’m sure Eldon appreciates it.”

  Mike sat on the mossy ground with a couple other Keepers, writing notes, which were then placed into the parachutes. “Hey, Jordan,” he said.

  “Hey. What are you guys writing?”

  “Thank-you cards. To say we really appreciate all Eldon’s done for us and our creatures over the years.”

  “And how we really, really wish he’d come back,” Alice said, a bit coldly.

  “And how we really, really, really prefer him as a leader over you,” Thomas said, quite rudely. “No offense.”

  “No, no,” Jordan said sarcastically. “How could that possibly offend me?”