Here & Now

by Melyssa Winchester

  It’s time for phase two of the night. The part where it ends with her in my arms and if I have my way, never letting go of her again.

  “Let’s get out of here. There’s something I wanna show you.”

  Cadence

  When Dillon said he had something to show me, this is not at all where my mind went.

  As far as dates go, I’m pretty sure there aren’t a lot of people that enjoy being brought to a cemetery. Spending time around the dead doesn’t scream enjoyment, but if what he’s going for is me having a renewed appreciation for my life, the minute my feet land on the ground and we start making our way through the gates, he’s got it.

  As we make our way down the winding path, his hand gasping mine tightly, he picks up his pace until we come to a stop nestled between two trees, a large gravestone with the name Murphy etched across it glaring back at us.

  I want to ask him why he brought me here, who this person is and what this means for the conversation we were having at the restaurant but he beats me to the punch.

  “You’re gonna think I’m crazy.”

  He has no idea.

  Turning into me, making sure my eyes are level with his lips, he adjusts his body just slightly and points down to the stone marker in front of us.

  “This is Bernice Murphy. My grandmother.”

  This is the only woman that by his own admission, he’s ever loved. The one person he holds on a pedestal because she’s the reason he even knows love at all. Dillon brought me here so I could meet her.

  “I used to come out here two or three times a week after practice, if I wasn’t dicking around with the guys on the team or having to meet my dad for a fight. I started coming less and less after I got with Amy because I figured she was dead, so showing up wouldn’t matter anymore. The same way I was stupid with you, I was stupid with her.”

  I hate the way he talks about himself. He’s not stupid. So there’s things he doesn’t get because he had himself shut off for so long. That doesn’t make him stupid or wrong or a mess the way he thinks. It just makes him human.

  “I didn’t show you as often as I should have how much you meant to me. I just assumed you’d know and I did the same thing with her. I think if I really want to make all of that right, I need to start with the both of you.”

  “There’s nothing to make right, Dill.”

  “Yeah baby, there is. I bailed on her. If it wasn’t for the groundskeepers keeping it clean, this spot would look like crap because no one gave a crap. My dad stopped giving a shit the second she was in the ground and my mom was so doped out I don’t even think she realized that her mother in-law was dead. I was supposed to be the one keeping her alive and I just gave up.”

  “I don’t believe that.”

  Turning away from the stone and putting his attention back on me, I slide my arm through his until I’m cradled into his side, no longer needing to see his face to say what I want to next, but wanting us connected so I can give him the comfort he needs.

  “People make mistakes. You got busy with the team and you changed. I’m pretty sure if she was here, she’d understand and tell you it was okay.”

  Lifting my head when he strokes my cheek to get my attention, I see the surprise waiting for me behind his eyes. Even after all this time he never saw that response coming.

  “You really believe that?”

  “I do.”

  “It still doesn’t change the fact that I should have been here.”

  “Maybe not, but you’re here now.”

  Squeezing me close before pulling away, he makes his way over to the tree on the left side of the grave and slipping the leaves through his fingers he turns back to me, his expression serious, but the hint of some level of nostalgia in his eyes. He’s remembering something and whatever it is, it’s a good memory.

  “About six months after she died, I came out here one day and I hated the way the place felt so I got as much information as I could from the groundskeeper and contacted the city. An eight year old kid trying to make adults see sense, it was hard but they finally caved. I planted these.”

  The same way I never expected Dillon to be much of a romantic, I also didn’t figure him for much of a gardener either. With the way his mom and dad lived, I just assumed they paid someone for that kind of thing. I never imagined in a million years he would want to do something that beautiful.

  It’s amazing how much I still don’t know about the boy I’m in love with.

  “I used to slip the groundskeeper money to pay extra attention to these trees after I had them planted. They were as important to me back then as she was.”

  “How long has it been since you paid him?”

  His head lowers, his eyes completely blocked from my view and it hurts. I didn’t mean to make him feel bad with the question, in fact the reason I asked was because from the looks of them, they’re well maintained, which made me think he’s been keeping up with it for a while, but it’s obvious he took it the wrong way.

  “Years, Cadence. I haven’t been here in years doing that.”

  “Well then the groundskeeper must have a thing for your grandmother because they’re beautiful.”

  His smile hits first and then the lightened look in his eyes follows as he turns back to me and makes his way back over, again letting me slide my arm through his and bringing me into his body.

  “How I feel, you were right earlier. I don’t need a fancy dinner to prove it. I just needed to bring you here because this is the one place the way I used to be couldn’t break. Until I walked into your mom’s class, this is where love was. Buried six feet under surrounded by baby trees that aren’t babies anymore.”

  Cadence meet puddle. Puddle meet ground.

  I have no idea what to say to this. His openness, how raw his feelings are as he shows me with words and actions what love means to him. How he can easily separate the bad way he used to be with the good way he wants to be now. The right way. I’m completely at a loss.

  “If the love was buried underground, things wouldn’t look the way they do now.”

  This causes him to look down, his gaze penetrating as he searches me for some kind of understanding of what I’m getting at.

  Placing my hand on his heart again, I don’t even blink as the question comes.

  “Is it beating right now?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Are the trees alive? Bigger than they were when you planted them?”

  Again he follows it up with another yes along with a nod.

  “Are we here holding each other, completely at peace and happy right now?”

  “You know we are.”

  “Then the love isn’t buried anymore, Dillon. It’s alive and it’s here with us. The same way she is.”

  “When my grandpa passed away she used to tell me the same thing. Well, not with the same words, but close. He wasn’t gone, he was still with us, and all we had to do was believe. I used to think she was nuts, but you saying it now, seeing how much you believe in it, maybe it’s not so crazy after all.”

  “She’s a pretty smart lady.”

  “Takes one to know one then, huh?”

  “Yes it does.”

  “She would have loved you.”

  Smacking him lightly on the arm, he looks at me, his brow furrowed, his eyes confused and I just smile.

  “Who said anything about would have? She totally loves me. I mean have you met me? Who wouldn’t?”

  The way his face lights up is beautiful to watch. I’m breaking through the upset he feels at not being here for his grandmother and smiling back at him because for the first time in a long time, this is Dillon when he’s completely free. When I mentioned being at peace earlier, I was right. It’s written all over him.

  He’s never looked more beautiful than he does right now.

  “I need to tell you something, and I’m doing it here because if it was a bonehead move, you’re less likely to hit me because of where we are and who we’re with.”

>   I wouldn’t hit him at all and he knows that, but the way he puts his one hand up to shield his face, making a joke of it, I can’t help but laugh.

  “What is it?”

  “I booked us a room at a hotel.”

  “Okay.”

  “I know what you’re thinking, but it’s not about that. At least not entirely. Ugh—this isn’t coming out the way I want it to.”

  “It’s okay.”

  “No, it’s not. I’m acting like a dick.”

  “Why did you book the hotel room?”

  Turning his body and bringing mine with him, he faces me down before answering, his way of letting me see the truth not only from his eyes but from his mouth as well.

  “At first it was because I wanted to be alone with you. Not have you back at Kayden’s where anyone could walk in, and definitely not at your mom’s because I know she watches us when we’re together. I just wanted to be with you, no one else allowed.”

  “And it’s different now?”

  “Yes—No, ugh, I don’t know.”

  “Explain please.”

  “If I told you that I wanted us to be together; that I wanted to make love to you, what would you say?”

  Well, when I asked him to explain, I didn’t think he would be asking questions, but considering how easy this one is, I’ve got no problem giving him the answer.

  “I would say that I’ve been ready for a while, but the timing never seemed right.”

  “And if I said that part of me got the hotel room because I wanted to make that timing right, what would you say?”

  “I would say we need to stop overthinking this and just be together.”

  “Exactly—wait. What?”

  His confusion, the misunderstanding, and my words not matching up with the ones he obviously had me saying in his head, it’s cute. I can’t believe I’m even thinking it, but Dillon is even sexier when he’s taken completely off guard.

  “Do you still want what you said originally?”

  “You mean do I want to be with you alone? Yes. Of course.”

  “If we didn’t have sex would you still want to be with me?”

  “Yes.”

  “Okay, so what I just said still stands. Talking this out, like we’re making some kind of deal, it’s weird. If you want to be with me the same way I do with you then we need to stop thinking about it and just do it.”

  Chapter Seven

  Dillon

  “If you want to be with me the same way I do with you then we need to stop thinking about it and just do it.”

  The original plan was gonna be that I didn’t say a word about what I wanted for us later. I was supposed to just take her from the restaurant, make our way there and deal with whatever was gonna happen when we got to the room.

  I’ve known she’s been ready for a while. It’s hard not to notice it when we’re alone together, both of us caught up in the moment, heated and close. There’s a tug of war happening every single time we find ourselves that way and I never know which way it’s gonna end up except we always stop.

  We have to stop because in my head, same as I think it is in hers, this isn’t about getting off, releasing tension or fucking the way it is with other people. For me and Caddy, it’s a hell of a lot more.

  The trip to the cemetery. It’s another thing that wasn’t planned out, but with the way the conversation was going, how open we both seemed to be, eager to tell each other all of the things we’d been keeping locked away inside the entire time I was away, there was nowhere else I needed to be with her.

  It turned out better than I imagined and I’m really fucking glad I opened my mouth for once. That I told her the truth about wanting to be with her because now that we’re here, and we’re walking the hall that’s gonna take us to the room I booked for us, what we want is out there on the table and there isn’t any room for fuckups or misunderstandings.

  She wants me. Cadence wants me to be her first.

  I just hate that I can’t give the same in return. That a drunken night four years took that away from her. If I had known then what I do now, I would have waited. I don’t give a fuck if I walked around with aching balls or a worn out dick from all the jerking I had to do, it would have been worth it to have this be the first time for both of us.

  Maybe that’s why I did what I did when I booked the room. If my first time couldn’t be memorable than I could make damn sure hers is.

  Reaching the door, she turns to look at me and I slip her the room card, pulling my phone out and staring at it at the same time, wanting her to be the one to open the door and see what’s waiting.

  As she slides the key in and I hear the click and see the light, I also catch something else. Her fingers are shaking and the way it looks, knowing what we’re about to do now, it stops me cold.

  I know what she said when we were at the cemetery, but is she really as ready for this as she claims, or is this her believing that she needs to give me what I want again?

  She takes a step forward and I reach out to stop her. Sliding my phone back into my pants, the ruse I had planned the last thing on my mind, I turn her toward me and wait until she’s looking me dead in the face.

  “You’re shaking.”

  Her eyes lower and her cheeks flush, but she doesn’t look away completely. Instead, she stands completely still until whatever she’s experiencing passes, and looks me straight in the eye again.

  “I’m nervous.” She admits. “Aren’t you?”

  Truth is, I’ve been nervous the entire night, but right here in the moment, I’m the most secure I’ve ever been and I thought she was too. I want this with her. Not because it’s sex, but because when we’re finally together, I’m going to be able to give her something that no matter how hard I’ve tried over the last year, I just haven’t been able to give.

  All of me.

  “I don’t really do performance anxiety.”

  It’s a joke of course, not meant to be cocky and when she smiles at me, I release a very big sigh of relief. She knows how I can be, so her being able to tell the difference now means a ton. The last thing I am whenever we’re together is cocky.

  The truth is most of the time, Cadence scares the shit out of me.

  “So you’re not even a little nervous?”

  Don’t lie. Tell the girl the truth. Do not be a total dick right now.

  “Nervous is an understatement for what I am, but I’m trying not to focus on it. You shaking, though. Are you sure you want to do this?”

  She nods and leaning in close until her lips are barely brushing against mine, she smiles. “I love you, Dillon. I’m ready.”

  Not sure what possesses me to do it, but feeling insanely right the minute I do, I scoop her off her feet and push my body through the door, not stopping until we’re completely in the room with the door shut behind us and she’s catching sight of what I spent hours before the game making sure to get just right.

  A pathway of flower petals, a lot of the same ones from the limo travel all the way to the bed and on top of the duvet, it’s covered in color. Red, blue, pink, yellow, orange and white rose petals cover it and from the look in her eyes when I finally come to stand beside her as she takes it all in, my attempt at creating something as beautiful as her has hit it’s mark.

  What I’ve done obviously making her speechless, she turns to me and immediately starts signing.

  Did you do all of this?

  “No. I wish I could take credit, but I just asked the hotel to set it up.”

  “It’s beautiful.”

  On both of the bedside tables, there are large candles, all waiting to be lit and if it was done the way I wanted it, they’re also scented.

  When I make love to Cadence for the first time, I want to have the smell of roses and vanilla, with a hint of lilac—her favorite scent—surrounding us. Wanting to make this night absolutely perfect depends on it.

  Squeezing her shoulder gently, I move away from her and over to the left side of th
e bed. Sliding the lighter out of my pocket, I flick it until the flame appears and I light each of the four candles, only stopping long enough to do the same thing on the other side.

  As I turn to make my way back, I feel her body brush up against mine and that’s when the temperature in the room starts to rise. Her hands are on me, making their way up until they’re sliding under the jacket to my suit and I feel it slipping down over my shoulders. Raising herself up, I feel her breath hot on my neck before her lips follow, trailing a line of kisses from the base of my neck all the way up until I can feel them dangerously close to my ear.

  Exhaling, a moan escaping as she slips the jacket completely off without even the slightest break away from my body, she continues to kiss as her hands come around to my shirt, first loosening the hold the tie has around my neck before beginning to make quick work of the buttons.

  I can hear her breathing in between kisses and it’s as labored as mine, but she doesn’t stop. As much as I should probably reach out and slow her down so I can take back control of the moment, I don’t do it. The way she feels, her hands working their magic on my clothes and the intense heat from her lips on my skin, it’s too good. Stopping is not an option now. The need is too strong.

  When she reaches the final button on my shirt, her hands lift up again, her lips finally breaking away from my ears, and kissing along my jawline until they’re on mine, soft at first, until the need to feel her tongue wrapped up in mine is too powerful and I force her lips apart and capture it. As she slides my shirt down over my shoulders and her fingers finally make contact with my skin, I’ve had more than I can take.

  Her fingers are the match and the second they touch me, bare, with no obstructions, she sets my body ablaze. I wanted her; ached for her before, but with one intimate touch she’s set me on fire and I don’t want to burn alone.

  Breaking our kiss, hating the way it feels not being able to taste her anymore, I wrap my arms around her and lift her until I’m turning toward the side of the bed, making quick work of the zipper on the back of her dress before laying her down and really taking her in.