Hole Hearted (A Songbird Novel)

by Melissa Pearl

  Looking down at him, I gave him a sad smile, wondering if my visions of a happy family were no more than just a dream.

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  Cassie

  Work went okay. In spite of my tears earlier in the day, I’d driven home feeling upbeat. Felix had texted me at lunchtime and told me he wanted to walk home. I said that was fine. I was proud of him for growing up and told myself nothing bad could happen to him on the way home.

  Parking my little car, I glanced at the house, my eyes narrowing slightly when I opened the car door and heard music blasting. Not just blasting, but shake-the-earth loud. With a guilty frown, I glanced around the neighbors’ houses, hoping no one was home. Noise control…or the police…could be knocking on my door any minute, asking me to turn it down.

  I ran up the front path and quickly unlocked the door. Flicking it closed behind me, I dropped the keys on the side table and raced into the living room.

  Alanis Morissette was belting out “Right Through You,” her tone angry, the guitar music sharp and aggressive. Felix was in the living room, playing air guitar and banging his head. His dark locks splashed around his face, and when he stood straight, I caught a glimpse of his blotchy cheeks.

  He’d been crying.

  My heart stuttered and then thumped a dull beat as I gently walked past him and lowered the volume. He faltered, kind of tripped, and ended up flopping onto the couch. With the volume down, Alanis became a soft backing vocal to our conversation.

  “What happened?”

  He sighed and I perched on the edge of the couch, close enough to rub his shoulder. “Bad day?”

  “Total shit.”

  I swallowed, still not sure if I was supposed to pull him up on his language. What would Crystal have done?

  Words from her diary flickered through my brain, and I tried to think about how I could turn his bad mood around and show him how lucky we both were to have each other.

  “Is there any particular reason why, or are you just missing your mom?”

  “It’s not even about Mom!” he snapped, lurching up and resting his elbows on his knees. His hair was getting longer and covered the side of his face as he stared at the carpet.

  His leg bobbed erratically.

  “Sorry, it’s just you were listening to Alanis, and I thought…”

  He huffed and stood, pacing over to my bookshelf and softly mumbling, “One of the guys at school smashed Jimmy’s guitar today.”

  He was speaking so quietly it took me a second to register what he’d said, but when I did, I shot from the couch and practically bellowed. “What! When? Oh, the school is hearing about this!” I straightened my blouse and marched to the phone. “What’s his name?”

  “They already know,” he called after me. “Mrs. Tindal came in at the end and helped me sort it out. I spent half the morning in the principal’s office. He’s making Dickhead pay for the damage, so I’ll be able to buy a new guitar but…” His shoulders sagged.

  “It’s not the same.”

  “Nope.” He shook his head, looking ready to cry again.

  Dammit. I hated bullies so much. Who the hell did they think they were?

  “Why didn’t the school call me?”

  “I asked them not to.” He shrugged. “I didn’t want to ruin your day.”

  “You wouldn’t have.” I walked back to him. “I want to be there for you.”

  “How am I going to tell Jimmy?” His voice cracked.

  I rubbed his shoulder. “Hey, don’t worry about that. I’ll call Troy and see if he can help us out.”

  “I don’t want them to be mad at me.”

  Bless this kid. He was the sweetest thing on the planet.

  “They won’t. It’s not your fault.”

  “I was showing off!” He stepped back, his expression crumpling. “I never take my guitar into class! But I wanted them to think I was cool. I told them about Chaos, but no one would believe me.”

  It was killing me. My heart hurt so badly for him.

  I so desperately wanted to say the right thing to make it better, but all I could come up with was, “That sucks. Seriously. I wish I had something wise to say. I’m sure your mom would’ve had just the right words.”

  He scoffed and shook his head. “She’d tell me not to worry about what others think of me.”

  “Well, I guess that’s kind of true. Would she say anything about kicking that little shithead’s ass?”

  Felix snorted, then started laughing. “Aunt Cass! Watch your mouth!”

  “Oh!” I laughed back. “So you’re allowed to swear and I’m not?”

  “It just sounds weird coming from you. You’re always so…good and sweet.”

  My shoulder hitched, and I gave him a bashful smile. “Sometimes there’s nothing like a good swear to break the tension, am I right?”

  “Fuck yeah,” Felix muttered, then quickly bit his lips together.

  I gasped, my eyes bulging for a second.

  But then we both looked at each other and burst out laughing. Without even thinking about it, I stepped forward and grabbed him into a hug. I wanted to tell him I loved him. I even opened my mouth to say it, but an image of Davis’s ugly face brushed through the back of my mind. Like a noxious weed it choked off the words, so all I could do was stand there, holding this adorable kid and hoping that the warmth in my chest was in fact a pure, healthy love…and that Felix could feel it oozing out of me.

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  Troy

  For some weird reason, I felt nervous approaching Cassie’s house. I’d done it so many times before, but Jimmy’s comments had really thrown me. I couldn’t stop wondering if he was right. Was I destined to love this woman and never have her love me back? She’d finally opened up a little, but what if she never did again? Would she ever let me in enough to become part of her little family with Felix?

  My stomach bunched and jittered as I played with the vision in my head. What if I was walking up to our house? I’d stroll in the door, Felix and Jovi would be playing in the living room together, Cassie would be singing to herself as she pottered around…maybe cooking dinner. I’d hang up my bag and go in there to help her. We’d prepare dinner together, stealing kisses by the fridge and chatting about our days while music played in the background.

  It all sounded so idyllic…so out of reach.

  The only place I’d ever come home to was either empty or filled with tension.

  I couldn’t help a heavy sigh as I knocked on the door, completely forgetting my reason for being there.

  The lock flicked and Felix appeared. His pale brown eyes rounded and then he looked to the wooden floor. “Hey, man.”

  It was so unlike him not to smile and welcome me in, but after the day he’d had…I totally got it. Then it occurred to me that he was probably unaware of Jane’s phone call. He didn’t know that I knew.

  My lips lifted into a gentle smile when he glanced back up at me. “Jane…Mrs. Tindal called me earlier. I know about the guitar.”

  Felix winced.

  “It’s not your fault. You don’t need to feel bad.”

  “That’s what I said.” Cassie appeared behind Felix. Her eyes seemed calm and light considering what her nephew had been through. I’d been expecting a little more angst and panic, but she stepped up behind Felix and laid her hand on his shoulder before welcoming me in.

  My heart skipped with hope as I stepped into the house, my smile growing even wider as I took in Felix’s miserable face and knew I was about to make it all better.

  “So, I’ve got something to show you.” I pulled my phone out of my pocket and brought up YouTube. The clip had only been posted an hour ago, and it’d already had 2254 views.

  With a chuckle, I passed the phone to Felix.

  He pressed play and watched Chaos’s message…recorded just for him.

  His nervous frown lifted to become an awestruck smile. Cassie watched over his shoulder, her face melting with gratitude when she
looked at me.

  “Thank you,” she mouthed.

  I winked and gazed back at her, loving the glimmer in her eyes and the way the light fell on her face from the skylight above. It made her glow, highlighting her beauty.

  “This is amazing!” Felix jumped forward and hugged me. “Thank you so much.”

  “I thought you could play it to your class tomorrow. Figure out who you want to take with you.”

  Felix bobbed his head, thinking as he pressed play and walked into the living room to watch it again.

  Cassie looked up at me and took me by surprise. “Do you want to stay for dinner?”

  “Yeah.” My voice was a husky whisper. “Can I help you prepare anything?”

  She hesitated, crossed her arms, and gazed into the kitchen. I could see quite clearly it was her domain, but then she glanced over her shoulder and surprised me again. “Sure. That’d be great.”

  With a slightly dopey grin, I followed her through the archway and caught a glimpse of the dream I’d had walking up her path. The only thing missing was Jovi. I’d have to bring him with me the next time I popped over with good news.

  *****

  The meal was spent figuring out a time to buy Felix a new guitar. I told him I was free on the weekend and if he was lucky, I might be able to rope Jimmy into joining us. He nearly choked on his enchilada. I laughed as he coughed and spluttered out “yes!” repeatedly.

  Cassie and I shared a quick glance across the table…and continued to do that all evening. By the time Felix went to bed, I felt like I’d studied her from every angle I could. From the soft curls in her hair to the dip in her lower back, the curve of her butt down to the shape of her ankles. I loved her shape. She was short—well, compared to me—and her muscles were strong and lean from all the running she did. I wanted to trace them, feel their firmness under my fingertips.

  As she carried two mugs into the living room, I couldn’t take my eyes off her. I couldn’t stop picturing her naked.

  Forcing my eyes away, I shuffled on the couch and reached for the mug.

  “When Love and Hate Collide”—one of my favorite Def Leppard songs—was oozing out of the stereo, creating a low-key ambiance. It felt like the end of a date night.

  “Thanks.” I placed the mug on the coaster and leaned back, trying to look casual and hide my desire.

  “I so appreciate everything you’ve done for Felix.” Cassie took a seat beside me, resting on her leg and seeming relaxed. “I don’t know what I would have done without you, Troy.”

  Her words, the way she said them, warmed me to the core. I loved her eyes, the way they studied me. Her lips, the way they curved into just a hint of a smile.

  “You guys make it easy on me.” I grinned. “I really care about you, Cassie. I love seeing you smile. I’d do anything for you.” I swallowed, emotions getting the better of me.

  Did I admit how I really felt?

  Was it too soon?

  Would I scare her away?

  She rested her hand over mine, giving it a light squeeze and gazing at me with a strength of affection I hadn’t seen before.

  Moving slowly, I shifted closer, studying her as I closed the space between us. She didn’t shy away but didn’t move forward either. I went in, pressing my lips against hers. She remained still for a long beat, but eventually her fingers crept up my arm, pausing at my shoulder. She almost felt like she was shaking as her lips gave way, becoming pliant and welcoming.

  I ran my arm down her side and rested it against her hip. I kept it there, testing the waters. She didn’t move away so I took another risk, running my tongue along her lower lip.

  She drew in a quick breath and went still. I expected her to pull back, berating myself for moving too fast. But then she leaned in. Although her lips trembled, I could sense her need to explore, so I opened my mouth again, offering her a little more…and she responded.

  Our tongues brushed together. She tasted like the berries we’d had for dessert. The sensual, sweet flavor stirred my desire even more. I wanted to melt against her, feel her beneath me, kiss every inch of her smooth skin, hear her cries of pleasure.

  It was an effort to push the thoughts from my mind, to take things slow…especially when her fingers scraped through the back of my hair. She was getting into it. Letting go.

  I tightened my arms, running my hand up her back and palming her shoulder blades before gliding up her neck. Gently pulling her hair tie free, I dropped it on the floor and buried my fingers in her luscious locks. I wanted to fist them, gently tug her head back and trace her neck with my tongue, but I kept warning myself to slow down.

  And every time I did, she’d do something else to stir me.

  With a soft moan, she shifted closer, pressing her body against mine. I could feel her breasts squishing into my chest. I wanted to squeeze them, explore their shape, lick her nipples.

  Images fueled my fervor and I dove into her mouth, swiping her tongue hungrily. She seemed to meet my desire, pulled by a force neither of us could control.

  Should I take it further?

  The phone in my pocket stopped me from finding out.

  The sharp ring made Cassie jerk away from me. Her cheeks flared red, her eyes bulging as she wiped her lips. It was like she’d just come out of a fog and suddenly realized how hard she’d been kissing me.

  I grinned at her, wishing I could ignore the call. But it may have been one of my cases. Reluctantly pulling the phone from my pocket, I checked the number. “It’s my mom. I’ll call her on my way home.”

  I switched off the phone, but it was too late to start something new again.

  Cassie had scooched back to her end of the couch. She was tying her hair up, and I swear I could see the pulse pounding in her neck.

  “That was nice,” I murmured, a lame effort.

  “Uh-huh.” She smiled but it was wobbly and unbelievable. Her fingers trembled as she rubbed her stomach. Noticing my gaze, she blushed and murmured, “I’m sorry. I’ve never done…” She bit her lip and looked to the floor. “This is all so new to me. It’s slightly terrifying.”

  “It’s okay,” I whispered. “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”

  “But that felt so amazing.” She ran a finger over her lips. “I want to—” Her expression crumpled—pained and embarrassed. “I don’t know how much further I can go. I’ve never…and you probably want… I just don’t…” Her voice trailed off as her eyes filled with tears.

  “Hey.” I shuffled along the couch, running my hand down her back—nothing more. I forced my hand to rest on her spine, even though I wanted to pull her against me. “I’m not going to lie and say I don’t want you. You’re beautiful. You’ve captured my soul. I want to love you in every way I can. But it’s whatever you need, Cass. I’m not in a hurry. If it’s all right with you, I’m planning on sticking around for a while.” I winked, hoping the tension would drain out of her, but she still sat rigid, contradicting the words coming out of her mouth.

  “You’ve captured me too, and I really want to…try.”

  She was making me soar.

  But the tremor in her lips told me not to push it. Brushing my lips across her forehead, I rested my chin on her head and whispered, “How about you come over this weekend. We can have a meal for two…and then do whatever you feel like.” I leaned back, capturing her face and rubbing my thumbs over her cheeks. “We don’t have to rush this. I’m not going to pressure you into doing anything you’re not ready for. You’re the boss on this one, okay? No demands from me.”

  Her smile was grateful, and I could have melted right into her gaze. She may not have been able to say “I love you,” but I swear I could see it.

  As much as I wanted to kiss her, I didn’t push it. Instead, I stood. “I think I should get going.”

  “Okay.” She seemed reluctant for me to go, but it was the right thing to do.

  “I might see you this weekend, then.” I winked again and she blushed, biting he
r lips together.

  Man, she really was nervous. Fair, I guess. Anyone’s first time was a big deal, but I had a feeling that Cassie’s first time would be monumental, thanks to a beast who tried to beat something out of her that was never his to take.

  Cassie’s virginity would be a gift, and I was going to treat it as the most precious thing I’d ever been given.

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  Felix

  Going to school the next day was an effort. I wanted to stay in my room and listen to music all day, but then Aunt Cass reminded me about the Chaos video and then took it a step further, torturing me out of bed with “When The Going Gets Tough.” She played it on repeat, turning up the volume each time until I shouted into the kitchen, “I’m up, already!”

  She laughed but continued singing as she made us breakfast.

  It was hard to eat. Even though I had the chance to put Dickhead and his idiot friends in their place, my stomach was filled with nerves.

  What if they thought the YouTube clip was fake or something?

  What if they smashed my phone?

  I wrapped my fingers around it and wove down the Strantham Academy corridor. A few whispers followed me, so I kept my head down and kept shuffling forward. It sucked that I had no guitar to practice with at lunchtime. I had no idea what I was gonna do…probably go anyway and just watch Summer mess around on her bass. It was better than wandering around the schoolyard like a loser.

  Stepping into class, I gazed around at the students who were already there. Ginny was sitting on the desk in front of mine, swinging her legs and giggling with her pretty girlfriends. It still kind of hurt that she wouldn’t believe me yesterday. In fact, the only person who did was Summer.

  I glanced down to the back of the room and caught her eye. She raised her chin at me and did that half-grin she does. I smiled back, realizing that any fantasy of asking Ginny to join me was complete bullshit. Only one person in the entire class stood up for me yesterday, and she was the only one I’d be inviting.