Phoenix (Flames & Ashes Book 1)

by Carolyn Anthony

  A pang of anxiety raced through me and I locked my fingers behind his neck.

  Over and over he rubbed circles around me with the tip of his cock until that crazed hunger sparked back to life. I moved against him as he pressed against my entrance.

  “Easy, baby. Breathe for me,” he coaxed as he rocked back and forth, letting me get used to the feel of him. He rocked the tip in and out in slow, shallow thrusts.

  I inhaled sharp and inched backwards as he entered a little deeper. The girth of his head alone was so big my fear kicked in, and I grabbed the comforter so hard my fingers went numb.

  He rested his weight on one hand and wrapped the other around the back of my head. “Gotta relax, sweetness,” he coaxed, pressing a little deeper.

  “Jaxxon!” I slammed my hands against his chest as my insides stretched so far I was sure I was about to rip.

  “Alright, baby.” His eyebrows knitted as he studied my face for a second, then nodded. “On you.” He pulled out, and the loss of him felt worse than the pain of his invasion. Kneeling on the bed, he shackled my wrists and yanked me up with him.

  “Straddle me.” Lifting me up by the ass, he sat on the bed and pulled my thighs to rest on either side of him until we were chest to chest. “You’re so tight, this’ll be easier. You control it.”

  With one hand under each of my ass cheeks, he lifted me up until my knees hit the mattress above him. “Take your time.” He angled his cock at my entrance and brought one of my hands down to take the place of his as he sucked one nipple into his mouth hard.

  I jerked at the unexpected sensation, but lowered my hips down over him, taking the head of him inside me. I balanced my hands on his shoulders and dropped my hips a little lower, taking almost half of him before I stopped moving. My pleasure and pain signals got scrambled up. Somewhere in the paradox of his warm mouth wrapped around my oversensitive peak, and his cock stretching my channel so wide I could feel the veins of his shaft, I couldn’t stop, but couldn’t keep going.

  Kissing his way to the other side, he flicked tongue against the opposite nipple. “Breathe, sugar. Go slow, the pain’s temporary.”

  Jesus Christ. It wasn’t like I hadn’t had sex before, but Rick hadn’t been half the size of Jaxxon. A sharp burn seared my tender walls, the pain almost too much to endure. I lifted up and lowered back down a little farther, gasping on the way down and pulling up quick.

  “Eyes, sugar,” he said, in a tone that pulled me out of my head. He licked his thumb and dropped it down to stroke my clit. “Don’t move.”

  With him halfway inside me and his wet thumb on my clit, I closed my eyes.

  “No. Valentina. With me,” he barked, before capturing my nipple between his teeth.

  Something inside me responded on instinct to the steely edge of his tone. My body coated him from the inside and he circled my clit faster, sucked my nipple harder. “Oh, Jaxx . . . ” I dropped my head back and held onto his shoulders, the different sensations washing over me in three separate spots. My walls pulsed around him, as if pulling him in deeper. I needed to move.

  “You’re so swollen,” he murmured, between licks and nips at my breast. “I want to suck your little clit all over again. I want your hands in my fucking hair holding my face between those beautiful thighs as I make you come so hard you forget your own motherfuckin’ name.”

  The talking. His words. My undoing. The ache to take him deeper grew so intense so fast, I dropped down, taking him to the hilt. As soon as he was seated deep inside me, my channel burned and stung, and I cried out ready to lift off of him.

  “Fuck!” He gripped my ass so hard I knew there’d be fingerprints in the morning. “Son of a bitch, baby. You okay?”

  “No.” I gasped and began to lift off him.

  He moved his hands to my shoulders, stopping me. “Hard part’s done, sugar. Give it a second.” He locked his hand around the nape of my neck and covered my lips with his, taking my groans and cries into his mouth. He thrust his tongue between my lips, kissing me so hard I clung to him and put everything I had into the kiss.

  I thrust my tongue against his, moaning into his mouth. He bit my lower lip hard enough that I forgot about the pain of him inside me. The more he kissed me, the more the pressure between my legs lessened. I grabbed chunks of his hair and held him to me. He seduced my mouth with quick, soothing kisses before plunging his tongue deep.

  My swollen channel pulsed around his cock to the point that staying still became uncomfortable. He dropped his hands to my hips and slowly lifted me off of him, his mouth never leaving mine. When he would have pulled out of me entirely, he stopped and guided me back down. A few more times, he lifted me and sat me down on top him.

  “Move for me,” he muttered against my mouth. “Slow, baby, slow, but move.”

  So full. I was stretched—so full of him. At some point, the pain turned to something . . . different. “Jaxxon—oh, oh . . . That—it—”

  “Pain’s over,” he grumbled, leaning away from me enough so he could watch himself slide inside me. “Fuck. So goddamned hot.”

  I slid my body up and down his length, trying to find a rhythm. The pain had become an ache, a pulsing—a dark need I didn’t know how to end.

  “You’re so beautiful,” he ground out. “Goddamned amazing.”

  My eyes met his and he began rubbing my clit again with his thumb. The more he played with me, the easier it became to move. I welcomed the contradicting pain and pleasure of him sliding inside me. I moved faster, his encouraging moans giving me the confidence to take him deeper each time. I’d never felt so . . . empowered.

  Not broken.

  Somewhere between the overwhelming fire raging where our bodies connected and the emotional vulnerability of having him inside me, I lost my rhythm.

  His hands tightened on my ass. “Sugar, you good?”

  I shook my head. “I—I can’t . . . ”

  He tightened his grip. “Shhh, I got you, wrap your arms around my shoulders.”

  I locked my arms around him so tight I hoped he could breathe, because I wasn’t about to let go. With his hands under me, he had total control of how I moved and he surged up into me. I buried my face against his neck and held on.

  “Eyes, baby. Look at me.” Lifting me up and down, he guided my movements until I caught on to the pace he set, our faces inches apart.

  “Tight, you’re so tight, baby. Fuck,” he said, right before he took my mouth.

  On each thrust, the thick head of his cock slid against my G-spot. Each time he pulled out of me, the loss of his thickness left an empty sensation so consuming I began sitting down on him harder, just to feel the stretch of him again.

  “Perfect,” he groaned against my mouth. “Your body’s made for mine.”

  He hit that spot inside me as he thrust up into me hard. Somehow, he managed to hold me with one hand and wedge the other between us. With the first few strokes of his thumb over my bud, my entire body contracted around him. I locked my arms around his neck and bit down on his shoulder to keep from crying out.

  As soon as I came, he wrapped his hands around my back and took over the pace, thrusting up into me harder and faster, through my climax. With each contraction, my body sucked him in deeper.

  “Christ, squeeze me tight, baby,” he panted and pushed up hard one last time. He buried his face against my neck and I clung to him as if he’d disappear. Warm streams of his climax only added to the euphoria consuming me as my spasming muscles milked every last ounce of his seed from him.

  He rested his forehead against mine. I stayed in his lap, wrapped around him, until we could both breathe normal again. When I finally pulled away enough to see his face, he ran his fingers over my cheeks, before placing a soft kiss on my lips. “You okay?”

  I nodded, unable to put voice to words. He’d flipped my safe, anesthetized world upside down in the matter of an hour.

  His eyebrow furrowed and his eyes jumped back and forth between mine. “Baby, talk
. Did I hurt you?”

  “It was a good hurt.” I caressed a finger over his lips I couldn’t take my eyes off of. “You—you can’t be real,” I whispered, so overwhelmed by feeling, I was having trouble processing it—him—everything.

  Next thing I knew, I was on my back with him leaning halfway over me, tucking my hair behind my ears. “You need me to prove how real I am, sugar? Now that I’ve had that tight pussy wrapped around me, you’re gonna have a hard time gettin’ rid of me.”

  Get rid of him? That would be the fucking day!

  Even though I ached in places I never knew existed, I felt those words between my thighs. “Don’t you—aren’t you tired?” I moved his hair out of his face.

  “I’ll sleep when I’m dead,” he mumbled against my neck. “Me and my cock.”

  I closed my eyes and held him to me, memorizing the feel of his lips against my hot, damp skin. The slide of his hand around my breast. The nip of his teeth over my swollen nipple. As he proved that he was very much real, the scrunch of his ripped t-shirt fumbling around between us, reminding me my past would always be a barrier my present couldn’t breach.

  What I felt for Jaxxon was beyond anything I’ve ever felt for a man before. There was no more I couldn’t fall in love with him—I’d already fallen. So now, it was a matter of damage control.

  He may have proven I wasn’t sexually broken or abnormal, but no matter how good things were between us, I’d always be damaged. My selfishness was almost humiliating, because I knew I’d take and cherish whatever time I had with him. The truth was I had demons that even Jaxxon, with all his sexual mastery, all his thoughtfulness, and all his strength couldn’t kill.

  29

  Valentina

  The setting sun warmed my skin as I sent off my latest edit rounds. I leaned back in my chair and looked up through the skylight of my office. I couldn’t help but smile at how much the office reflected me—a me I couldn’t see, but Jaxxon had. A flurry tickled my belly just thinking about him. If only I were unstained.

  But I wasn’t. He could never sleep with me. I couldn’t risk him being with me if the nightmares came and therein lay the eventual fate of what was turning out to be the happiest time in my life—a gradual progression couldn’t happen.

  After yesterday morning’s life-altering sex, from which I was still wonderfully sore, he’d fallen asleep holding me. I’d lain in his arms until sleep threatened, and then I’d snuck into the living room to sleep on the couch with Chris and Kyle, just in case.

  With the ringtone off, the soft rattle of my phone vibrated against the wood, grabbing my attention. Thankful for the distraction, I checked the screen. Annie.

  Don’t you dare bail on me tonight! I have no kids!!

  If Annie came tonight, she might get to meet Jaxxon, as long as he didn’t mind coming over while she was here. I’d run it by him.

  Of course. You might, and that’s a big MIGHT, get to meet Jaxx tonight.

  The reply was instant.

  The Redwood! Bonus! ;)

  If she called him the Redwood, I was gonna die.

  You CANNOT call him that anymore, lol. That goes to the grave!

  Before she had a chance to respond, my phone rang. What? This required an actual conversation? Thinking it was Annie, I instantly lit up when I saw the word “Superman” across the screen instead.

  “Hey, you.”

  His typical greeting made me smile so big my cheeks hurt. “I was just thinking about you.” I flipped through Bridgette’s manuscript in front of me.

  “Were you? What were you thinkin’, sugar? And be graphic.”

  I covered the phone for a second, stifling my laugh. “Pull your head out. I just finished Bridgette’s manuscript.”

  A quick intake of breath came through the receiver. “So, what’s the call?”

  Skimming my hand over the cover, I crossed my fingers. “Jaxx . . . Do me a favor. Don’t tell Bridgette I read it. I doubt she knows who I am, I’m one of many, but if she’s a serious writer looking to get picked up, she probably knows my house and on a long shot, might know who I am. Can we keep this between us?”

  “Of course. But shit, baby, was it that bad?”

  His concern was endearing. “Not at all. And a little faith in your sister would be good.”

  “Oh, I got all the faith in the world in Bridge, but we’re talking about her writing porn for women. So, yeah . . . no, babe.”

  Excuse me . . . “Porn. For. Women . . . You and that mouth, Jaxxon! I swear—you do realize romance is the top selling genre in the publishing world—”

  A roar of laughter cut off my tirade.

  “Easy, Sparky. I’m giving you shit.”

  “Ass. You’re an ass,” I leaned back in my chair trying not to laugh with him.

  “Wait, before we get to Bridge, what about my mouth? Let’s stay there for a second.”

  “Jaxxon, focus. Your sister has talent. If I wasn’t launching this line, I’d tell her to indie publish, but since we are and Leigh gave me full control, our house will be the place to traditionally publish in this genre if that’s her goal. The respect Soaring Hawk Publishing commands in our industry is a nice jump start for a new author.”

  There was dead silence for a moment.

  “You’re serious? No bullshit, Valentina. You’re not saying this because she’s my sister?”

  Now that was questioning my talent.

  “Jaxxon . . . I do realize you’re male and know nothing about my industry, except for the gross misconception my authors write ‘porn for women’ but I take my job serious. I’m damn good at what I do, and I’m not being boastful. My authors are a reflection on me. I only make offers to the best. I’m known for it in my world. So if I’m telling you Bridgette has talent, you can bet your ass it’s the damn truth.”

  Call me on my work ethic . . .

  “I don’t doubt you, but I also know how kind hearted you are—”

  “Not when it comes to my business. I’m fucking ruthless—sister or not.”

  Hearty laughter exploded through the phone. “Okay, okay. Covering bases, baby. And I’ve seen you in action. If you say she’s got it then okay. Between us. You got a plan?”

  “I do. Once the line is off the ground, I want her to query my house if it’s one she’d like to write for. It would come to me, given the genre, so I’d edit for her . . . unless something else comes up—”

  “Like editor-in-chief comes up?”

  “Yes. Then I’d give her to Cynthia whom I trust. But let me get it off the ground first.”

  “You got it, sugar. I won’t say anything to Bridge, but I gotta say, I’m hard as a fuckin’ rock listening to you go all professional on my ass. What are you wearing right now?”

  I held the phone away from me and looked at it. “What—hard—damn it Jaxx, are you even listening to me?”

  “I always listen to you, baby.” His tone changed immediately.

  I smiled as my stomach fluttered. “Okay, so why did you call?”

  “What, so now I need a reason?” he teased.

  “No, but—”

  A husky chuckle came through the receiver and traveled straight between my legs. “You never learn . . . Teasing, baby. I wanted to see if you still want me to come over and work on the office tonight. Annie’s coming over, right? I can do it tomorrow, if you two want to hang out.”

  He was either too thoughtful or trying to get out of meeting Annie. I hoped this wasn’t too soon, but I really wanted him to meet at least someone important in my life. “Well, aren’t you considerate? If I haven’t told you how amazing you are, remind me.”

  “Count on it. Just sayin’, I can come tomorrow night, if that’s better for you.”

  Here it goes . . . “Ah, if you’re not too tired, I’d still like you to come by? I’ll make dinner. I want you to meet Annie, if you’re okay with it. Unless it’s too soon, I’d completely underst—”

  His laughter cut me off. “You’re rambling, Sparky.
I’m good . . . I’ll meet whoever you want me to. I’m sanding tonight. Might get loud.”

  Typical Jaxxon. Nothing fazed the man. “It won’t be too loud. Thank you for being so thoughtful, but if you’re genuinely okay with it, yes, please come by.”

  “Time, baby.”

  “Whenever you get here is fine, but don’t eat. I’ll feed you.”

  The sexy rumble he made when I said something that amused him turned that little tingle in my lower extremities into a full-on ache.

  “You’ll feed me . . . Then fuck yeah, I got something in mind.”

  “Stop.” Nice. While I’d never had phone sex, I was willing to bet the man could make me come by simply talking to me. “Vulgar. You’ll love Annie. See you tonight.”

  He laughed. “Miss you.”

  “Miss you too.”

  I hung up and put my hands over my face, groaning into my palms. I was already screwed. So much for keeping my distance.

  30

  Valentina

  I multitasked around my island, sautéing mushrooms, making sure the consistency of the sauce was right, sprinkling seasoning over the quinoa.

  Annie sipped her Merlot and glared at me. “Chicken, mushrooms, asparagus, some kind of seed, and salad . . . Seriously, V? Where’s the carbs? What’s for dessert? You and this health food kick suck ass.” She sat back on her stool to cut vegetables for an avocado and tomato salad. “You used to be fun, sister.”

  I stopped stirring and gave her my most irritated glare. “I’m still fun. You know I have a test coming. I have to be good.”

  Annie glanced up at me. “What I know is that all I hear is test, test, test! You know what I’m gonna say, ‘all work and no play . . . ’”