Parker's Island

by Kimberly Schwartzmiller

  “Thank you,” I said, grateful for the sandwich. “I always wanted a dog. My parents would never let us have one. ‘Too messy’ they said. She wasn’t here last time…”

  “No. She just showed up one day. I tried to find her owners. I called the animal shelters and put up posters. No one ever claimed her. I figured they must not want her, so I guess she’s mine now. She’s good company.”

  I had finished the sandwich and fruit and was working on my third hot chocolate when Logan said, “I don’t know why you’re here, but I’m really glad that you are.”

  “I know that I have a lot to explain…”

  “You need to sleep, you look exhausted,” he said, reaching out to touch my cheek, but then changed his mind.

  “Don’t you want to know?”

  “Not tonight. I’m just happy you’re here. We’ll deal with whatever it is tomorrow, after you’ve slept and eaten again. You’re so thin.” This time he did touch my cheek, with the back of his hand. He noticed me tremble. “Are you still cold?”

  “No,” I said, embarrassed by the reaction he was so easily able to provoke in me with one simple touch. I started feeling sick again, so I quietly excused myself, walked into the furthest bathroom from the living room so he wouldn’t be able to hear me vomit. I closed the door and stood over the toilet waiting for the inevitable. I didn’t have to wait long. At least I had something in my stomach to throw up that time.

  I headed back to the living room, pale and clammy and sat down next to Logan.

  “You should go to bed now. You look like you’re not feeling well. Whatever it is can wait until the morning. Is there…anyone you need to call?”

  “No,” I said, closing my eyes, seeing Brian sitting at that table, the way I left him, heartbroken and crying.

  “It’s getting pretty late. I think you should have everything you need. There are towels and wash…” but it was too late, he looked over at me and I was already asleep.

  I woke up hours later as the sun streamed through the window. “Good morning,” Logan said.

  I looked around and realized my head was on his lap and he had draped a blanket over me. I sat up, embarrassed, “I’m sorry. I guess I fell asleep.”

  “You needed to sleep.”

  “Um, what time is it?”

  “10:30.”

  “Oh no. Have I kept you from…?”

  “From what? I had nothing better to do last night than to watch you sleep. Why don’t you get cleaned up and I’ll fix you some breakfast?” he smiled that gorgeous smile.

  “No, let me cook for you this time. I don’t want to be a bother.”

  “Delaney, go get cleaned up. I’ll cook breakfast. You can take care of dinner,” he smiled, as if to say he knew I planned on staying for a while.

  I noticed that he didn’t seem upset about my being there, but I also knew that my being there could cause him trouble, and I didn’t want that.

  I showered and dressed in jeans and a t-shirt. When my hair was mostly dry and somewhat presentable, I made my way to the kitchen.

  I caught my breath at the sight of him again; so perfect, that blonde hair, those piercing blue eyes, that incredible smile. He only had to stand there and my heart pounded in my chest.

  “I guess you want to know why I’m here?” I said, still not exactly sure what I was going to tell him.

  “After you eat,” he said, setting a plate down on the table in front of me.

  The smell of the eggs instantly turned my stomach and I could barely force a single bite down.

  “Aren’t you hungry?” Logan asked.

  “Not really. I think I’m still full from last nights’ dinner. Thank you for that, by the way.” Hopefully he didn’t hear last night’s dinner come back up.

  “Would you like to take a walk with me?” he asked, sensing our conversation would be easier for me if I wasn’t staring right into his eyes; those hypnotic eyes. He was right.

  “Yes. Let me do the dishes first,” I said. I stood up and was instantly dizzy.

  “They can wait. Let’s go…” but I was struck by another wave of nausea and I ran to the bathroom.

  When I returned a few minutes later, looking even paler, he asked, “Are you okay? You look like you feel terrible.”

  “I’m fine, thanks.”

  We headed to the beach and walked along the shore. I was reminded once again of Brian. The last time I walked on this shore I had been with him. I couldn’t stop seeing the pain in his eyes. My thoughts were interrupted by Logan.

  “What are you running from, Delaney?” he asked.

  “Things at home suddenly got very…complicated. I had to leave. I promise I won’t stay any longer than I have to. I don’t want to cause you any trouble. I just didn’t know where else to go.”

  “Are you going to tell me what got so complicated?” he asked, somehow sensing that I wasn’t.

  “Everything.”

  He stopped then and turned to me. “Delaney, whatever it is, you can’t run from it forever. You can stay as long as you want, but eventually you’re going to have to face…whatever it is.”

  “I know, and thank you,” I said sadly, looking out at the ocean.

  We just walked then, in silence.

  True to my word, I cooked dinner for the both of us. “Where did you learn to cook like that?” Logan asked after dinner.

  I had learned how to cook a few things from Brian’s mom. My mom was awful in the kitchen, but Christine was a wonderful cook.

  I was determined not to lie to Logan. I knew I couldn’t tell him everything, but I refused to lie to his face. I was done lying.

  “Brian’s mom.”

  “She must be some cook,” he said, not asking for any other explanation.

  “Yes, she is.”

  “So, what would you like to do tonight?” he asked.

  “You don’t have to entertain me, Logan. I know I’m not an invited guest. I really appreciate you letting me stay until...”

  “Until?”

  “Until I figure out what to do.”

  “Is this about Brian?” he asked, looking me in the eye.

  “Yes…and no.”

  “I know I don’t have any right to ask, but I need to know. Do you love him?”

  “Yes,” I whispered.

  “Then why are you here?”

  “Because I don’t want to hurt him anymore,” I said as a single tear slid down my cheek.

  He must have thought I had enough for one day, so he asked if I wanted to watch a movie. “I thought you weren’t much into movies?” I said, grinning.

  “You don’t know how much I wanted to say yes to you that day.”

  “Me too, and a movie sounds nice. Thank you,” I said, knowing he was being very patient with me.

  “What would you like to watch?” he asked.

  “Anything is fine,” I said, knowing that I probably wouldn’t be able to pay attention to anything but Logan anyway.

  “Why don’t you pick one out; as long as it’s PG. I wouldn’t want your parents to think I’m corrupting you,” he grinned.

  “What, you don’t have any Disney films?” I asked, smiling back.

  “I’ll be right back.”

  I put a movie on and then turned around, not sure where to sit. The couch looked very inviting, but I didn’t want to make Logan uncomfortable. I finally decided on a recliner next to the couch. I found the right remote, and pushed pause until Logan came into the room.

  I could smell the popcorn long before I heard it popping. It sent me immediately running to the bathroom. I was praying that if I couldn’t keep my dinner down, that I could at least vomit quietly.

  Unfortunately, my dinner did come back up and I doubt I was very quiet. I finished throwing up and then brushed my teeth, praying that Logan hadn’t heard me.

  I made my way back to the living room just as the phone rang.

  “Hello,” Logan said.

  He looked over at me for a minute, and then fina
lly said, “Yes.”

  I didn’t know what the call was about, but I knew it wasn’t any of my business, so I sat down on the couch.

  “Where’s the popcorn?” I asked, praying that I could actually stomach it.

  “I burned it. I do it every time I make it. Sorry. Would you like me to try again?”

  “No, I’m still full from dinner. But thanks anyway. Are you ready for the movie? I thought we could watch…”

  “Delaney, that was Brian on the phone.”

  “Oh,” I was frozen.

  “He knew you were here. I didn’t tell him.”

  “What did he say?” I asked, not really wanting to know.

  “He asked me if you were safe.”

  “That’s all?” I asked, starting to shake.

  “Yes, and then he hung up. I just thought you should know.”

  “Thank you.”

  I was still shaking by the time the movie started and Logan pulled a blanket down over my shoulders. We didn’t talk during the movie and after a short time, I said I was really tired and needed to go to bed. I was afraid I was going to break down again and I didn’t want to do it in front of Logan.

  “Goodnight, Delaney. I’m here if you need me.”

  “Thank you.”

  I turned and headed into the bedroom with Duchess at my heels. I barely closed the door before the tears started. How could I think Brian wouldn’t figure it out? How could I be so stupid? Of course he knew I would come here. He thinks Logan is the baby’s father.

  I put on my nightgown and crawled into bed. Duchess stood next to the bed, obviously waiting for an invitation. “Come on girl, come lay with me,” I said, patting the bed. She didn’t wait long, she jumped up on the bed and quickly laid down next to me and put her head on my chest.

  I don’t know if it was the jostling of the bed from Duchess, or the faint smell of popcorn still in the air, but suddenly I was once again running to the bathroom. I was tired and weak and all of the vomiting was taking every ounce of my strength. I had nothing left in my stomach, yet the heaving continued. I was exhausted and unable to move. I finally just gave in, closed my eyes and curled up on the bathroom floor.

  I was so sick and had been for months that it was finally taking its toll on me. I knew that all of the stress from my recent events didn’t help either. I just stayed there, giving up, when I felt a cool cloth being placed on my forehead and strong arms lifting me and carrying me back to bed. I knew I shouldn’t, but I clung to him and when he set me down I wouldn’t let him go. I needed comfort and even though I knew he wasn’t mine, I begged him to stay with me. “Please don’t leave me.”

  “What about Brian? Do you want me to call him for you?”

  “No. Please don’t make me talk about him. I don’t want to face it, yet.”

  “Does he know?” he asked.

  “Does he know what?” I asked, still dizzy.

  “Does he know…about the baby?” he asked again softly, looking down at my stomach.

  I instinctively covered my belly with my hands and whispered, “Yes.”

  “I’m confused, Delaney. I saw you two together on your porch. I saw the way he looked at you. I know he loves you. I heard it in his voice tonight on the phone. Why wouldn’t he stand by you, now?”

  I turned away, unable to answer him.

  “Delaney?” he said, turning my head back to look at him. He must have read the look of pure agony on my face, because he took a deep breath and said, “Oh, No!”

  I was tired of lying and I desperately needed to talk. “It happened that night…at the grad party.”

  “Chad!” he said angrily, through a clenched jaw.

  I was stunned, “How did you…? Oh God. I can’t do this, I can’t do this alone,” I was crying hysterically now.

  “You’re not alone. I’m here,” he said, and pulled me close. “Shh, it’s okay, I’m here. You’re not alone.” Logan calmly rocked me slowly in his arms, offering me much needed comfort.

  He let me cry for a while until I was calm enough to talk.

  “I don’t understand why Brian would let you go. He’s been dealing with this for months now. What changed?”

  “He didn’t know, not until two days ago.”

  “Delaney, you’ve only been here a day and a half and you’ve thrown up at least three times that I know of. You’re exhausted and I thought I had really put you over the edge with the popcorn. I’m sorry about that, by the way. But I’m assuming that all of this didn’t just start yesterday.”

  “No, I’ve managed to hide it well, even from myself. I really didn’t know that I was...pregnant, but Christine did. She knew weeks ago.”

  “Who’s Christine?”

  “Brian’s mom. She confronted us both, wanting to know why we hadn’t told them. I was stunned. I didn’t even know what she was talking about at first. I didn’t realize until she actually said the word. Then it hit me. It all made sense…I was sick all the time, I was so tired, my peri…I was….late and my, my…shirts and bras were really tight,” I said, and then blushed.

  “What did Brian say?”

  “He begged me to tell him it wasn’t true; that I wasn’t pregnant, that I couldn’t be pregnant. He kept telling his mom that it wasn’t true, that it was impossible because we hadn’t…”

  “Did you tell him what happened?”

  “No. I told him I was sorry and I left. I left him sitting there all alone…crying,” I said, the tears welling up again.

  “I’m sorry you had to go through all of that. You should tell him the truth. He’ll understand. He loves you.”

  “There’s more,” I whispered.

  “What is it?”

  “He asked me…um….whose it was, and I couldn’t say anything, I just stood there, frozen, so he assumed it was…”

  “Mine,” he said quietly.

  “I couldn’t tell him the truth, I tried, but the words wouldn’t come out,” I said, crying again.

  “Shh, it’s okay, it’s okay,” he said, and held me until I was calm enough to continue talking.

  “Why didn’t you tell someone what happened that night? I can understand why you couldn’t tell me, or Brian, but why not Molly or your mom?”

  “I couldn’t even say his name. I just wanted to forget it. When I got home, I had myself fooled into believing that everything was okay and that a life with Brian would fix everything. When I finally realized I was pregnant, I knew that it wasn’t fair to Brian. I had lied to him for so long; lied to myself. I couldn’t just suddenly tell him I was drugged and raped months ago and expect him to stand by me, even though I knew that he would have. And I knew then that I’d been lying to myself about more than just the pregnancy and I couldn’t stay anyway, because even though I do love him, I love…”

  “You love?”

  “I love…you more,” I said, and closed my eyes.

  “Delaney, I....”

  “You don’t have to say anything. I know that it’s wrong for me to be here. I’ve made a mess of everything. I’ll leave as soon as I can.”

  He touched my cheek and said, “I was going to say that I love you, too. I want you to stay. I never wanted you to leave in the first place.”

  “But you said…”

  “I said I was married and I had no right to ask you to wait for me.”

  “But I told you I would.”

  “I know. But it wasn’t fair to ask you to do that. You deserve a life with someone who’s free to give you everything. I wasn’t free to do that. I didn’t think it was fair to expect you to put your life on hold…for me. No matter how much I wanted you.”

  “Are you still married?” I asked, praying he’d say no.

  “Yes,” he said sadly.

  “I shouldn’t be here.”

  “I want you to stay. Please stay. I know I shouldn’t ask now either, but I just can’t bear the thought of you walking out that door again.”

  “I don’t know what to do. I’m so scared,” I sa
id, crying again.

  “It’s going to be okay. I promise. I love you, we’ll work it out together.”

  There was nothing left to say right then, and I was so tired and weak that I finally fell asleep. Logan stayed with me, just like he had that fateful night. I woke up to find him staring at me. “What time is it?” I asked.

  “Why, is there somewhere you need to be?” he grinned.

  “Am I keeping you from work or something? You don’t have to babysit me all day.”

  “I don’t have to work, Delaney. I used to spend a lot of time working at my mother’s company, but now I rarely even go in.”

  “Did you work during the summers?”

  “Up until last year, I was there all the time. I used to love it, but not anymore.”

  “How did you work so much and go to school?”

  “Last year was the first year I actually went to school. I always had tutors before that. I was never a kid, Delaney. I had never spent any time with kids my own age. I decided that I wanted to experience something normal in my life, for once. I finished high school three years ago. I realized I was missing out on something, but I didn’t know what. So, I asked my long time tutor and friend Avery to enroll me in high school, even though I already had a business degree. My father thought I was crazy, but I insisted.”

  “So you already had your diploma and a college degree and yet you chose to go to high school, anyway?”

  “Yes. Avery got me in with some fake transcripts. He thought it would be good for me, too. But, when I got there that first morning I realized I didn’t fit in. I asked to use the phone in the office so that I could call Avery back and have him get me out of it. Everyone seemed so immature, and although I was only 19, I felt years older than everyone there. But then something happened.”

  “What?” I asked, sitting up in bed.

  “I saw this young girl, a freshman, I’m assuming. She was terrified to be starting high school. She was crying and talking to someone I couldn’t see. Then I heard the girl she was talking to tell her that everything would be fine and that she’d walk her to her classes for a while until she was used to the new school.”