Parker's Island

by Kimberly Schwartzmiller

  I looked at him, waiting for him to continue.

  “I watched you put your arm around her and walk her out the door.”

  “She was just new and scared,” I said, remembering the terrified young freshman.

  “I hung up the phone and knew it didn’t matter if I fit in. I had to be near you.”

  “Why didn’t you ever say anything to me? Why didn’t you ask me out? I would have said yes.”

  “I didn’t know how. I told you, I had no experience with anyone close to my own age.”

  “Does that mean that you have experience with older women?” I asked, and then blushed.

  He grinned, “No. There were a few older women who offered…but I didn’t want any of them. The only one I want is you. But, by the time I had worked up enough nerve to ask you out, the whole thing with Martina started.”

  “Well, our timing is great, isn’t it? You’re married and I’m…pregnant.” I still shivered at the word.

  “No one ever said it would be easy,” he laughed.

  “Can I ask you something else?”

  “Anything.”

  “How was it that we ended up in so many of the same classes?”

  “I asked the secretary who you were, and when she told me your name, I called Avery and had him “fix it” so I was in most of your classes.”

  “If he could get you into most of my classes, why didn’t he get you into all of them?”

  “I thought that might tip you off. I’m sorry.”

  “I am too,” I said.

  “You are?” he asked, looking hurt.

  “Yeah, I missed you so much in those other classes.” I reached up to touch his face, but thought better of it.

  He smiled and looked relieved, “Are you up for some breakfast?” he asked.

  “I don’t know. Nothing seems to stay down lately.”

  “You have to eat,” he said, standing up and offering me his hand.

  I stood up and was instantly dizzy. Logan pulled me to him to keep me from falling. Our lips were inches apart, his breath warm on my face. I was breathing faster and I wanted him to kiss me so badly, but I knew it would be wrong. “I’m okay now,” I said, needing some space before I crossed the line and kissed him.

  He let me go, but stood by my side until he was sure I was able to stand on my own. “I’ll go fix breakfast. What would you like?”

  “I thought we agreed I would cook from now on.”

  “I’ll cook breakfast and maybe if you’re up to it, we can go out to dinner.”

  “You’re too good to me.”

  “Go get cleaned up and meet me in the kitchen.”

  I headed into the bathroom to shower and dress. I was actually feeling better by the time I was cleaned up and heading into the kitchen. Duchess came trotting after me. I walked into the kitchen and was once again taken back by how magnificent Logan was. He heard me enter the room, or he heard Duchess; but for whatever reason, he turned around and gave me that smile.

  “I think she’s your dog now,” he said, laughing at my new constant companion.

  “She’s such a sweet girl,” I said, reaching down to pet her. I was dizzy again as I stood up straight. Logan was immediately at my side, helping me into a chair.

  “Thank you.”

  He set a plate down in front of us both and then pulled his chair over next to me, “Just in case you decide to start to pass out again.”

  “I’m fine.”

  “You don’t look fine. You look like you’re about to drop and you have to be starving to death.”

  “I’m fine,” I said again. “Let’s eat.” But as soon as I lifted the fork, I was running back to the bathroom.

  Logan followed me, held my hair back and wiped my forehead with a cold washcloth. “Delaney, you need a doctor.”

  “It’s just morning sickness. I’ll be fine.”

  “You’re not fine. You haven’t kept anything down since you’ve been here, and I don’t how long before that. You need a doctor,” he said, ushering me back to the bed.

  “I just need some sleep,” I said, not wanting to go to a doctor.

  “You rest. I’ll be right back,” he said, and headed out of the bedroom before I could protest.

  He was back in a few minutes. “Come on, let’s go,” he said, offering me his hand.

  “Where are we going?”

  “You’re going to see a doctor.”

  “No. I don’t need a doctor.”

  “Delaney, I’m assuming that since you didn’t even realize you were pregnant until a few days ago, that you haven’t been to a doctor. Don’t you think you should see an obstetrician?”

  “No,” I said, pulling the blankets up over my head.

  “Not going to the doctor won’t change the fact that you’re pregnant. You’re going to have face up to it eventually,” he said, trying to pull the blankets back.

  “Not today.”

  “You do realize that you’re acting like a child?”

  “I don’t care. I’m fine.”

  “If you don’t come with me willingly, I’m going to carry you to the car.”

  “Logan, please, I’m fine. If it’s no better in a few days, then I’ll go.”

  He sat down on the edge of the bed and said, “Delaney, I know that we haven’t really talked about what you want to do about the baby.”

  “I don’t know,” I said, feeling stupid for hiding under the blankets, but still determined not to go.

  “No matter what you decide, you must want to make sure that the baby is okay. All this vomiting can’t be good…for either of you. Please come with me.”

  I sat up then, knowing he was right. I needed to protect the baby. It wasn’t his or her fault that I didn’t want to be in this situation. “You’re right. Okay.”

  He walked me into the most beautiful doctor’s office I had ever seen. “Wow, this is nothing like my doctor’s office,” I said.

  “When was the last time you saw a doctor?”

  “I don’t know, but I remember that I got a balloon and stickers on my way out,” I grinned.

  “Right this way,” a nurse said, leading us into an exam room. “Okay, I’ll need a urine sample from you and then you can put this gown on.”

  “I’m just nauseous. I don’t need to put on a gown.”

  “You need to put on the gown,” she said, leaving me no room to argue.

  “Okay,” I agreed, looking down.

  “Dr. Branson will be right in to examine you.”

  I was starting to panic and Logan knew it. “It’s okay Delaney; he’s not going to hurt you. He’s supposed to be a very good doctor, the best on the island.”

  I nodded at him and then grabbed the urine cup I was supposed to fill and headed into the bathroom. I hadn’t been able to keep anything down in ages and I just couldn’t pee. I tried turning the water on, but that didn’t help. I finally headed back into the exam room with an empty cup.

  “Couldn’t go? You haven’t been able to eat or drink anything, so I’m not surprised.”

  I picked up the gown and headed back into the bathroom to change. I came back holding my clothes, looking around nervously, not sure where to put them.

  “Here, I’ll take them,” Logan said, reaching his arms out to me.

  “I don’t want to be here,” I said, suddenly very frightened.

  He was instantly at my side, “It’s okay. I promise it’s going to be fine.”

  I sat down in the chair next to Logan, refusing to climb up onto the exam table. Logan reached out and took my hand, “Don’t worry.”

  Dr. Branson walked in then, holding a chart and a book. “Hi there, I’m Dr. James Branson, and you’re Delaney and Logan, right?” he asked.

  “Yes,” Logan said. I could only nod.

  “So this is your first prenatal visit?” he asked, sitting down on the stool and rolling over to me.

  “Yes,” I whispered.

  “When was the first day of your last period?” he a
sked, right off the bat.

  I was mortified to have to answer that question in front of Logan, but I knew I had to. “I um, I don’t really remember. It’s been a while. I’ve never kept track very well. I never needed to,” I blushed.

  “Okay. Well, we can do an ultrasound to narrow down the date of conception.”

  “Oh, I know the date…of conception,” I said, and Logan squeezed my hand.

  “Oh, well that makes things easier.”

  I told him the date of the grad party and then I answered a bunch more embarrassing questions and when I finally thought it was all over, he asked me to get up onto the table. I froze.

  “Dr. Branson, this is Delaney’s first actual doctor visit since she was a child,” Logan said, giving the doctor a head’s up that I had never had a gynecological exam before.

  “I see. It’s okay, Delaney. I’ll tell you everything I’m going to do before I do it. My nurse will come in and assist me. Logan, you can stand right up there and hold her hand.”

  “Um, maybe I should wait outside for this part,” Logan said.

  “No. Don’t go,” I said, terrified to be alone with the doctor. He came over and held my hand again, instantly calming me.

  “It’s important for Dad’s to be involved, too,” Dr. Branson told Logan.

  “Um, he’s not…” I started, not wanting Logan to have to take the blame for something he had nothing to do with.

  “I’m not used to being called ‘Dad’ yet,” Logan interrupted, and winked at me, giving me a little smile. I didn’t argue. I just sat there stunned, grateful that I didn’t have to explain who or where the baby’s father was.

  “Delaney, you’ll be fine. It’s only going to be mildly uncomfortable. As soon as the exam is over, I’m going to have my nurse start an IV and get some fluids into you.”

  “How long do I have to stay?” I asked, wanting to bolt through the door right then.

  “As long as it takes to get some clear urine from you, so it may be a couple of hours. Please lie back on the table, and put your feet right here in the stirrups.”

  I did what Dr. Branson asked. I wasn’t sure who was more uncomfortable, me or Logan. I think it was a tie. As soon as Dr. Branson’s nurse came into the room, I started to panic again. Logan stood at the head of the exam table, holding my hand and telling me it was okay. His eyes never left mine during the entire exam. I wasn’t sure if it was because he knew I was panicking, or if he was afraid to let his eyes wander below the stirrups and see something he didn’t want to. He brushed my hair back with his hand and kept telling me, “It’s almost over.”

  “Okay, that part’s done. We’ll have your pap smear results in a few weeks and everything else looks normal.”

  He told me to put my legs down on the table and he covered me with a drape, exposing only my lower abdomen. “Let’s take a listen, shall we?” he said and put a bunch of gel on my stomach and then he turned on a little handheld device and rubbed it in the gel on my stomach. I looked up at Logan and he looked as confused as I was. Then we heard a definitive beating through all the crackles.

  “There we are. Good, strong heartbeat in the 160’s, perfect.”

  “That was the baby?” I asked.

  “Yep. He or she sounds perfect. We’ll do an ultrasound next time and you can see the baby.”

  He took out a tape measure and measured my belly and then said, “Well, everything looks good. Now I’ll do a quick breast exam and we’ll be all through.”

  “Um, I don’t think you need…”

  “Delaney, it’s all a part of being a mom. You need to take care of yourself, and routine screenings are important. Logan can hold your hand; it’ll only take a minute.”

  “Oh, um, I really think I should step out…” Logan said, standing up straight now. He tried to pull his hand away but I wouldn’t let it go.

  “No, stay,” I said, more afraid of the exam than having Logan seeing me partially undressed.

  “Delaney…I really don’t think I should…” he was breathing a bit faster now, and I knew he was embarrassed, but I couldn’t let go of his hand.

  “It’s only going to take a minute,” Dr. Branson said again. He untied my gown, letting it drop to my waist, “Oh, you’ll have to remove your bra, please,” he said, and then his pager went off. “Go ahead and remove your bra and I’ll be back in a minute. Sorry for the interruption.”

  Logan had managed to completely avert his eyes up to that point. “Delaney, I really think I should wait outside.”

  “If you want to leave, I understand,” I said, looking down.

  “I’ll stay if you want, I just don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”

  “It’s too late for that, but it would be worse without you. Please stay,” I said, still holding his hand with an iron grip.

  He looked at me then and took a deep breath, “This would be a lot easier if you weren’t so beautiful.”

  “You’ve already seen…everything anyway.”

  “No, I never looked below the…”

  “I don’t mean today, I mean…that night. You carried me out of the shower, so…”

  “Delaney, I covered you with a towel, I didn’t stop to look or think about you like…I was just so worried about you.”

  “It’s okay, Logan. I don’t care. You were there for me then and you’re here now.”

  “Sorry about that,” Dr. Branson said, stepping back into the room. He washed his hands in the sink and said, “You still need to remove your bra.”

  “Oh, yeah,” I said, unsnapping the back of it and pulling it down over my shoulders. I handed my bra to Logan and whispered, “It’s okay.”

  “Lay back for me, please. Do you perform monthly breast exams?” he asked me while grabbing one of my arms and placing it gently over my head.

  “Um, no.”

  “You need to make it a habit. I tell most women to examine themselves monthly right after their period, but since you said you don’t have regular periods you should just pick the same day each month. A good day would be the day of the month your birthday falls on.”

  “Okay,” I said, too nervous to really listen to what he was saying.

  “You need to watch for lumps and any changes or dimpling, or discharge from your nipples, other than the breast milk, of course,” he said, while lifting my other arm above my head.

  Logan had managed to avert his eyes completely until the doctor addressed him personally.

  “Logan, you should know how to do this, too. I’ve found that husbands and boyfriends find problems that a woman may never notice. Okay, sit up for me now, please, Delaney.”

  He continued talking to Logan, “This is the most common problem area,” he said, touching the upper area of both of my breasts, near my armpits.

  Logan was still looking at my face, not sure what to do.

  “This is nothing you haven’t seen before,” Dr. Branson said.

  “Yeah, but it’s just kind of, um…clinical,” Logan stammered.

  “Yes, but it’s important. Knowing how to do this and what to look for may save her life. This feels like normal healthy breast tissue. Feel it here and then you can look for any changes later, when it’s not so…clinical,” Dr. Branson said, looking a bit irritated.

  Logan looked at me, “What do you want me to do?”

  “I, um…”

  “I know this is uncomfortable for you both, but it’s especially important since there’s a history of breast cancer in your family, Delaney.”

  I sat there afraid to move. I didn’t know what to say or do. Poor Logan looked absolutely petrified. Finally I said, “We can do this at home.”

  “Logan, you are the father of this baby, right?” Dr. Branson asked, looking at us both strangely.

  “Yes!” Logan said, all too quickly.

  “I think he’s just nervous. You’re kind of putting him on the spot,” I stammered.

  “Okay. You two can work this out on your own. But you need to do the exams, lik
e I said.”

  “I…we will,” I said.

  “Well, that’s it for now. My nurse will be back in to draw some blood and start your IV and in a few hours you’ll be feeling much better,” he said, eyeing us both warily.

  When it was over and the doctor left, I sat up and hugged Logan. “Thank you for not leaving me.”

  “I think I need a minute,” he said, sitting down in the chair. He was still holding my bra and looking a little pale.

  “Thank you, again,” I said again, covering up with the gown.

  He grinned at me and said, “You know, I had the perfect opportunity to touch…you…and I just realized I blew it.”

  “Yeah,” I said, and then added, “but it was so clinical anyway…” I was barely able to stop grinning at him.

  “Funny! You’re a riot,” he said, while absentmindedly rubbing my bra between his thumb and forefinger.

  “Um…are you finished with that, yet?” I asked, pointing at my bra and grinning.

  “What? Oh yeah, sorry,” he said with obvious embarrassment.

  He handed me my bra and I decided to go to the bathroom to get dressed. I jumped off the table a little too quickly, forgetting that I hadn’t kept anything down in days and I immediately started to sway. Logan was instantly at my side and caught me before I fell. As I grabbed onto him, my gown fell and his hand grazed the side of my breast. I looked up at him and said, “I think I’m okay now. Thank you.”

  He stared down at me and said, “Well, I guess I have another opportunity now, don’t I?”

  “Yes, but something tells me…you won’t take it.”

  “It doesn’t seem quite so clinical now,” he said, letting me go and quickly backing away.

  I headed into the bathroom and got re-dressed. I came back into the room and noticed Logan sitting in the far chair with his head against the wall and his eyes closed. “Are you okay?” I asked.

  “I’m fine. Just keeping the memory alive,” he smiled.

  “Why did you tell him that you were the father?” I asked, ignoring his comment.

  “I don’t know. I guess I figured it would be easier for you that way,” he said sadly.

  “What?” I asked, knowing there was something on his mind.

  “I wish I were,” he said.

  “So do I,” I whispered.