Fourth Down

by Kirsten DeMuzio

  What the hell? It wasn’t like I was doing a great job of cheering myself up. Having the MCATs behind me was such a huge weight off my chest that I did want an evening just to relax and maybe even have some fun. If I could remember how to do that.

  However, as I sat at the bar of a tavern in my hometown, ten miles away from where I currently lived, I was having trouble keeping a frown off my face. I knew we had purposely avoided the pub because it would remind me of Ford. But being somewhere other than the pub also reminded me of Ford.

  Brooke had dressed me up and curled my hair, and I suppose I did look good. But who cares? It’s not like I was out to pick up a guy. The thought of being with anyone else after Ford was almost nauseating.

  Lindsay was driving tonight, on account of her being eight months pregnant. Although she was starting to waddle just a little, she still looked gorgeous with her perfectly styled blonde hair and designer maternity clothes. Leah was clearly excited to have a night away from her baby, and had already informed Lindsay she was crashing at her and Grady’s house tonight.

  “I don’t want to risk Maddy crying while I’m puking up all this alcohol later tonight,” she said.

  I had been twenty one since the end of December, but this was the first time I had actually been out to order a drink. The bartender asked me for my ID, and it reminded me of Halloween night at the pub. At the time, I was horrified and embarrassed that Ford had reprimanded me for trying to drink underage, but now it was just another memory I looked back on fondly. I would even take Ford scowling at me over being alone.

  When my drink arrived I took a big gulp of the vodka and cranberry juice. I had occasionally drank in high school and college, although never very much. Never enough to be drunk. But tonight that was going to change. I was just desperate enough to try anything to get my mind off Ford, even if it was only for a few hours.

  “Oh, yeah! Poppy’s getting drunk tonight,” Leah cheered while doing a little dance on her bar stool.

  Brooke clinked her glass against mine and took a drink of her beer, but Lindsay just gave me a sympathetic smile. Since we had been studying together all semester for Anatomy class, I had gotten to know Lindsay pretty well. Of the three girls, she was the one who could best understand what I was feeling. One night while we were reviewing for an exam at her house, she told me how she and Grady had met and then what had subsequently happened to tear them apart. She had spent five years missing Grady before they found their way back together. If I have to wait five years to get over Ford, I think I might just die.

  “You know what you need to do, Poppy? You need to find the hottest guy in here to dance with. After you have a couple more drinks, of course. That’s what I do. Find a new guy to help you get over the old one,” Brooke advised.

  I rolled my eyes and grumbled, “Yeah? How’s that working out for you?”

  Brooked looked hurt for a second before she forced a smile and shrugged.

  “Wow, Poppy. Heartbreak sure has turned you into a bitch,” Leah commented.

  Immediately I regretted what I said to Brooke. She was terribly misguided when it came to men, but she really was a sweetheart.

  “I’m sorry, Brooke. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Maybe Ford left some of his assholeness behind for me.”

  Leah threw her arm around my shoulder. “Don’t worry about it. You get some leeway since Ford is a complete idiot. Let’s try to forget about him for one night and have some fun. Besides, it’s fun to not be the only bitch in the group.”

  We all had to laugh at that. Leah wasn’t a bitch; she was just opinionated and outspoken. She had more of a crude mouth than Lindsay, who was bubbly and outgoing. Brooke was a good combination of both of them, with an added touch of sluttiness. But that was just part of her charm. And me? Well, if the four of us were on one of those “Which one of these is not like the others?” puzzles, it would obviously be me.

  I wish I had Brooke’s confidence, Leah’s ability to say what was on her mind, and Lindsay’s happy ending. Maybe then I would be with Ford right now. Every single day since he left I wondered if I had done the right thing. Should I have gone with him? Should I have begged him to stay here with me? Should I have at the very least told him that I loved him? That was the one that kept me up at night.

  I was fully aware that I could pick up the phone and call him. To just say hi or to bare my soul. But something always held me back. It wasn’t a mystery. I wanted Ford to have the chance to find what he was looking for, and deep down I knew it wasn’t me. He had come to me in a time of emotional turmoil. How could I ever be sure he truly loved me, and not just the solace I represented if I had stayed with him? It was inevitable that he would leave and I would stay. That’s the way it was, and I needed to learn to deal with it.

  For tonight, dealing with it would entail a few more vodka and cranberry cocktails and doing anything except talk about Ford.

  “So, how are things going with Chet?” I asked Brooke. Chet was the latest man that Brooke was in lust with.

  “He’s an asshole,” Brooke bluntly replied.

  “Oh, sorry.”

  “It’s okay. I’ve sort of come to accept the fact that Leah and Lindsay have found the only two decent guys in this town.”

  I tipped my glass to that one, and then proceeded to chug down the rest of my drink. Setting the empty glass down hard on the counter, I called to the bartender, “Another one, please.”

  Leah slapped some cash down on the bar and leaned forward like she was going to tell him all her secrets. “Listen up, hot stuff. Anytime you see her glass empty? You fill it back up. Got it?”

  He pocketed the cash, winked at me and immediately replaced my empty glass with a full one. Thank God for good friends. I really needed this, but my depleted bank account couldn’t handle more than two drinks tonight.

  Talk turned to Lindsay and how she was feeling. As I listened to her describe how the nursery was decorated, I felt more than a twinge of jealousy. Not that I wanted a baby right now or even in the near future. But I did want the feeling of starting a life with someone. Not just any random someone in my case.

  Lindsay checked her phone when it beeped with an incoming text message. Smiling sheepishly at us, she said, “Sorry, ladies. But Grady is coming to crash our girls’ night.”

  Leah groaned, “Seriously? Can’t he find something better to do?”

  Grady must have been just outside when he texted Lindsay, because he walked right up behind her and heard Leah’s complaint.

  “Love you too, Leah. And, no, I don’t have anything better to do than make sure my pregnant wife isn’t stuck driving your drunk asses around late at night. Just pretend I’m one of the girls.”

  Leah rolled her eyes and took another drink of her Lemon Drop martini. “Fine, but the rest of the drinks are on you.”

  Grady smirked as he signaled the bartender to bring another round for all of us. I was well into my third drink when Leah made Lindsay, Brook and me pose for a picture. A short while later her phone rang, and she hopped off her barstool as she answered the call.

  I just sat back and enjoyed the warmth flowing through my body from the alcohol. A few more, and I would be able to sleep tonight without dreaming of Ford. At least that was what I hoped for.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Ford

  Walking into the restaurant, I was greeted immediately by the hostess, whose eyes travelled from my head to my feet in an uncomfortably slow manner.

  “Just one tonight?” She asked me hopefully.

  “Uh…no. I’m meeting some friends. The reservation is under Parker,” I replied.

  As the hostess led me to a booth at the back of the restaurant, I already regretted agreeing to this. Logan Parker was another one of the assistant coaches, and he had somehow talked me into meeting him, his girlfriend and one of his girlfriend’s friends for dinner. During the three months I had been down here, I had gone out with the other coaches a few times for drinks but hadn’t ventur
ed into dating. I just wasn’t interested - not in dating anyone, and certainly not in any one night stands.

  The job was everything I hoped it would be. Any hesitation I had at jumping back into football was gone. It turns out I had a knack for coaching, for relating to the players on a level only a former player could. I was part of the offensive coaching staff, and naturally spent most of my time with the quarterbacks - the starter as well as the backups. Because it was spring, we were heavily involved in recruiting visits and finalizing deals with incoming freshmen as well as working with the younger players who would be continuing on next fall. This wasn’t a 9-5 job, and for that I was grateful. It meant less time to think about what wasn’t right in my life.

  Given I was currently making great money doing a job I was born for, the only thing that wasn’t right was that I was doing it alone. Being alone had never been an issue for me before. Before…Poppy. She had made it clear she wouldn’t be coming with me, but she was insistent that I take this job. Somehow in the few short months we had known each other, she had come to know me as well if not better than the people I had been friends with my whole life.

  It didn’t stop the fact that I missed her…all the time. When I was busy working with the team on certain skills, or travelling with Coach Hawkins to a prospective quarterback’s hometown, my mind was effectively occupied. But in my down time, at night when I was back at my apartment, Poppy dominated my thoughts. When I went to bed, it took me forever to fall asleep because she wasn’t curled up in my arms with her head on my chest. When I woke up in the morning, my hand automatically reached to the empty space next to me. But she was never there.

  I still had all the pictures I had taken of her on my phone, and I scrolled through a few now as I followed the hostess to the table. My favorite was one of her when she had just woken up. It was a close up of her face as she opened her eyes and propped her chin on my chest. I had taken it the last morning we spent together in Penn Yan - the morning I left for my interview down here. If I had known what would happen to us, would I have boarded that plane?

  Realizing we had reached our destination, I stuck my phone back in my pocket and tried to be cordial. Logan stood up to shake my hand, and then introduced his girlfriend, Ally, and her friend, Kayla. Logan was a few years older than me, but the women looked to be about my age. Both were blonde and very beautiful. Beautiful in the way that screamed high maintenance. Kayla was looking at me with the same predatory look in her eye as the hostess, only amplified because not only did she clearly find me attractive but she also knew I had a good job - a really good job.

  A year ago I would have been down for a girl who was a sure thing without me having to really put forth any effort. I still didn’t want to put forth any effort, but I had zero interest in Kayla or anyone else…anyone who wasn’t Poppy.

  The girls were drinking fruity cocktails, and I joined Logan in ordering a beer. I wondered what Poppy liked to drink, if she drank at all. I knew she let her twenty first birthday pass by without a celebration, and during the month we spent together, we hadn’t gone on an actual date. With my mom dying, the funeral, packing up my house and then Poppy starting school, it wasn’t exactly a fun time. It was one of many regrets I had regarding Poppy that our relationship, if you can even call it that, was bogged down by all my shit.

  I realized that all eyes were on me, but I had totally spaced out and missed the questions. “Sorry, what?” I asked Kayla, who had closed the distance between us in the booth and was now sitting right up next to me.

  “I said I loved watching you play football. I was at LSU when you were, and I never missed a game,” Kayla said.

  I didn’t really know what to say to that. Thanks? Good for you? It turns out I didn’t need to worry about keeping up my end of the conversation as she launched into more babble and questions.

  “I bet you’re glad to be back in the warm weather. I hate the snow!” Kayla said and then giggled like hating the snow was somehow funny.

  I’d actually forgotten how humid it could be down here in Louisiana, and it wasn’t even summer yet. The snow was one thing I always missed during the winters I spent in the South. I smiled as an image of Poppy in her baggy sweatshirt, leggings and furry boots popped into my head.

  “I like the snow. It gets too damn hot down here in the summer,” I replied. Kayla and Ally frowned at me like I was speaking another language. Thankfully, Logan jumped in and asked Kayla about her recent trip to Europe. Apparently, as Kayla leaned even closer to inform me, she wasn’t sure what she wanted to do with her life, so her parents sent her to Europe to find herself. Seriously? She says this as if it’s something to be proud of. I sure as fuck wouldn’t be proud of being twenty five with a college degree and having to go to another country to find myself. Not that I was any better a few short months ago, but at least I wasn’t proud of my shitty life. If there was any hope that I would enjoy this evening and get my mind off Poppy for a few hours, this just killed it.

  Fortunately Kayla was a talker. And while it annoyed the shit out of me, it allowed me to just sit back and drink my beer without having to add much. Logan knew I wasn’t much of a conversationalist, so he kept Kayla going with questions here and there.

  The food was good, and the waitress kept the beer coming. When she brought our checks, I picked up mine and Kayla’s. Even if I never wanted to see her again, the least I could do was buy her dinner.

  As Logan and I were signing the credit card slips, Ally suggested, “Ford, do you want to come back to our place for drinks?” Logan raised an eyebrow as he shoved his wallet in his back pocket. Obviously I didn’t fool him, but the girls seemed oblivious to my complete lack of interest in being here tonight.

  Kayla nodded her head and looped her arm through mine. Shrugging out of her grasp and standing up, I made my exit. “Uh…thanks, Ally, but I’ve got a lot of stuff to do tomorrow…early in the morning. So…I should be getting home.”

  Logan stood up as well, and the girls followed. We shook hands and he patted my back. He knew coming into this dinner that I wasn’t into it, so I was glad he wasn’t upset at my cutting the evening short.

  Kayla looked like she might burst into tears. “Are you sure you can’t come for just a little while?” She whined and turned her sad brown eyes on me. If Poppy had asked me for something with that look on her face, I would have died rather than disappoint her. But Kayla had nothing on Poppy, in any area.

  “Sorry, not tonight,” I said as I started backing away. “It was nice to meet you, Ally, and Kayla. Logan, I’ll see you on Monday.”

  And with that I was out of there. Stepping outside, I was hoping the blast of fresh air would wipe away the restlessness I had been feeling since entering the restaurant two hours ago. Instead, the humid air hit me in the face like I had just walked into a sauna.

  My apartment was only a few blocks from the restaurant, so I had walked here. While I was retracing my steps back to my front door, my phone beeped with an incoming text. Pulling it out I was relieved to see it was a message from Leah. Since leaving town almost three months ago, I had harassed Leah and Lindsay on a regular basis for updates on Poppy. I didn’t think she would want to hear from me, but I couldn’t function without hearing about her and how she was doing.

  I knew she was taking the MCATs today, and I couldn’t stop from letting her know I was thinking about her. I just hoped the flowers I sent weren’t sitting in her trash can right now.

  Leah: Girls Night Out

  Her text was accompanied by a photo. I clicked on it and a shot of Poppy with her arms around a very pregnant Lindsay and her friend, Brooke, filled my screen. She was dressed up with makeup on and her long hair curling over her shoulders. It seemed longer than I remembered, and while she was smiling, the light in her eyes was missing. Anyone else looking at this picture would see three friends having a good time. But I saw only Poppy, her big hazel eyes holding a sadness I could understand.

  Hitting the button to call Lea
h, I put the phone to my ear. It wasn’t very late, so she was probably still with everyone else, but I had to talk to her.

  “Yo, jackass. Like the pic?” She answered on the second ring.

  I snorted. Leave it to Leah to make me laugh. “Yeah, I liked it.”

  “Hold on a sec,” Leah said, and I could hear her say something to the other girls. Closing my eyes, I waited for Leah to come back on the line. Knowing she was likely standing right next Poppy was killing me.

  How did I think I could move across the country from her and ever be okay with that? Didn’t I have what I’ve always wanted? No, I wasn’t playing in the NFL, but for me coaching was the next best thing. Just being back in the game was enough for me. I had a stable job that tons of guys would kill for, a hefty paycheck, a nice apartment. Why wasn’t I happy?

  “Sorry about that. I didn’t think you wanted Poppy to know that her stalker was calling to check up on her,” Leah said sarcastically. I heard the sounds of the bar fade away, and I assumed she had gone outside to take my call.

  “I’m not stalking her. I just…Fuck, Leah!” I shoved my free hand through my hair as I continued to walk down the sidewalk in the direction of my apartment. That might have come out a little too loud judging from the looks I was getting from the people around me.

  “Don’t get your panties in a wad, Ford. I’m just kidding. Honestly she probably would have full body tackled me for my phone if she knew it was you calling.”

  That got my attention. “Really? Did she say she wants to talk to me? Because with how we left things, I just assumed she wanted a clean break. Did she get my flowers? Did she like them? How did her exam go?”

  “Whoa! I’m sorry, I thought I was talking to mean, bad ass Ford who doesn’t give a shit about himself let alone anyone else. When did he hand the phone to a twelve year old girl?”