Always For You (Always Love Book 1)

by Tawdra Kandle

  “Yeah, I got it. But what am I going to do about her dating? Just sit back and wait for her to get it out of her system?”

  Meghan shook her head. “No, you . . .” Her eyes narrowed, and her lips curled into a smile that kind of scared the shit out of me. “You know, Flynn seemed pretty worried about Maureen dating. It would only make sense, since you’re living there, for you to offer to look out for her. Meet her dates. Make sure they’re all good enough for her. Don’t you think?”

  I wasn’t sure I followed her. “Okay. I guess. But how’s that going to help me?”

  She sighed impatiently. “It’s going to help you know who she’s seeing and how you can work against him. You’ll have the inside track on the competition.” She squeezed my shoulder. “Trust me, Smith. It’s going to work. I’ve got your back, and I’ll help you. But you need to follow my lead, okay?”

  “Whatever you say.” I nodded. “But what if she really likes one of these other guys? What do I do then?”

  “She’s not going to fall in love with anyone else, dude, because she’s in love with you. She’s convinced herself that starting to see other men will help her get over you. It won’t. And you’ll be there all along, reminding her—subtly—why she loves you. Now would you carry in some of these coffee cups?”

  The conversation had shifted by the time Meghan and I brought in the coffee and a plate of cookies. Ali was telling a story about riding the subway in New York, and her brother was laughing.

  “I wish I could see you in the big city, Ali. Sometimes it scares me to think of you and Bridge wandering around up there.”

  Ali stuck out her tongue at him. “Like you’d do any better. You’re a small-town Georgia farm boy, just like I’m a down-home girl. But I like New York. It’s more manageable when you just take it neighborhood by neighborhood. I love where our little apartment is. I have a grocery store right downstairs, and Bridge and I do our shopping every day. Then there’s a vegetable market at the corner, and a coffee shop. Oh, and we’ve even found a wonderful homeschool group.” She lifted one shoulder. “I’ll always be that down-home Georgia girl. This is my home.” Smiling at Flynn, she lifted their linked hands to her cheek. “But wherever this guy goes, that’s home, too. It’s all about the compromise.”

  “That’s exactly it.” Flynn kissed her cheek. “But you get me, Sam, right? You worry about your little sister. Don’t you think I have the right to be concerned about Maureen dating strange guys?”

  Reenie groaned. “Oh, give it up, Flynn. I’m not your little sister. I’ve been fighting your battles for you as long as I can remember. And Sam knows I’m capable of taking care of myself. Right, Sam?”

  Sam’s eyes darted from Flynn to Maureen, like an animal cornered by two predators. I decided to come to his rescue.

  “Hey, I had a thought.”

  Everyone looked my way except for Maureen, who stared down at her coffee cup.

  “I’m living upstairs from Maureen. I can check out all her dates, make sure nothing and no one’s weird. And if they know I’m keeping my eye on them, they might be less likely to do anything they shouldn’t.” I patted Reenie’s shoulder. “I’ll be like your live-in big brother.”

  From her seat at the other end of the table, Meghan choked on a cookie, making a noise somewhere a growl and a cough. Shit. I’d already broken rule number one.

  “Not that I think of myself as your brother or anything.” I amended my statement hastily. “Because I don’t. But I could still screen the dates.”

  “If I don’t want Flynn playing babysitter, what makes you think I want you, Smith? Despite what everyone here seems to think, I can run my own life and make my own decisions.”

  “But we’d all feel much better, knowing Smith’s on the case.” Flynn nodded. “I mean, Reen, I’d hate to tell Mom you’re planning to meet up with strange guys. She’d freak out.”

  Maureen leveled a steely gaze at her brother. “You really think you can use tattling to Mom as a way to manipulate me? Get real. Two can play at that game.”

  Flynn smiled, his eyes crinkling in the corners. “Oh, sis, all my dirty deeds are out in the open, and Mom knows the details. Whereas I’m pretty sure she still doesn’t know what happened to the taillight on her car back when you were a junior in high school.”

  “You wouldn’t dare.”

  “Let Smith meet all your dates. Just at the beginning, so if you disappear, he can give the cops a description of the guy who’s chopping you up in his basement. Please. Humor your poor brother.”

  Maureen sat still for a few minutes. I could practically see her mind working, and I held my breath. Finally, she sat back in her chair with a huff. “Fine. Whatever. But you have to promise not to mess anything up, and no matter what, I get the final word.” She cocked her head at me. “Are we clear?”

  “Crystal.” I nodded, forcing a sober expression. “Believe me, Reen. My only interest in this whole thing is making sure you make up with the right man. The one who’s perfect for you. The one who’ll love you forever.” I caught her eye and held it. “Whoever that might be.”

  ONE OF THE FIRST THINGS I’d fallen in love with at my new home was the side porch. It was a little section separate from the wide one in front, only reachable from the outside of the house. Just about wide enough for two rocking chairs, I imagined that over the years, it had given courting couples some extra privacy, and maybe tired mothers a place to nurse babies away from the bustle of the family at large.

  My mom had given me a big wicker rocker from home when I’d moved in, and that was where I was sitting now, relaxing with my feet up on the railing of my private porch, looking over the green of late summer in Georgia. My nearest neighbors were the Carpenters, and they had a huge vegetable garden. From here, I could just about see the winding pole beans, the branchy tomato plants and the herb border. The thoughts of being able to grab a tomato from just outside my kitchen door inspired me to plan my own garden for next year.

  “I could do a fall planting, though.” I cast my eyes upwards, trying to remember what plants Ali used to talk about growing in the autumn. Seemed to me squash and maybe some lettuces were in the mix.

  “You know, talking to yourself is the first sign of insanity.” Ali came around from the front of the house, grinning at me as I startled a little.

  “Maybe I wasn’t talking to myself. Maybe I was . . . communing with nature.” I arched one eyebrow her way. “And you interrupted.”

  “Communing with nature sounds like a fancy way of talking to yourself.” She dropped onto the top step of my porch. “You could fit another chair up here, I’m thinking.”

  “I could, but since it’s my spot for quiet and contemplation, I feel one is perfectly fine.”

  “Hmmm. What good’s a courting porch with just one chair?” She studied my rocker thoughtfully. “Though you know, that’s almost big enough for two, provided the guy isn’t huge. For instance, Mason would be too big to sit there with you.”

  “Which is fine, because why the hell would I want to sit here with Mason?”

  Ali continued talking as though I hadn’t interrupted. “But it’d be okay for him and Rilla, since she’s so tiny. Well, not so much now, but she was and she will be again. But you’re not tiny—”

  “Thanks, Ali. So glad you could stop by today. You’re always good for my self-esteem.”

  “Would you shut up? I mean, you’re the perfect size to cuddle in this chair with an average-sized guy. Like, say, Tim Clark.” She leaned back with one hand on the porch floor. “Speaking of Tim, what’s happening there?”

  I rolled my eyes. “Nice segue. You’ll be happy to know that your little plan went off without a hitch. I went into the school to pick up Graham, thanks to you and my older sister and your conniving ways.” I paused a beat to let that sink in. My sister Iona apparently been dragged into Operation Maureen Match Up. She’d called yesterday, asking if I could possibly pick up her son Graham from school on my way home from wo
rk, because the baby had a cold and she didn’t want to take him out. Not that I minded helping, of course, but it was unusual for her to call me before our mother. I’d smelled a rat, no matter how much she protested to the contrary.

  “And as arranged, Meghan just happened to be there waiting with Graham, along with the new SLP. Meghan introduced us, and she must’ve prepared him that this was a set-up meeting, because he immediately asked if he could call me some time.”

  Ali shrugged. “Or he was overcome by your beauty and lust for life and couldn’t wait another minute to make you his own.”

  “He called me to see if I wanted to get coffee some time. That’s hardly making me his own.”

  “It’s the first step. And it’s a good one.” Ali nodded, satisfied. “When are you going?”

  “Actually, we already went. Today over his lunch break, I met him at Kenny’s.”

  “I thought you’d promised Flynn no dates before Smith checked out the guy. If you weren’t at the clinic, Smith had to be, so how did that work out?”

  I shrugged. “It was just coffee, Ali. And Meghan knows Tim, so I figured I was safe. Don’t go ratting me out to my brother, please. I don’t need him making a fuss.”

  “No, I won’t say a word. So tell me. How did it go? Did sparks fly? Are you seeing him again?”

  “Well . . .” I hesitated. “It went fine. Sparks didn’t exactly fly. I mean, he’s a nice guy, seems passionate about his work, loves his grandmother and likes living in Burton. But it wasn’t like I wanted to jump his bones right there in the diner.”

  Ali nodded. “Sometimes the spark takes time. It doesn’t always happen that you meet the guy and think, I can’t wait to do him seven ways to Sunday. Look at Meghan and Sam. They hated each other the first two times they met.”

  “Yeah, maybe. But with those two, I think they both felt the spark but didn’t want to, so they fought it. And that’s why they claimed they hated each other. Hate, love . . . both are passionate emotions. Totally the opposite of indifference.”

  “Did you feel indifferent toward Tim?”

  I chewed the side of my lip. “No, not really. I know it’s crazy, but I could see him being a good father. A decent husband. I think he’s the type of guy who’d settle down with a woman and start raising family. I get the feeling he’s ready to start the next phase of his life, and I’d fit pretty well into the spot he’s designated as ‘appropriate wife’.”

  Ali laughed. “And that’s a bad thing?”

  I shook my head. “Of course it’s not, but I think I want a man who wants me, for me, not just for the role I could play.” I gazed out over the waving grass that bordered the woods beyond my house. “Do you remember Sherri Hayes? She was in the class between you and me in school.”

  “Sure. Nice girl. Moved to Miami after graduation, I think.”

  “Maybe. She and I were fairly good friends when I was a sophomore and she was a freshman. We were on a dance committee together, and we hit it off. Anyway, I used to go over to her house quite a bit that year, and I remember her parents. They were both really nice to me, and I could tell they loved Sherri, but I never saw them interact with each other very much. They were almost like polite strangers. I asked Sherri once if everything was okay with them, because, you know, it was so different from my folks, who were forever groping each other, teasing, talking . . . anyway, she said they were fine, that they’d always been like this. She told me that they’d met when they were both older and anxious to get married and have kids, so that’s what they did.”

  Ali nodded. “Yeah, I can see that happening. If you were worried getting married was never going to happen for you, and then this perfectly nice guy comes along who shares the same goals . . .why not go for it, even if you’re not particularly in love?”

  “Exactly.” I leaned my head against the back of the rocker. “But I remember thinking even then, I don’t want that. I want the craziness that my mom and dad had, being wildly in love. Your parents had it, too. Remember the time we came home from the movies to sleep over at your house, and we caught your mother and father necking on the porch?”

  Ali smiled. She’d been only fifteen when her parents had been killed, and I knew some of those memories were still painful. “I do. They really were in love, right up to the end.”

  “Exactly. That’s what I wanted then, and even if it’s totally unrealistic, it’s what I still want now. I don’t want to settle into good enough. I want to grab love and take that wild ride. Like you and Flynn. And Meghan and Sam.”

  Ali sighed and scooched across the porch on her butt until she rested her head against my leg. “I want that for you, too, Reen. I want you to be deliriously happy. You deserve it.” She was quiet for a minute. “But you don’t think Tim is the one to give you that?”

  I considered. “Hard to say, but I’m thinking no. But don’t worry. I’m going out with him tomorrow night anyway. I figured I needed to give him more of a shot. After all, maybe he’s just being cautious, too, and once we get to know each other, we’ll find out we really do have the spark.”

  “I’m glad you’re giving him a chance.” Ali straightened and looked up at me. “I felt really bad the other night. About Smith, I mean. I so much wanted that to work out for you, I think because how you felt about him back in college was such a clear memory for me. It was part of who you and I were before . . . well, before I screwed up everything.” She swallowed. “I missed being your friend, Reenie. That whole time—I was heartbroken over Flynn, of course, but I missed you, too. It was like ripping my heart out, and not having anyone who could understand.” She laid her hand on my arm. “I hope we’re friends again. I know part of you is still mad at me. I know it’s going to take time. But I want us to be like we used to be. Like sisters.”

  I blinked back against the sudden tears in my eyes. Ali teased a lot. She joked, she made outrageous remarks, and she made us all laugh, but seldom did she get serious. I wondered if she’d developed that protective shell of humor to keep her heart safe after she’d lost her parents, and then Flynn and then me.

  An old memory flashed across my mind. It’d happened about three months after Ali and Craig Moss had gotten married, which had been the breaking point of my friendship with her. Up until then, I’d felt sorry that my stupid brother had run off after their argument, and I was certain he’d come back and they’d make up. But when Ali had up and married one of his friends instead of waiting for Flynn, she’d crossed a line, and I couldn’t stand to be around her. I knew if I did speak to her, I’d say things that neither of us would ever be able to forget.

  I’d been home from college on Thanksgiving break, and I’d run to the grocery store with Iona to pick up something our mom needed. Turning the corner, I spotted Ali at the far end of the aisle. She was standing there, staring at the canned goods, her arms wrapped around herself as though for protection.

  Next to me, Iona had sighed. “Poor kid. She looks so alone, doesn’t she?”

  I’d glared at my sister. “She’s the one who made the choices she did. She could’ve gone with Flynn, like they planned. Or she could’ve waited for him. She didn’t need to sleep with his friend and get knocked up, then have to get married.”

  “Maybe.” Iona had nodded. “But she’s so young, Reen. And she doesn’t have friends anymore except for Alex, and he’s away at school in Atlanta most of the time. I never see her with anyone. And her eyes just look sad and lost.” She’d patted my arm. “We all make choices we wish we could change. Maybe Ali’s doing the best she can with the ones she can’t take back.”

  Now, with her wide brown eyes staring up me, all jokes and teasing gone, I wished I’d been a better person that day. I wished I’d gone up to that scared and lonely girl in the grocery store and hugged her, told her that no matter what, we’d always be friends and I’d be there for her. If I had, maybe things would’ve been different. Maybe she’d have confided in me about the baby being Flynn’s, and I could’ve convinced her to conta
ct him. Maybe we wouldn’t have lost all those years.

  But I hadn’t, and the only thing I could do now was choose to be her friend again. Not in a grudging, half-hearted way, because she was married to my brother and the mother of my niece, but because I still remembered who we’d been and how we’d felt about each other all those years ago.

  “Of course we’re friends.” I covered her hand with mine. “I love you, Ali, like the little sister I never knew I wanted. And life feels right again, because we’re back to being the way we were.”

  She relaxed, her shoulders drooping. “I’m glad. I couldn’t stand it if you were going to be mad at me forever.” She glanced at me. “And I’m sorry for making such a big deal about Smith coming here. I wanted it for you, and I still don’t see why he doesn’t realize—well, I’m not going to rehash that. Onward and upward, right?”

  I forced a smile. “Absolutely.”

  “Honey, I’m home!” The kitchen door swung open as Smith stepped through.

  I turned from the stove, watching as he closed it behind him and dropped his keys on the corner of the counter. I tried not to notice how well his faded jeans fit his butt and the way his blue T-shirt hugged his biceps. But damn, it wasn’t easy to stop looking, and my irritation with my own inability to ignore his assets made my words sharper than I’d intended.

  “Did you forget that home for you is actually through the other door and up the steps?” I focused on the vegetables I was stir frying, gnawing on the corner of my mouth.

  “Nope, not at all. But I smelled something good cooking in here, and I thought you might want to hear how everything went today, since it was my first shift completely on my own.”