A Blessing for Miriam

by Jerry S. Eicher

  Laughter filled the air as more young people came into the barn.

  The boy continued. “We aren’t the best, of course, but we’re gut enough.”

  More laughter followed as the boy grabbed a guitar and began to strum a tune.

  Shirley didn’t recognize the song, but that wasn’t a surprise. Lee and Mark seemed to know the words, and they sang along. A few couples made tentative ventures onto the barn “dance” floor, their hands held lightly together. At the end of the song, another boy joined the one on the stage, and they did a duet. More couples took the floor.

  Shirley gasped when a calloused hand touched her arm. “You want to take a turn?”

  She searched the darkness with a quick glance, but she could make out only the outlines of a male figure. “I don’t think so. I don’t know how to dance very well. Thanks for asking.”

  “Ah, come on. You can learn.”

  He was obviously not persuaded easily. You haven’t seen me, she wanted to warn.

  The man had his hand on her arm again. “Come, please. It’s easy.”

  Shirley gave in, but kept her head low. Perhaps no one would notice. It seemed the easier course to escape further argument with this unknown man. His shirt smelled of hay and cologne. She did her best to follow his lead, and he appeared pleased as they moved across the floor. She had no idea what she was supposed to do, but her feet seemed to have a mind of their own. At least she hadn’t tripped him.

  “See, it’s easy,” he murmured.

  He didn’t seem bothered by her silence. Perhaps he thought she was shy. What a strange description that would be of her. If he only knew just how not shy she used to be.

  The song ended, and Shirley moved with the man toward the shadows before she lifted her face. Here the gas lantern light didn’t quite reach. A sigh escaped her lips.

  “You were very gut.”

  Admiration was obvious in his voice. Shirley touched his arm. “Thanks for teaching me. Um…I think I’ll move on.”

  He called after her as the music began again. “I’ll take another one.”

  That wouldn’t happen, Shirley told herself. She would have to show her face if she stayed around much longer, and that would end the dance invitations she was sure. How could it not? Thankfully the man didn’t pursue her. Shirley shielded her face as she approached a wagon where drinks had been set out. This had to stop somewhere. She couldn’t go around in the shadows for the rest of her life. But for now this seemed the simplest answer to her problem.

  Shirley reached for and popped open a Pepsi can. The sweetness soothed her throat. She jumped when a familiar voice spoke at her elbow.

  “Shirley? I’ve been waiting for you since I saw you out on the dance floor. I didn’t know you could dance so well.”

  “I can’t.” Shirley choked on her drink.

  “You seem to hide your charms quite well.” Glen’s voice sobered. “Was that someone you knew?”

  “No.” Shirley glanced at Glen. “Why?”

  “You seemed cozy with him, that’s all.”

  A bitter laugh escaped her. “I was hiding my face.”

  “You need to get over that,” Glen said. “You have a beautiful face.”

  This time the words burst out. “Had,” she said. “Not anymore.”

  “Come.” Glen’s voice was gentle. “Let’s dance. You shouldn’t let such talent go to waste.”

  “Out there again?” Her gaze went toward the lantern-lit dance floor. She set down the Pepsi. The song was a slow one. If she hid her face on his shoulder, maybe it would be okay.

  “Where else?” Glen answered her question with a tug on her arm.

  She yielded. His gaze was on her face, and she was transfixed as the light fell on him.

  His eyes twinkled as their feet moved together. “Forget about everything tonight, Shirley Yoder. There’s just you and me and some wunderbah music.”

  A tear slipped down her face as she looked up at him. “Why are you so nice to me, Glen?”

  “Because you’re beautiful,” he whispered in her ear.

  She lay her head back on his shoulder, savoring Glen’s words—the best music of all. The Lord must still have mercy on her to send such a man to soothe her spirit, she decided. Either that or Glen Weaver was an angel. There could be no other logical explanation.

  Chapter Twenty

  What did Wayne say again?” Aunt Fannie asked while she and Miriam washed the Saturday-night supper dishes.

  Miriam frowned. Her aunt wouldn’t leave the subject alone. “Wayne’s sorry for what happened, and I believe him. He has a history with Esther, but it’s in the past…like my history with Ivan. Wayne doesn’t hold that against me.”

  “But Wayne kissed someone else while he was dating you, not just before!” The words exploded out of Aunt Fannie’s mouth.

  Miriam sighed. “I thought you supported us working things out.”

  “I do, but this is a serious matter that needs time. You should at least postpone the wedding. The few months you have until this fall isn’t enough to work this out properly.”

  “Postpone?” Miriam’s mouth dropped open. “And give Esther more time to get her foot in the door again?”

  Aunt Fannie studied her. “So this is what it’s come to—a competition between Esther and you? You don’t want to go into marriage like that, Miriam. It’s not worth living with a man when love isn’t the foundation.”

  “I do love Wayne,” Miriam protested. “And he loves me.”

  “He has a fine way of showing it! I still say you need to work this through with Wayne—and properly. Do you want to ask Uncle William for a second opinion?”

  Miriam shook her head. She was sure Uncle William would side with Aunt Fannie.

  “And another thing. I don’t want you to go blaming yourself about this. You did nothing wrong.”

  Miriam wiped her eyes. It felt gut that her aunt understood how she felt.

  “I have a good mind to have William speak with Wayne about his shameful actions,” Aunt Fannie offered.

  “No, don’t. Please!” Miriam finished the last of the dishes. “We have to work this through ourselves. And I’ve forgiven Wayne. That’s the first step. And Wayne is sorry.”

  Aunt Fannie appeared doubtful. “And what about trusting him and his feelings for you? That’s just as important as forgiveness right now. Can you really trust him?”

  Miriam hesitated before she answered. “You trust Uncle William. Did he ever kiss a girl before he married you?”

  Aunt Fannie’s face colored. “We’d better leave that one alone.”

  When Miriam said nothing, Aunt Fannie finally said, “It wasn’t Uncle William who did the kissing. It was me. To this day your Uncle William doesn’t know what I did.”

  A small gasp escaped from Miriam’s lips.

  Aunt Fannie found a kitchen chair and sat down. “See? I acted like Esther did, only it was with an Englisha boyfriend from my rumspringa days. I saw him in town a month or so before I married William. I took what I told myself was ‘just a short ride’ with him, and we ended our time together with a goodbye kiss. For old-time’s sake, he said. My heart struggled with that for a very long time. Kissing a man is no light thing, Miriam. I wasn’t fair to William when I married him the next month.”

  Miriam sat down beside her aunt. She hadn’t expected this confession from her pious aunt.

  Aunt Fannie rubbed her forehead. “I’m sorry if I’ve disappointed you with this news. But you see, we all make mistakes. It takes time to heal them.”

  “Then you of all people should know there’s hope for Wayne and me. Just like there was for you and Uncle William.”

  Aunt Fannie shook her head. “I never said there wasn’t hope. I just said you need to slow down and make sure this is fully worked out. And you need to not blame yourself.”

  Miriam rose to give her aunt a hug. “I’ll try not to. Now I suppose I should get to bed. It’s still early, but Sunday morning and the serv
ices will come soon enough.”

  Baby Jonathon whimpered in the living room.

  “Fannie!” Uncle William called out. “Baby’s getting fussy, and he doesn’t like me.”

  Normally Aunt Fannie would have chuckled at the joke and rushed off to help, but her face remained serious. She didn’t move.

  Miriam waited while Aunt Fannie gathered herself together and finally led the way into the living room. Miriam sent a quick smile toward the fussing baby Jonathon on his blanket at Uncle William’s feet, and then she went upstairs to her room. She’d been sitting on her bed for just a few minutes when she heard the rattle of buggy wheels in the driveway. Who would be coming at this late hour? She pushed back the curtain to peek out. Miriam caught her breath as Esther parked her buggy at the hitching rack and climbed out. Miriam froze as the front door slammed. That would be Uncle William on his way to see what Esther wanted. But Miriam already knew. Esther was here to speak with her. Her heart pounded at the thought. What mischief was Esther up to now? But one thing was of comfort. If Esther thought she’d conquered Wayne’s heart already, she wouldn’t have shown up here on a Saturday evening.

  She might as well prepare for the unwelcome visitor, Miriam told herself. The meeting would have to take place in her room. Whatever Esther had to say, Miriam didn’t want Aunt Fannie or Uncle William to hear. Miriam tiptoed down the stairs.

  Aunt Fannie was rocking Jonathon with a worried look on her face. When she saw Miriam, she asked, “What do you think that girl wants?”

  “She wants to speak with me, I’m sure. What for, I can’t imagine.”

  “Wayne, of course.” Aunt Fannie sighed. “It couldn’t be anything else.”

  With courage, Miriam walked to the front door and stepped out on the porch where Uncle William and Esther were standing.

  Uncle William cleared his throat. “Esther is here to speak with you.”

  “I see.” Miriam attempted a smile. “We can speak upstairs.”

  Esther had remained silent, but now she burst forth with a gush. “Thank you so much for understanding, Miriam. This will only take a moment of your time because I know it’s Saturday night, and tomorrow’s the Lord’s special day. I wouldn’t think of keeping you long.”

  “Come on in.” Miriam motioned toward the door. Once inside, she went to the stair door, and Esther followed her.

  “Gut evening,” Aunt Fannie greeted Esther as they passed through the living room.

  Esther returned the greeting and then closed the stair door behind her. Before they reached the bedroom, Esther was chattering away. “Like I said, I’m sorry about this, but I wanted you to hear it from my own lips instead of secondhand. After Wayne came by this morning and spoke at length with me, I told myself that I had to come by and speak with you. I told him I was sorry about…about what happened. He said he would convey my apology, but I couldn’t let such an important apology be delivered by someone else. I really am sorry about what happened when you were in Possum Valley. I really am.”

  Miriam closed the bedroom door behind her. She motioned for Esther to seat herself on the bed, and she took the chair.

  Esther continued as if she’d never paused. “Apparently I’ve conducted myself in a much worse fashion than even I could have imagined. I told myself that’s not how I act, but it seems I went too far. I’m quite sorry things have come to this, and I promise it won’t happen again.”

  Miriam sighed. “You’re referring to the kisses you shared again with Wayne while I was gone? Is that what you’re sorry about?”

  Esther glanced out the window. “Well, I wouldn’t call it exactly a kiss. We did get a little close in conversation, and we might have…”

  “You don’t have to excuse Wayne or yourself. I already know, and I’ve forgiven both of you.”

  Esther paused for a moment. She smiled thinly. “Wayne came by this morning and apologized for our alleged kiss—or his part in it. He says the community is quite upset over what happened, not that I think it’s anyone’s business. Here in Oklahoma things are handled a bit differently than in Possum Valley. That’s why Wayne always insisted on keeping our relationship such a secret when my family lived here.”

  Miriam leaned forward. “Wayne went to your house to speak with you this morning?”

  Esther frowned. “Yah. He’s the most decent fellow you could imagine, and he really is sorry. I can’t be blamed that I adore the man, but I do understand that he’s promised to you. What’s done is done. I want you to know that I’ll try to stay away from Wayne—act like I’m expected to under the circumstances…unless, of course…”

  Miriam sat back in her chair. “Unless what?” she asked warily.

  “Well, the truth is, you and Wayne aren’t married yet and…well, if he should still have fond feelings for me…”

  Miriam stood. “If he has fond feelings for you, I’ll release him from his promise immediately.”

  Esther stood too. “I’m sure that won’t be necessary. Wayne is a man of his word. He feels committed to you. If he promised to marry you, I’m sure he will.”

  “Esther, I think it’s time you left. My best advice to you is to stay away from Wayne altogether. Do you think you can do that?”

  Esther shrugged. “I can try.”

  “And if you kiss Wayne again…” Miriam felt heat flame into her face as she stopped herself. A threat wasn’t right. She wasn’t in competition with Esther.

  “Things will go better from now on, I promise.” Esther reached over to squeeze Miriam’s hand. “Wayne doesn’t have feelings for me like he does for you. I’ll try to behave myself. Thank you for taking the time to speak with me.”

  Esther turned and slipped out of the bedroom door. Miriam didn’t move as she listened to Esther’s footsteps descend the stairs. Uncle William and Aunt Fannie would think what they wanted when they saw Esther exit the house by herself.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  The next evening, after the hymn singing, Miriam pulled herself into Wayne’s buggy and tucked her shawl around her as she settled in the seat.

  “Hi,” Wayne said, apparently in a gut mood like he was earlier in the day at the services and tonight at the hymn singing.

  Miriam had noticed that Esther had the decency to sit in the second row and keep her smiles in Wayne’s direction to a minimum. But they’d still been there. Aunt Fannie and Uncle William had been sober-faced all day, but not a question had been asked about Esther’s visit last night. Miriam hadn’t offered any explanation. She wanted to speak with Wayne first.

  Wayne glanced over at her as they drove out of the driveway. “Did I say something wrong? You don’t even have a gut evening for me?”

  Miriam glanced at him. “You’ve said nothing wrong. But I guess I haven’t gotten over Esther’s visit last night and that you went over to talk with her yesterday morning.”

  Wayne groaned. “Do we have to speak of Esther? That’s behind me now—behind us. And her smiles—that’s only Esther. She can’t help it.”

  “And I suppose you couldn’t help paying her a visit?” Now she sounded bitter, but she couldn’t help it.

  “I’m sorry for everything, Miriam. I really am. I thought it best if I cleared things up with Esther in person.”

  “And you’ve cleared things up?”

  “Of course.” He sounded surprised. “And she did speak with you like she said she would.”

  “So you knew Esther was going to visit me?”

  “Esther suggested it, and I thought it might help.”

  “So she was trying to please you.”

  “Miriam, you’re not making a bit of sense.” Wayne slowed down on the paved road. State Route 48 was quiet this time of night. Only a few headlights on the horizon were visible.

  Miriam composed herself. “I’m sorry. I don’t like this conversation myself, but are you sure this hasn’t got something to do with the money and the farm we plan to buy after the wedding? What if I didn’t have two million dollars?”


  Wayne stiffened on the buggy seat beside her. “That’s an awful thing to say. I haven’t thought about the money in a long time—if I ever really did beyond how it could benefit us. It means nothing to me, and you mean an awful lot to me. I don’t know what I would do if I would ever lose you. Owning a farm would be wunderbah, of course, but I don’t let it cloud my thinking. I love you, Miriam. I do!”

  “And I love you,” Miriam affirmed.

  Wayne didn’t respond for a moment. Then he continued. “I don’t know what I can do to prove myself. That’s why I went over to see Esther. It was probably a crazy move, but it shows how desperate I am.”

  “It’s okay.” Miriam said, but the vast Oklahoma countryside seemed to swallow her words. She wanted to understand, yet she felt insignificant and very alone. Why had she come out West to escape her problems? Oklahoma had seemed like a land of promise, but everyone knew a person couldn’t run away from things. Troubles only followed. And that was proving to be the point exactly.

  “Miriam, please.” Wayne’s voice broke into her thoughts. “I know I made a big mistake, but let’s work through it.”

  Miriam glanced at him. “I want to trust you, Wayne, but my heart hurts like it will break apart.”

  Wayne pulled back on the reins even though there was no stop sign in sight. The buggy bounced as he turned into a farmer’s field. “There’s no reason we can’t straighten this out right now.”

  Miriam forced herself to take a deep breath. She had to get through this.

  “Can’t we?” Wayne tried again.

  Miriam clasped her hands in silence. Finally she said, “The farm and the money—they really mean nothing to you?”

  “Nothing.” Wayne’s voice was firm. “Absolutely nothing.”

  “You’d not give in to Esther’s attentions if I didn’t come with such wealth?”