A Blessing for Miriam

by Jerry S. Eicher

  Wayne didn’t hesitate. “I wouldn’t.”

  Miriam took a deep breath, but the next words stuck in her throat.

  Wayne’s fingers touched her arm. “I’d do anything to prove myself to you, Miriam. I really would.”

  “I guess it’s not really you, Wayne. It’s just the memory of Ivan’s attentions that were based on what I’d inherited.”

  Comprehension dawned on Wayne’s face. “Ivan Mast. You don’t think I’m like Ivan, do you?”

  Miriam gulped hard. “I know you’re not, Wayne. I just don’t want to be hurt again, that’s all. And it was Esther’s sister, Laura, who helped hasten my broken heart.”

  Wayne held her, but his gaze was fixed on the horizon.

  Miriam reached for his hand and squeezed it. “I’m sorry, Wayne. I should be able to leave the past behind. All these fears are bringing me torment and heartache. I want them gone.”

  “Trust me, Miriam, and the fears will disappear,” Wayne said, squeezing her shoulder.

  Miriam nodded in the darkness. “I’m trying, but you didn’t make it easy.”

  Wayne said nothing for the longest time. His voice trembled when he spoke again. “I thought I’d lost you for a moment.”

  “Oh, Wayne!” Miriam whispered. “Our wedding is this fall. We should be planning it instead of quarrelling.” She glanced up at him. Wayne looked so exceedingly handsome in the starlight. How quickly emotions could change when lovers quarreled. And they were lovers. She had what Esther Swartz didn’t have—Wayne with her in the buggy on this beautiful night. Why was she wasting the moment? A kiss? Wouldn’t that be a perfect ending to this evening?

  Wayne gazed at her in silence before he whispered, “You’re so beautiful.”

  Miriam reached for his face with both hands and waited while he slowly came closer.

  “I love you, Wayne,” she whispered.

  He hesitated. He held the buggy lines in one hand, and the other one tightened around her shoulders. His head lowered further, and his lips met hers. Wayne lingered for a long moment with his cheek close to hers. “You’re as sweet as ever, dear. Thanks for forgiving me.”

  Tears stung her eyes. Miriam leaned against Wayne’s shoulder as he took the lines in both hands. He chuckled. “I guess we’d better get on back before your aunt and uncle wonder what’s become of us.”

  Miriam clung to Wayne’s arm as they bounced back onto State Route 48. “They’ll be in bed by now,” she ventured. If they weren’t, Aunt Fannie would see her glowing face because happiness filled her all the way to her toes. How wunderbah it was not to quarrel with Wayne. She would trust him again.

  Wayne seemed pensive as they drove north.

  Miriam leaned against him, glad he was driving the buggy slowly. He could drive on forever and she wouldn’t mind. In what seemed only minutes, Wayne turned into her driveway.

  “Here we are,” Wayne said quietly as he pulled his horse to a halt.

  The gas lantern was still burning in the living room. “I guess you were right,” Miriam said. “They’re still up.”

  “Must be worried about us.” Wayne smiled as he climbed down. “I think we can ease their minds in no time.”

  Miriam climbed out and waited as Wayne tied his horse. They walked together toward the house. When they stepped inside, Uncle William was seated in his rocker, but there was no sign of Aunt Fannie or baby Jonathon. Uncle William appeared quite stern, which seemed unlike him.

  Miriam pulled the front door shut behind her and faced him. “I know we’re late, but we had some things to discuss.”

  Wayne was all smiles. “And they are solved, thank the Lord.”

  Uncle William’s gaze drilled into Wayne. “Would this be about you kissing Esther Swartz while Miriam was gone?”

  Wayne’s gut mood fell. “Yah, but that’s between Miriam and me. And we…”

  Uncle William cut him off. “I’m not her daett, but she is staying with us at our house so she is under my umbrella. I don’t think this should be swept under the rug as you seem more than willing to do.”

  “But I didn’t.” Wayne tried again. “As I was saying, we’ve worked it all out on the way home tonight.”

  “I’m afraid something else has come up.” Uncle William’s words were clipped. “Something that changes things.”

  Aunt Fannie appeared at their bedroom door with her face tear-stained. Uncle William glanced at her before he continued. “This whole thing didn’t strike home for me until last night, but now it has. I think you need to take some time off from your relationship with Miriam until you show some real repentance. From what I understand, you didn’t confess to this transgression until you were caught. And you wouldn’t have, either, I hear, if someone from the community hadn’t seen you behind the buggies with Esther.”

  “Please, William,” Aunt Fannie begged. “Don’t be so hard on him because of my faults. It’s not the same.”

  Miriam reached for the couch and sat down. So Aunt Fannie had told Uncle William about her past regret. Uncle William had obviously not reacted the way Aunt Fannie had expected him to. Who would have thought he would take this tack?

  Wayne stood still with puzzlement on his face.

  Miriam found her voice. “I know what you’re talking about, Uncle William, because Aunt Fannie confided in me. Wayne and I have spoken at length tonight. He’s not hiding anything, and he’s sorry. I’ve forgiven him and agreed to continue our relationship.”

  “You’re young, and you don’t understand everything, Miriam.” Uncle William didn’t back down. “In this case, I’m going to step in and interfere because I think it’s necessary. Wayne needs to stop seeing you for a month or so—for his own sake and for yours. It will be for the best. You can see then how both of you feel about the matter.”

  “Would someone please explain what’s going on?” Wayne still hadn’t moved from where he’d been standing when he came in.

  Uncle William stood. “We’re going to retire now, and Miriam can explain further. I will hide my face from the shame, and I pray the Lord will help all of us through this problem.”

  Aunt Fannie had a steady stream of tears on her face as she turned to follow Uncle William. The two entered their bedroom, and the door closed with a soft click.

  Miriam’s mind reeled. Where had all this come from? And seemingly so suddenly? What had gotten into Uncle William? Wasn’t she right to have made up with Wayne so quickly? Doubts raced through her mind. She hadn’t thought to wonder what Daett would say, but he’d likely side with Uncle William—even if Mamm had never done what Aunt Fannie had.

  “Can you tell me what’s going on?” Wayne moved closer to the couch.

  The story of Aunt Fannie’s Englisha boyfriend spilled out in spurts as Wayne sat beside her.

  When Miriam finished, he hung his head. “I guess we’d best do what your uncle wants. It’s not like we have much choice. It’s only going to make things worse if we don’t.”

  “Oh, Wayne…” was all Miriam could say. She leaned into his hug for a long moment. He kissed her lightly on her kapp and then rose. He said good night, opened the door, slipped out into the darkness, and closed the door behind him. Miriam stood by the window and watched his buggy leave. Tears trickled down her cheeks. They would make it through this, Miriam assured herself. The Lord would help them.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  The next day, when Miriam drove her buggy into the driveway of her uncle and aunt’s place after school, she noticed several of Uncle William’s shirts were still gently flapping in the breeze on the clothesline. Aunt Fanny must be feeling quite low to have her work fall so far behind. Miriam had realized how bad things were when Aunt Fannie and Uncle William hadn’t spoken a word at breakfast. Uncle William had even skipped their regular devotion time in God’s Word.

  Determined to keep her courage up and think on the gut side of things, Miriam prayed her aunt and uncle would work things out…just as she and Wayne had done. After all, hadn’t sh
e and Wayne gained a great victory in their relationship? The memory of Wayne’s kiss last night lingered in her mind. The Lord must have known she needed the encouragement for what lay ahead—the separation Uncle William insisted on. They certainly couldn’t continue to see each other in secret. Uncle William would find out, and she didn’t wish to defy her uncle.

  Miriam had noticed Wayne’s buggy pulling into the greenhouse at the usual time this morning, so he must have smoothed things over enough with Uncle William that they could work together in peace. Wayne wouldn’t convince Uncle William to change his mind about the month-long separation though. From what she knew of her uncle, he rarely backed down once he’d taken a position. Since she had forgiven Wayne, she figured the month would go by quickly. And she wasn’t going to worry about Esther either. The Lord had given her the grace she needed not to fight that battle again.

  Miriam unhitched Sally from the buggy and glanced toward the greenhouse. Maybe Wayne would stick his head out of the door and wave. Several cars were parked at the greenhouse. Wayne didn’t appear as Miriam led Sally into the barn. She pulled the horse’s harness off and put it away. She fed her hay and a small bucket of oats. After a quick rubdown and curry, Miriam headed outside. She retrieved her schoolbag from the buggy and entered the house. Aunt Fannie was sitting in her rocker with baby Jonathon asleep in her arms. Her face was haggard.

  Miriam rushed to her aunt’s side.

  “Shhh. Don’t say a word,” Aunt Fannie whispered. “I’m so sorry, Miriam. I never thought things would come to this. Now Wayne and you are affected because of me.”

  “It’s not your fault,” Miriam protested. “You didn’t know Uncle William would react like this.”

  “I said don’t say anything.” Aunt Fannie stared out the window.

  Miriam ignored her. “I don’t understand why Uncle William is reacting like this over a kiss. I forgave Wayne, and Uncle William should forgive you.”

  Aunt Fannie pulled in a sharp breath. “Oh, he says he’s forgiven me. It’s just that all things have consequences, he says. He wants me to do a church confession.”

  “About something like that so long ago?” Miriam made no attempt to keep the horror out of her voice. “But you confessed to him freely. Oh, Aunt Fannie! This is all my fault. I was the one who dug it out of you when you were trying to help me.”

  Aunt Fannie shook her head. “This is way past blame time, and it wasn’t your fault. I’m just sorry you have to suffer for my sins.”

  “Then Wayne sinned too—if you did.”

  Aunt Fannie shrugged. “I guess I shouldn’t get off any easier than Wayne.”

  Miriam stood. “What Uncle William is demanding of Wayne and me is bad enough, but punishing you so long after the fact doesn’t seem right. I’m going out to speak with him.”

  “No! Please don’t,” Aunt Fannie begged. “That will only make things worse.”

  Anger stirred inside of Miriam, and she marched out the door without a backward glance. To humiliate Aunt Fannie in front of the ministers and the whole church was completely out of order. This was an intimate and private matter that Aunt Fannie had revealed to her and later to Uncle William. He might not listen, but she would speak her mind.

  Two cars were still in the parking lot. Miriam slowed down. How was she to speak with Uncle William with customers present? She wouldn’t create a scene. Perhaps Uncle William would be alone. It was worth checking. If he wasn’t, she’d smile at Wayne and leave. Surely they were allowed smiles to each other!

  Miriam slipped inside the greenhouse door and glanced around. Uncle William’s straw hat wasn’t visible, which was gut. That meant he was probably out back. Wayne was at the checkout counter with a customer. He caught sight of Miriam and waved. She returned the wave but moved away from him.

  Miriam saw another customer ahead of her. Uncle William was standing beside the woman and helping her load several baskets of plants into her cart. He was also giving her instructions on their care. Miriam stepped behind a large plant until the customer left for the counter. She approached Uncle William and cleared her throat.

  He whirled about startled. “Oh, it’s you.” Relief flooded his voice.

  “Yah.”

  “Did you come out to speak with Wayne?” Uncle William gave Miriam a direct look.

  Miriam steadied her hands. “No, I came to speak with you. Specifically about how you’re being unfair to Aunt Fannie. It isn’t right.”

  Uncle William stared at Miriam. “And how is that your business?”

  “Because you wouldn’t know about this if Aunt Fannie hadn’t shared it with me while comforting me. She meant you no disrespect. And she’s made it right all these years with you.”

  “Your aunt married me with conflict in her heart,” Uncle William said. “She had her mind still on…” Uncle William paused and looked away.

  Miriam spoke up. “Aunt Fannie’s heart is broken. Now why would that be, if she didn’t care about you?”

  “Are you the expert now?” Uncle William gave Miriam a quick glance. “You’d best stay out of this.”

  “You should forgive her like I forgave Wayne.”

  Uncle William hesitated. “I have forgiven her, but sin has consequences. Do you think you can just forgive and that kind of problem goes away? I don’t think so. I want you to take this month to ponder the problem you have with Wayne so you’ll see if I’m not right. The man is conflicted over you and Esther, and you shouldn’t marry him until he gets his mind straightened out.”

  Miriam forced herself to focus on Aunt Fannie’s situation. “You shouldn’t make Aunt Fannie confess in church. She’s not conflicted about you. She loves you. She bore your child.”

  Uncle William nodded. “I know that, and we’ll be okay. I want this problem solved just as much as you want your problem with Wayne solved.”

  “But we did solve it!”

  Uncle William met her gaze. “Trust me. A kiss or two while making up doesn’t eliminate the root problem.”

  Miriam felt heat rise up her neck. Had she been that obvious last night? No doubt her face had still glowed when they’d walked into the house, but she hadn’t expected Uncle William to notice.

  A soft smile played on his face. “I don’t blame you, Miriam. Wayne’s a decent man and a gut catch, but some things can’t be swept under the rug. And this is one of them. Aunt Fannie will make her confession in church, and you’d best make sure Wayne has all of his interest in Esther out of his mind before you marry him this fall.”

  “What you’re asking of Aunt Fannie is cruel. Surely you know that.”

  Uncle William shook his head. “On that you would be wrong. I love Fannie. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t require this of her.”

  “That’s a strange way to show your love.”

  “Covering up things isn’t the way to show love.” Uncle William gave Miriam a nod. “I’m not your daett, but I think he’d say and do the same thing. Write and ask him if you don’t believe me.”

  Miriam held her focus. “What would I have to do to make you change your mind about Aunt Fannie’s confession? This is, after all, partly my fault that it got brought up all these years later.”

  “Sin always comes to the surface.” Uncle William picked up a potted plant and stared at it. Clearly this conversation was over on his part.

  Miriam wasn’t done yet. “You haven’t answered my question, Uncle William.”

  He looked up but didn’t say anything.

  Miriam continued. “Your frau’s heart is ripped open. Whatever repentance you think is gut for her might not be. This step isn’t necessary. The shame is too much, and Aunt Fannie shouldn’t have to bear it all these years later. She’s proven her love for you.”

  Uncle William hesitated. He then said, “I’ll decide that, not you. Now go. Help your aunt with her housework if you want to be of aid.” Uncle William moved away.

  Miriam waited a few minutes before she retreated back to the house. Aunt Fannie was n
o longer on the couch. There were noises coming from the kitchen. Miriam found her there.

  Hope flickered on Aunt Fannie’s face. “What did he say?”

  Tears sprang to Miriam’s eyes. “This is so wrong. I still hope he’ll back down eventually, but he wouldn’t now.”

  “Don’t give me hope where there is none, Miriam.” Aunt Fannie’s eyes filled with tears. “This is a shame I must bear.”

  “But you only kissed the man goodbye!”

  Aunt Fannie hung her head. “I suppose I did love that Englisha—at one time, at least. But I didn’t want his world. Was I wrong to make that choice?”

  “Of course you weren’t!” Miriam wrapped her aunt in a hug. “This severity is so unlike Uncle William. What has gotten into him?”

  “I don’t know.” Aunt Fannie wiped her eyes. “It’s like I don’t know the man anymore.”

  “We must pray then—that he’ll change his mind.”

  “Or that God will give me the strength to bear this shame.”

  Miriam shook her head. “That’s not an option. I’ll vote against the confession if it comes to that. I am the schoolteacher and have some standing, after all. I also have access to Deacon Phillips and his frau, Katie. That’s what I should have told Uncle William.”

  “No, you mustn’t,” Aunt Fannie said. “Threatening does no gut. You were right about praying. Something is bothering William—more than my kissing my Englisha boyfriend so long ago. He’s never acted like this before. I know the Lord can heal his heart—and mine—if we ask.”

  “Then we must.” Miriam didn’t wait before she knelt by one of the kitchen chairs.

  Aunt Fannie followed her and lifted her face toward the ceiling. She prayed,

  Dear Lord, we pray that you be with us during this difficult time. I’m sorry for the mistakes I’ve made in my life.

  Aunt Fannie’s voice caught and she hesitated before continuing.

  But You’ve forgiven me, and I ask Your forgiveness in not foreseeing William’s hurt. I was so caught in my own concerns that I was blind to his. Please minister to William’s pain, whatever it is. And help me bear with him, even if it takes a confession at church. Thank You for bringing Miriam into our lives. Thank You for the blessing she is. And we ask that her troubles with Wayne also be brought to an end. We ask all this in Your name, amen.