Raw Rhythm

by Cari Quinn

  Hope’s response was just this side of intelligible, so Chloe stepped in to translate. “She did great. Loves her bath time, though she likes it better when Daddy’s here because he throws around the bubbles.”

  Hope stuck her hand in her mouth, gnawing on her knuckles while she gazed up at her mom. Mal knew what was coming even before she voiced the question.

  “Da?”

  “He’ll be home soon.” Chloe’s throat moved as she glanced at the screen. “He went out with Ry and West after the service. Think they needed some time to relive their crazy college days or something.”

  Mal didn’t know what to say to that. There were times—few, granted—that he wished he and his brother were closer. That if Mike went out with his friends, he might ask him to join them. Of course that went both ways, and it wasn’t as if Mal had extended many invitations or even acted as if he wanted to receive any. So he couldn’t fault his brother, since their lack of a relationship in recent years beyond basic communication had basically been Mal’s doing.

  Lately, he was feeling the distance and regretting it. Randy’s death was definitely part of why. Mal hadn’t been tight with Randy, but there was no denying he’d been a good guy. The kind who had no enemies and always did the right thing. He would’ve been a great father. Like Mike was. And it wasn’t as if Mike had grown up with any better role models than Mal had. Well, he’d had Lila, who apparently far excelled in the parenting realm compared to their biological parents. But still. They were teens when they met Lila, and Mike seemed to have a handle on the whole gig.

  He also had a lot of friends, ones who were like brothers. Closer than his own.

  “Mal?” Chloe asked. “You okay?”

  “Yeah.” Mal cleared his throat. “Maybe I’ll come over tomorrow. If that’s okay.”

  Chloe’s eyebrows lifted. He was pretty good about FaceTiming with the kids a few times a month, especially as Hope became more sentient. He also made sure to come by on major holidays for an hour or two, but he wasn’t really one to stop by just to hang with the fam. So not his scene.

  At least it didn’t used to be. Maybe his scene was changing.

  “Sure. Of course. We’re not doing anything special. Might do some Christmas shopping in the afternoon, but then we’ll be home. You’re welcome to come over whenever you’d like. You know Axl’s dying to spend more time with you too.” Chloe grinned. “He’s sure you’re really secretly Bruce Willis from Die Hard. He caught part of that on cable the other night.”

  Of course, since he and Ricki had watched that too.

  “You kidding me? I work out all the time and get pegged as Willis? C’mon now.” Mal balanced his MacBook on his thighs and kicked out his legs on the coffee table. Every time he did so gave him a feeling of sick satisfaction thanks to the days growing up in his parents’ house. His mom had a coronary every time his Adidas sneakers touched her precious furniture. “I might bring someone with me tomorrow. Maybe. I dunno for sure. Might.”

  Jesus, now he was sounding all wussy. Forget having more of a relationship with his brother. He couldn’t even figure out how to have a girl—

  “Elle.” Chloe smiled. “About time you did something about that.”

  Mal cocked his head. “Come again?”

  “You’ve been eyeing her for years. It was totally obvious. Ask Michael. I called that one a long time ago. He said I was nuts, that you don’t pine for anybody without doing something about it. If you want someone, you go out and bag ‘em.”

  “Like a buck?”

  Chloe shrugged. “Didn’t say it was the most elegant way of saying it.”

  Mal frowned as Hope picked up the mouse and started chewing on it. “She probably shouldn’t be doing that.”

  “Spare one. I keep one up here she can chomp on when the urge strikes.” Chloe lifted another mouse from the mouse pad. “It’s completely fine if you bring Elle. Or not. Maybe. Might.”

  Her teasing smile didn’t get on his nerves like it would’ve a few years ago. He had to be mellowing in his old age or something. “Yeah, well, we’ll see. She split after the service. Maybe went off with the girls.”

  She had friends too. Definitely had family she cherished. Meanwhile, he’d pushed everyone away. In retrospect, he wasn’t even sure why. Not like he’d ever analyzed it. He wasn’t that dude to sit there and question his motives. He liked being alone, so he told people to fuck off.

  Except he didn’t much feel like having all that time alone anymore. And now he had to eat crow and come crawling back.

  “Maybe she’s with Lo and Denver. Jules was with Tris, understandably.”

  “Yeah.”

  “You could always text her to let her know you’re thinking about her. Chicks like that.” Mal stared at the screen until Chloe laughed. “Okay, okay, not your style. It was just a suggestion.”

  “She knows I’m not one of those types.”

  “What type is that? One who is kind and romantic and courteous?” Chloe asked sweetly.

  “I’m courteous. I held a door for her today.”

  Chloe fanned herself. “Oh Lordy, I’m gonna swoon.”

  “Soon?” Hope repeated in her own fashion, craning her neck to look up at her mother. Then she threw the spare mouse at the monitor, somehow ending their connection.

  Mal had to laugh. This FaceTime session was like his whole life. Awkward, off-track, then abruptly over before he knew what happened.

  The sound of the door opening made him look up from his computer. A blond head poked in, and his heart stopped and restarted about three times in the space of a minute as Ricki peered toward the couch and gave him a tentative smile. “Hey.”

  “Hey yourself.”

  She stepped inside and stood in the doorway, back to her glorious cornsilk blond. “I followed someone into the building.”

  “Nice.”

  She made a frustrated noise and he almost grinned. “Can I come in?”

  “You’re staying with me. The place is yours while you are.”

  “Didn’t see you give me a key,” she muttered, shutting the door behind her.

  He frowned. “You didn’t say you wanted one.” He was about to say more when he got another FaceTime call from Chloe and Hope. He held up a finger to Ricki, who was already headed toward the couch. She sat beside him, then pulled her legs up and waited.

  “Hey,” he said to Chloe, clearing his throat. “Technical difficulties?”

  “You could say that.” Chloe laughed as Hope pinwheeled her arms and made a screeching noise before sitting still again and staring at the computer.

  “Unca Ma?”

  “Hey there kiddo. I’m back. What did you do?”

  At his side, Ricki made some unknown sound. He couldn’t tell if it was a sigh or huff of breath or what, but he wasn’t going to look at her to find out.

  He was already embarrassed enough.

  Hope gave an exaggerated shrug. “No-thing.”

  “Didn’t seem like nothing.”

  “Not so much. Think it’s time I get this one to bed. Or try anyway. Still hoping one day she becomes a good sleeper like her brother.” Chloe shook her head. “But anyway, like I said before, feel free to bring Elle tomorrow. I think it’s so awesome that you—”

  Mal cleared his throat loudly and shifted the screen. “Look who’s here.” Great, now he was talking one step up from that goo-goo gaa-gaa stuff.

  “Hey Elle. Whoa, hair change. Loved the brown but the blond is so much more you.”

  Ricki smiled and tucked her hair behind her ears. “Thanks. It’s fun to change things up but some people definitely seem to prefer the blond.” She slid Mal a quick look before flashing another smile at Chloe.

  “Some people, hmm? Wonder who those people are.” Chloe pursed her lips and made a face that caused Hope to start giggling madly and pulling on her mother’s chin.

  “Oh my gosh, look at her. She’s so beautiful. Missed seeing her at the service today. Though, obviously, I see why y
ou didn’t bring her. Not really the place for a baby.” Ricki crowded closer to the screen. “She’s so precious. Her hair has little bits of red, just like yours.”

  “Yeah, a bit here and there. I’m sure it’ll darken up like mine did.” Chloe stroked Hope’s head. “So he probably hasn’t had a chance to tell you yet, but you and Mal are invited over here tomorrow.”

  “Oh really? How sweet of you, thank you. Is there a special occasion?”

  Chloe frowned. “Um, that it’s Sunday?”

  “Works for me.” Ricki smiled. “I’d be happy to come. Assuming I’m also invited by someone other than you.” She slid Mal another look.

  “Oh yes, it was his idea. He mentioned bringing you first thing. Except I think he thought you may not be interested. You know how boys are. Never get our signals, do they?” She winked and held up her daughter. “Say bye-bye to Uncle Mal and his girlfriend, Elle, Hopie.”

  “Ricki,” Mal corrected before falling silent.

  Dumbass, that was not the part of that sentence you should have been correcting. She may not want to be your girlfriend.

  Then again, if Chloe was right about missing signals…

  “Ricki, huh?” Chloe shifted toward Elle’s side of the screen. “What do you prefer to be called?”

  Ricki exhaled. “Well, I was always Ricki until I tried to change my image a bit, get away from the old crowd. You probably remember that, right? I mean, we didn’t get to spend much time together as kids, unfortunately, but you knew my brother.”

  “Yeah. Nicky was and is a good friend.” Chloe continued on, recounting some of her old exploits with Ricki’s brother, and Ricki smiled in a way he hadn’t seen all day.

  It made sense, of course. Today—and the past few weeks—had been rough on all of them. But listening to them talk reminded Mal exactly how many connections Ricki had with the important people in his life. Some, like Lila, he’d routinely disavowed, though he was starting to have a different view there.

  Starting, mind you. Mountains might move, but only in their own time.

  But Ricki also had a past with his brother’s wife. Ricki had been a part of his life for a while even beyond the band, just outside the periphery. Waiting for the time when they were both ready.

  Holy fuck, he hoped she was ready.

  “So yeah, please do come over tomorrow. We’d love to have you. And yay, now we can do couples’ double date things,” Chloe said, raising her eyebrows at the strangled noise Mal made. “You okay there, Malachi?”

  Ricki reached out to rub his shoulder. “Being introduced back into civilized society is going to be a process for him. Give him time. He’ll get there.” She moved closer and he draped his arm around her, pulling her closer.

  It was Chloe’s turn to sound as if she was having an attack.

  “Wait, wait, you talk back to him and he likes it? I must have the wrong number. This cannot be my brother-in-law. Hopie, are we sure that’s Uncle Mal?”

  Hope clapped her hands and laughed maniacally. “Unca Mal!”

  “Sure looks like him, all right.” Chloe smiled. “Bruce’s double.”

  “Say goodbye, Chloe.”

  “Goodbye, Chloe,” she repeated, grinning as she held up Hope’s little hand. “Wave bye-bye to Uncle Mal and Ricki, sweetie. You’ll get to see them both tomorrow.”

  “Bye-bye! Bye-bye! Bye-bye!” Hope immediately began to try to scramble off Chloe’s lap, only to be caught and righted once again.

  “Goodnight, trouble. Sleep well for your mom and dad.” Before he could catch himself, he gave Hope a little wave. A tiny one. Barely noticeable.

  God, he was officially dickless.

  “Have a good one, you two.” Chloe’s eyes were sparkling far too much. “Nice chatting with you again, Ricki.”

  He closed out the FaceTime call, well aware Ricki had gone quiet beside him. He wasn’t sure which part had spooked her. Maybe all of it. Chloe wasn’t exactly subtle. Then again, neither was Ricki, and except for a few notable moments, she seemed as if she was coming to terms with the idea of them as a thing. A couple.

  Lord help him.

  “Look, if you’re not happy with her calling you my girlfriend, I can make it clear you’re not.”

  Ricki looped an arm around her knees. “Am I not? You mentioned the whole mine thing before, which was lovely, but a woman needs more. At least this one does.”

  Slowly, he closed the lid on his MacBook. It was far better than throwing it across the room to release his tension, which was another option.

  This whole talking about feelings thing? Royally sucked.

  “Okay,” he said.

  “Okay. So now this is where you tell me what you want from me.”

  He let his gaze drift over her, from the tips of her blond silky hair to her feet and over every curve in between. “How much detail you looking for? Because I can get real specific.”

  “Much as I love dirty talk, not exactly what I mean in this case. Though please save it for later.” She sighed. “Are we just messing around? Because messing around is great. I like messing around. Just helps me to know if there’s more gonna come of it, maybe, before I get too involved.”

  He nearly laughed. Christ, if she only knew how involved he was. How much he’d been for so damn long now.

  “No.”

  She tilted her head. “No what?”

  “No, we’re not just messing around. At least I’m not. If you are—”

  “I’ve never just messed around. I was the girl who wanted commitment and a family. I always wanted that, so maybe I got some stars in my eyes and made some shitty people into more than they actually were to try to make them fit the pictures in my head.”

  “Perhaps that’s what you’re doing with me.”

  Her laughter somehow soothed him. “Are you kidding me? You’re anti-everything how I thought my future would look. How I hoped it would anyway.” She let out a long, slow breath as she met his gaze. “That’s how I know this is real. You’re real. We’re real. Because I never gave you any credit, never put any romantic notions on you. You just stormed into my life and now I don’t want to live it without you glaring in the middle of it.”

  Throat tight, he grabbed her hip to haul her closer. Onto his lap, to be precise. The only place that was nearly close enough, and even that wouldn’t do.

  Inside her was where he needed to be.

  “I don’t glare,” he said, hovering his lips over hers. “I intimidate in a silent manner.”

  Her giggle was sweeter than any music he’d ever heard, more erotic than the finest aphrodisiac. And the blue of her eyes was like the center of a fire, one he couldn’t dive into fast enough.

  He’d lied when he had told her he would be her addiction. She had been his from the very start.

  “Wait,” she murmured as he tried to take the kiss deeper, harder. She sighed and gripped his shirt. “Talking to Chloe was really good and really not.”

  Mal tried to get his vocal cords working again. “You don’t like her? You seemed okay.”

  “Oh no, she’s a sweetheart. She had a little thing for my brother a million years ago, and they had a super brief hookup before she moved on to Snake. At least that’s how the story goes. I didn’t pay as much attention as I should have to any of it.” She stared off over his shoulder, fingering her newly blond hair. Hair he needed to show his appreciation for properly.

  Like by fisting both hands in it as he fucked her from behind. With lots of pillows beneath her.

  Eh, maybe better to save that for when her shoulder was better. He was just fine with her riding him again, nice and slow.

  “I think I saw him today,” she whispered. “It wasn’t even the first time. And it doesn’t make sense.” Her gaze sharpened on his. “Tell me it doesn’t make sense. Men don’t just come back from the dead.”

  Mal shook his head, still caught up in fantasies of debauching Ricki. What the hell had he missed?

  “People in general don’t c
ome back from the dead. Women either.”

  She released a frustrated sigh and shoved at his shoulder for good measure before climbing off him and pacing across the room and back. “You didn’t know Snake, so I know this is all going to seem like crazy talk to you. But you gotta know he was Chloe’s guy, right?”

  Mal nodded. He still felt five steps behind. “Axl’s bio father.”

  “Yeah. He was a jerk.” Ricki’s expression tightened. “I used to like him once upon a time, back when he was in a band with Nicky and Simon and Deak. Real early days. Like Oblivion before Oblivion was actually them, if that makes sense. No Gray and Jazz. They actually replaced Snake when he was tossed out for his addiction to horse.”

  Mal frowned. He fucking hated when she used drug terms. That was a common one, but still. He couldn’t help wishing she didn’t know about any of that stuff. That she hadn’t had to struggle so hard, even if those struggles had been part of what had shaped her into the person he loved.

  “Yeah. I know some of that. Most of it.”

  “You also know Snake was suing Oblivion when he died? Saying my brother and the rest stole his shit and recycled it into some of their biggest hits?” She rubbed her face. “All crap, by the way. Nicky and Simon and Deak were writing longer than Snake was, and they were the ones who put together Oblivion’s hits. Then Gray and Jazz came in and made the band complete. Snake was always a glory hound. Looking out for a payday that he wouldn’t have to work for and using loyalty as a smokescreen.”

  “He was also an addict. So some additional considerations there as well.” Mal kept his voice quiet and even. He wasn’t trying to twist any knives, just make sure she was considering all angles. Why, he didn’t even know yet.

  She nodded brusquely. “Oh yeah, impossible to forget, especially with him. He was the meanest fuck when he was using. Sometimes when he wasn’t too.” She bit her lower lip. “He was Nicky’s best friend, along with Simon. Maybe even before him. They went way back. As far back as blood brothers could go, and Nicky never forgot that. Neither did Snake.”

  “Wait a second, didn’t you just say Snake was suing Nick’s band? Seems like a weird way to repay loyalty.”