Raw Rhythm

by Cari Quinn

  “I couldn’t fucking hate you. I never did.” Nicky curled his arms around her and she let out a sob as she buried her face in his chest. “You’re my heart. You always were, even when you were besting me at my own damn instrument.”

  Sniffling, she eased back and smiled as he knuckled away one of her tears. “Don’t have to worry about that now, huh?”

  “She’s starting PT soon.” Mal spoke before anyone else could. “So she’ll get it back.”

  Elle laughed weakly, shaking her head. “See? If this is what not caring looks like, then somehow I’ve never found it before in my entire life. That isn’t even why I’m falling for him. It’s because he makes me feel alive in a way I never have before. Like myself, but better.” She glanced over her shoulder at Mal and rubbed at the tear dripping off her chin. “I hope I’m doing the same for him, since, you know, he could smile more. Just for a change of pace.”

  Mal held her gaze for a long, humming moment before he cleared his throat. “Nick, can I talk to you alone for a minute?”

  Elle glanced between them. “Sure, I make a lovely speech then I’m shuffled out of the room.”

  “No,” Nicky said finally, shifting her in his arms until she faced the sofa where Mal sat, his expression as hard and impassive. But his eyes were not. They were hot and filled with so much emotion that she couldn’t be afraid of what he’d tell her brother.

  Already, she trusted him. That bond had been forged through fire, and nothing and no one could break it now.

  The short time they’d been together didn’t matter. The years of jabbing at each other and being general pains in each other’s asses didn’t count either, except to give them a foundation. Even when she would’ve sworn the guy hated her, he’d kicked the ass of her ex-boyfriend when he’d dared to cheat on her.

  He’d always had her back, from day one. And now she would do the same for him.

  “If you want privacy, I’ll give it to you,” she said quietly. “Nicky may not like it, but he’ll deal. Lila and I will go in the other room and discuss why becoming a lesbian is still a viable choice.”

  No one laughed.

  Mal scraped a hand over his head, then clenched the back of his neck. “No. Stay. I was taking the coward’s way out, but you didn’t let me.”

  She waited.

  “Cassalia was a fan back when I raced. She came to every one of them, and she asked for autographs and all that. She wasn’t the only one. There were other women, and some men too. We liked the support, but it always made me nervous. The line between polite professionalism and going too far is narrow. And I crossed it.”

  She wanted to make some off-the-cuff joke. Nearly did until she caught herself. She was a good listener when it came to being there for a friend, but God, knowing he was in pain was almost too much for her. She wanted to erase it. End this conversation and kick out Li and her brother, even though they were her heart as much as she was Nicky’s. But right now, Mal was her priority.

  He also wasn’t done talking.

  “At first, it was just the usual thing. Same story we see all the time at the shows. Guy likes having a chick fawning all over him, so he enjoys the perks that come with it. She was beautiful and I was young and stupid. For a long time, I didn’t see what she was into. That she was getting into it deeper all the time.” He hissed out a breath. “Hell, I can’t even claim she was the only one I was with. She wasn’t. She knew it, but doesn’t make it right.”

  Nicky’s arms tightened around her and he tipped his head against hers, but he didn’t interrupt. Neither did she.

  “Months passed and she seemed to be doing better. We were spending more time together, and the other women were out of the picture. I figured the same for her, that I was the only man in her life. Somehow we ended up engaged. I don’t even really know how. I hadn’t even thought about it, then there was a ring in my hand and we were going to get married. But one night I came over and she was in bed with her ex. There was drug stuff on the dresser. I barely even noticed it. To say I dumped her because she relapsed would probably be giving me more credit than I deserve. I dumped her because she wasn’t faithful. Period.”

  “You don’t have to tell us all of this,” Elle whispered. “Not now, and not ever if you don’t want to. I won’t force it out of you.”

  “That’s exactly why I can tell you. Because you just sat here and gave me the benefit of the doubt. You trusted me, and do you have reason to? No. I fucking treated you like crap for years, because I wasn’t going to fall for another woman who would never see me the same way.”

  Heart racing, she bit her lip and waited.

  “The drugs were an issue, yes. Of course they were. But I wanted to believe she was doing better. That I could love her enough to fix her. It just doesn’t work like that. She wasn’t betraying me by relapsing. Even what she did while she was high wasn’t totally her fault. I still needed a break. Some space.” He leaned forward and locked his hands over his knees. “She killed herself next to the track where I had a race one night. Just shot herself up with whatever it was she was on and it must’ve been a bad batch because she died. Or she took too much. Did she intend to die? I don’t know for sure. Didn’t matter. Word on the street was she killed herself because I used her and broke her heart, and that was that.”

  “So you walked away from all of it,” Elle murmured, grateful she had Nicky to lean against. Though she wanted very much for it to be Mal right now.

  And for him to be able to lean on her too.

  “The joy was gone. I loved her and whatever mistakes we’d both made, there weren’t any do-overs. Time’s so fucking short. I wasted so much of it pretending these past couple of years. I don’t want to anymore.”

  “Me either,” she said. “Well, not that I was pretending not to like you. I really didn’t.”

  His smile was probably the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen in her life, outside the excitement on her nieces’ adorable faces on Christmas morning.

  “But then you didn’t really let me see you. You gave me glimpses and they always disappeared so fast I thought I imagined them. But I didn’t.” She squeezed her brother’s hand before walking away from him to curl into Mal’s side.

  He looped his arm around her and held on as she rested her forehead against his.

  “We both know all too well that no one is promised tomorrow. Even good, decent people don’t always get what they deserve.” Her throat clogged as she gripped his hand. “But I don’t want to be anywhere else than where I am right now, here with you.”

  He smiled again, and for the briefest second, her tears were reflected in his eyes. The alternative was more than she could comprehend.

  “Me too,” he murmured. “Me fucking too.”

  “Okay, now we’re leaving,” Lila said from behind them. If Elle wasn’t mistaken, she heard a sniffle. “C’mon, Nicholas. We have some high school biology to research.”

  Elle couldn’t help snorting as she shifted to give them a quick wave. “I’ll see you soon.”

  “Dinner this week,” Lila said as she tugged Nick with her. “Both of you are invited.”

  Only Elle heard Mal’s groan. She hoped.

  “Sounds great. We’ll figure it out.”

  At the doorway, Nicky stopped and turned, pointing at Mal. “I’ve still got my eye on you. Hurt her and you’ll be singing falsetto without the benefit of lessons.”

  “I’d expect nothing less.” The second Nicky shut the door behind them, Mal added, “Not sure you could pull it off, but I’m sure you’d try.”

  Elle giggled and snuggled up against his chest. “So where were we?”

  He stroked her hair. “I was about to take you into the bedroom and make love to you the right way.”

  She grinned. “Dear God, if this has been the wrong way thus far, not sure I can survive right.”

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Monday always came faster when you had shit to take care of. In this case, making sure Ricki
would have her own security.

  The casual, dare he say fun day they’d spent with Mike, Chloe, and the kids already seemed very far away.

  Mal sat on the edge of the couch, his head down as he tried to focus on the words coming through the phone. “I know I don’t have an appointment, but this is an important matter.” Christ, he sounded as if he was calling an insurance company.

  “I knew we should have gone through Lila.” Ricki paced the living room, twisting her fingers nervously.

  He reached out and snagged the tail of his shirt that she’d stolen the night before. It was distracting enough knowing she had nothing on beneath his shirt, let alone the flash of her thigh every three seconds as she flew around the room at mach one.

  He tugged her down next to him. When she tried to bounce up again, he clamped a hand on her thigh and gave her a look.

  She stuck out her tongue and collapsed against the mountain of cushions she’d created last time they were downstairs.

  Mal pinched the bridge of his nose. “Look, I know he’s a busy man.”

  “Mr. Lewis is in a meeting right now and cannot be disturbed. Perhaps you should contact Lila Crandall. I see here that she’s your contact through Ripper Records.”

  Mal really hated Donovan’s admin. He didn’t know the chick at all, but she was a master at stonewalling. Donovan had his hand in way too many pies if the record company was just one of his many businesses. And no shit, Mal knew Lila was his go-between. Jesus. “Why don’t you put me on hold and see if he’ll take my call?”

  Donovan’s admin waited a beat. He was pretty sure she was legit grinding her teeth. “Please hold.”

  “We should have called Lila.”

  He sighed. “If we called Lila, then she’d have to tell Nick.”

  Ricki picked at one of the buttons on her shirttail. “And if we told Nick, he’s likely to go out looking for him alone.”

  Mal stroked a hand down her hair. “Let’s be smart for once, huh?”

  “It’s overrated.”

  A minute later, the chick came back on the line. “I’m transferring you now.”

  Mal resisted the urge to say, “I thought so.” But it was a close thing.

  “Mr. Shawcross, what can I do for you?”

  “We have a slight—okay, no. I suck at sugar-coating shit.”

  “One of the things I like best about you, Malachi. Please be frank. It’s refreshing.”

  “Ricki—I mean, Elle—had something happen yesterday. We’re not quite sure how to handle it.”

  “All right. Is this a personal thing?”

  Ricki twisted on the couch, dragging her feet under her so she could face him. Mal played with the ends of her hair. “Depends on how you look at it. Look, something happened that you’re probably not going to believe. We don’t even believe it.”

  “Go on.”

  “She saw Snake yesterday. On the street outside of a salon. Watching her.”

  Silence.

  Mal waited another beat, then gave it another few seconds. He pulled his phone away from his ear to make sure the call didn’t drop. “Donovan?”

  “Is she certain?”

  Cool as a fucking cucumber, that was Lewis. “Very. This is the second time she’s seen him.”

  “And you’re just coming forward now?” Donovan’s voice was a little more strained.

  Ricki plucked the phone out of his hand.

  “We know it sounds crazy, but I swear I’m not seeing things. I thought maybe I was at first, but now I really know I’m not.”

  Mal took the phone back from her and put it on speaker. “We’re both here.”

  “Start at the beginning, Miss Crandall.”

  She blew out a breath and reached for his hand. Mal laced his fingers with hers and nodded. “Go ahead. You can do this.”

  “Right. Okay, so the night before…” She swallowed. “The night of the secret show. I had a bad feeling, there was a guy hanging around. We’re used to that. There’s always some creepers in with the fans.”

  “All right,” Donovan said calmly. “Go on.”

  “So the night of the big show I was watching some of the footage from the desert show. Some YouTubes and stuff our camera guys got. I thought I saw someone in the crowd. Someone who didn’t make sense. At all. I thought I was going crazy, but then…well.” Her gaze locked with Mal’s. “Everything happened at the show. We lost Randy and I got hurt. I didn’t think about it again. He was dead. It had to be just someone who looked like Snake.”

  She dragged in another breath. “Yesterday, I went to this little salon out near my old neighborhood.” She tucked her blond hair over her ear. “I needed to fix the brown hair thing. I was just hiding and I’m tired of it. I wanted my life back. And I know it’s just hair.” She glanced up at Mal. “I’m sorry, I’m babbling.”

  Donovan’s voice went soft. “We’re very glad you’re back, Elle.”

  She let out a nervous laugh. “Thanks. Well, there I was under the cape and with dye on my head when I saw someone through the window. That same face. There was no mistake.”

  “And someone had been in her apartment while we were in New York.” Mal blew out a breath before he popped a damn blood vessel. “It doesn’t make sense and yet makes all the sense in the world. What if he’s been here the whole time?”

  “I need to make a few calls. I’d like both of you to come to the tower. Today.”

  “The tower?” Mal sat up straighter. Donovan didn’t usually mix his music business with his venture capital dealings though both offices were on the same lot. The way Donovan ran it, they could be in two separate countries. “Not your office at Ripper?”

  “No. Things have gotten more precarious it would seem. I’d feel better if you came to the main office. I was already in a meeting with Aidan. This is new information. Important information, I believe.”

  “So you believe me?”

  “It’s a reach, I’ll admit that much.”

  Ricki’s shoulders sagged.

  “But there are far too many instances to not look into it. You were right to call me. And where the police would probably discount this, my gut sides with you. I’ve made my entire career on trusting those feelings.”

  Ricki’s posture rebounded and she dove at Mal, her good arm circling his neck.

  Mal caught her and rescued the phone from getting flung onto the floor. “We can be there in an hour.”

  “Good.”

  “Should we call in Lila? I…” Ricki trailed off, staring at him. “I don’t know how to tell her. And God, my brother. This is all such a fucked up—sorry!” Her voice came out in a squeak.

  “It’s quite all right, Miss Crandall. I’m well used to it. We’ll discuss everything when you’re here.”

  “All right. Thank you.”

  “We’ll see you in an hour.” Mal reached over and hung up.

  “I still think we should call Li. Maybe even Nicky.”

  “Babe.”

  Ricki laughed. “Did you just call me babe?”

  Mal winced. “Sorry.”

  She swung her legs over his thighs. “I sort of like it.”

  “Sort of?”

  She nodded. “Come to think of it, you may have used it once before.”

  “Counting, are we?”

  “It’s rather nice, especially when it doesn’t have your usual surly connotations attached to it.”

  He stood up with her in his arms. “You get off on the weirdest shit.”

  She laughed, then cupped his cheek. “I know what you’re doing.”

  “Oh, yeah? I think it’s called carrying you.” He headed for the stairs. A little tricky with an extra hundred pounds in his arms, but the glint in her eyes made him want to keep up the chivalry act. Of course that also made him an idiot, but her smile was worth it.

  “No, you’re distracting me.”

  “Evidently, you’re easily distractible if this is all it takes.”

  She shook her head. “Can’t
even pay you a compliment.”

  “Oh, is that what you were doing?”

  Ricki slumped in his arms. “You’re impossible.”

  He didn’t have an answer for the Nick thing. Should they call him? Hell, yes. The actual question was more if it was smart to tell him. He and Nick might have their differences, but one thing was crystal clear to both of them. Protecting Ricki trumped nearly everything.

  Once upstairs, he tossed her on the bed. “Get ready.”

  “Ahh, the romance portion of the day is already done.”

  He leaned over her on the bed and caught her mouth in a hot, hungry kiss. “We get through this meeting, and there’s more where that came from.” He tried to stand up, but she hooked her ridiculously long legs around his hips.

  “I’m holding you to that.”

  “Quicker you get in that shower, the quicker we get this over with.”

  She dropped onto her back on the mattress and folded her legs to the side. Of course that pushed up her borrowed shirt until there was nothing but smooth leg and hip on display. He backed up and turned away from her before he did something stupid.

  His mouth was already watering at the thought of getting between her perfect thighs. And that was where he would be the one who was distracted. He would much rather lose himself between Ricki’s thighs than go deal with that fucking mess.

  The burn of anger he’d been stuffing down surged up. Mal didn’t want to believe one man could cause so much trouble, but the proof was damning. But how did you prove a dead man was doing all of this? Hell, they couldn’t prove any of it, but his gut was about as loud as Donovan’s in this regard.

  Ricki rolled off the bed and hugged him from behind. “We’re going to figure it out.” Then she was gone into the shower.

  He threw on a black thermal shirt with a Slipknot T-shirt over it. By the time he was attaching his wallet chain to his belt, Ricki came out with her cornsilk hair tied up and her skin dewy.

  “Give me five minutes.”

  Shockingly, she was true to her word and they were on the road a few minutes later. Ricki wore one of her colorful tops, a trio of gold necklaces, and her skinny jeans. Obviously, neither of them wanted to get dressed up again after the service yesterday.