‘It was all about control. He wanted to keep you under his thumb.’
She gritted her teeth. No matter what Sam thought about her, she had to tell him the truth. ‘I became so anxious that I turned into a person I didn’t want to be. I became hysterical if he didn’t reply to my texts. Stalked him to see if there was someone else. I dropped out of uni, didn’t finish my final semester, just to be at his beck and call. What a fool I was.’
If that wasn’t guaranteed to scare Sam off, nothing would be.
He shook his head. ‘You were young and vulnerable, he was manipulative.’
‘And sadistic,’ she said, spitting out the word. ‘My suspicions weren’t unfounded. I discovered him with another girl. He laughed at my distress.’
‘And that was the end?’ Sam’s voice was gruff.
‘He still thought he could pick me up and put me down as he chose. But seeing him with someone else finally knocked some sense into me. To let him get away with that would have been a step too far on a path to self-destruction. I...I walked away.’
‘Good for you to find the courage to do that.’
She managed a shaky laugh. ‘Oh, I wasn’t very courageous. I was scared of how far down I might let myself be dragged. I didn’t want to go there.’
‘But you did it. You broke the chains. You took the control back.’ There was a dark intensity to his eyes as they searched her face.
‘Yes. But university was a complete wipe-out. I couldn’t stay there to repeat the subjects I’d failed, not when I’d see him around the campus. When the offer came to join the dance troupe, I jumped at it. I got away from Sydney and him and I didn’t have to crawl home with my tail between my legs. People thought I’d moved on to something more glamorous and exciting than finishing a business degree. Only I knew what a failure I was.’
He frowned. ‘You didn’t tell anyone about what had happened?’
‘There was a girl at uni who was very supportive. But we lost touch. I didn’t really want to be reminded of the person I’d been when I was so obsessed.’
‘You didn’t tell your mother or your sister?’
‘I couldn’t bear to tell them I’d failed uni. They thought I’d dropped out because I wanted to dance. They still don’t think any different. Still think I threw away my degree.’
‘But that meant you didn’t ever have to face up to what had happened?’
‘That’s right. I can’t tell you how many times I wished I’d gone home then. Got some help. Because I didn’t, it meant I didn’t know how to cope with the next situation that made me doubt myself.’
She took a deep breath and edged away from him. ‘But I think you’ve heard enough of my history for one day.’
He put his hand out to draw her back to him but then he hesitated, his dark brows drawn together, and dropped his hand back to his side. She couldn’t bear it if he thought she didn’t want his touch, his kisses, him. She took a step that brought her closer to him, her gaze locked with his. ‘Hold me, Sam,’ she said. ‘Please?’
He put his arm around her shoulder and drew her back closer so her head rested on his shoulder. It was, indeed, broad. And solid, warm and comforting. ‘You need to get all that poison out. If there’s more, I want to hear it,’ he said.
CHAPTER NINE
SAM HAD ALWAYS scorned the concept of love at first sight. In his book, instant attraction was all about sex, not love. The proof had been his parents’ disastrous ‘marry in haste, repent at leisure’ marriage. And yet, although he wanted to kiss her, hold her, make love to her, he felt more than physical attraction for Kate—something that had been there from the first time they’d met. A feeling that was so strong, it made any further pretence at a business-only relationship seem farcical.
He was surprised and pleased, after the way she had pushed him away from their kiss the previous day, that she had actually sought his touch. He held her close to him, her bright head nestled on his shoulder, the folds of her blue dress brushing his legs, her hand resting lightly on his knee. He breathed in her heady, already so familiar scent. And he didn’t want to let her go.
But this was no simple boy-meets-girl scenario.
Beneath that open, vivacious exterior Kate seemed to be a seething mass of insecurities, far from the straightforward person he’d thought she was. She’d been hiding secrets for years. Were there more? Could he deal with them?
With every fibre of his being he wanted to help her. But he didn’t know how he could, other than being supportive. Nothing in his life experience had prepared him for this.
She shifted back from him, not so that she eluded the protective curve of his arm but so he could see her face.
‘Can I tell you how good it is to talk to you like this?’ she said.
Shadows from the overhanging trees flickered across her face. It made it difficult to read her eyes.
‘If it helps, I’m glad.’ He wasn’t sure what else he could say. He risked dropping a kiss on her bare, smooth shoulder. She didn’t flinch from him—that was progress.
‘Are you sure you want to hear more? The second incident wasn’t such a big deal. Not nearly as traumatic. I mightn’t even mention it if I wasn’t trying to find what triggered my aversion to leaving the city limits.’
‘Bring it on. Did something happen while you were on tour with the dance troupe?’
Her hair was pulled back in a tie and he could see every nuance of her expression. She pulled a puzzled ‘Kate’ face. ‘How did you know that?’
‘Lucky guess,’ he said, not adding that as soon as she’d started to talk about it her stilted words had become a dead giveaway.
‘The injured ankle wasn’t how my career as a cabaret dancer ended,’ she said. ‘Though I did hurt my ankle in a triple pirouette that collapsed in a less-than-graceful stumble.’
After the story of her abuse at the hands of her university lover, he wasn’t at all certain he wanted to hear this double whammy, but he asked anyway. ‘So how did it end?’
‘After the injury healed, I joined the troupe again. They were about to go to Spain. I was so looking forward to it.’
‘You would have gone overseas?’ He couldn’t keep the surprise from his voice.
‘Yes. That’s the crazy thing. I was so looking forward to it. Not a trace of this...this current affliction. We’d done a few weeks in New Zealand and I’d loved it. I’d even bought myself a “teach yourself Spanish” CD.’
The best thing, he figured, was to let her talk. ‘So what happened to change things?’
‘We had an extended stay at a club in a big country town in western New South Wales. There was a guy.’ She rolled her eyes. ‘Yeah, I know—another guy.’
‘I should imagine there were a lot of guys interested in you,’ he said drily. Smart. Beautiful. A dancer. She must have been besieged.
‘Maybe,’ she said with a wobbly smile. ‘But I wasn’t interested in them. In fact, after my experience at uni I’d sworn off men. I...didn’t feel I could trust anyone.’
‘Understandable,’ he said, while thinking of a few choice words to describe the creep who had treated a vulnerable girl with such contempt and cruelty.
‘There were often men at the stage door hoping to meet the dancers but I never took any notice of them. This guy seemed different. A gentleman. The Aussie grazier with the Akubra hat, the tweed jacket, the moleskin jeans. Older than the guys I’d dated. We had a drink after the show one evening and he was charming. He bred horses on his property and showed me photos. His historic old homestead, quite a distance out of town, looked amazing. And there were photos of foals. He asked me would I like to come and see the foals.’
‘And of course you said yes.’
‘Who could resist foals? They looked adorable with their long, baby legs. I couldn’t wait to pet th
em.’
‘You let down your guard.’
‘He...he seemed so nice...’
‘I can hear an “until” in your voice.’
Kate reached down to pick up a fallen eucalypt leaf. She started to tear it into tiny strips, releasing the sharp tang of eucalyptus oil to mingle with the salt of the breeze that wafted over them. ‘Until he tried to kiss me and wouldn’t take no for an answer. He wanted more than kisses. Got angry when I refused. Told me I was asking for it by dressing in sexy costumes and dancing provocatively onstage.’
Sam surprised himself with the growl of anger that rumbled from his throat and the string of swear words directed at her attacker.
‘I used some of those words, too,’ she said. ‘But I got away, thank heaven. Luckily some sense of caution had made me refuse his offer of a ride to his place. I’d borrowed a car to get out there, so was able to get back under my own steam. The troupe left town the next day. I’ve never been so glad to get out of a place.’
‘Did you report him?’
She shook her head. ‘I was strong and agile and very angry—he didn’t get anywhere near me.’
‘You were lucky.’ If he could get his hands on him, the guy would know not to go anywhere near her again.
‘I know. I shook for hours when I got back when I thought about how differently it might have ended. He...he’d backed me into a boot room and closed the door.’
‘That’s why you reacted the way you did in the shed yesterday?’
Mutely, she nodded.
‘Please tell me you confided in someone about the attack.’
‘I didn’t tell anyone. It made me look so stupid. The more experienced girls would never have gone off alone with a stage-door stalker.’
‘He was cunning to use baby horses as a lure.’
‘I know, which made me look even stupider for falling for it. And again, I began to doubt myself.’
‘What do you mean?’
She got up from the ledge, threw the shredded leaf to the ground. ‘The farmer guy was right in a way. Our dance costumes were form-fitting. Modern dance moves can be provocative. For one of our routines we had to dress as white poodles and bark as we danced. Can you imagine?’
She seemed determined to put a light spin to her story. She even took a few graceful, prancing steps on the sandy ground, mimed a dog’s paws held out in front of her, her head alert to one side.
‘You had to bark like a dog?’ It took an effort not to laugh.
‘Not just any old dog. A poodle. I listened to how a poodle barked in the interests of authenticity.’ She paused. ‘Go on—you’re allowed to laugh. I get quite hysterical when I remember it. You’d be hysterical too if you saw us in those skin-tight white costumes with pompom poodle-tails on our butts and fluffy poodle ears on our heads.’
‘I don’t actually think I’d be laughing. It sounds very cute to me.’ And very sexy. It wasn’t difficult to see how a guy in the audience had got obsessed with her.
‘There was a circus ringmaster cracking his whip as we danced and barked, which was kinda weird.’
This time he couldn’t stop the laugh. ‘I’m sure you made a gorgeous poodle.’
She pulled another of those cute Kate faces. ‘You never know, I might do my poodle bark for you some time. I got quite good at it.’
He could only imagine. ‘I’d like to see you dance.’
‘Wearing a poodle costume?’
‘Maybe. Or a white dress, like in that photo in your living room.’
This time the face she pulled was wistful, her eyes shadowed with regret. ‘We danced Swan Lake that year for the end-of-year concert. I was Odette.’
‘How fortunate that Swan Lake is the only ballet I’ve ever seen. So I actually know what you’re talking about.’
‘You won’t see me perform it again. I stopped dancing soon after that near escape, even social dancing. The farmer guy’s words kept going around and around in my head. Even though I’d been dancing since I was a child, I suddenly lost it. Became self-conscious, too aware of how I looked. How the men in the audience might perceive me. Scared, I guess.’
‘Scared?’
‘Scared of the next incident when some weirdo guy might think I was asking for it.’ She paused. ‘Now you know all my secrets. All my disasters updated.’
Sam jumped up from the ledge and took the few steps needed to reach her. But he didn’t hug her close like he wanted to. Not when she’d just been remembering an assault.
‘Kate, what that guy did was not your fault. What the guy in Sydney did wasn’t your fault.’
Slowly, she nodded. ‘I know. But, no matter how many times I told myself that, I didn’t quite believe it. Was it something about me that attracted creepy guys? Why didn’t I see them for what they were? Whatever; I couldn’t get out there onstage and dance any more. I blamed it on my ankle but that didn’t fool people for long. When Mum called to say she’d broken her arm and could I come home for a few weeks, I quit the dance company before they had a chance to sack me.’
‘And you haven’t danced since.’
‘Sadly, no. I came back here where I know everyone and they know me. There were no opportunities to dance professionally. I’m qualified to teach dance but I didn’t even want to do that.’
‘And here you stayed.’
‘No one knew what had happened to me—the abusive boyfriend; the scary experience with the farmer guy. Mum and Emily were glad to see me back. I was wanted, I was needed, and I just settled back into life here.’
‘You didn’t talk to anyone when you got back? Your family doctor, maybe?’
She shrugged. ‘There was nothing to talk about. I blamed everything that happened on being away from home. Once I was home, it was okay.
‘So you pretended it hadn’t happened.’
‘That’s right. I felt safe here. Unthreatened.’
‘I told you, small-town life is not for me. But, after dinner at your place last night, I can see the attraction for you. Your mum is such a nice lady—not to mention an incredible cook. And Emily is delightful. If I had a family like yours, I’d be tempted to stay here for ever too.’
But Kate was of an age when she should be making her own home. Thinking about starting her own family. So should he.
He realised with a sudden flash of clarity that the reason he spent so much time in the workplace was that it had become a substitute for family. At work he got recognition, admiration, companionship, security.
‘Your family isn’t like that?’ she said, frowning.
‘My family was so far removed from yours, there isn’t any comparison. Home was like a battlefield where both sides have made a truce but occasionally resume hostilities. My mother was my father’s second wife. He was still grieving his first wife when he met Vivien and—’
Kate put up her hand to interrupt him. ‘Who is Vivien?’
‘My mother. She doesn’t like be called Mum or Mother—says it makes her feel too old.’ He hated explaining it, as he’d always hated explaining it. Sitting in Kate’s house, with her mother fussing over him with tea and home-baked cake, he had felt a tug of envy. His mother had not been the cake-baking, cosy type.
For once, Kate seemed lost for words. ‘That’s, uh, unusual. Even when you were a little boy?’
‘Even when I was so little I had trouble pronouncing “Vivien”.’ He made a joke of it, but he’d never liked calling his mother by her name. If she hadn’t wanted to be thought of as a mother, what had that meant to his identity as a son?
‘You poor little thing,’ said Kate. ‘I mean you were a poor little thing. I don’t mean you’re a poor little thing now. In fact, you’re rather big and—’
‘I get it,’ he said with a laugh.
Kate was back in full st
ickybeak mode but he had the distinct impression she was using it to distract him. ‘You have to tell me more. We should shut up about me now. I still have one more question to go, you know; I’ve been saving it to find out about—’
He cut across her. ‘We can talk about me later. Right now, we need to concentrate on you.’
She fell silent. ‘Try to sort me out, you mean?’ Her mouth turned downward so far it was almost comical.
‘Don’t be so hard on yourself. You were young, you had some traumatic experiences. You retreated to the safe place you needed to get over them.’ She started to wring her hands together, something he noticed she did when she was upset.
‘That safe place seems to have become a comfortable prison,’ she muttered.
Without a word, he reached out and stilled her hands with his. ‘That you now realise you have to release yourself from.’
He didn’t know where these words of comfort came from other than a deep need to connect with her—maybe from his management training. It certainly didn’t come from the tough love dished out by his parents. But it seemed to be helping Kate and that was all that counted.
She sighed. ‘I’m angry at myself that I took the comfortable option instead of confronting my problems. Problems that, as you said, must have festered away.’
‘Don’t beat yourself up about it. Sounds like you’ve had a good life in Dolphin Bay.’ He looked around him. ‘Idyllic’ really was the right word to describe their surroundings. ‘There are worse places to be holed up while you heal.’
She slammed one fist into another. ‘But it’s not enough any more. I feel like I’m in a science fiction story where some big, transparent dome is over the town that only I’m aware of and I can’t get past it. Meeting you has reminded me of what I’m missing out on.’
‘True. For one thing, there’s a whole, wide world of fabulous hotels out there for you to explore.’ He kept his tone light, teasing, to defuse the anger she was turning on herself.
The Tycoon and the Wedding Planner Page 11
