Alyssa's Choice

by Alicia White

  The place was virtually silent. She could hear the wind blow through the trees, and in the far-off distance the sounds of cows and horses. She closed her eyes and let the stress from the morning melt away. This place had a calming effect. She heard a horse whine loudly and whipped her head to the side to see Clint sitting tall.

  “Oh, Alyssa. I’m sorry. I saw Bella’s car and got worried for a minute. I didn’t mean to startle you.” He dipped his head down and she smiled. The man was such a gentleman.

  “No problem. I just borrowed her car to come take a quick shower and change. I’ve got to get back to the store and help. It’s almost time for the grand opening.” She turned to head inside.

  “Wait. Where are Grant and Justin? Why didn’t they drive you home this mornin’?” She didn’t want to answer him, but she figured gossip would probably start soon enough.

  “I’m not sure. I suppose they’re both at home. You know how those awkward morning-afters go.” She tried to laugh it off, but she felt like crying. Her eyes filled with tears.

  “No. I don’t know.” He shook his head, looking concerned, and she really wished that she would’ve kept her mouth shut.

  “It’s no big deal, just a one-night thing. Don’t worry. I’m good,” she said, wanting to escape this conversation.

  “One-night stand? That doesn’t sound like them.” He shook his head.

  “It’s no big deal. I really need to get ready.” She knew she sounded rude, but the truth was she really didn’t want to have this particular conversation with one of Bella’s men. She had avoided the conversation with her friends. The last thing she needed to do was spill her guts.

  “Yeah. Okay,” he said, and she walked into the house, not giving him a moment to say anything else. She leaned against the front door and waited until she heard the sound of horse hoofs retreating away from the house.

  She walked around the small house then went into the bedroom to grab some clothes. She just needed to get to work and stop thinking.

  * * * *

  A few days later

  When Grant had first walked out of the bathroom, an empty bed greeted him. He looked around their apartment, hoping that he would find Alyssa, but of course, she was gone. He wasn’t sure how he should feel. It had been a few days since they had seen her, and he missed her more than he wanted to admit.

  He walked around the pub, cleaning and taking stock, not wanting to think of their night together. He didn’t want to be sad. The pain in his heart was almost too much to bear.

  He wasn’t sure if they should go after her and confront the situation or if they should just try to be patient and wait for her to make the next move. The whole situation felt weird. She didn’t seem like the type of girl who would just walk out in the morning without breakfast or an explanation. Did she want this to be a one-time thing? Did she think that they didn’t want her anymore? The questions flew through his mind, and he tried to ignore them.

  Grant went through their stock bottle by bottle, ignoring the conversations around him. He wasn’t in the mood to discuss the weather, the grand opening of the new women’s store, or the upcoming farmers’ market. None of those things mattered to him at this moment.

  “Hey, Grant.” He heard Justin’s voice but refused to leave the storeroom. He didn’t want to have the conversation that Justin obviously wanted to have. For the last couple of days Justin had been harassing him, cornering him, and trying to make him talk about his feelings. “Grant! Jessica is here. She wants to talk to us.” He let out a loud sigh and put his clipboard down. His heart beat rapidly as he made his way toward the front of the pub. Would Alyssa send her friend over to let them down? He shook his head. No, he wouldn’t assume anything. He would sit silently and let Jessica talk.

  When he finally reached the front of the pub, Justin and Jessica were seated in a booth. He made his way toward them, wanting to know what they were talking about and hoping that he didn’t miss anything worth hearing.

  “Hey, Grant. I’m sorry to bother you. I know you must be very busy.” Jessica smiled and he only nodded, feeling bile rise up in his throat. He just wanted to get it over with. He wanted to hear what she had to say so that he could move on with his life, move on from Alyssa.

  “As you both know we’re having the grand opening soon. We pushed back the date. We needed more time to get ready. So now, we’re looking at two weeks. I don’t have my assistant here yet, but I’m glad to say she should be on her way here soon. I need some help, and I know this is last minute but I’m hoping you’ll say yes. Of course, I’ll pay the both of you for your time,” Jessica said, and Grant relaxed a little. She hadn’t come to talk about Alyssa. He finally moved and sat down next to Justin.

  “What do you need?” Justin asked before he could open his mouth and say a word. At least one of them was on the ball. Grant couldn’t focus, he couldn’t think. He didn’t know what to do. They had finally met a woman that they both cared about and wanted to share and she had ditched them. He closed his eyes, letting the events run through his head.

  A sharp elbow hit him in the gut, and Grant jolted, rubbing the slight pain. He scowled at Justin. “Jessica would like us to make appetizers for the party. She was also hoping we could set up a small bar area for their event. What do you think?” He was barely paying attention. Maybe this would be their chance to talk to Alyssa, and maybe they could confront her.

  “Yeah. That’s fine. We can get Beau and Chase to help us, and if we need more help, I’m sure Clint, Clay, and Cody can pitch in. Shouldn’t be an issue.” It was time to come up with another plan, and with Justin’s help they might be able to find out what Alyssa was running from.

  “You both are lifesavers. Thanks. I completely forgot about the food and drinks, with the store cleaning and organizing. Thank you. Any appetizers will be fine. I’m not picky. A signature drink would be great, something pink that we can name ‘Love Song’ after the store. Alyssa has been taking care of the RSVPs, and so far, she said we should expect around one hundred. We’ve been spreading the word far and wide to every women’s club we can think of, and of course we are inviting men to the grand opening, mostly to serve the ladies but also to tell them what they think is sexy.” She winked at them, and Grant shook his head. Although, he thought again, he would love to serve Alyssa.

  “Grant and I will figure it out, so don’t worry. We can also talk to the other guys and get them on board to help.”

  “Thanks. I appreciate it.” Jessica stood up and shook their hands. She headed toward the exit and Grant really wanted to stop her. He wanted to say something.

  “Hey, Jessica. How’s Alyssa? We haven’t seen her in a while.” Justin asked, and Grant watched her, waiting patiently, hoping that Alyssa was okay.

  “She’s okay. Just working at the store, trying to help us get ready. I think she might be a little stressed out. She’s been feeling under the weather. I think we are all just a little anxious, though. Should blow over after the store opens.” She headed out the door, and Grant let out a breath he hadn’t known he been holding.

  “See, she’s fine. She just doesn’t want to see us.” Grant started to walk away, and Justin grabbed his arm, stopping him, preventing him from moving.

  “Don’t. We will talk to her at the grand opening. We will figure this whole stupid thing out, and then the three of us will be together. I really need you to be at the top of your game. We need to work together. Stop pulling away.” Justin dropped his hand and moved past him, heading back to the pub to serve some of their regulars.

  Grant stood there for a moment in silence. He went through that night in his head, trying to figure out where they went wrong with her. He went to the back and grabbed his clipboard, resuming his task for the afternoon. He needed to stay busy, to keep his mind occupied and off of the woman who was haunting him.

  Chapter 7

  Three Weeks Later

  Alyssa felt sick. She groaned as she moved around on her single bed, grabbing her stom
ach, wishing she would stop throwing up. It had been like this for a couple days, every day waking up sicker than the last. After a few hours, saltine crackers, and water, she would head back to the store to work no matter how crappy she felt.

  Grant and Justin had called her numerous times, and each time she ignored them, making her feel a small twinge of guilt. She didn’t want to face them yet. Instead, she pressed the end button, hoping they would get the hint and give her more time. They had also stopped by the store and the guest house, looking for her. Days turned into weeks, and slowly they pulled back, giving her more space. She wasn’t sure if that was really what she wanted, though. Luckily, her friends didn’t intervene or ask too many questions. She felt guilty enough as it was.

  Today was the grand opening. The last thing she wanted to do was get up and attend a party. She just wanted to be alone, sleep, and get over whatever flu bug had bitten her. After this passed, she planned on going into the pub and talking to them both. Maybe they could forgive her for acting so stupid and give her another chance. Maybe they could date or do whatever normal people did.

  She could hear Jessica moving around her room and knew that she was probably getting ready for the party. They were all instructed to wear cocktail attire when she wanted to stay in her pajamas the rest of the day. She turned slowly, facing the closet, and saw the perfect black dress hanging there waiting for her.

  A quiet knock came from the other side of her door, and she closed her eyes, pretending to sleep. She couldn’t get up. She couldn’t force herself to move without feeling that horrible, sour taste in her throat.

  “Alyssa, are you feeling okay? Do you want me to get a bath started for you?” Jessica whispered as she opened the door.

  “No. Please go and have fun. I can’t go. I feel too freakin’ sick.” She moaned, keeping her eyes shut.

  “Okay. If you feel better, call me. I’ll come pick you up.” She closed the door quietly behind her, and Alyssa could hear the click of her heels as she headed out the door. She waited a few minutes before slowly crawling out of bed and heading toward the bathroom.

  She pulled a bag out from under the sink and quietly opened it. Even though she was the only person at home, she still felt embarrassed and a little scared to be taking a test. She opened the box, pulling out the stick she needed to pee on. She was hoping and praying that she was just being overly paranoid. Her period was only a few days late, but she couldn’t get the thought out of her mind. What if she was pregnant? She shook her head. Nope, this was only a precaution so that she could just tell her body it was the flu and believe it.

  She moved slowly, not wanting to upset her stomach or jolt her body too much. She had bought the stupid test on her way home from work and was surprised that not everybody in town knew. At least Bella and Jessica hadn’t said anything to her. Her secret was safe for the moment. She stood up slowly and quickly went to the bathroom before sitting back down on the cool tile. It seemed anytime she moved, her stomach revolted.

  Alyssa leaned against the bathtub and tried to breathe slowly. She ignored the piece of plastic sitting next to her. She didn’t want to think about it. She kept thinking about Grant and Justin, had been thinking about them since that morning when she had snuck off, afraid to talk to them. She felt her eyes fill up with tears and let them fall down her cheeks unchecked.

  She felt like a coward, a weak, stupid girl. The kind of girl she hated to be. Why couldn’t she be stronger? Why didn’t she just stay and wait to see what they would say the morning after? Instead, she snuck out, too scared to face them, too weak to admit that she cared. Alyssa sobbed, sitting in the bathroom alone. She cried for all those horrible mornings when men were mean to her, for her childhood when she didn’t feel good enough, and for Justin and Grant, the two men that made her feel special. The pain in her heart was too much to bear, and she tried to calm herself down, not wanting to have big, red, puffy eyes on top of feeling sick to her stomach.

  After what seemed like hours of her own personal pity party, she finally looked down at the test. She needed to know what she was facing, what she had to deal with. She stared at the test, and her heart froze. A huge plus sign stared back at her.

  Alyssa stood up and got her balance as the room spun around her. She swallowed hard and tried to think of her options. What was she going to do? She moved on autopilot, not really thinking, and grabbed her cell phone.

  “Hey, Alyssa. Are you feeling better, sweetie?” Bella’s voice came through the phone, and Alyssa couldn’t stop shaking.

  “Yeah. Um, kind of. Listen, Bella. Can I borrow your car? I’m not sure when I’ll be back, but I need to do something.” She wasn’t going to give details. She needed a break, she needed some time away, and this was her only chance. She knew she was running away, really being a coward after all, but she couldn’t think straight.

  “Of course. Are you okay? Do you need me?” she asked. Alyssa could tell she was walking away from the party. The music faded as well as the voices. It sounded like the party was a success.

  “No. I’m good. I’ll just walk down to the main house and get the car. Where are the keys?” She was already formulating a plan. She could walk to the house, get the car, drive it back, and throw her bags inside. She needed some time to think, and the only thing she wanted to do was go home. She wouldn’t stay there forever, but she did need time away.

  “Okay. Um, the car is out front. The keys are hanging on the rack just inside the door. Listen, Alyssa, please call me tonight. I want you to check in with me. Are you sure you’re okay?” She could hear the worry in her friend’s voice and wanted to tell her everything was great, but she didn’t want to lie.

  “I need to go home for a bit, but I’ll be back. I promise.” That was the truth after all. She needed to go home. She needed to see the one person she loved more than anybody else, her grandma.

  “Okay. I’m not thrilled about your choice, but drive safe,” she finally said.

  “Thanks, Bella. Please, don’t tell anybody I’m leaving. Not yet.” She knew Bella couldn’t keep a secret, but if she could keep her mouth closed for a couple hours that would be enough time to get out of town.

  “Drive safe. You better call me or I’m telling everyone,” she threatened, and Alyssa believed her.

  “Thanks.” She hung up the phone and put her shoes on. She needed to hurry before she thought too much and changed her mind. She pulled her suitcase up from under the bed and opened it, grabbing only a few items. She wouldn’t be gone long and she would return.

  Alyssa walked down the dirt path, rolling her suitcase along after her. It wasn’t that long of a walk to the main house. She felt better being outside under the warm sun, feeling the breeze blow through her hair. It was so quiet out at the ranch, away from town, and she loved how peaceful the place felt. When she was in California, everything moved at such a fast pace, and people rarely took the time to say hi. It was such a different atmosphere. She slid one hand to her stomach and realized that if she did decide to have this baby, then Coltmann County would be the place to raise it.

  When she finally spotted the house with Bella’s car sitting out front, she walked faster, wanting to get out of town before anyone knew she was gone. Bella’s silence wouldn’t last long. She dropped her bag next to the car and headed up the stairs and to the front door. It was amazing how the people living in this small town didn’t lock up. It was unnecessary, especially since everyone knew each other. She opened the door, reached her hand in, and grabbed the keys. Alyssa put her bag in the car and slid into the driver’s seat. She started the engine, reversed, and headed back down the long driveway toward town.

  When she reached Main Street, she drove by the store. There were cars everywhere, music blaring, and people walking around. It looked like their grand opening was a huge success, and she smiled sadly, wishing she was there enjoying it with her friends. She didn’t stop, though. She continued to drive. She remembered their small adventure to this cute little
town, a place that didn’t have a name. Instead, it was Coltmann County.

  Alyssa turned on the radio and found a country station. She was in a mood and wanted to sing. When she reached the county line, she looked through the rearview mirror at the place she now called home. She knew in her heart that she would return. She just didn’t know when exactly. A few weeks at the most. The town got smaller and smaller as she drove away, and she knew she was leaving her heart behind with Justin and Grant.

  Tears slowly slid down her cheeks, and she wanted to turn the car around, but she couldn’t. She had some issues that needed to be dealt with before she could talk to them.

  * * * *

  Bella tried to busy herself. She knew that if anyone asked, she would spill the beans about Alyssa. It was too hard to keep a secret as important as the one she was holding tight to. Lately, it seemed Alyssa was depressed, so maybe she did need a little break from them after all. Ever since her night with Grant and Justin, Alyssa had been keeping her distance. She ignored their questions, she avoided her men, and Bella had no idea what was going on. It seemed that the three of them were a match made in heaven, but maybe she had been wrong to assume that.

  She walked around picking up abandoned plates, cups, and napkins and throwing them away. Jessica was in charge of the cash register, and it looked like they were making some money tonight. The bar and food tables were full of patrons. Justin and Grant seemed to have everything under control. Hannah was running around, helping wherever she could. The party was a success, and tons of people had come from the surrounding counties to attend. The only thing missing was Alyssa, and she looked around feeling a bit sad.

  Strong arms wrapped around her waist, and she smiled, loving the way Clint, Clay, and Cody could read her and her moods so perfectly. “What’s wrong, baby? You should be celebrating. Why do you look so sad?” Clint’s voice whispered in her ear, and she bit her lip, refusing to blab, although she really wanted to tell him.