Alyssa's Choice

by Alicia White

  Clint turned her in his arms and stared at her, not letting her break their eye contact. He always did that when she didn’t want to talk about something. “I’m waiting.” His voice became a little stern, and Bella shivered, loving the effect he had on her.

  “I can’t talk about it right now. I’m sorry.” She knew she was in trouble when he arched his brow, grabbed her hand, and pulled her toward the door. She knew she would spill, would tell him everything, but she just hoped that Alyssa was already gone. They walked outside hand in hand, and Clint didn’t stop walking until they were almost a block from the party and all the people.

  “Clint, we have to go back. I can’t leave Hannah and Jessica in there alone. They need me.” She moaned the last line, hoping that he would just let it go until they got home.

  “Clay and Cody will help them. You need to tell me what’s going on. Who was on the phone, Bella?” He stared at her, and she took a deep breath, letting her shoulders slump. Yup, she was going to tell him everything, like she usually did.

  “It was Alyssa. She asked if she could borrow my car. She went out of town.” She told him the facts, keeping out her personal dialogue as to why she thought she was leaving. She knew it had to do with Justin and Grant.

  “That’s it. She needed to borrow your car. Then why do you look like someone kicked your puppy?” he asked, staring into her eyes, and she knew that he really did love her more than any other man ever had. She felt so blessed, and she wanted the same thing for her friends.

  “She’s been sad lately, and I think it has something to do with Justin and Grant. She went back to California, and I’m not sure when she’ll be back.” He pulled her into his arms, and she let him hold her. She felt a bit lost knowing that Alyssa was gone and not knowing when she might be back.

  “I’m sorry, sweetie. I’m sure she’ll be back soon.” Clint took her hand, and they went back to the party.

  Bella smiled and talked to tons of people, but in her mind, she was thinking about Alyssa and the future. How long would she be gone? When would she be back? What had happened that night with Justin and Grant? She stared at them both, wondering if she should talk to them, wondering if she should ask the questions running through her mind.

  Instead, she walked toward Jessica, wanting to help her since she looked a little overwhelmed surrounded by so many people. Bella knew that Alyssa would be okay regardless of what had happened, and she knew she would see her again soon. A large hand grabbed her around her waist and pulled her toward the dance floor. Bella went willingly into Clay’s arms, moving, rubbing her body against his, relaxing and enjoying the music.

  Chapter 8

  The drive was horrid. Alyssa forgot how long they were actually in the car driving, and since she was alone, there was nobody to change seats with her. She had finally decided to stop halfway, though. She stopped at some crummy, off-the-highway motel so that she could rest a while and sleep. She had wanted to turn around and go back toward home, Coltmann County, so many times. The drive took longer than it should’ve since she was constantly pulling off the road and fighting with herself. It was hard to make progress.

  Her body felt sore as she drove down the 15 south, headed for her mom’s house. She had no idea why she was going there, except that she must be a masochist. What other reason could there be? The woman was a monster. She never had a kind word to say, and Alyssa she was driving straight there.

  Alyssa pulled off the exit and made her way down the back roads to the broken-down apartment building where her mother lived, where she used to live. The only friend that ever knew where Alyssa lived was Jessica. The place was an embarrassment, and her mother was worse. This is a bad idea flashed through her mind in bright neon letters, but she wanted to see her grandmother, who lived in the same complex. Her goal wasn’t to see her mom. In fact, she hoped that she would be able to avoid her.

  She parked Bella’s car and climbed out, stretching her back. She could hear it pop as she started walking toward the building that she had never wanted to see again in her lifetime. She stopped in front and stared at the iron bars, the weeds that surrounded the place, and the broken toys thrown around the property. This was the last place she wanted to raise a child. She turned away from the building, wanting to get back in the car and drive away.

  The cigarette smoke reached her before she could move one step. “Well, well, well. I’ve been wondering what the hell happened to you.” Her mother’s voice washed over her like acid, and Alyssa realized that she had made the worse decision by running away. She didn’t have anywhere to go. She had no one except Bella and Jessica. Being here now, it became crystal clear.

  She turned around and looked at the woman who had given birth to her. “Mother. I moved to Texas. I just came back to talk to Grandma.” This was their relationship, always brisk, never any real feelings or show of love.

  Her mom took a drag, staring at her with bloodshot eyes. “She’s going to be leaving soon, so you’d better hurry.” She turned away and Alyssa relaxed, thinking that their conversation was over. “Have you lost weight? You look a bit thinner.” Of course, it wasn’t really over. Her mother hadn’t insulted her yet. Alyssa smiled broadly, so sick of hearing the same crap all the time.

  “I don’t know. Maybe?” She shrugged, acting as if she didn’t care what the woman in front of her thought or said.

  “You should probably exercise more. You could always lose more weight.” Her mom nodded, and Alyssa realized that this was the most complimentary her mom had ever been.

  “Yup. I’ll do that.” She walked away toward her grandmother’s place. She was done with her mother. She wouldn’t be staying as long as she initially thought.

  She cursed herself as she walked up the concrete stairs. Even if the conversations didn’t turn into knock-down, drag-out fights, she still hated seeing that woman. She brought out the bad in her, made her angry and hateful. When she reached the screen door, she gave a light tap, hoping to see her grandmother for a little while.

  “Knock, knock. Anybody home?” She walked right in and spotted her frail grandma immediately, sitting at the small kitchen table.

  “Well, hello, beautiful girl.” Her sweet voice was almost enough to erase her mother completely. This was the woman who had raised her and loved her. She smiled and walked over, sitting down.

  “Hey, Grandma. I came all the way from Texas to talk to you. I’ve missed you.” Alyssa kept her voice low, feeling a little sad that she was back in the small apartment. Her grandmother told her years ago to not come back to this place, and she had obeyed until now.

  “Why are you here? I don’t want you to get stuck in this place. You are better than this.” Her grandmother always seemed to get to the issue, no small talk.

  “I don’t know. I guess I needed some advice. I almost made it to you without seeing Mom, but she saw me.” Her grandmother hated living in the poor part of town, and she had always told Alyssa to get out and to not ever come back. It seemed odd that family could turn their backs on each other, but this was her family.

  “You need to let go of the past. You can’t carry it around with you. I keep telling you to move on with your life.” She shook her head and got up, moving away from the table, ending their conversation. Alyssa knew she was right. She couldn’t hold on to the past, the pain. She needed to forgive and move forward. Otherwise, she would never be able to have the life she always dreamt of.

  “I love you,” Alyssa told her, standing up. She wiped the tear from her cheek. She would not cry until she was back in the safety of the car.

  “I love you, too, now get back in that car and go back where you belong.” She moved down the hall, and Alyssa watched her go. She finally stood straight and left, walking straight to Bella’s car. She didn’t waste any time leaving. She pulled away from the curb and headed out of the area, putting as much distance between them as she could.

  * * * *

  For the first time in her life, Jessica didn’t have the
answer. It was hard to believe that as strong as she was, she was lost as to what to do. The party had been a huge success, and she came home wanting to tell Alyssa all about it. She had memorized every detail so that she would be able to give her an accurate story. Unfortunately, silence greeted her, and the house was empty, her suitcase gone.

  Jessica had walked through the house until she found a pregnancy test on the floor in the bathroom. Her joy turned to fear the next moment, and she had no idea what to do now. It had almost been a whole day that she kept this deep, dark secret. She had called Alyssa repeatedly with no answer, her voice mailbox full. She knew more about Alyssa than anyone else did, knew her secrets, and she was now afraid to tell anyone anything.

  She walked down the dirt road to the main house, the pregnancy test inside the bag she was holding. She knew that she was telling a secret that wasn’t anybody’s business. What if Alyssa left and would be returning not pregnant? Should she say anything at all? The worrying was killing her, and she couldn’t imagine her best friend going through something this serious alone. Bella had to know something. Somebody had to know something.

  She knocked on the door and waited impatiently for someone to answer. She was scared, her skin was itchy, and she didn’t know what the right thing to do was. “Hey, Jess. What’s up?” Cody opened the door with an easy smile, and Jessica smiled back. She was freaking out. She couldn’t find the words, so instead she opened the bag and showed him the pregnancy test.

  “Come in.” His face turned serious, and he moved out of the way, ushering her to the kitchen where Clint, Clay, and Bella were gathered eating sandwiches. They looked up when she walked in, and she realized that the moment for privacy was over.

  “I found this in the bathroom. I’m worried sick about Alyssa. I’ve been calling her all day and she isn’t answering. When did she leave? Do you know something?” She stared at Bella, waiting for an answer, ignoring the men that surrounded them. She knew Alyssa had left, but when, how, and for how long? She needed answers. She needed to find her friend and help her. That was her only real thought. She needed to get to Alyssa.

  “Oh, my God. Jessica, I swear I didn’t know about that.” Bella pointed to the test. “She left yesterday. She took my car. She said she needed some time and space. I–I didn’t know. Why didn’t she tell me?” The look on her face said it all, and Jessica didn’t push, knowing that Bella might break down and cry at any moment.

  “Where? I need to know where she went.” She could drive fast and try to catch up to her, or she could fly.

  “I think she went back to California,” Bella whispered. Jessica closed her eyes, knowing that if Alyssa came back things wouldn’t be the same. This secret would fester and grow, but it was her secret to tell. How could she leave without telling her, without asking for help? She would’ve ditched the store opening.

  “We don’t say anything. Nobody knows about this test. It’s her secret, and we’re going to keep it. If she doesn’t come back pregnant, nobody is going to say a damn thing. Swear it. Right now, all of you.” Jessica looked at them all. She wouldn’t back down, not until they swore to take this conversation to the grave. She wouldn’t let Alyssa down, even if her friend would never know.

  Everyone nodded, and Jessica left the house. She wanted the place to be clean when Alyssa got home. She would throw out the trash and scrub the house. She would keep her mouth shut no matter what, and she would be at Alyssa’s side forever. Jessica walked into the house and started with the bathroom. She was still amazed that Alyssa was able to keep secrets this serious away from her, but it wasn’t too surprising. Especially since she knew where she came from and knew her family.

  After a few hours, Jessica grabbed her phone and called Alyssa once more, hoping that the damn thing wouldn’t go to voice mail.

  “Hey, this is Alyssa. Leave a message after the beep and I’ll call you back.” Jessica waited for the message to tell her the mailbox was full. Instead, the phone beeped and she started talking.

  “Alyssa, it’s Jessica. I’m so worried about you. I came home from the party and you weren’t here. I hope you’re feeling okay. Please call me. I love you.” She hung up the phone and stared at it, hoping that she would call back. Hours passed and still the house was silent. Jessica sat on the couch and stared at her phone. She wouldn’t miss a call.

  Chapter 9

  It was late. In fact, in most places it would be considered early morning. Clint had held Bella as she cried for hours. He looked over at her now as she slept, her eyes swollen, and he felt a jolt of pain in his heart. He couldn’t sleep. He kept thinking about Alyssa and what had happened. He thought about the morning she came home driving Bella’s car. She had looked so sad and lost. He should’ve talked more. He should’ve confronted Justin and Grant and got answers. It just didn’t seem right, a one-night stand turning into a miracle and now Alyssa gone.

  Clint got out of bed and went downstairs, needing some space to think about what he could do. He made a promise to keep his mouth shut and not tell anybody anything about Alyssa or the pregnancy test. He wasn’t so sure he could keep that secret anymore, not when he thought about his friends.

  “Couldn’t sleep either?” Clay’s voice stopped him from pouring his coffee, and he grabbed another mug. “Thanks.” He sat down at the table, and Clint brought over the mugs, sitting down. He didn’t say anything, too lost in thought to get the right words out. “Do you think we should tell Grant and Justin?”

  “No. I don’t know. I keep thinking about Bella. I would want to know if she had left town. I would want to know if she was pregnant. We promised not to say anything. I can’t help but feel like both Grant and Justin need to know what’s going on. Do you think they know?” He had a bad feeling that they might know what was happening. It didn’t make sense, though. He had known them since they were kids. They wouldn’t have used Alyssa, but why would she have been at the house alone wearing the clothes from the night before?

  “We need to tell them. I know that we promised to keep our mouths shut, but I don’t care. They deserve to know the truth of what’s happening. I’ll take the blame. I’ll tell them,” Clay said, and Clint knew that he would. He would let Bella blame him totally and completely, but Clint knew he couldn’t let him go down alone, not when he wanted answers from Grant and Justin.

  “We go together, the three of us. After Bella leaves for work, we can head into town and have a chat with those two. If Bella gets upset, then at least we can talk to her together and explain our reasons, and maybe she’ll forgive quickly.” Clint felt that it would be best to keep Bella in the dark until they talked to the guys about this, just in case they had been total asses after sleeping with her.

  “Okay, in a few hours. I think I might head out and do some chores beforehand since I’m already up.” Clay got up from the table and headed to the mudroom. He put his boots on and grabbed his jacket before heading outside and into the dark of the morning.

  Clint sat at the table, thinking about Alyssa and the things he wished he would’ve done. That morning when he rode up to the guesthouse, he saw Alyssa sanding on the patio, looking so depressed. He had asked about Grant and Justin, and now he wished that he would’ve just gone over to the pub and confronted them. If he would’ve done something, then maybe Alyssa wouldn’t have left town, maybe he could’ve prevented her from thinking she was alone, and maybe Bella wouldn’t have been hysterical all night.

  He sat there at the table, watching the sunrise shooting bright rays across the kitchen. He sipped his coffee, enjoying the silence that surrounded him. He thought of what he would say once he saw his friends. He wouldn’t overreact. He would listen to what they had to say, and then he would respond. His father always said, respond to a situation, don’t react. He would do just that. He would keep his mouth in check, even though he really wanted to kick their asses. It was important that he kept calm.

  Clint got up and walked upstairs. He wanted to hold Bella before she woke up. H
e didn’t want her to open her beautiful eyes and not be by her side. He felt tired, his legs heavy as he walked into the bedroom. He climbed into bed and closed his eyes, moving closer to Bella until her warm body touched his. This was his heaven, having the woman he loved in his arms. He breathed her in, her soft scent filling his head.

  * * * *

  Alyssa sat in the sterile waiting room, wondering what the hell she was doing. She was tired, alone, and scared. She looked down at her phone again and saw Jessica’s name flash on the screen. She had kept it off for the most part, not wanting to talk to anyone, but now she didn’t want to be alone. This was her pain to bear. Her mistake, and she would never tie a man down with the responsibility of a child.

  She knew deep down that both Justin and Grant would step up to the plate and be great fathers, even care for her. She didn’t want that kind of relationship, though, making someone feel like they had to be with her, had to raise a child. She had seen too many crappy relationships, too many young girls getting pregnant hoping to keep a man. She didn’t want anyone to think that about her, so she would never tell anyone about this secret.

  She knew now that she couldn’t stay here, that she would need to drive back to Coltmann County soon. This was no longer her home. She had nothing left here. Her makeshift family was back in Texas. She loved Bella and Jessica, and she wished that she had the guts to confide in them.

  Alyssa shut off her phone and sat in the silent waiting room, wondering when they would call her name. She shifted in the hard plastic chair and felt out of place. She realized that she was the oldest woman there. There were so many young girls sitting around her, and she felt so horrible for them, that they were going through this alone. Did they have mothers in their lives? Were they too afraid to tell someone? She was scared that her friends would judge her, would somehow think poorly of her.