With eyes as cold as light blue ice Justin had stopped in front of the stage. ‘May I speak to you for a moment, Alex?’ he asked. ‘Alone.’
‘I’m sorry, Justin. Paul and I are going for a quick drink before we start up again,’ she replied, steeling herself against his reaction.
Justin’s eyes raked them both. ‘It will only take a minute.’
‘Can’t you take no for an answer, de Wilde?’ Paul growled, his brow dark.
Justin was unperturbed, dismissing the younger man with a look. ‘Alex?’
‘I don’t think there’s anything left to say.’
He looked at her for a moment longer. ‘I think perhaps this time you’re right,’ he said coldly. ‘Goodbye, Alex.’ Turning on his heel, he walked away.
Chapter 13
‘Don’t you ever do that to me again, Alex,’ Paul said angrily. ‘I won’t let you use me like some spineless idiot. If you want a stone to throw at your husband you’ll have to find another fool!’
He in turn had walked off and left her alone on the stage, and he had barely spoken to her since. Neither had she heard from Justin.
Her eyes filled and overflowed again, coursing down her flushed .cheeks. At least Margot would be happy. It would be all plain sailing for her now. Alex dashed the tears from her eyes, trying not to allow the pain-filled memories to invade her mind. But they crowded in on her, and she was powerless to hold them at bay. For years she had kept the past out of her mind. She’d had to do it in the beginning or else lose her sanity. But now…
The numbness of the past years was wearing off, had begun to fade since the day she had accidentally noticed that small advertising brochure on the counter of the record bar. Justin’s appearance had simply chipped away at the solid ice wall of defence she had surrounded that particular time of her life and only one small portion now remained locked inside her mind.
Perhaps she should surrender the rest, bring it into the open, make herself face it? And then maybe she would be able to come to terms with that too. If she really wanted to, that was.
Justin’s face swam before her and her heart began to ache with her need of him. She had loved him then and she loved him now. When she had lost their child she had been distraught, so deeply depressed. So guilty. Guilty? She sat up, her hand tensing on the arm of the chair.
Why should she have thought she was guilty? Justin was the guilty party. He had never wanted their child. While she had wanted it desperately, hadn’t she? Therefore there should be no feelings of guilt on her part.
But she had known that Justin didn’t want a family straight away. He’d told his family he had wanted to keep her to himself for a while. Yet when she’d been told by the doctor that she was pregnant she had been so sure that Justin would be as ecstatic as she was. It was all so many years ago now, she told herself, but the pain had not dulled one tiny bit.
She had dressed carefully that night, waiting for him to arrive home so that she could share her news with him. He usually arrived home by seven, but as the clock ticked over to eight o’clock Alex began to worry. He might have had an accident. Fear clutched at her and she stood swaying as she felt her heartbeats accelerate madly.
The telephone jangled at that moment and she almost threw herself across to answer it. At the sound of Justin’s voice she sat down weakly as relief swept over her.
‘Alex? Are you there?’ he asked sharply.
‘Yes. Yes, I’m here. I was just so glad to hear your voice. I… I thought you’d had an accident.’ Alex closed her eyes.
‘Of course I haven’t had an accident.’ He sounded short and Alex became aware of the sound of music, of voices in the background. ‘Look, I’m going to be held up, Alex, so don’t wait dinner for me.’
‘Oh. All right. How long will you be?’
‘I’ve no idea. I have to talk to the director about our next tour.’
‘Justin darling, where’s that drink you promised me?’ The unmistakable voice of Margot Donald broke clearly into their conversation and then there was a muffled silence as though Justin’s hand had closed over the mouthpiece.
‘Alex?’ his voice returned.
‘Yes.’ A cold little pain put a hurt edge on Alex’s reply.
‘Alex, I’ll have to go now. I’ll be home later.’ He paused. ‘Will you be all right?’
‘Yes, Justin,’ she replied flatly.
‘Alex?’ He swore softly. ‘I’ll be home in an hour or so.’
The phone went dead and Alex sat listening to the disconnected tone for a few seconds before she slowly replaced the receiver. Justin had told her there was nothing between himself and Margot. And yet she was always so possessive, so familiar with him. Justin wouldn’t lie to her. Would he?
The background noise sounded as if there was a party going on. And Margot and Justin were there. Her eyes filled with tears and her breath caught on a sob. This was the first time he had ever been so late. Was he tiring of her already? Was her youth beginning to irritate him? No, she almost screamed at herself. No, Justin loved her.
And when she told him about the baby he’d… What would he say? Fear washed over her again. Hadn’t he always said he wanted them to wait for a while before they started a family? Maybe he would be angry. No, he would be as happy as she was. Her hand went to the flatness of her stomach and her tears fell again. And if he wasn’t happy about the baby what would she do? What could she do?
She stood up and set about eating her meal, forcing herself to swallow each mouthful, and then she moved about clearing everything away, keeping her mind blank. One hour passed and then another and still Justin hadn’t returned.
Alex had never felt so wretched in her life. Her eyes were gritty and red-rimmed and she slowly undressed and donned her nightdress. She looked in the mirror at the strained paleness of her face. So different from the happy face that had smiled back at her as she dressed, full of excitement.
How could Justin do this to her? Her anger rose as the pain began again. He had spoilt everything. Well, if he thought she was going to sit up waiting for him to come home then he was sadly mistaken. She marched across and slid beneath the sheets, lying tense and angry. But the loneliness of the large bed melted her anger and her tears fell to wet her pillow.
Of course sleep refused to come and her senses were tuned to fever pitch by the time she heard his key in the lock. The luminous hands of the bedside clock told her it was after midnight and Alex closed her eyes, feigning sleep, not wanting to talk to him.
She was acutely aware of his every movement as he went into the small kitchenette and poured himself a drink of water, then came softly towards the bedroom. He stood in the darkness for a moment before crossing to the bathroom, closing the door after him.
Alex swallowed nervously, wishing she could go to him, cry her hurt out in his arms, but she stayed where she was trying to keep her breathing even as he re-entered the bedroom and began to undress. He slipped into bed beside her and she heard him sigh.
‘Okay, Alex, you can stop pretending you’re asleep and begin the inquisition,’ he said flatly.
Alex couldn’t trust herself to speak as a mixture of conflicting feelings rose to choke her—anger, hurt, uncertainty. Without a word she turned on her side, her back to him.
He bit off an angry expletive and his hard arm went around her, pulling her roughly over to face him. He flicked the reading light on over the bed and his angry eyes met hers. ‘Alex, I’m not going to let you blow this up into a barrier between us. I’m sorry I was late, I just couldn’t get away any sooner.’
‘And Margot? Couldn’t she get away either?’ Alex asked quietly, her eyes on his firm chin.
‘Margot was there, you know that. You heard her when I was phoning, but I was not with Margot. That’s once I’ve said it, Alex, and I’m not saying it again. I was tied up with Dan Martin.’ He paused
. ‘Now, let’s get some sleep, I’m dead tired.’ He kissed her gently on the lips. ‘Alex, come on, kiss me.’
Alex’s arms went around him, and with a sob she buried her face in his shoulder. ‘Oh, Justin, I love you so much. You aren’t… You aren’t bored with me, are you?’
He laughed at that. ‘Not on your life.’ He moulded her to the hardness of his body, groaning softly as his hands ran over the contours of her, his lips finding hers, passion rising. ‘Alex, Alex, how could I ever be bored with you?’ His hands pulled her thin nightdress over her head. ‘Mmm, that’s better.’
‘Justin, it’s late,’ Alex breathed. ‘You said you were tired.’
The huskiness of his laugh had her own senses rising to meet his and he pulled her closer. ‘I seem to have my second breath,’ he said, and switched out the light.
Two weeks later Alex still hadn’t told Justin about their baby. He was feverishly busy at rehearsals and they only seemed to have a short time together in the morning and late at night.
On Saturday it was Ben’s birthday and they spent the weekend at Justin’s parents’ home. Ben was having a small party on Saturday night and lots of family and friends arrived. The house was full and Alex didn’t see much of Justin as he circulated, talking to everyone, charming everyone.
When Margot arrived Alex felt her heart sink. She slipped out on to the patio and stood gulping mouthfuls of fresh air, closing her eyes, resting her hot cheek against the coolness of the wrought iron patio rail. The closeness inside had made her dizzy.
‘Hey, Alex?’ Ben’s voice came softly from behind her. ‘What’s the matter?’
She turned to face him, trying to smile. ‘Nothing’s the matter, Ben. I just wanted some fresh air.’
He looked into her face, a frown on his handsome face. ‘Are you sure, love? You look pale.’
‘I’m sure, Ben.’ She sighed. ‘Well, how does it feel to be a year older?’ she asked, infusing her voice with as much bright normality as she could muster.
‘No different.’ He laughed. ‘I think I’m going to be another Peter Pan.’
‘Then you’d better keep your eyes peeled for Wendys,’ Alex laughed with him.
‘I won’t mind if they’re anything like you, Alex,’ he said softly.
Alex’s smile faded.
‘Justin’s a lucky man,’ Ben said, and paused. ‘I know how you two feel about each other, so why the dark circles under your eyes, Alex?’ He stood before her, his hands holding her arms lightly. ‘And why the drawn look on that beautiful face?’
‘Oh, Ben, you’re imaging things!’ Alex couldn’t meet his eyes.
‘No, I’m not.’ Ben persisted. ‘And Justin doesn’t look much better.’
A lump rose in Alex’s throat and she put her face into Ben’s shoulder and cried quietly. His arms held her, his hand stroking her hair, letting her cry it out. She raised her head and looked at him, dashing the wetness from her cheeks.
‘Feel better now?’ he asked, passing her his handkerchief.
She nodded. ‘I’m sorry, Ben. I don’t want to spoil your birthday. I’m not usually so weepy.’
‘Will it help to tell Uncle Ben all about it?’ he asked.
‘There’s not really anything to tell, Ben. I’m just a little depressed. Justin’s been working so hard we haven’t had much time together and I guess I’m just, well, just tired.’
Ben looked at her for long moments. ‘I’ve got a feeling it’s more than that, Alex, but I won’t press you.’
‘Ben, you’re the best brother-in-law I could ever hope to have.’ Alex tucked his handkerchief back in his pocket and stood on tiptoe to kiss his cheek.
‘Well, well, Justin!’ Margot’s voice cut the air like a knife. ‘Your brother’s collecting a birthday kiss from Alex.’
Margot’s tone belied the innocence of her words and Alex’s eyes flew across to Justin. He gazed back at her, his expression unfathomable as he calmly rested his hip against the balustrade.
‘You know me, Margot,’ Ben said dryly. ‘Any excuse to kiss a pretty girl, and Alex is much prettier than most girls.’
Alex felt herself flush. Ben’s implication was not lost on Margot, and her mouth tightened. She laughed again and put her hand on Justin’s arm.
‘Perhaps you’d better look to your laurels, darling. Or someone might steal Alex from beneath your nose.’
Ben laughed at that. ‘You can’t steal someone who doesn’t want to be stolen,’ he said easily as he strode across to the door. ‘Come on, Margot, we haven’t danced together tonight.’ Before Margot could protest he had manoeuvred her in through the glass doors and danced her away into the crowd.
Alex turned back to the rails, feeling numb and unable to face any repercussions Justin wanted to make. She felt him walk across to her and his hands turned her back to face him.
‘Justin, please, don’t say anything. I couldn’t take it tonight,’ she said tiredly.
‘Alex, if I thought you and Ben—’
‘Justin, don’t!’ His face swam before her and she clutched at him, feeling the darkness close in on her as she realised she was fainting for the first time in her life.
When she came to she was lying on the sofa in John de Wilde’s study and Justin was bending over her, a frown of concern on his face. He had carried her in through the open glass doors from the patio.
‘Alex?’
‘I’m… I’m all right, Justin. I think I fainted.’ She put her hand to her head.
Justin held a glass of water to her lips, his hand supporting her head while she had a drink.
‘I’m sorry. I’ve never fainted before.’ She went to sit up.
‘Stay there for a while, Alex. I’m going to get Bill Daniels.’ Justin stood up.
‘No, Justin. I’m all right now. I don’t need a doctor. I was just… just tired and… and hot.’ Alex hastened to assure him.
‘I’m still getting Bill to have a look at you.’ Justin said stubbornly. ‘Now, just stay there.’
Oh, no. Alex wiped her hands over her eyes. Justin’s uncle was a doctor and she’d have to tell him about the baby and he’d tell Justin. But this wasn’t the way she’d planned to tell him. She’d just have to ask his uncle to keep it to himself. He’d understand.
When they returned Alex became so agitated as Justin hovered behind his uncle that the doctor asked him to wait outside. With Justin out of hearing Alex told him the truth and he made her promise to see her own doctor as soon as possible and to tell her husband. He gruffly reassured Justin that Alex was fine and Alex soon found herself tucked upstairs in bed, too exhausted and miserable to think straight.
She slept fitfully, trying not to let her restlessness wake Justin and she dragged herself out of bed the next morning feeling so bad that she couldn’t face herself in the mirror.
Her mother-in-law remarked on her paleness and Alex could barely stir herself to respond, and she knew that Justin was looking at her sharply.
‘Are you still feeling ill, Alex?’ he asked her, and she promptly burst into tears, rushing out of the room and up the stairs to their room closing the door thankfully behind her.
Of course, Justin followed her, pushing her forward as he opened the door. ‘For heaven’s sake, Alex, what’s wrong? What brought all this on?’
Alex sank on to the bed, tears coursing down her cheeks.
‘Alex, answer me.’ His finger lifted her chin. ‘What’s the matter with you?’
‘I want to go home,’ she gulped, ‘home to Brisbane.’ She pushed his hand away and stood up. ‘I don’t belong here. I never have,’ her voice rose.
‘You’re talking rubbish. You’re my wife and you belong with me,’ he said, his hands reaching out for her, but she evaded them, putting the bed between them.
‘Please, Justin, I want to go up to Brisbane.’
He stood looking at her, his eyes narrowed. ‘Alex, has this got anything to do with Ben? Because if it has I’ll thrash the life out of him!’ He came around to her his eyes burning with anger. ‘Tell me, Alex, did Ben…?’
She put her hands over her ears. ‘No, no, no! It’s got nothing to do with Ben. It’s me. I just want to get away for a while.’
‘Alex, you’re staying with me, and that’s final,’ he bit out quietly, pulling her against him. ‘Now calm down,’
‘Oh, Justin, I can’t!’ Alex began to sob again.
‘You’d better hop back into bed and I’ll bring you a cup of tea. You look like you haven’t slept for a week.’ He smoothed the hair back from her damp cheeks. ‘And tomorrow I’m taking you to the doctor for a check-up. I think you’ve allowed yourself to get run down.’ He helped her undress and tucked her back into bed, and she was too dispirited to fight him. She looked up at him, a hundred worrying thoughts rushing about in her head.
‘Alex, what’s troubling you?’ He sat down and held her hand.
Her eyes fell away from his. ‘Nothing. I’m tired. I think I need to sleep.’
He looked at her for a moment as though he’d press it, but changed his mind and stood up. ‘All right. I’ll bring you some tea and toast.’
Surprisingly she was asleep before he returned and she slept until late in the afternoon. When she awoke Justin was moving about the room, dressing for dinner.
‘Justin. What…? What time is it?’ She raised herself on one elbow, thinking how handsome he looked with his hair damp from the shower, his shirt unbuttoned, and her heart contracted painfully, a lump rising in her throat.
It was funny how, after all these years, she could still remember how he looked at that moment, how desperately she loved him, how afraid she was of losing him.
‘Almost dinner time. Do you feel up to coming down or will I bring you something up?’ He smiled down at her.
‘No, I’ll get up. I feel better now.’ Alex stood up. ‘I’m sorry, I…’ She stopped, her eyes sliding away from him.
‘Do you feel like talking about it?’ he asked quietly.
Play Our Song Again (Lynsey Stevens Romance Book 13) Page 16
