99 to Nowhere

by DOMINO

  He backed into a parking space of a hardware store on 7th street so I could watch passing cars as I waited. We hugged tightly before he jumped out headed up the icy sidewalk. I knew he had to make it all the way to 97th street so it would be a wait. I sunk low in the seat and shoved my hands in my pockets, I was nervous and scared. I watched him hustle up the street until he disappeared from view and then clasp my hands together, praying for the best.

  FORTY ONE

  I was growing impatient and cold as I waited for him to return. I managed to count every car that passed in front of me. I wondered if he reached Mr. Horne’s office yet and what lies he was busy telling him. I was startled into a light scream when the heavy hand of a plump man knocked on the truck window beside me.

  "Yes?" I asked curiously. His face was flushed from the freezing wind that whipped against it.

  "You've been parked here for a while young lady and these spaces are for store customers only. You're going to have to move this truck—" He said with irritation.

  "I won't be much longer" I replied innocently, hoping Rio would hurry up.

  "You've been here too long already, you're going to have to move it, or it's getting towed, sorry" He crossed his arms and shook his head.

  I fought the urge to flash him my middle finger and furiously rolled the window back up before I slid into the driver’s seat and started the engine. I was furious I had to move the car because Rio would be coming back to that same spot and I knew I couldn't drive too far away. I pulled out of the parking space and drove slowly up the street, looking for a place to park.

  All of the side spots were taken with meters and I found the street numbers increasing the more I drove. My anxiety increased when things began to look familiar and I knew I was taking a big risk in getting close to downtown, but I knew if I parked at the library I wouldn't get towed and I could keep a look out for Rio leaving Mr. Horne's office.

  I parked the truck and ran into the library out of breath. I made my way up the stairs to the study area. I pulled a few books off the shelf and found a seat by the window so I could pretend to read and look at the social workers office at the same time.

  "Come on Rio, hurry up" I muttered as I flipped mindlessly through an Atlas.

  I glanced up at the clock and began counting the minutes. Forty minutes passed before he finally emerged with a smile on his face. I tossed the books aside and rushed toward the stairs so I could stop him from walking back to 7th street. I hit the bottom of the stairs and had my hand on the door handle to exit when I was stopped abruptly by a tight grip on my shoulder. Before I knew it, I was looking right into the eyes of the police officer that chased me down weeks before when I tried to run from the chapel. I immediately tried to pull away, only to be held tighter in his grip.

  "Been looking for you young lady" He sneered. “You’re quite the escape artist”

  "Let go of me or you'll regret it" I glared into his dark eyes. "Let me go" My voice trembled. I continued to pull on his hand to release my coat as he began shouting police lingo into the walkie-talkie on his shoulder. "Please"

  "Come with me" He interrupted. "There's a warrant out for your arrest, and your brother, attempted murder on your foster dad, come with me"

  "No!" I kicked him hard as I could in his shin, but he didn't release his grip.

  He quickly twisted me around and pinned me to the floor with his knee in my back. I was breathing heavily as I stared at the hard marble floor beneath me and his dirty boots as I felt the cold chill of handcuffs on my wrists.

  "No! Let me go!" I pleaded.

  He lifted me off the floor and shoved me out the front of the library, and the more I resisted, the more the handcuffs cut into my wrists.

  I could see Rio walking up the street and I yelled at the top of my lungs. "Rio!"

  He stopped in his tracks. He looked back in my direction, and then I saw it, the sadness, and disappointment in his eyes.

  "I'm sorry Rio—" I managed to yell before the police officer shoved me into the back of the car.

  Rio was running up the street toward me and I wanted him to rescue me, but I also wanted him to stay away. I didn’t want him arrested. Tears poured down my cheeks as I turned to look out the back of the police car. He was still running at top speed to get to me, to save me. He never reached me. We turned the corner before he even got close and I was gone.

  FORTY TWO

  I sat in a holding cell, after the police officer I nicknamed, bastard, dropped me off at the juvenile detention center. I was back, looking into the beady eyes of the correctional officer that told me weeks before he would see me soon and I wanted to spit in his face. His smug expression made me livid.

  I was once again without my beloved heart locket, and pearl earrings Rio gave me, and I felt my soul was bare to the world without it. I felt, deep down, it was a silent protection from the crazy world around me, and now it was gone. Everything I loved was now gone.

  I refused to cry after I sat on the small steel cot that was in the room with me. I ripped the thin blue blanket off it and covered my face. I screamed into it, hating my stupid decision. I shook my head at my stupidity, knowing I should have never driven into town. I would still be with Rio and we would be driving to Georgia to get our life on track if I hadn't gone to that library.

  "So stupid you are Maxx, so damn stupid" I whispered into the blue blanket before I threw it against the wall.

  I didn't even realize what I was doing until an officer began shouting above my insanity. I was kicking the cold bed with my foot, trying to break it, and screaming at the top of my lungs for them to let me out. I knew I sounded like a lunatic, but didn't care anymore. I pulled the thin mattress off the bed, and pushed it up against the cold iron bars, before I jumped on top of the rusty springs of the bed, trying to break them in two.

  "Get me out of here!" I screamed.

  The same words that encompassed my life and the words I screamed silently to myself over the years. Before I knew it, the tears began to pour down my cheeks. Everything was out of my control and I hated my life once again, I wanted to end it all.

  "Maxine!" The female officer yelled before she ran out of sight.

  I pulled up the mattress and began swinging it around the small cell; I was in my own private hell and knew life couldn't get any worse. I released an agonizing demonic scream, which caused the other girls in their cells to yell loudly in my direction. Each of us began to scream loudly, cursing the facility and world outside of our bars. I gripped the bars and screamed loudly before I rammed my forehead onto one of the bars. I wanted to forget, forget the world around me and how unfair life had been to me. I rammed it again, tormented that I was without Rio, the only person that really loved me. I screamed once again when I noticed blood running down the bars onto my tightly clenched fists, but I didn't release the bars. I continued to slam my forehead onto the bars until the world around me began to spin out of control. I was knocking myself unconscious, and before I knew it, the world that I loathed with every fiber of my being, grew dark.

  FORTY THREE

  The following morning, I awoke to a detention nurse smiling down at me. She had a pleasant smile and I could tell she was sincere, but I managed to frown up at her before she checked the dressing on my forehead.

  "Maxine, good morning" She said after she fixed the pillows beneath my head.

  "Go away" I mumbled.

  She clasped her hands in front of her and studied me. Her blond hair was pulled into an unkempt ponytail and her blue eyes remained sincere.

  "I'll be back to check on you later, you have a visitor" She tucked my sheets in and walked away silently.

  I looked around the room and immediately began to plan an escape. I sat up in the bed only to be held firm by the leather cuffs around my wrists. They strapped me to the bed and secured my ankles to it as well. I began tugging at all of them and grew exhausted at my failure. I was staring up at the ceiling when I heard the door open. A tall black woman wa
lked in. She wore a dark blue suit and pleasant smile.

  "Maxine?" Her voice was soft yet confident.

  "Go away" I glared at her. "Unless you're going to get me out of here, leave me the hell alone"

  She paused and then chuckled. "Perhaps I can do all of that, but before we even get to that point, I think introductions are in order" She put her briefcase down and pulled up a chair beside my bed.

  "I don't want introductions and I don't want to know you, so get the hell out" I sneered.

  She ignored my comment and opened her black briefcase. She pulled out a large file and placed it on her lap before she studied me silently. I rolled my eyes at her and turned my head so I wouldn't have to look at her.

  "My name is Joyce, but I go by Jo" She said after she cleared her throat. "I'm taking the place of Ms. Buford, your previous social worker. She came to me one day and said she couldn't do it anymore, handle your case. She told me a lot about you—"

  I quickly whipped my head around to face her. "She doesn't know anything about me, not a damn thing, and never tried to know me, so I could care less what she thinks. She can drop dead for all I care. She knows nothing about me"

  "I'm pretty sure she doesn't" She smiled. "I read your file, it took me all night, so forgive me if I look a mess, but I had to be here for your hearing and everything that will take place this afternoon"

  "Wow, a hearing for little old me, how about that" I scoffed.

  "Maxine—"

  "Maxx" I interrupted. “My name is Maxx, not Maxine. Don't call me that, Joyce" I replied spitefully.

  She nodded in agreement before she continued. "Maxx, we have a lot to discuss, and I'm positive you have a lot you want to get off your chest. I want you to know I'm not here to hurt you or make matters worse, I'm here to help—"

  "Then get me the hell out of here. I don't deserve to be here. The world owes me that—" I choked and cleared my throat, knowing I didn't want to appear weak in her eyes.

  She ran her hands through her shoulder length dreadlocks and nodded. "I took your case because I wanted to, not because I had to do it. Many of the things in your file are all too familiar" She shook her head as if she was trying to clear it before she continued. "One thing I always do is tell a little bit about my background, so you know who I am, what I do, and why I do what I do—"

  "I don't give a damn, really" I interrupted. “I don't care anymore, don't you see that?" I asked in a high-pitched voice. "I just want to be left alone—"

  She ignored my interruption and continued. “My name is Joyce Hope Winslow. I picked up my nickname, Jo, when I was on the street, running away from the system I work in now" She chuckled lightly. "I still go by Jo; I feel it still kind of protects me, even if I no longer need that special protection. Pretending to be a boy on the street was something that was kind of necessary back then and even now, for some"

  I turned my head away from her, knowing I did the same thing and hated the fact that I had to do it.

  "I was in the system from day one, foster homes, and all that hoopla that is hell. I just about experienced everything there is to experience, Maxx. Abuse, mental and physical, and that ever present feeling of hopelessness"

  She sighed loudly and dropped the large file on the floor at her feet. It made a loud smack on the floor which made me turn back to face her.

  "Funny thing, isn’t it?" She chuckled again. "My middle name is, Hope, and for twenty four years, I felt I didn't have any"

  "Why are you telling me all of this?" My voice was now more pleading than irritated. "It's not gonna help me any?"

  She suddenly chuckled louder than she had previously. "Wow, you sound just like I did when I was in the system. I went through so many counselors it was ridiculous. I even made a game of it. I wanted to see how many counselors I could make go crazy before I turned eighteen, and I managed to make my way through seventeen of them. What about you?"

  I answered before I knew it. "Thirteen” I whispered.

  "Well, I'm sorry to say that you won't beat me. I'm the last and final straw honey" She sighed deeply. "And not because there aren't any more out there to handle your case, it's because I'm not going to let anyone else take your case" She picked up my file off the floor and shoved it back into her briefcase before she kicked it into the corner of the room. "Those things are so cold. I mean, you wear this monkey suit, carry a briefcase, and people automatically think you're in control of your life and you have all the answers, right?" She nodded to make me agree. "Truth is, just because flowers come in a beautifully wrapped box, it doesn't mean they will always smell like roses, sometimes they smell like shit" She rubbed her eyes and then studied her shoes. “Daisies never get the same credit roses do—”

  She had my attention. Most counselors that worked with me over the years were so cut and dry and constantly trying to be perfect, that I never bothered to listen, but this time she had my full attention.

  "I mean, pardon the language, but it's the truth. That's one of the things I learned on the street, as well as in my profession. I would be put in foster home after foster home. Nice houses, cookie cutter family portraits that never displayed the deception hidden beneath—" She paused and then stood up. "I hated plenty of them, the majority of them" She walked to the foot of my bed and began to release the straps on my ankles. "Every house I was put in, I prayed that it would work out, and when it didn't, I cursed God, and the world. I wanted to die" She walked up to the headboard of my bed and began to release my bound wrists. "It's so funny how the world can be so unfair" She released me and then sat back down. "I've been bound before too, but there was nobody there to release me, I was an animal to them. A homeless, immature, out of control, animal, and none of them cared to believe me. None of them cared to listen or believe me—"

  I rubbed my wrists and then sat up in the bed. I looked her over once again. Her dark blue suit wasn't so flashy anymore, and I could see scuff marks on her worn black heels. I glanced over at her briefcase and it was ragged on the edges, but her smile was sincere.

  "I fell in love when I was on the street, running from the world I hated so much" She continued. "He was everything to me. Trevor was his name" She smiled brightly. "He looked after me and kept me safe. He knew I didn't belong on the streets, so he did everything he could do to keep me safe and happy" She held out her wrist to reveal an old silver bracelet. "He stole this for me" She smiled and rubbed it gently in deep thought. "He was shot and killed on his eighteenth birthday. He was stealing food for us from a convenient store, I was sixteen" She diverted her attention to the floor and shook her head. "We were just kids—"

  I immediately thought about Rio and how her situation was so close to mine.

  "I wasn't caught or captured after that happened. I walked back to the system, the same one I hated" She nodded and bit her lip. "I got back in the system and endured hell until I turned eighteen and got out on my own. I met a counselor that actually cared enough to show me that I was a precious living creature. I was precious—" She threw her head back and stared up at the ceiling before she looked at me. Her soft brown eyes were glassy and she appeared to be near tears. "Forgive me; I always get emotional when I talk about Miss. Moore. She showed me that I had plenty to live for. I promised to pay everything she taught me forward. That's exactly what I've been doing. She passed away four years ago, but everything she taught me still resides here and here" She pointed to her head and heart. "Maxx, I know reading your file doesn't really explain who you really are inside, but if you're willing to let me in and trust me, I promise I'll do everything in my power to make you believe that you are precious, because I believe you are, and I'm not telling you that I will take your case, I'm asking if you will let me—"

  Her soft brown eyes expressed love and sincerity and I felt my eyes begin to burn. I was fighting tears of sorrow when I nodded yes. She stood up and I immediately wrapped my arms around her waist as she hugged me tight, telling me over and over that I was precious. I clung to her tightl
y and she let me cry until I couldn't cry anymore.

  FORTY FOUR

  Jo handled my case and believed every word I told her. From the beatings, molestation, and the rape that made me attempt to murder Mr. Johnson. I made it a point to leave out Rio, Evan, and Cory. It was the one thing I lied about. I told her that they came and rescued me, but that was it. I left out the point that they all beat Mr. Johnson to a pulp.

  The day I looked him in the eye in court was more than I could bear, but with Jo’s help, I did it. I stood firm on everything I accused him of and was more than elated when the judge sentenced me to the juvenile facility instead of another foster home.

  My days were looking brighter and I promised Jo I would focus on finishing school. I was prevented from entering the local school system and was educated within the walls of the facility that held me captive. During that time, I tried everything within my power to search for Rio and Jo even asked about him in the town of Millington. I was two hours away from Millington and was grateful, but only because the Johnson’s resided there.