Ever Enough

by Stacy Borel

  “No, don’t be mad at them Finn. They weren’t telling me things that I didn’t already know.”

  This was not how I’d seen this conversation going. I just told her that I loved her and she said she loved me too, but the euphoric feeling was short lived after hearing what she thought of herself, and that others were only confirming it. They were so wrong, and I’d tell her that every day for the rest of my life if I had too. “They don’t fucking know anything Emilyn. Is it guys or girls telling you this? Because the guys on the team all think I’m one lucky bastard.”

  “You don’t have to say that to make me feel better.”

  I let out a frustrated growl. “I’m not blowing smoke here Em. You’re not seeing yourself right and I don’t get it. There’s no way it’s a guy telling you this. They all think you’re hot, so I’m assuming it has to be one of the girls. Who was it? I want you to tell me right now. Nobody is going to talk to my girl like that.”

  “It was Aubrey and her cheerleader friends. But it’s fine honestly, I know why they said it. I get that I’m different for you. I don’t look like them, I haven’t put out. We haven’t even kissed for heaven sakes, and all because I’m still a nervous wreck around you.”

  I should of fucking known it would have been Aubrey and her little minions. She was going to know by the end of the day that I wouldn’t tolerate her telling Emilyn all this crap. I let go of her and began pacing. Em was standing still with her hands clasped in front of her and she was looking down, biting her lip.

  “I didn’t mean to make you mad, or ruin this moment Finn. I’m sorry. I guess I should go.” She started to turn to walk away. Where in the hell was she going? I wasn’t mad at her. Oh fuck it! I was going for it.

  I caught up to her and grabbed her elbow to stop her. I swung her around, cupped her chin with my hand and bent down to her face. I paused just before putting my lips on hers. I looked right in her eyes. I could read her so easily. She was scared and nervous. Nervous because we’d never kissed before, but it was definitely going to happen now. I was tired of waiting. I’d been dying to kiss this girl since the first day I plucked up the courage to speak to her. I needed to show her that she was safe with me.

  She didn’t pull away so I guessed she was giving me the go ahead. She closed her eyes, waiting for me to close the distance between us. I wanted to surge forward and kiss her hard and rough—to taste every part of her mouth—but she deserved more from me. She deserved to be treasured and loved. I’d be gentle with her. I leaned in and placed my lips on hers. I held them there for a few seconds before I pushed a little harder and opened my mouth a bit, in a silent request for her to open her mouth for me. I ran my tongue ever so slightly across her bottom lip. Her lip gloss tasted like cotton candy. When she opened her mouth a little bit, her tongue slipped past my lips and touched inside my mouth. It was subtle but I loved it. I opened my mouth more and she followed my lead. When our tongues started moving, she let out a little moan and weaved her hands into my hair, bringing her body flush with mine. There was no way she couldn’t feel my hard on between us. Hopefully it wouldn’t scare her away. I wasn’t pressuring her for more, because right now this was all I wanted from her. And if this was all she would give me for the rest of my life, well then I’d just deal with the blue balls I’d get from it.

  The kiss was so much more than I had expected it to be. I’d had a feeling she’d never kissed another guy, based on the fact that she had us wait a month before doing it. But the way she kissed me, it was as if she held the instruction manual to my body and controlled me with her sweet, delicate mouth. Her tongue pushed back against mine, roaming every part of my mouth. She started to pull away, and I wanted to protest but she apparently wasn’t done. She sucked my lower lip into her mouth and bit down very lightly. I could tell it was something she had wanted to do, but was testing to see if I was okay with it. Fuck… I was more than okay with it. I groaned into her mouth, putting my left hand down on her lower back just above the curve of her ass, and my right hand moved to grasp the nape of her neck. We couldn’t get any closer if we tried. I don’t know how I was going to refrain from wanting more with this girl, but I would… somehow.

  As much as it was clear that we both wanted to keep doing what we were doing, I needed to slow it down. It was going to be too easy to get carried away with her. I began to pull away from her, kissing her incredibly soft lower lip, once… twice… three times. I pulled back and kissed her nose, loosening my grip on her neck. When she opened her eyes, they were wild with want and lust. It just about did me in. If the time came that she’d want more from me, I’d never be able to tell her no. Not with the way she was looking at me right now. We were both breathing heavily.

  “I’m sorry my Tiny Girl. I didn’t mean to push you, but I’ve been dying to touch this mouth of yours.” I ran my thumb across her now swollen lips.

  Even after the kiss we just shared, she still blushed. “I’m glad you did. I’m hoping it won’t be too long until we can do it again.” She smiled at me and I was putty.

  I smiled at her and the words needed to be said again. “I love you Em. I don’t care what anybody else says. As long as you know that I mean what I’m saying, nothing anybody else says to you matters. Do you understand? I love you and that’s all there is to it.” I leaned down and gave her the softest kiss I could and we turned to walk back to the softball field. I was flying high.

  By the time I got off the plane and gathered my luggage, I was even more anxious to see Em. Time was going by too slowly and I’d worked myself up so much that I planned on giving Kyler a good beating for not just telling me everything. I was just getting into Mountain Home when I called Ky and asked where I could find Emilyn. He said she was working at Beans, the coffee shop that sat in the middle of town. I didn’t understand why she was even working when West made millions. She was bound to see some of that money with the divorce. Beans only paid minimum wage and she could surely get a job working at her Dad’s office making twice what I was certain she was making now. Hell, she didn’t even need to work at all. There was definitely something more going on here, and I was only a few minutes away from finding out what it was.

  Finding a parking spot down the road, I stopped the car and got out, making my way down to the coffee shop. As I approached, I could smell coffee in the air. I was almost directly across the street from the store when I saw her. Her back was to me and she was wiping down the tables that were outside under large umbrellas to shade people from the sun. She had her hair up in a messy pony tail, and a few loose strands hung down, gracing her neck.

  I stopped on the other side of the street and watched her. And it was at that moment that she paused what she was doing. I didn’t know if she had sensed me but she slowly turned in my direction. My breath caught in my throat, and I knew what I had seen but my brain refused to process it. My eyes roamed down her body until it rested on her very pregnant stomach. My heart stuttered in my chest. When I looked back up to her face, I saw the tears shimmering in her eyes. That snapped me out of my shocked trance and my protective instinct kicked in. I would help her. Now that I could see what was going on, I would do whatever I could to make it okay again.

  I took a few long strides to cross the street, desperate to get to her. When I reached her there was no hesitation, she just collapsed into my arms and let me hold her while she wept.

  “Shhh baby, I know. It’s okay Em. Everything is going to be okay now.” I knew at that moment I could never leave this girl again. She cried harder at my words, and I could do nothing but let her.

  I’d worked for three hours and had been on my feet the whole time. I hadn’t been sleeping very well because I had to get up and pee every couple of hours. My growing belly—even though still relatively small—no longer allowed for me to lie on my stomach, which of course was my favorite and most comfortable way to sleep. I was almost five months along and I knew I was going to get bigger and would more than likely lose even more sleep. I cou
ldn’t quit my job, but I also didn’t think I would be able to continue the same six hour days that I had been pulling. I knew I would have to talk to Rose after my shift and see about cutting my shift by an hour. I was sure she wouldn’t mind, but I really hated putting the added stress on her to find someone to cover my time.

  I’d just rung up the last customer from our morning rush when I grabbed a rag and went outside to wipe down the tables. It was a gorgeous sunny day and I wanted to take a few minutes to soak up some rays. I always felt revitalized after a few minutes in the sunshine, and I was then able to make it through the rest of my shift. The music from inside was playing through our outdoor speakers. It was Simple Plan’s ‘Untitled’ and it made me feel melancholy. I decided I’d change the music as soon as I finished clearing outside. I definitely needed a more upbeat soundtrack. Picking up all the empty cups and throwing them away, I went over to a table closest to the road. I began to wipe down the table when I froze. The tingling sensation that had begun on the back of my neck moved its way down my arms and before I’d even turned around, I felt him. I’d always been able to feel him. I knew then that his eyes were on me, waiting for me to turn around.

  I wouldn’t be able to hide this from him. I was wearing a light pink ribbed tank top that formed around my stomach. Instead of panicking, I felt deflated and tired. I was tired of hiding from everyone, especially Finn. Slowly turning towards the man I knew was stood behind me, I lifted my eyes to meet his. His face was unreadable as he looked me over. When his eyes landed on my belly, I lost it. Feeling weary, broken, and defeated tears pricked my eyes. He was here. Finn had come for me. He blinked once and his blue eyes were soft and understanding. He now knew why I had avoided him for so long. Unable to hold back my emotions, a tear rolled down my cheek and my shoulders started to shake. At this, his face changed and he strode towards me from across the street. I couldn’t fight him any longer. I wanted him to hold me. I needed him to tell me I was going to be okay, that I’d survive this.

  When he got to me he wrapped his arms around me and I could no longer support my weight. He held me up, speaking gently to me. I heard him but all I could concentrate on was how it felt to be held in his arms again. Why had I pushed him away for so long? Was I really so full of pride that I couldn’t even accept Finn’s help? I knew the answer to that, the moment I started to pull away.

  Wiping my eyes and sniffling, I wiggled lose of his arms. “I’m sorry about that Finn. I shouldn’t have fallen apart like that.”

  “It’s okay Em. I think from the looks of things you needed someone to lean on.” He leaned on one leg, his hip resting against the table. His wide, muscular chest amplified by his crossed arms.

  Clearing my throat, I asked “Not to be rude, but what are you doing here?” Jesus he was sexy. I may have been keeping him at arms length but I wasn’t blind. This man drew me to him.

  “Kyler called me. He told me that I needed to be here, so here I am.”

  “Bastard” I whispered under my breath. Finn chuckled.

  “Name calling isn’t going to change the fact that you were clearly ignoring me for a reason, and Ky was just trying to help you. Why didn’t you tell me you were pregnant Em?”

  “Why would I? This isn’t your problem.” He winced and I knew my comment had hit him below the belt.

  “I know this isn’t my problem, but it also doesn’t have to be your burden to carry alone. I’m your friend Emilyn. You know I would have been here from the moment you found out.”

  I couldn’t have this conversation looking him in the eye, so I continued tidying up outside while he followed behind me. “That’s exactly why I didn’t tell you Finn. There’s nothing for you to do. I’m having a baby, and I’m in the middle of a divorce. Exactly what part of that could you have helped me with?” I was being a bitch to him and I knew it, but my need to push him away was far greater than my need to keep him around.

  “Hmmm… speaking of divorces, does West know? About the baby I mean?”

  “Of course he knows. I wouldn’t keep something like this from him!”

  My anger was evident and he paused, holding his hands up in defeat. “I didn’t mean to insult you, I was just asking. Were you pregnant at the reunion?”

  I shook my head no. “I was but I didn’t know it yet.”

  “How did West take the news?”

  I let out a short, bitter laugh, “He took it about as well as could be expected I guess.”

  He was confused. “What does that mean?”

  “It means he took it as well as any man who has been having an affair with his interior decorator for the past two years would. The same man who claimed he never loved me, and never wanted kids with me.”

  Finn’s brow furrowed and his mouth had set in a straight line. “Is that what he said to you?”

  “In not so many words, yes. He made it abundantly clear that this baby wasn’t wanted and he thought I’d got pregnant on purpose to get more money out of him.” I felt the need to explain further. “I was on the pill and I took it religiously. Apparently it’s not always effective.”

  The weight of Finn’s eyes on me was too much. I shook myself from his stare and moved to go back inside the store. “Wait. When do you get off work? In fact, why are you even working? You’re still married to West and I’m certain there isn’t a judge alive that wouldn’t ensure that you have what you need to take care of yourself and the baby.”

  My hand was on the handle of the door. “I have to work so I can support myself. Obviously I won’t be working here forever, but I need to stand on my own two feet. I can’t stomach the idea of using the money from the divorce settlement.”

  “Why?” He asked.

  I sighed. “Because that money was all a lie Finn. West never loved me, he was just using me. I was his trophy wife, someone he used to move up the corporate ladder. If he showed the partners at the firm that he was a family man, they had more incentive to hire him and make him junior partner. Do you get it now? My whole marriage was a sham! And now I’m having a kid that was created by that lie. To me, that money is bullshit and I don’t want it, at least not for me. I’ll put it away for the baby, for when he or she gets older. So you see… I’m trying to stand on my own. I need this job.”

  “You can prove that you can stand on your own without working here Em. Listen, I know you have to get back to work, but let me come and see you tonight. I’d like to talk to you about some things.” His eyes were begging for me to say yes. I wanted to tell him no, and tell him to go back to California, but I caved.

  “Stop by Harpers house at six. We can talk over dinner.” Relief flooded his face.

  “I’ll be there.” He walked backwards smiling at me. He watched me as I went back inside the shop, before turning to walk across the street. Finn coming over was not a good idea! I’d be a good friend and listen to what he had to say, but nothing more. Although admittedly I was silently praying I would have the strength to push him away, instead of dragging him to my room.

  I had rosemary and lemon roasted chicken in the oven and vegetables all ready to go. I already knew Harper would be late tonight because she said she was showing Ky some houses in a new subdivision across town. I had a feeling Kyler was keeping her away tonight so Finn could talk to me alone. I didn’t think I’d ever felt so nervous. I checked my hair in the mirror over a dozen times, and changed my outfit three times before finally deciding I was being ridiculous. I settled on a pair of capri stretch pants and a dark blue baby doll top. It didn’t over emphasize my stomach and the fabric bunched around my breasts, putting them on display. Okay, so I may have put some thought into my top. Finn had always liked my boobs and I’ll admit I wanted him to notice the fact that the ‘girls’ had become fuller during the pregnancy. I had my hair braided over the side of one shoulder and some lose strands had fallen out, framing my face. I had washed off all of my make-up earlier and so I just dabbed on some clear lip gloss. I wanted to appear refreshed and in control.


  I’d set up plates at the eat-in breakfast table in the kitchen. Eating in the dining room implied formality, and nothing about this get together was formal. I wanted to remain as relaxed as I could. I was already a ball of nerves just thinking about being alone with Finn again. I took the chicken out of the oven and had set it on top of the stove to rest when the doorbell rang. My heart jumped into my throat and I reminded myself to take deep breaths. I had everything under control. I smoothed my top down before opening the door. Finn stood in front of me in a long-sleeved, gray, v-neck thermal shirt. Against the gray, his eyes were a piercing blue. Bastard. He had to know how good he looked right now. His long lean legs were covered by a pair of worn, dark-wash jeans. I gulped hard. I had no idea how I was going to manage to keep my hands to myself. Shaking myself free of my idiotic staring, I noticed he was eyeing me up in the same way. Ha. Take that Finley Morgan!

  “Hey, come on in. I’m about to carve the chicken I made for dinner.” I turned away from him to walk to towards the kitchen.

  “Thanks for letting me come over Em.” I heard him breathe in deeply behind me. “That smells amazing. Did you cook?”

  He’d followed me into the kitchen. “Yes, I did. I cook every night for Harper and me.” I grabbed a carving knife out of the draw and was about to cut into the chicken, when I felt Finn step up behind me. He placed his large hand over mine, taking control of the knife.

  “Here, let me help with this.” I desperately tried not to shiver, but it couldn’t be helped. There was no way he hadn’t noticed because he was less than an inch away from my body.

  Clearing my throat, I stepped to the side and let him carve. “Umm… what would you like to drink? We have water, soda, wine, and I think we have beer too.” I needed to move away from him because his smell was intoxicating. He wasn’t wearing cologne but I could smell his aftershave. It was a smell that was strictly masculine. Jesus, I think my hormones were making my sense of smell stronger.