Shattered Heart

by Ann Stewart

  “Looks like you’re being summoned.” Summoned? What did I miss?

  “It would seem so.”

  “Lunch today?” Janice asks.

  “If I’m still breathing, count me in.” I’m confused, where is she going?

  “No need for the melodramatics. I’ll see you around noon-ish.” Janice’s singsong voice trails off as she walks away.

  Moving swiftly out of plain sight, I act like I’m walking back towards Elyssa’s area. I am not letting her out of my sight. She seems down and fuck me if I’m going to let anyone else pull her any farther. Luckily, Janice doesn’t notice anything and does her walk and a skip back to her desk.

  When I see Elyssa on the move, I lurch farther back and wait. She looks like she may be going to see Arianna. I have access to Arianna’s schedule and I didn’t see any meetings with her. Not that I keep up with her and her bullshit, but it is Arianna we’re talking about. Her shit is as deep as the ocean. I don’t know how she hasn’t drowned in her own twisted, fucked up desires.

  When she takes the last step towards the office, Sam, Arianna’s assistant ushers her in without so much as a sideways glance. That’s interesting, because even I don’t do that anymore. Arianna has strict rules about anyone entering her office without Sam warning her first. Says she doesn’t want anyone to catch her off guard. I think it’s more likely because she likes to fuck the staff. Me included, but fortunately I put a stop to that the instant I knew I was falling for Elyssa. Smartest thing I’ve ever done in my life was to get rid of Arianna.

  Okay, now that she’s in Arianna’s office, the only thing I can do is get close enough to hear bits and pieces of their conversation. Unfortunately, that means I have to stick close to the vulture’s sidekick. I can’t do much else, so I move closer to talk to Sam. Of course, the second I step towards her, Arianna’s all encompassing shrill of a voice reverberates against the walls.

  “Are you stupid?” What the fuck? My body trembles with anger as I hold myself still instead of pushing past the doors and rescuing my girl.

  “Mr. James, can I help you with something?” And there goes my chance at eavesdropping.

  “No thank you, Sam. I was going to see if Mrs. Salerno had a quick moment, but I just saw Ms. Hart step in.” I ponder and then decide to ask, “Do you know why Ms. Hart would be seeing Mrs. Salerno?”

  “Sorry, Mr. James. I’m not privy to the meetings Mrs. Salerno has with Ms. Hart.” Meetings, as in plural? What the hell is going on?

  The door opens slowly, but stops a quarter of the way open and I hear Elyssa’s wispy voice, “Oh, I know who I’m dealing with. Trust me.”

  The door opens to half mast; Elyssa takes a step closer, but then turns around when Arianna calls her back. “Oh and Elyssa? Don’t you dare forget.”

  “How could I?” she responds, dejectedly. The pain in her voice controls my body, and as if my own brain has no say, I go to comfort her. But before she notices me standing ten feet in front of her, she takes her phone out of her pocket, glancing at the screen.

  I fight the urge to pull Elyssa aside and ask her about the meeting as I wrap my arms around her protectively. Or I could go into Arianna’s office and let the bitch have it. Instead I slink back and leave her to her thoughts as she puts her phone away, squares her shoulders, and a look of pure determination comes over here. We are at work and I am still the Vice President of some part of this God forsaken company, not to mention, my girl doesn’t need a knight in shining armor. I need her to save me, not the other way around.

  ~~~~~

  When six o’clock comes around, I cringe at the thought of eating a meal with Oliver. I’m not hungry, but only because I’ve been letting guilt take residence over every available surface of my body. I’ve replayed Alex’s face as he walked away, his shock when he thought I had agreed to a date with Oliver, and not to mention Arianna’s reaction to our “date”. .

  Guilt. It’s far from a pleasurable existence. Arianna was elated at the thought of me moving on. The only reason I will continue to let her believe the lies is because our agreement leaves Alex to his own choice; a choice that he can pursue anyone as long as his choice is not me.

  I didn’t have the energy to do anything with myself, so a simple side braid was all I could muster for my chestnut hair. When I stepped out of Arianna’s office today, I got a text from Oliver letting me know he changed the time to six and to dress warm. Because I have no clue what we’re doing or where we’re going, I decide on a pair of low rise jeans, a pink v-neck sweater and some boots. I’m virtually covered from head to toe. After all, even if we live in Las Vegas, it’s almost December. And unless you’re in Southern California or sunny Hawaii, December is December: Cold.

  My hands run over my still flat stomach and hope that my baby doesn’t wreak havoc while I’m out tonight. Hey, little one. Behave tonight, okay? I’ll treat you to some ice cream later on. I caress my growing child through the fluffy cashmere of my sweater and reel in all of the resolve I have left.

  Knock! Knock!

  With his relaxed nature and aloof attitude, I’m honestly surprised Oliver’s only ten minutes late. I expected at least a thirty minute wait. Giving myself a last look in the mirror, I sigh and turn to open the door.

  Oliver greets me, the corner of his lip upturned; eyes inspecting me from head to toe. I’m not so blind that I can’t admit he looks good; shed of his business attire he looks casual in a pair of dark jeans, dark blue button up, leather jacket, and boots. Over the past few weeks I’ve seen him dressed down, but almost like he’s just thrown on whatever was not in the dirty clothes pile. Tonight, tonight’s different. You can tell he put a lot of thought into what he’s wearing. And it most definitely works.

  “You look beautiful.” I blush and roll my eyes playfully as I nudge him back to lock the door behind us. “Don’t like compliments? You really are the complete opposite of most girls I’ve known.”

  I furrow my eyebrows and look into his smug face, waiting for an explanation. “It’s just that I’ve never had to try so hard to get a girl to go on a date with me and then once I finally get her to agree, she’s usually twirling her hair, giggling, and making goo-goo eyes at me hoping for a compliment.”

  “Oh wait! Is that how this is supposed to go?” I slap my forehead. “I’m sorry; it’s been so long since I’ve been on a date. I didn’t realize that I’m supposed to lose all brain cells and turn into a drooling, love struck idiot in front of an attractive man.” I flutter my eyelashes and toy with the end of my ponytail with exaggerated excitement.

  “So, you do find me attractive?” Of course that’s the only part he would take from the entire sarcastic response.

  I ignore his question and start walking to his car. “Where are we going anyways?”

  “It’s a surprise. You’ll see.” Oliver opens the passenger side door and helps me in before closing it. I’m not sure what type of surprise he has in store for me, but even with the unknown future, the butterflies are still at bay.

  ~~~~~

  An hour later we’re parking. A park? This was his surprise? We made a pit stop at the grocery store where we picked up Oliver’s so-called supplies, which consisted of water bottles, candy, and bagged popcorn. Going to the store with Oliver was a bit of a conundrum. He’s such a kid sometimes, running through the aisles, yet a gentleman, offering to pay. Looking out to the crowd, I notice several groups of people carrying blankets and walking up a large hill.

  “What is this?” I question when I notice yet another couple walking hand in hand.

  “Haven’t you ever heard of a movie in the park?” I shake my head. “It’s just up over the hill. There’s a large outdoor amphitheater where they play old movies.” While he’s explaining where we are and why, I catch him staring at me. Not that I’ve not noticed this before, but tonight is different.

  Right. Time to move.

  I shake my head, exasperated. Not waiting for him, I grab the bags of food and exit the car. Fi
nally catching a clue, he pops the trunk and meets me at my door carrying two large blankets, a thermos, along with a backpack slung over his right shoulder.

  I tilt my chin towards the metal container in his hand. “Is that your way of disguising the alcohol?” I giggle.

  “Just for that I’m not sharing my grandmother’s world famous hot chocolate.” He winks and takes my hand, leading me up the hill. His hand adds warmth to the chilly Vegas night, but still doesn’t warm my empty heart.

  Before long, we’ve made our way to a great little spot nestled up against a tree. Our view overlooks a grassy sea draped in blankets adorned with couples and families. Oliver makes quick work on setting up our little picnic.

  I return his proud smile and I’m surprised my reaction isn’t forced. It’s genuine and that’s when I realize something significant. Oliver dulls the pain. With his effervescent attitude, confident manner and just all around goodness, he doesn’t fill the empty gaping hole in my chest; he simply covers it, making it hurt less.

  “Okay, it’s ready.” Oliver reaches out his hand for me to take and pulls me to sit next to him. I sit and contemplate, realizing what he’s done; what he continues to do for me. My eyes shift and notice the single rose lying on top of the sandwich wrapped in plastic next to a bag of chips. I pick up the rose and close my eyes, breathing in its scent wondering what I ever did to deserve a friend like him.

  “So, what are we watching?” I put down the rose and dig in. Surprisingly, there are no waves of nausea therefore I take the opportunity to get something into my empty belly.

  “Jerry McGuire. Ever seen it?”

  “You mean…you had me at hello?”

  “No more like, show me the money!” Oliver yells. The crowd of couples surrounding us laughs and snickers. I smile and blush with embarrassment.

  “You really can’t stand not being the center of attention, huh?” I tease when I notice several females eyeing him.

  He takes a large bite of his sandwich and chews vigorously, almost as if he’s thinking a little too hard about what he wants to say. “What’s that supposed to mean?” If I didn’t know him better, I would think he was a little taken back.

  I pop another chip in my mouth and carefully think about my answer. “I’m only asking if you’ve ever been content with just being in the moment. Just enjoying one person’s company without worrying about everyone else or constantly trying to compete or show off?”

  Oliver’s eyes turn to the screen as the movie begins; he’s chewing, but again seems to be deep in thought. We continue in silence. I start to feel guilty about my comment. Obviously I made my point, but I had no intentions of hurting his feelings.

  Before I know it, it’s almost the end of the movie and we haven’t said more than a couple of words, sharing only a few laughs. I’m beginning to wonder if I should have just kept my mouth shut. But, I didn’t, so here we are.

  With the chilly night air seeping around us, my fingers start to go numb. I rub my palms together and blow into my cupped hands to keep warm when Oliver startles me. “Cold?” his voice is soft. I nod my head. He reaches over grabbing the second blanket. I expect him to hand it over, but instead he reaches for my elbow and pulls me to him, resting me between his thighs as he leans against the tree. Spreading out the blanket, Oliver wraps it around the both of us. I’m warm now, draped in the blanket and Oliver’s arms.

  I relax against him and rest my head against his chest and bask in the heat as my body defrosts. It’s odd to feel comforted in another man’s embrace.

  “Is this what you meant by being content in the moment?” I can feel his lips as they brush against my hair and his breath against the nape of my neck. I nod. “I must admit this is a first for me.” His arms tighten and I ignore the pang of pain I feel as if I’m betraying Alex. The most difficult part of being so close with Oliver is that I’m torn. I hate feeling lonely and I hate being without Alex. But even these few hours with Oliver have made me forget the tangled web of lies and deceit I’m caught in.

  I point my frozen finger towards the steel thermos. “Do I get some of your grandmother’s hot chocolate now?”

  Oliver nudges me forward and reaches for two cups from his bag o’tricks. You can see the steam rising as the dark liquid fills the ceramic mugs. He reaches back into the bag to grab a can of whipped cream and swirls a mound on top of each cup.

  Absolute wrong time to bring up such a cherished memory, but when I close my eyes I think back to my trip to San Diego and the first time Alex told me he loved me. God, if a can of whipped cream reminds me of Alex, then I’m doomed.

  My eyes mist over, but I quickly blink away the moisture and grab the cup from Oliver’s hand. He pulls me back, again resting against his chest, as I take my first sip. The warmth feels too good as it glides down my throat, heat radiating in my belly.

  You like that little one? Well if you’re happy, I’m happy.

  I continue to drink and relax against Oliver’s muscular chest and before you know it, the credits are rolling and the crowds are starting to fold up their blankets.

  “I can honestly say this is a first for me.” I smile and look over my shoulder. I’ve really enjoyed myself.

  “Wow, Mr. Hoity Toity VP never took you anywhere fun, huh?” And just like that, Oliver crapped all over my good time.

  I remove his arms from around me and push the blanket off and stand. A ball of frustration grows inside and I look around the park searching for the direction we came from.

  “Hey, what are you doing?” Oliver sits up and tries to grab at me to pull me back down.

  “Remember what I said about just being happy in the moment?” I place my hands on my hips as I look at him with irritation.

  “I believe the words you said were content.” Oliver tries to joke, but in obvious nervousness he looks at the people surrounding us.

  “Well whatever…you just pissed all over my content moment, asshole!” I scold him as I stomp up the hill. I’m fuming as I push past the crowds in search of Oliver’s car. I wouldn’t even know how to get home from here and consider possibly calling Rachel to come pick me up. I take my phone from my pocket and notice three missed texts, all from Alex.

  *I’m at your house. Where are you?*

  I notice that text was sent at seven thirty.

  *That asshole picked you up early didn’t he?*

  That one was sent at eight o’clock.

  *I’m going crazy here thinking about what you’re doing right now with him*

  And once again I’m gutted. Not more than five minutes ago I found a moment of peace with another man while the father of my child drives himself into a jealous rage. What kind of person am I? I’m damned if I do and I’m damned if I don’t. If I don’t continue with my life, I’ll give Alex a reason to continue to piss Arianna off and where will that lead us? If I continue to see where things progress with Oliver, then I’ll kill him slowly with the very man he despises.

  I’m lost in thought when someone grabs my elbow and pulls me in the opposite direction. “Let go.” Huffing, I pull my arm out of Oliver’s grasp.

  He stands frustrated, holding the blankets in one arm, his backpack slung over his opposite shoulder. “What did I do?”

  “What did you do?” I look at him incredulously. “Are you really asking me that?”

  Clearly frustrated, he takes a step towards me. “Obviously, because I just asked you!”

  “Why do you have to make comments about him? Why do you just assume and belittle what we had?” I struggle to keep the anger in my voice. Just talking about Alex hurts, even when seething.

  “I’m not belittling anything. I’m just trying to state a fact,” he bites back.

  “No, you’re trying to talk about something you know nothing about.” I glare at him as I raise my arms in frustration. “You want to know just how fun he is?” Oliver shakes his head knowing that what I’m about to say is probably the last thing he would ever want to know. “Well, too bad since
you opened up the topic for discussion.

  “He knew all of the spots where I’m ticklish. He knew just where to touch me to drive me absolutely crazy. He could make me over the charts angry and the next minute make my heart smile. He was fun because just being with him made me happy!” I yelled the last few words as tears brimmed my eyes again. “And you,” I rush towards him and push my finger into his chest, “you are not making it any easier to be away from him!”

  The last thing I expected was for Oliver to drop the blankets and his backpack to the ground to pull me closer to him, but he did.

  “I’m sorry.” Settling his forehead against mine, I notice both of our breaths are ragged. “I know you think I’m a conceited asshole and I know you think I love competition. Well, I guess I normally do, except when it comes to you. I hate that he got you first. I hate watching you want him, knowing that I would give anything to have you look at me that way.”

  This is it. Either I allow him to kiss me or I pull away. I can feel the desperation as his hands clutch my shoulders, holding me against him.

  “I don’t want to hurt you. But Oliver, I’m just not ready.”

  His lips lift into a smile as he lets go of my shoulders and reaches down to pick up his stuff. “Well…I’ll be here when you are.”

  ~~~~~

  “I’m sorry for that back there.” Oliver’s apology comes the instant he places the car in park in front of my apartment. The drive was quiet, which was nice considering our recent standoff. I know it would be easy to give into Oliver and see where things go, but just because it’s easy, doesn’t mean it’s the right decision.

  My Mom once told me that the best things in life are worth fighting for. Alex, so far, has been one of the best things that happen to me. Unfortunately, I’m currently stuck between a rock and a hard place; Alex being the rock, my stability and Arianna being the hard place with her demand for control and threats looming over our relationship.

  “It’s fine Oliver. Just forget it,” I mutter.