Shattered Heart

by Ann Stewart

  “I don’t want to forget it. I don’t want you to forget it. I want you to think about it.”

  “Oliver…I can’t…” Before I can finish my sentence, Oliver’s leaning over brushing his lips against mine. Probably one of the most awkward kisses considering it was completely unplanned and unexpected, but at the same time it takes my breath away. His lips are warm and soft and I close my eyes for only a second, moving my lips slightly before I push against his chest.

  “Oliver…what the hell?!” I wipe my lips with the back of my hand.

  He points to me like a child tattle telling on me for cheating on a test. “You kissed me back.”

  “You caught me by surprise,” I argue.

  “I needed to know what your reaction would be. Either you were going to hit me or…”

  “Or I was going to push you away?”

  “Or you were going to kiss me,” he smiles. “And you can’t deny that for a split second you gave yourself over to me.”

  I grab the handle and get one foot out the door before he grabs my forearm. “Oliver, I need to go.”

  “Hey, you’re not mad at me, are you?” I know what I’ll see if I look at him and my clouded mind cannot take his persistence.

  I think about it, and just like everything to do with Oliver, it doesn’t take too much time to decide. I shake my head. I’m not mad that Oliver knows what he wants and has the balls to pursue it. I’m mad at the fact that I put myself in this position where my mind is more uncertain than usual.

  Oliver lets me go with a slight nod and I walk to my door, head still spinning as I reach into my pocket for my keys. My head’s down which is why I don’t notice the figure sitting at my doorstep. Our eyes meet and I can see the pain and disappointment written all over his face.

  “Alex, I…” My mouth drops open as I search for an explanation; something to take away the wounded look on his face.

  “Don’t.” Alex stands and brushes by me. “After the meeting you had with Arianna…I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

  With tears threatening to spill, my eyes close the moment the scent of musk and citrus wafts past me. Not only because I keep hurting Alex with all of my decisions, but because I know he’s gone when I want nothing more than to ask him to stay.

  CHAPTER 9

  Thursday, November 29, 2012

  Two days. Forty-eight hours. Two thousand eight hundred and eighty minutes. Whatever way you spin it, it felt like years since I last spoke to Alex. I was actually impressed with how he handled the Oliver situation. The old Alex would have pounded his face into the pavement first, asked questions later. Now, Alex took the high road and walked away. But I’m not sure what’s worse, Alex screaming and fighting the world for me or him acting indifferent. I really can’t blame him considering I’ve strung him along.

  When he showed up to work on Tuesday with a butterfly bandage over his right eye, I reacted completely territorial. I was in the lobby waiting for the elevator when I noticed him walking towards me. His head was tilted, masking his injury. But the moment I noticed the small nude bandage I rushed to him, taking his face into my hands, tilting it for a better look. The hum of the lobby was nothing but white noise, all I saw was Alex. I asked him what happened and ignored the questioning glances of the passerby’s.

  He pulled his face away and glared at me muttering something to the extent of, “It’s none of your business.” I was heartbroken. I never wanted to lose the right to know about his life, but apparently I had. I didn’t say anything. I just sank back; looking uncomfortable as if I was invading a space I no longer belonged in. I watched as he pushed past me and took the stairs instead of waiting to share the space where our infatuation originally began.

  Two days later and I’m still stuck on his stupid cut. I never got an explanation for his battle wounds and I hate to say it, but its killing me not knowing what happened.

  Snapping me back to today, a beep from my pocket startles me. Frantically pulling my phone out of my pocket, my heart drops when I find the text isn’t from whom I wanted it to be from. Alex.

  *S.O.S. Please come here. I need you*

  Janice’s text surprises me. This is unlike her; she doesn’t have bad days. She’s the one person who is consistently ecstatic to wake up in the morning. She’s normally so disgustingly peppy that if I waited long enough, I’m sure little animated animals would appear and she’d break out in song about a spoon full of sugar.

  But not today.

  I walk around the corner and find her head down, face nestled in the alcove of her tiny arms as her shoulders rise and fall. Soft sobs echo in the unusually quiet office. Guarded, I look around for Alex, desperately hoping not to see him. He made himself clear, he doesn’t want me being concerned about him and if I see him with another injury or God forbid a hair out of place, I may go all misery on his ass and lock him up and incapacitate him. He’d have to let me take care of him then, right? Dang Ely, irrational much?

  Janice’s desk is in complete disarray. Her office supplies victims of her morning madness. Paperclips, stapler and tape dispenser are among the casualties strewn across the floor. I kneel down and begin picking them up, placing each item back on her disorganized desk.

  “Janice?” I whisper.

  She raises her blotchy face, tears still trickling down her cheeks. My heart breaks as I look at her. She’s no longer the ray of sunshine I’ve taken for granted in my dreary days. Instead, now she’s a storm cloud, gushing drops of misery onto her tiny, pale arms.

  I sigh, inching to her on my knees. “Oh Janice, what happened?”

  Still sobbing, she lifts her phone, the only explanation she could give. The only one I needed.

  You knew this was coming. Your parents don’t think I’m good enough for you. You obviously don’t think I’m good enough for you since you haven’t tried to introduce me. Vanessa was just being a friend. We never meant for anything to happen.

  “Vanessa?” I question, staring up into her glossy eyes.

  Janice grabs a tissue and begins to blow loudly into the Kleenex before speaking through her sobs.

  “Apparently, Kevin has been so torn up about my lack of enthusiasm over introducing him to my parents. One of his clients has been comforting him and mending his wounded ego.” Janice throws the waded up tissue into her trashcan and reaches for another, now blotting her eyes and cheeks.

  “Apparently his client felt the need to comfort him with her VAGINA!” At that, Janice’s voice raises just enough to get some odd looks from our surrounding colleagues. If her loud sobs didn’t draw the attention, her loud reference to the female genitalia most likely did the job.

  I bring her in for a hug and Janice clings to my waist with a burst of energy. “Janice, breathe through it. Come here. It’ll be okay.” Even though I don’t promise, I hope she knows it was inferred. There are certain people in this world who do not deserve to be in this pain. Janice is one of them.

  “I hate him, Ely. I can’t believe he did this to me. After everything?!” I rub her back and allow her to cry on my shoulder, but when the body shakes start, I hold her even closer.

  “Janice…is everything okay?” I’d know his voice anywhere and apparently Janice does too. Her violent sobs stop almost immediately, her spine straightens when the words leave his mouth. Breaking away, she avoids looking at him as she runs a tissue under her eyes before turning to face him. I, on the other hand, stiffen and keep my back to him.

  “Yes, Mr. James. I’m sorry…” Janice fidgets with her office supplies.

  “Get your stuff and go home, Janice.” His words are forceful, yet his tone is full of sympathy, and I can only imagine the expression on his face. Alex has dealt with a crying female a time or two and every time he was comforting and empathetic. “Go take care of…things. Just forward my calls to voicemail and put your out-of-office on.”

  “Don’t worry about it. I’m fine. There’s no need…” Janice sniffles as she runs her hands over the skir
t of her dress.

  “Don’t be ridiculous. I’m not going to make you stay here while you’re obviously upset. Take the rest of the day and take care of yourself.” Janice turns to face him, her face in complete shock as she shows the emotion she’s been trying to hide from him.

  It’s a sweet gesture actually and shows the true Alex: a man who takes care of those close to him. Although Janice may not consider herself to be in that circle, she’s probably not aware that Alex doesn’t have too many people in his life. And she is most definitely a vital part of him being who he is. Something passes through them and it’s at this point I think she’s realizing her worth. They take care of each other. I smile at Janice as she gather’s her purse and continues to thank Alex profusely.

  My focus on Janice has given me the strength to avoid looking in his direction. I guess it would make me a bad friend if I perused my ex in her time of need, but I will say I’m pretty damn proud of myself. For someone who’s not been in my shoes, they may not know the amount of resolve it takes to ignore your body when it’s surrounded in temptation.

  That is, until I hear the shrill voice of the banshee coming towards us.

  “Oh Alex, there you are,” she shrieks. Imperceptibly, I notice Alex straighten a little taller and wonder why. But then again, it is Arianna. No matter who she’s around, the need to be at attention surrounds you. When she continues, I cringe. “I’m actually running late for a lunch meeting and have seemed to have lost track of my appointments today. Can you take Sandy to lunch by yourself?”

  Okay, so in general a work lunch wouldn’t be any more suspicious than if Janice and I were to have lunch. And normally, I would avoid Arianna like the plague, but the sadist in me turns to look at the spectacle in front of me. I know in my gut that she’s doing this on purpose.

  Standing next to Arianna is a tall blonde woman with legs for days. She’s curvy, perfect glowing skin, and absolutely beautiful. Her apple shaped face is flawless with her prominent cheek bones, full lips, and large blues eyes. Did I mention that she’s also beaming at Alex? It takes a moment for my brain to register and my eyes travel from Alex, to Arianna, to Sandy. Alex looks calm on the outside, but I can tell he’s agitated when his jaw jerks as he grinds his teeth. Arianna looks nothing but the soulless succubus that she is. She glances in my direction with a devilish grin.

  “Oh Elyssa, I didn’t notice you standing there.” Arianna extends her hand in my direction as she looks at Sandy. “Elyssa Hart, Sandra Tanner. Sandra is an old friend of mine. She’s actually the person who introduced me to Alex.” Bile rises in my throat with the way Arianna annunciates the word “introduced.” My mouth drops in utter disbelief.

  This is the bitch that introduced him to Arianna, which means she used to be one of his clients. Alex has had sex with this woman and now she’s standing in front of his knocked-up ex-girlfriend with her large fucking eyes and perfect fucking lips smiling at him as if she’s waiting for him to slip it in.

  Arianna is overjoyed at the awkwardness. I close my mouth quickly and shake off the initial shock, refusing to give her the satisfaction of knowing how much this affects me. I extend my hand and put on the best act possible, even though mentally I’m poking her eyes out.

  “Nice to meet you, Mrs. Tanner.” Her hands are soft, yet her grip is firm. Her eyes study me as she purses her lips while we remain clasped together. Mentally I’m competing with her, wondering if Alex prefers her to me. I know this is a horrible time to feel insecure, but it’s almost impossible when you’re sandwiched between two women who know your man intimately. Well, ex-man.

  “You as well.” I can’t tell if her smile is genuine or if she is just polite out of common courtesy. Either way, I definitely don’t trust her and I can’t stomach the way she’s looking at him. She turns to Alex and grabs his elbow. “Well, I guess it’s just you and me, Calvin. Ready to go?” Wait, Calvin? Where have I heard that before?

  Because they are almost the same height, with heels on, she smiles brightly while looking into his cloudy eyes. I study them and once again feel a pang of jealousy; they seem perfect for each other. I guess Alex didn’t have it so bad when he was pimping himself out. If all of his clients were this attractive, he was basically reaping the advantage of not only having sex with hot women, but also making massive amounts of money. Not to mention, he also got tons of practice, leading to his sex God status.

  Before he answers, his blue irises soften and our eyes meet. I plead with him in my mind and with my eyes; I beg him not to go. I have no right to him and I have no say in his actions, but in this moment I want him to pick me. I want him to pick our unborn child and stay for us. God, I’m a hypocritical idiot.

  It’s only a few seconds, but his eyes survey me, taking me in. But, like my life, our moment passes and Alex makes a decision and nods as he walks away with her draped on his arm. I swallow back the choking sensation and continue to stare at their backs as they walk away.

  In a trance, I don’t notice Arianna as she comes to stand next to me. She crosses her arms over her chest and joins me as I stare at Alex’s retreating form.

  “She’s not as old as you thought she was, huh?” Why I answer, I’m not sure, but I shake my head while she chuckles. “She used to be a model. That’s how she met her husband.” Figures!

  “I’m glad she’s looking to do business with us. You know what that means right?” I turn to her, disgust on my face, and wait for her to enlighten me. She doesn’t deserve my words. “She and Alex will be spending a lot of time together. You know how that works…late nights…dinners…weekends. Who knows how long it will take to come to an agreement on this deal? Alex may need to persuade her…”

  I shake my head, pushing the images out of my mind. The last thing I need is to picture Alex reverting back to his old ways. Then it hits me. Calvin. The video that Arianna showed me, the blonde was calling Alex, Calvin. My inner green eyed monster is ripping my insides to shreds hoping to break free. I focus on taking even breaths. Alex has come so far, there’s no possible way he would go back to sleeping around.

  Arianna continues her ramblings, but I block her out and decide to interrupt her. “Well, I’m glad you’re getting more business. If you’ll excuse me,” I push past her, plastering a fake smile and go back to find Janice standing in complete shock with her purse dangling over her shoulder.

  Janice watches as Arianna sashays away. “Ely, what’s going on?”

  “Alex is taking a client to lunch.” A client that he has personal knowledge of the sounds she makes when they make love. No! Not making love. Fucking.

  “Why do you look as if someone just punched you in the gut?” Because I’m pregnant. Because the man that I love just left with his ex-mistress. Because Arianna like’s to slowly torture me and is trying her damndest to make me insane. Take your pick.

  I try to give her a reassuring smile instead of adding to her already shitty day. “Because guys suck.”

  “I say we have a girl’s night out tomorrow after work. Screw the guys! We’ll go out and find ourselves new ones!” This is the first glimpse I’ve had of my usual bright-eyed friend. How can I resist anything that makes her this happy?

  Trevor did give me that flyer for the event he was promoting. On one hand I would be consoling my friend in her time of heartache and on the other hand I’d be supporting my friend in his career. It wouldn’t hurt to go and kill two birds with one stone.

  Settled, I let her know about the club. “My friend actually gave me a flyer for a girl’s night at one of the clubs he works at. We get in free and it’s an entire event apparently.”

  Janice lights up, “I’m in.”

  “So am I!” I didn’t notice Autumn until it was too late. She’s sitting on the edge of Janice’s desk, looking between the two of us. I told you she might be a witch. She shows up at the tail end of conversations, never minding her own business. Why I put up with it, or why any of us put up with it, is beyond me. She’s not even that nice.
>
  “You want to come…with us?” I try not to sound too incredulous. We haven’t had much luck going out as a threesome. Actually, the last time we all went together, Janice ended up taking a drunk Autumn home and leaving me to fend for myself at the bar. I guess I shouldn’t complain. It ended up being a blessing; the first time I was alone with Alex. Blessing or curse…you decide.

  “Why not? It’ll be fun.” Autumn’s excitement actually seems genuine. Janice shrugs and we all agree to head out around nine o’clock. That would give us plenty of time to head home after work and get ready. I agree to be the designated driver, for obvious reasons. Autumn disappears as I bring Janice in for one last hug. I tell her if she needs anything to call, push her towards the elevators and head back to my desk.

  I’m not sure who has it worse. Janice gets to go home and lick her wounds, while I get to stay at work and pretend to have my mind focused, when in reality all I can think about is Alex on his lunch date.

  I grip the sides of my head, hoping to compress my thoughts. God, they looked perfect together. Technically she had him first, I can’t even claim dibs on him based on seniority.

  I’m nauseated and in this case I don’t think it has anything to do with morning sickness.

  ~~~~~

  I’ve had three meetings, lunch, and an enrollment presentation since Alex left this morning for his so-called lunch meeting. I’ve gone through hours of worrying, biting my nails, picking at my cuticles, thinking of what Alex. And the only thoughts I’m definitely committing to is that I’m in desperate need of a manicure.

  I’ve sent nine text messages and haven’t received one response. I scroll through my phone reading them over, wondering if I got my point across.

  **Long lunch?**

  Completely innocent.

  **I can’t believe you would go to lunch with one of your ex-‘clients’**

  Slightly irritated.

  **How are your business transactions going?**

  A hint of sarcasm.