Shattered Heart

by Ann Stewart

  Jackson’s left brow tilts up as he looks at me suspiciously. “Elyssa, are you sure you are okay?”

  “Sorry Jackson, I must be tired. I really should get going.” I stand and grab my purse. Jackson stands with me, grabbing my hand to stop me from leaving.

  “Can I call you?” I glance down at my small fist encapsulated in his smooth, strong hands. I can’t help but imagine what my life would be like having never ran across Alex’s path. So much would be different. I wouldn’t have Arianna jumping on my back every two seconds, practically stalking me. That’s for sure. But, then again, I would have missed out on life changing events that have stolen my heart, making me wish for more.

  Even as his thumb begins to trace the palm of my hand, the more I think about it, trading consistency for passion doesn’t seem like an unfair exchange. I’m flattered. At the same time, I’m on the verge of a panic attack. And the last thing I want is for Sandy to see me go into full blown freak out mode.

  Not having the strength to do anything about his willingness to move forward, I’m two seconds away from kindly declining Jackson’s offer when I’m being carted backwards and swept around a large, firm body. Alex. Fuck. Going toe to toe with Jackson, his nose flares. My lame attempt to pull him back by his elbow goes unnoticed. Alex doesn’t budge.

  “Dude, what’s your problem?” Jackson shows no sign of intimidation of the six foot wall of muscle fuming at my side. Alex’s chest rumbles with a growl in response, continuing to glare at my new friend. I know I shouldn’t be anything but scared, or at least a little nervous, but I’m slightly turned on by his outright dominance. Not to mention the fact that both men in front of me are equally as beautiful, both gifted with bodies for sin.

  “Elyssa, get your shit and let’s go,” Alex talks through his teeth, still standing menacingly close to Jackson.

  “She’s a big girl. She can make her own decisions.” Jackson must have a death wish to instigate anything while Alex continues to stare him down. I know he can probably handle himself, in any situation, but a girl he’s only known for an hour isn’t worth getting in a fight over.

  Alex chuckles slightly, but his hands are now fisted with white knuckle force. “I suggest you back the fuck off. She’s mine.”

  Oh, here we go! Alex staking claim when no less than ten minutes ago I saw him leaving a backroom with one of his exes. No, screw that! He can’t be with someone else one minute and then try to possess me the next.

  “Alex, stop! There’s nothing going on here. Janice and I…”

  Alex’s head turns in my direction and once again a rumble erupts from his chest. His face still showing every sign of intimidation; his lips in a hard line, his brows furrowed, his eyes blazing with anger. Without breaking eye contact, Alex bends over. I shudder as my eyes flutter involuntarily, his breath rippling across my skin as he gets closer to my ear.

  Seductively, in an almost purr, Alex whispers, “Do I need to repeat myself, Elyssa? Get. Your. Shit. Now. We need to talk.”

  Pulling back to look for a sign of understanding, blue eyes meeting green, Alex’s face studies mine. This man is absolutely infuriating. I run my hand through my hair. I’m utterly outraged. I open my mouth to protest, but a whimpering “no” is all that squeaks out, which unfortunately does nothing to show my absolute resolve. I clear my throat. If I’m going to have some semblance of control, I’ll have to try that again.

  “I’m not going anywhere with you right now. I’m here to have a good time. With Janice. Whatever it is that you’re doing here, I would appreciate it if you would let me be.”

  “So help me God, Elyssa. If you don’t move your ass right now, I will throw you over my shoulder and drag you to the backroom.” Both Trevor and Alex appear to be cut from the same caveman cloth.

  Alex’s back is to Jackson and when I see him moving towards Alex I shake my head slightly; my silent protest in his efforts to come to my rescue. Thankfully, Jackson takes the clue and doesn’t come any closer.

  “Is that what you want? I don’t care what kind of scene it would cause. They won’t throw me out of here. I know that for a fact. Are you willing to chance ruining your night because you won’t give me five fucking minutes of your time?”

  He’s seething. I know I have no choice. I’ve never had a choice when it came to him. I come to an agreement that I’ll go, but only for five minutes. Worrying my bottom lip, I struggle to shove Alex aside, but he doesn’t budge an inch. Just when I think I’ve had enough, right when I’m about to get up in his face, he leans over as if he is going to whisper again, but instead he seizes my earlobe in his mouth and nibbles. The feeling of his teeth against my skin is a straight shot to the apex of my thighs, which happens to now be lit up on fire.

  That was an asshole move.

  Finally giving me some room, he allows me to exhale the breath I didn’t realize I was holding. Whether it’s holding my breath due to his closeness or having the wind knocked out of me with just a simple look. I’m always having breathing issues around him. He has this power over me, not only because I’m pregnant with his child, but because of one simple fact. I love him.

  Grabbing hold of my elbow, Alex pulls me towards the bar. I glance back at Jackson as I’m dragged farther and farther away and mouth, “I’m sorry,” while he stands, battling with himself. I know he’s struggling on whether or not he should come after me or let me leave with the anger ball who’s dragging me behind him. Luckily, the war raged on, and he allowed me to figure it out on my own.

  Shutting the door behind us, I glance around at what appears to be an office. A one sided mirror overlooks the entire floor with a dark oak desk in the middle of the room, a leather office chair sitting behind it, with only one other chair resting in front. There are no decorations, no knick knacks, nothing to say who the office belongs to. It’s practically bare.

  Alex pushes me up against the brick wall and not lightly I might add. With his arms encapsulating me, he rests his forearms on the wall beside my head and its déjà vu all over again. I remember us being in this same position not that long ago. Not the same bar, but the same feelings of having him so close, yet so far. So much has changed since that first night, but one fact still remains the same: I want him.

  Alex leans his forehead against mine and pushes himself closer. I can feel his ire melting off of his body as he slumps against me, breathing me in. I know what this is doing to him. His arms, normally so strong, are trembling. His breath, normally so calm and even, is ragged. And don’t count the bulge struggling to break free from his jeans. Again, my eyes involuntarily flutter.

  “So, here we are again.” Of course, he’s referring to our compromising position. It was just yesterday that Alex was stroking me, kissing me, running his mouth along my body. I had the strength to push him away then, but I don’t know if I have it tonight.

  I raise my eyebrows and give him a questioning glare. “Is this your way of giving a girl time?”

  “Don’t know…I’ve never had a girl ask me to give her time. Then again, I’ve never loved a girl enough to care about what she wanted.” His statement is honest, laced with confidence and sincerity. “So, is that what you want out there? Is that how you want to spend your time? You know, if that’s what does it for you, all you had to do was ask. I’ll always take care of you.” A cocky grin touches his lips. I’m not sure if I want to slap him or kiss him. He leans back, perusing my plunging neckline and skin tight dress. “I can tell by that dress alone what you came in search of tonight.”

  My face feels flushed even though I should be insulted. “I know what you can do, Alex. Trust me. I know firsthand what you’re capable of.”

  “Really? What’s that?”

  I gulp as his finger travels down the line of my cleavage, toying with the neckline of my dress. No. I won’t allow him to do this to me. Not after seeing him with Sandy tonight. Not even his touch, nor his words, can bring me out of this despair.

  “Your touch is tantalizing, yet t
ainted. I know where your hands have been. Every touch, every kiss, they’re no longer special because you’ve shared them with so many different women. You’re right, I don’t need anything from the men out there nor do I need anything from the man in here,” I lie. I really wish that I could say that with more conviction.

  “Tantalizing, huh?” His dimpled grin is heartwarmingly adorable, but it upsets me that he suffers from selective hearing and only focused on a portion of what I said.

  “Alex, you have to stop this,” I practically whisper.

  “Look at me, Hart.” I concede and stare up into his demanding blue eyes. “What exactly is this?” His eyes rake over my body, making me quiver with each inch he visually covers. “Are you talking about the fact that I can feel how much you want me?” He leans down, whispering in my ear. “I bet if I dipped into those sexy panties you’re wearing you’d be soaking wet. I can practically smell you and trust me when I say that you smell just as good as you taste.” He runs his nose along my jaw line drawing a small moan from me as he inhales.

  “I didn’t come here for you,” I breathe back.

  “You sure as hell fooled me with the way you’re panting. If I’m not mistaken, with the look you’re giving me, you’re attempting to figure out the quickest way to get my clothes off and inside you. Am I right?”

  “I-I came here f-for Janice,” I stutter, after foolishly attempting to push against his chest. I can feel his heartbeat underneath my palms. And even though Alex seems calm, his heart is frantic as he pushes against me.

  “Listen, she just broke up with her boyfriend. Honestly, I’m just trying to help her get over him. Nothing more, I promise.”

  Ice melting. That’s the look Alex has in his eyes with the mention of heartache. “Oh, you would know something about that, wouldn’t you?” And just like that, the switch has been officially flipped. No longer is sexy Alex out to play. Nope, now it’s time for brooding Alex to take his turn. “You two are two peas in a fucked up man-hating pod. You decide the best way to forget about an ex-boyfriend is to just move on to someone else? Sounds familiar. What do they call it…a rebound fuck?” I reach up trying to slap him, but Alex reflexively grabs my wrist, stopping me. He knows nothing of the ache I feel inside, an ache that is unrelenting no matter how often I try to keep busy in an effort to not think of him.

  “Her man cheated on her! With a client! I’m sure you know a lot about that.” Two can play at this game. Alex’s grip loosens as his face turns to one of confusion. “What is she supposed to do? Mourn some asshole who didn’t appreciate her?”

  “Wasn’t it not that long ago that I let her leave work to go home and take care of herself? How do you go from being heartbroken to chatting it up with strippers in the matter of seconds? I swear I’m the chick in this relationship…talking about respect and actually giving myself time instead of jumping on the first warm body.”

  “Are you kidding me? Look at you talking about warm bodies and rebound fucks, being Mr. High and Mighty, when you just left this very room less than twenty minutes ago with your precious Sandy!” I hate the taste of her name on my tongue. I hate even more that I just let Alex know that it’s bothering me.

  “What in the fuck are you talking about?” He seems anxious. He must think I’m an idiot if he actually thinks I believe their visit was innocent.

  “I’m not stupid, Calvin,” I answer through gritted teeth.

  “Don’t call me that. EVER.” Alex leans in, his face mere inches away from mine. “Don’t fucking push me, Elyssa.”

  “Again, I’m not stupid. I saw with my own eyes. You with her today and I definitely remember you leaving with her yesterday. So next time you want to try and control my life whenever you see fit, just remember who is rebound fucking who! This is my life! I can make my own decisions, just like you appear to be. If those decisions are wrong, then God forbid that I actually get the opportunity to make a mistake.”

  Visually Alex looks like I just ran him over with my car. He doesn’t know how to handle me when I’m being defiant. More calm than before, “I’m not trying to control you. I just want you to admit that you’re not over me.” He pushes closer again. “Just like I’m not over you.” He lifts my chin, forcing me to look at him. “I don’t want some asshole taking my place while I’m giving you your space. Seriously Elyssa, their like fucking vultures waiting for the death of our relationship. I won’t let you go.”

  “You think I’m not scared of the same thing? Especially when it seems like you’ve already gone and found yourself something to tide you over.” My eyes dart to the closed door.

  “What?! Are you talking about Sandy?” I nod my head as I pull my face away from his touch. “

  “Would it bother you if I started seeing someone else?” His voice is soft as his fingers trace my lips.

  “It would shatter me,” I mutter the truth against his fingers.

  His hands move to the nape of my neck. “Then why are you doing this?”

  “I really should go check on Janice.” I push against him trying to escape this conversation before I tell him something I know I shouldn’t.

  Alex pushes me back against the wall and places his weight against me. “I miss you. I’ve never ached for someone as much as I do for you. I watch you every day as you go on with your life as if we never happened and it kills me.” The shiver that rocks me to the core is nothing I’ve ever felt before. I can barely breathe. “Please…tell me why,” Alex begs, letting his head rest against my shoulder.

  I run my fingers through his hair, just as I have many times before. Only this time I’m trying to comfort him when I know I can’t give him any more. “You’re past is part of you. I get that, I really do. The problem I’m having is that it haunts me.” Literally. ”I need to know that I can get over the fact that you’ve shared yourself with so many women, when I’ve given myself to you and only you completely. You’re the only one who’s had all of me.”

  “Don’t you see…you’re my only one. The women before meant nothing…they mean nothing. You’re my Hart.” Alex steps away, head down, defeated as I step around him and open the door. I don’t look back. I don’t dare for fear that I’ll crumble in front of him.

  Janice is waiting for me at the bar with Trevor. They’re both laughing; Trevor has his hand resting on her hip possessively. Janice seems happy. Hmmmm

  “Ely, you okay?” Janice looks at me with concern.

  I nod. “Where’s Autumn?” I ask solemnly.

  “She’s still with Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum. Oh never mind, here she comes.” I glance over to where Janice is pointing and notice Autumn stumbling towards us with a cocktail in hand. “She hasn’t changed; still a sloppy drunk.”

  Yay for me! I get to deal with a plastered Autumn. This should be delightful.

  Just as the four of us situate ourselves at the bar, Alex exits the room. His hair looks more disheveled than it was before, probably from pulling it in frustration. I know the feeling. He glances over in my direction, but his eyes don’t linger. Instead he gives a head nod to Trevor and strides to the exit, not looking back once.

  “Seriously, Elyssa, why do you always get the ones I want?” Autumn slurs.

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Alex. Oliver. I’ve wanted them both and they seem to be infatuated with you. What do you have that I don’t?”

  I contemplate Autumn’s question as she lays her head down on her forearm and dozes off. What do I have that none of these women seem to have? Alex’s heart for one, other than that, I’m just me.

  “Ready to go, Janice?” She nods. I turn to Trevor for a little help. “This is all you. Thanks for tonight, but now you get to help me carry her drunk-ass to my car.”

  CHAPTER 11

  Wednesday, December 5, 2012

  Note to self: Make your womb a happy womb.

  “Honey stop,” a female voice giggles from across the room. I glance up from the magazine I’m pretending to read and lay eyes
on a happy couple cuddling. The woman is about my age, but absolutely glowing while her husband rubs her swollen belly. Not that I’ve been pregnant before, but I’d say she’s in her third trimester by the bump they’re caressing. They talk silently, giggling amongst one another, leaning in and exchanging brief kisses.

  I know I shouldn’t be jealous. Yet here I am wallowing in it all because of a deliriously happy couple. I lay my hand across my flat belly and silently apologize to my baby. I don’t know where we’ll be in the future, but I can almost guarantee that Alex won’t be here to share in these joys. Alex isn’t the type of man that goes in only half hearted. It’s either all or nothing and right now I have nothing to give. Barely on speaking terms, we’re not functional enough to raise a baby together. And this baby deserves more.

  Sadly, I haven’t seen or heard from Alex since our ladies night when he went all alpha male claiming his territory. I wasn’t able to fathom the attraction to bad boys until I had my own. He claims me; branding my soul so much that I can feel my love for him while it runs through my veins as our baby grows safe inside me. I’d love nothing more than to have him here, arms wrapped around me as we wait patiently to be called back. To have his strong hands run over my growing belly, one day feeling the movement of our little baby James.

  Instead I glance next to me and am met with the depressing reality that all I have is me, myself and…my sister. My rock. Rachel seems calm, waiting patiently for my eight o’clock appointment. I say she seems calm, but I can tell she’s nervous or maybe excited, by the velocity of her bouncing knee as she flips through pages of a magazine.

  I didn’t notice the door leading to the exam room opening until a nurse in pink scrubs called out my name, “Elyssa Hart?”.

  Rachel pats my knee and stands, placing the tabloid magazine back on the side table. “Let’s go, kiddo.”

  The nurse walks us back to an examination room and takes my blood pressure and weight. I’m not far along in my pregnancy so I haven’t been concerned about weight gain, especially since I haven’t been able to keep much down. After collecting my medical history she leaves me a thin paper gown to change into while we wait for the doctor.