Shattered Heart

by Ann Stewart

  I lean back, holding myself up as Alex grips my hips and begins to move with more fervor. “You’ll tell me if something’s wrong? If I’m hurting you?” I nod my head and moan with pleasure when he grips me tighter and begins to grind against me.

  I can’t say that I didn’t ask for it. The instant I give him the green light, Alex moves with urgency. His hands are rough, gripping me tighter as he pounds into me. “Is this what you wanted?” Alex’s voice turns raspy, thrusting into me over and over again.

  “Yes. Oh Fuck. Harder.”

  With a growl, his hot mouth crashes against mine as he lifts me from the vanity, turning to make our way to the bed. When my back collides with the cool comforter, Alex lifts both of my legs to settle them on his shoulders.

  “Keep your legs together.” I do as I’m told as Alex lifts my hips, pulling me into him harder and harder. “Fuck. You’re gonna kill me.” My insides clench when I come for the second time, this time more satisfyingly complete because I finally hear Alex moan my name with his own release.

  I fall against the bed, my body putty, glistening with sweat and Alex.

  “Better?” he asks. Brushing my hair away, he pelts me with small kisses all over my shoulder.

  “Absolutely,” I chuckle; grasping his arms to pull them tighter around me.

  We lay still, our breathing eventually evening out. Allowing my eyes to flutter shut from exhaustion, I mumble an incoherent, “Hmmm?” when Alex breaks the silence.

  “Would you have told me about the baby? I mean, if it wasn’t for me pushing you, were you planning on telling me?” It’s not the question that troubles me, but the tone of his voice.

  I turn to face him, stroking his cheek as I gaze along his worrisome face. “Honestly, I’ve wanted to tell you since the moment I found out. I just didn’t know how. Remember when you came over after Thanksgiving? I found out that night and I was a mess. I planned on telling you then, but everything you said made me think twice. You were finally letting me go, after all the hurt, I couldn’t do that to you. Not when we were still figuring out how to be. And then, it just never seemed like the right time.”

  “But you did plan on telling me, right? You weren’t trying to keep the baby away from me?”

  I guess he has every right to feel this way, especially after what I just confessed. Even so, I’m startled by his thoughts. “Why would you even think that?”

  “It’s just…maybe you’re worried that I won’t be a good Dad or…maybe you think I’ll fuck everything up like my Dad did. It’s not like I have the best role model when it comes to parenting.”

  “Actually you do…” He lifts his head, looking over my shoulder, confused. “Your Mom and Nana.”

  “I love you so much.” The emotion laced within Alex’s words when he rests his head and settles his hands over my belly, has me tearing up. I’m not sure if he’s talking to me or the baby and I don’t care because my family is complete and for the first time in months I’m hopeful we can make it through anything.

  Sunday, December 09, 2012

  The smell of bacon and maple syrup wafts through the room causing my stomach to growl and my eyes to flicker open. I squint against the rays of sunlight and stretch against the warm sheets. Before sitting up, I pull the blanket around my breasts and watch Alex setting the table for breakfast.

  Walking around naked doesn’t seem to sit well with my barely awake body, so when I step out of bed, I wrap the blanket around me and am practically blinded by all the silver lidded plates. But not as much as the view I’m seeing of Alex in only his boxer briefs with the sprawling city as the backdrop. That vision stops me in my tracks. When he notices my company he quickly comes over, brushes his lips across my forehead and ushers me by hand, leading me to the table.

  “Everything smells delicious, Alex.”

  He lifts the lids, showcasing all the food he ordered: bacon, pancakes, crepes, fruit and muffins. “I think there should be enough for you and the baby.”

  “Okay, maybe if we were having octuplets. You do realize we’re only having one, right?” I joke, my eyes wide at the overabundance of food.

  “Well, you said this was the first time you haven’t been queasy since you found out, so I figured you needed to make up for what you’ve lost.”

  “You’re gonna make me a fat-ass, Alex. Then where will we be?”

  “No way that’s gonna happen. I plan on working out that tight ass body of yours as often as I can. Sex is considered cardio, so it will balance itself out,” he chuckles at my attempt to slap his arm.

  Considering where our relationship was just the day before, it’s nice to be able to sit and enjoy breakfast with the man I love. His dimples are prominent when he chews and for some reason I love watching him eat. I love everything about the man sitting in front of me.

  “So, what’s next?” Alex questions, scooping a fork full of pancake into his mouth.

  Just as I’m about to take a bite of my new favorite meal, banana crepes, I ask, “Next?” I think being pregnant has advantages if I get to eat like this every morning.

  “When we get back, are you going to move in with me?”

  I immediately stop chewing and study his face for a sign that he’s messing with me. Nope, he’s not. Shit. “You’re serious aren’t you?”

  “As a heart attack. How am I supposed to keep an eye on my girls if you aren’t with me?”

  “Still convinced we’re having a girl, huh?” Alex nods, shoveling another bite into his mouth. At work he seems so grown up, but sitting in his boxers, eating breakfast, he seems so young. “Don’t you think that’s a little sudden? We just got back together.”

  “A little sudden would be me asking you to marry me, which I intend to do the moment I know you’ll say yes.” What he doesn’t realize is that I would probably say yes now, with a long engagement of course, but it wouldn’t be right to try and explain that to him. Not right now, when we are just getting back on track.

  “Alex…I don’t know.”

  “What’s causing the hesitation? Give me the list because you know I’ll have an answer that will beat each excuse. You know I have more than enough room. When the baby comes, there’s no way in hell you and the baby will be sleeping miles away from me. You can save your money and go back to school like you’ve always wanted.”

  “What about work? What are we going to tell everyone if we live together?”

  “Out of everything I said you’re concern is work? Easy. I’ll switch departments and then it won’t matter if we’re together. Or quit…then I can keep you knocked up and in my bed all day,” Alex jokes, raising his eyebrows suggestively at me.

  “You’d like that wouldn’t you. Me locked up in your house, pregnant and naked just waiting for you.”

  “That would be heaven.” Alex leans over and kisses my lips. “I want you happy. So whatever that is, as long as it’s with me, I’ll give it to you.”

  I fidget with the blanket and think about his offer. I never considered taking this next step so quickly, but I can honestly say it doesn’t scare me as much as it should. We’ve already crossed the point of no return.

  “You sure this is what you want? Because in a few months I’m barely going to fit through a door. I’ll probably cry at every commercial, have crazy mood swings. After we take this step, there’s no looking back, no do over. Are you sure that’s what you want?” I bite my lower lip, looking at Alex with apprehension. I don’t want him making a rush decision just because he knows we’re having a baby.

  “Why wouldn’t I be sure?” Alex reaches over grabbing the ketchup and dousing his hashbrowns.

  “How do you eat like that and still look like that?” I point to his abs.

  “I’m a growing boy. Don’t change the subject.”

  “It’s just that I don’t want you to feel pressured into this decision. Nothing has to change just because I’m pregnant.”

  “Do you want to live with me? Simple question. Because honestly, there
are so many positives when I think about living together. I think about going to bed with you every night, waking up with you every morning. Cooking for you. Taking care of you. Making love to you whenever I damn well please. I don’t see a down side to this decision. Regardless of the baby, I’d want you with me. LJ just makes this more exciting.”

  The man definitely has a way of making his proposition more enticing than it already was. I may regret this one day, and I hope I don’t, but I want him. I want this life. I want everything he can give me, so the only way I can answer him is by saying, “Okay.”

  “Just okay? You can do better than that.”

  “Yes! Of course! Hell ya!” I scream. Alex rushes towards me taking me into his arms. The taste of Alex along with the sweet maple syrup is enough to complete my breakfast.

  “Hart, I’m going to make you deliriously happy.” Kissing me, he pulls away the sheet wrapped around me, and throws me over his shoulder. Heading to the bathroom, he suggests, “How about I start now?” I giggle all the way there, already incredibly happy.

  ~~~~~

  “Hey sleepy head, we’re home.” Alex lulls me awake, brushing a strand of my hair behind my ear. My head is resting in his lap when the taxi comes to a stop in front of my apartment. I didn’t realize how exhausted I was after spending a few fun filled hours with Alex this morning before we hopped on a plane back to Vegas. And yes, I mean that kind of fun.

  Grinning from ear to ear, I stretch lazily in the seat. Knowing exactly what I’m recalling, Alex returns my smile right before leaning down to place a swift kiss on my lips. “It’s not fair how tired I am, when you look all,” I wave my hand around in the air, “You know…you.”

  Alex chuckles from my ramblings, but chooses not to respond. Probably wise, seeing as if he went down the same road my mind is on, we may never get inside. Instead, he slips money into the hands of the driver before getting out to retrieve our bags from the trunk, leaving me to exit the car sleepily.

  Warm enough for both the plane and the bitterness of Las Vegas weather in December, I’m comfortable in pink leggings and an oversized white sweater. I’m thankful I was prepared enough to bring an extra set of traveling clothes or right now I’d be freezing my ass off.

  “Geez woman, what in the world did you bring with you.” Alex’s biceps strain against the sleeve of his dark blue t-shirt as we head towards my apartment.

  “I wouldn’t start complaining now, Mr. James. In a few months I’m going to blow up like a balloon. If you think that is heavy, how are you going to lift me and do all those crazy positions if you’re complaining now?” I joke. Well, kind of.

  Alex swoops me into his arms after dropping the luggage to the floor with a large thump. I scream in delight when Alex kisses me, his tongue exploring my mouth. I could live in his warmth for the rest of my life and it would never be enough. He is my home.

  The sound of a throat clearing wrenches us from a lighthearted moment. I break away from our kiss and look up to see Alex’s eyes instantly darken in anger. I’m not sure I want to see who has put the look of death in his eyes, but know it’s pointless. Slowly, I turn to look at our interruption.

  My mouth drops open in shock. If seeing Oliver sitting on the steps of my apartment, expression looking equally as troubled doesn’t bring me back to reality, I don’t know what in this lifetime will. I know he knows about me and Alex, or I should say, he knows about my previous relationship with Alex, but this is so far from how I wanted to end the weekend.

  With his possessive arm wrapped snuggly around me, fingers digging into my skin, I barely acknowledge that Alex has lowered me to the ground. Did I mention I was in shock?

  “Oliver, what are you doing here?” I question, desperately trying to figure out what to do while I look between the two of them. Although Alex’s arm is around me, I grasp his forearm to remind him he needs to stay where he is instead of pouncing in Oliver’s direction.

  “I knew your plane arrived and figured I’d catch you at home. Maybe take you to dinner since our trip was ruined by some overbearing asshole with a God complex.” I groan internally and briefly close my eyes the moment Oliver throws verbal punches in Alex’s direction.

  “Oliver…”

  He tosses a bouquet of flowers on my doorstep and begins to walk towards us. “I thought you were smart enough not to fall for his bullshit. People like him don’t change. He’s not going to be the man you need in life. But that’s on you if you want to deal with his need to stick his dick into everything that walks. I just thought you finally realized you deserve someone who knows how special you are. But, I’m the asshole, because apparently you haven’t.”

  I can feel Alex tense behind me before he pushes against my back; I grip his arm even tighter. “You don’t know me. You know nothing about me. You’re basing these assumptions on what? The fact that I fucked your fiancée years ago! I did you a favor. She was a whore, she never told me she was with someone.”

  “She was wearing an engagement ring, asshole!” Oliver lunges forward, standing right in front of me; their noses practically touching. I push against their chests and look to Alex hoping he remembers I’m between them. Oliver grabs my wrist forcing me to look at him. “For once, just consider something other than falling for the asshole. First Cole, now this dickhead. Can’t you see that I’m the right choice? I’ve never hurt you and I never will.”

  Tears pool in my eyes, but only because I know he’s right. I know Oliver is the smart choice, he’s the safe choice. I love Oliver, but unfortunately, my heart doesn’t want the safety. It doesn’t want smart. It wants the never ending love of a man that is my gravity. I can’t fight against the instant pull I feel when I’m around him. I won’t fight.

  Instantly, Alex pulls me behind him. “You’ve said your peace. She made her decision. Respect it and walk away.” Alex steps forward, leaving him and Oliver toe to toe. Alex is at least an inch taller and definitely bulkier, but the look on Oliver’s face shows a determination that won’t give in to any of Alex’s attempts at intimidation.

  “I haven’t heard her yet. All I keep hearing is you running your trap, making decisions for her. You haven’t given her a chance to breathe, let alone make a decision for herself. If you would have let us go on the trip, I’m positive that she would have made a different choice.”

  A rumble erupts from Alex’s chest and he reacts, pushing Oliver forward. I grip his bicep and push myself in his way, stopping him from attacking. I know stepping in front of them isn’t the smartest idea. I know Oliver is right, he would never hurt me, and it’s at this opportune moment that I dredge up the memory that Alex has hurt me. Physically. The day that Alex not only beat up Cole within an inch of his pride, he also pushed me. Being pushed to the ground isn’t my idea of fun.

  “Alex…” Nothing. “Alex, look at me.” Nothing but a growl. “Damn you, look at me.” It takes another few seconds, but when he finally breaks eye contact with Oliver and looks down at me, his scowl softens. “Can you please take the bags into my apartment and give me a minute to talk to Oliver?”

  Irritated with my request, Alex grits his teeth. “I’m not leaving you out here with him.”

  “He won’t hurt me. We’re just going to talk, okay?”

  “Five minutes.” I nod and hand him my keys. “Seriously, Elyssa, if you aren’t inside in five minutes I’m coming back out here. I don’t care what Oliver has to say.” I nod and Alex turns to pick up the luggage before walking to the door of my apartment. He turns and glares in Oliver’s direction. “Keep your hands off my girl.” With a huff he goes inside, slamming the door with such vigor that I flinch.

  “He’s a fucking Neanderthal. That’s what you want? You Elyssa…me Alex.” Oliver starts to pound his fists against his chest.

  “Stop! I didn’t ask him to leave so you could make fun of him. He’s not like that.”

  “Yah, whatever. So what do you have to say?”

  I approach him, trying to keep my voice cal
m as our eyes meet. Now that Alex is gone I can see the real hurt in his eyes. I know I did that. I never meant to lead him on, but I know I have. I say the only thing I can, “I’m sorry, Oliver.”

  “For what? That you fell for an egotistical asshole who will cheat on you. He’s going to fuck up. You know I’m right, Elyssa. He’s going to make you sorry you ever wasted your breath on him.”

  Ignoring his jabs, I continue on with my apology. “You’re my friend and I’m sorry that I hurt you. I never meant to lead you on or give you false hope. I used you when I needed comfort without thinking of how it would affect you. And even though I knew you cared for me, I also knew that I’d never get over him. He’s my forever, Oliver.” And that’s the truth.

  “God, damn it!” Oliver’s voice echoes throughout my courtyard. In anger, he kicks nearby rocks out into the parking lot. “No, no I refuse to accept this. This isn’t how it was meant to be. Listen to me.” Oliver rushes over, taking my hands in his. He’s so close I can feel his breath. “Remember when we first met? Remember when I told you that you were my kryptonite?” I nod my head, staring at his face riddled with desperation.

  “You fucking weaken me. You make everything that happened before seem like a distant memory. Fuck Elyssa, I want you so badly. It’s fucking killing me that you continue to pick him.” Oliver grips my hands, I silently sob not wanting to hear this, but knowing he needs to get it off his chest. It doesn’t change anything. It never will. “I’m going to San Diego this weekend. Give me a chance. No, give us a chance and come with me. Get away from here, away from him. Just give me a chance to show you how life could be if he wasn’t around to cloud your mind.”