Stricken (The War Scrolls Book 1)

by A. K. Morgen

  Is that what she needed to do? Face her past to remember and to forget? She wasn’t sure, but maybe, like the Fallen, she needed to let go of self-serving motives for cowering away and turn to face the things she’d tried to bury behind an eroding wall in her mind. Maybe it was time to stop hiding.

  “It won’t be easy,” Dom said as she considered this, “but like the Fallen, you may find it freeing.”

  Aubrey frowned, her brows furrowing. “Your people find your guardianship of humans freeing?”

  “Some of us do.”

  “But why?” she asked. “Humans are violent and cruel. We kill each other without thought. We lie, cheat, and steal. We take from the weak and destroy the planet with our greed. Why keep protecting a race barreling toward self-destruction?”

  “Because, despite all of those things,” he said, “humans live. Their lives are fleeting, burned out so quickly. But they still make an impact on this world. They still leave footprints in the hearts of others. They change things, one person at a time. They laugh and cry and love, and no matter what tragedy knocks them down, they pick themselves back up every single time and rebuild.

  “Humans can be cruel like you said, but watching them is like watching Fallen children. They misbehave and cause trouble, but they’re so innocent and so full of life. They’re not mired in the past or fighting for the future. They live in the here and now, accepting life as it comes. And when they love one another, they can be fiercer than a Fallen warrior fighting for his mate’s life. If anything is worth protecting, shouldn’t it be that passion and zest for life?”

  Aubrey stared at him, unsure how to answer his question. She’d never considered things in quite that way. For so long, she’d assumed the Fallen and Nephilim disliked her people, that they resented their role as humanity’s stewards, but maybe she’d been wrong. Maybe her experiences with the Halfling had clouded her judgment more than she’d thought, made her perceive things through a film of personal bias and fear. Made her judge not only the Fallen and Halflings like Killian too harshly, but her own people too.

  The possibility startled and shamed her.

  “The Fallen aren’t monsters, and we aren’t perfect,” Dom said, hauling himself to his feet. “We’re just people, like you. And so are Halflings.” He dipped his head in her direction and gave her a comforting smile. “I didn’t intend to interrupt, but I saw you in here and wanted to say hi. I’ll leave you to your phone calls now.”

  “Dom, I—” Aubrey looked up at him and gave him a small smile of her own. “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.” The strange warrior patted her on the shoulder, winked, and strolled from the room.

  ***

  “What did you tell your aunt?”

  “Hmm?” Aubrey lifted her gaze from the frayed hem of her T-shirt and frowned.

  Killian perched on the arm of the sofa, watching her.

  Abriel and Dahmiel sat in two of the chairs grouped on the far side of the room, controllers in their hands. Clashes and explosions erupted from the television.

  “Yes!” Dom cheered, dancing a jig in his seat.

  Abriel cursed under his breath.

  “I’m sorry, what?” Aubrey asked, turning back to Killian.

  Her eyes caught on his. He’d been staring at her.

  Heat bloomed in her cheeks.

  More and more often over the last few days, she’d caught him staring at her. He didn’t look away when she noticed, either. He held her gaze for a long moment as if confused by her. She usually looked away first, unnerved by the weight of those angel-bright eyes on her.

  He made her jumpy. And living in his bedroom didn’t help. She was surrounded by him at all times, and it was overwhelming. He was overwhelming.

  If Abriel and Dom noticed the way Killian watched her, they never mentioned it. They minded their own business, going out of their way to make her comfortable. Dom was friendly, gregarious. Abriel was quieter, more subdued.

  She liked them both.

  “What did you tell your aunt?” Killian asked again.

  “Oh. Um…” Aubrey shrugged. “Just that I was going back to deal with some things.”

  Killian sat quietly for a moment, absorbing this. “Is she Elioud too?”

  “No.” Aubrey shook her head. “She doesn’t know about any of this.”

  “Ah,” he said as if he understood.

  Aubrey still didn’t. In the last few days, nothing else had come crawling out of the dark to find her. She slept restlessly all the same, scared her luck wouldn’t continue to hold. Not even being surrounded by two Fallen warriors and a Halfling eased her mind much.

  Knowing she had to go back home terrified her. Made her restless, listless. What answers would they find there? What would Killian and his blade-brothers do with those answers?

  Even though he’d given her his oath, she was afraid to find out.

  “Will you tell her the truth one day?” he asked.

  “I…no, I don’t think so.” Aubrey bit her lip, frowning. “I don’t think she’d fare well in this world, you know? She’s…she’s different. Young.”

  “You’re only nineteen.”

  “That’s not what I mean.”

  Killian arched a brow as if to ask for an explanation.

  “I mean…innocent, I guess. Practical.” Aubrey’s frown deepened. That wasn’t quite right, either, but she wasn’t sure how to explain her aunt to Killian. “She wouldn’t know what to do with this world of angels and demons. It doesn’t fit into her view of things.”

  “She’s normal,” Killian suggested.

  “Yes.” Aubrey nodded. That was one of the things she loved about her aunt. Her concerns were normal. The price of oil. Local gossip. What she should wear to dinner or whether her dress made her look fat. She was spontaneous, but in a way, Aubrey knew exactly what to expect with her. That comforted Aubrey. She didn’t want to ruin that by exposing Mel to this frightening, ugly world of Killian’s.

  “I understand,” Killian said.

  “Dude, come on!” Dom boomed.

  Aubrey jumped, startled.

  Killian noticed.

  “Keep it down,” he barked.

  Dom grunted, lifting a middle finger in the air. His eyes didn’t leave the television screen.

  Killian frowned, his gaze narrowing on Dom.

  “It’s fine,” Aubrey said before he could open his mouth to fuss at his brother. “Really.”

  Killian hesitated a moment before turning back to her. “If he gets too loud for you, you can tell him to shut up.”

  “He’s fine.” Aubrey smiled a little. “It reminds me of how things used to be, you know? Aaron and his friends were always so loud when they played video games. I’d forgotten what that was like.”

  “You never played?”

  Aubrey shook her head. “I preferred books. I still do.”

  “Ah. Well, you’re welcome to browse my shelves if you need something to read,” he offered.

  “Thanks.” Aubrey hesitated. “I’ve snooped a little. You have eclectic tastes.”

  Killian shrugged. “I like variety.”

  “Me too.”

  They fell silent for a moment, watching Abriel and Dom battle on the screen. Aubrey had no idea what they were playing, but it looked like some sort of war game. People were running all over the place, weapons strapped to their bodies. Smoke drifted up from various places on screen. Mangled bodies littered the field where one of their characters ran, a grenade in his hand.

  She shivered and turned away, only to find Killian watching her once more.

  “Do you want them to turn it off?” he asked.

  “No, that’s fine,” she said. “I just…do you guys honestly enjoy this kind of stuff?”

  “What stuff?”

  “War.”

  “I don’t think anyone enjoys war.”

  “So why play?”

  “It keeps us sharp.” Killian shrugged.

  “Oh.”

 
“Does it bother you?”

  “What? War? Or war games?” she asked.

  “The games.”

  She thought about it a moment. “Not really. I guess I just don’t see the point to them. Isn’t the world violent enough already? There’s so much death and destruction. Why add to it unless you have to?”

  “I think it makes humans feel safe,” Killian said.

  Aubrey’s eyes widened.

  “As you said, there’s so much death and destruction.” He turned his body toward her, leaning in. “Feeling like you have some measure of control over that makes it seem a little less overwhelming to most humans. And since your people can’t control what happens outside of their homes, they bring it inside, try to figure it out the best way they can.”

  “I guess. I still don’t get it, though.”

  “I know you don’t,” he said. Emotions danced through his eyes so quickly she couldn’t catch them. But his gaze warmed her and made her ache too. As if she craved something from him she didn’t quite understand. That same vast, bright thing that had called to her in the elevator so many days ago. His gaze locked with hers. “That’s not necessarily a bad thing.”

  Her stomach fluttered at the look in his eye. It was predatory and beautiful at once.

  She felt herself leaning in, caught by it. Captivated.

  Killian leaned in too, his gaze dropping to her lips.

  Aubrey’s heart raced.

  “Dammit,” Dom yelled.

  Aubrey jumped, whipping her head in his direction.

  Abriel’s gaze met hers, an indecipherable expression on his face.

  He’d seen her and Killian. And he wasn’t happy.

  Killian cleared his throat.

  Abriel turned to look at him.

  They stared at each other for long minutes. They didn’t say anything aloud, but Aubrey had a feeling they were having an entire conversation she couldn’t hear. One she wasn’t sure she wanted to hear.

  “I’ll…” She jumped up from the sofa, clearing her throat. “I’m going to go read for a while.” She didn’t wait around for an answer, instead turning to hurry from the room.

  Killian’s gaze followed her, burning.

  She didn’t slow until she made it to his room. After the door closed behind her, she leaned against it, breathing hard. A chorus of emotion sang inside of her, too confused for her to understand. But she felt…strange. Excited. As if whatever she’d seen in Killian’s eyes had awoken some secret part of herself.

  One that didn’t frighten her nearly enough.

  One that Abriel had noticed too.

  “Get it together,” she muttered to herself, scrubbing her hands across her face.

  The motion didn’t slow the racing of her heart.

  Nor did it quiet the butterflies in her stomach.

  Chapter Eleven

  At some point, Killian and his brothers had removed the vampire’s body from Aubrey and Mel’s apartment and put the place back in order. Everything looked as good as new, but Aubrey wasn’t sure she’d ever want to live there again. The vampire’s oozing sores and the wild look in his eyes played front and center in her mind while she packed enough clothing to get her through however long it took them to hunt down her past.

  Larry seemed relieved by her momentary return though not by the warrior who stood at her side, as silent and unyielding as ever. Still, the old man didn’t mention anything about what John had witnessed days ago.

  She and Killian left Memphis as the sun broke over the horizon the next morning, his Mustang racing down the interstate in the early morning light. Abriel and Dom followed in their truck, staying several car lengths back. Checking, perhaps, to ensure no one followed her from the city. She didn’t say much as Killian drove. He didn’t, either. There wasn’t much to say, anyway.

  Since that moment in the living room, she’d avoided him, going out of her way to be anywhere but in the same area as he was. If he’d noticed, he hadn’t commented on it. Neither had Abriel or Dom. She felt Abriel’s eyes on her enough to make her uncomfortable, though. So she’d taken to avoiding him too. It was cowardly, but then again, she’d never professed to being courageous in the first place.

  Laying her head on the headrest, she stared out the windshield as the sun burst into life overhead. Zee perched on her shoulder, peering out as if trying to figure out why everything moved so quickly while he did not.

  Farms identical to one another flew by, workers planting crops here and there. The trees growing on the sides of the road were a riot of vibrant spring colors. Everything bloomed to life, while Aubrey felt as though hers was slowly slipping away.

  “I’m sorry,” Killian said nearly an hour into the drive. “I wish this could be easier for you.”

  “Me too.” She closed her eyes, her throat tightening at the gentle way he said the words. Why did he have to be so nice to her? “How long will it take us to get there?”

  “We’ll be there early this evening. You should try to sleep.”

  She hadn’t slept much for the last few days and didn’t want to sleep now. Nightmares were hard enough to deal with when she was alone. She didn’t want Killian to suffer through them with her. Didn’t want him to see how much she still struggled with this decision, perhaps.

  “Where did you grow up?” she asked him.

  “In a Fallen settlement in Maine.”

  “Have you returned since you left?”

  “Yes,” he said.

  “Is going back hard for you?”

  “In a way.”

  The car slowed a little before regaining speed. Aubrey didn’t even open her eyes to see why.

  “How so?” she asked.

  “Halflings like me are a reminder of a weakness many Fallen would prefer not to acknowledge,” Killian said. “They slept with humans and were cast from Heaven as a result. My existence reminds them that not all have overcome that weakness. Out here, it’s easy to forget how bitter those memories are for my people or how far they’re willing to go to forget their shame.”

  “Oh.” Aubrey thought about his response for a minute. She’d forgotten a lot too. More than she’d meant to, perhaps. Was forgetting the bad things worth the sacrifice of the good?

  She didn’t know.

  “I haven’t been back,” she said. “Aunt Mel and I packed what remained of my stuff the day I left the ward and skipped town. We didn’t stop until she was so tired she couldn’t drive any longer.” They’d made it to her home in Memphis the next day. Aubrey had tried to put everything behind her and forget about the friends she’d left or what their world had taken from her.

  Eventually, time did what distance could not in those early days—it gave her a respite from grief, allowing her to pick up the pieces of her shattered life and forget.

  “We’ll do this as quickly as we can,” Killian promised.

  “I don’t think it matters if we do it quickly or not. It’s going to hurt either way.”

  Killian didn’t say anything.

  “Do you think—?” She swallowed the painful lump in her throat. “Do you think the Elioud shifters I knew are still alive?”

  “I don’t know.” His warm hand touched her arm briefly, making her skin tingle. “We haven’t heard anything about an infection in the area. That’s a good sign.”

  Possibly.

  For all she knew, no word could mean her friends had simply died quietly, their extraordinary lives snuffed out like candles. Silent. Unnoticed. Or it could mean she and Killian were driving into more of what they’d left behind in Memphis.

  The only way to know for sure was to keep going.

  “This could all be for nothing,” she said, opening her eyes, unsure if she wanted this to be a dead end or not. She wanted to help Killian save his people if she could, but if her dad had known about the virus, what did that mean for her?

  She still wasn’t sure she wanted to know the answer to that question.

  “I know, but we have to look anyway.” Ki
llian cut his eyes in her direction for a moment. “Did your father act normal before the fire, Aubrey? Any unknown visitors, odd phone calls, anything like that?”

  She thought it over and then shook her head. “Nothing like that. He worked a lot, but that wasn’t unusual for him.” She frowned, her eyes falling closed again. “I’m not sure he would have told me even if there was something wrong.”

  “Oh?”

  “He and Aaron went a little crazy when I got home from the hospital. They wouldn’t let me out of their sight. If I stepped a foot outside, they were right there beside me. The day of the fire, I had to fight to ride the bus to and from school.” Had she not fought her father and brother so hard that morning, Aaron wouldn’t have died in the fire. He would have been on the road to pick her up, safe from harm. She couldn’t forget that part of her past, no matter how she tried.

  “Ah,” Killian said. “Exactly how long after—?”

  Aubrey cracked one eye open to see him staring straight ahead. “They were killed six weeks after,” she said. “I’m not going to fall apart if you ask me a tough question, Killian. Please stop treating me like I will.”

  He bowed his head. “I’m sorry,” he said again. “I’m not used to dealing with humans.” He winced as soon as the words left his lips. “I didn’t mean that like it sounded. I’ve lived among your people for a long time, but I’ve never spent any real time with them. Being around you is new to me.”

  “I know it is, but you have to remember that I’m not made of glass. Talking about my father and Aaron may not be easy, and I may not want to go back, but I’m not going to break.” She couldn’t let herself, because there would be no one there to pick up the pieces if she did. She didn’t tell Killian that, though. He didn’t need to know.

  “You won’t,” he said softly. His lips turned up at the corners a little. “You’re a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for. Whatever we find out there, you will survive it.”

  “What other choice is there?” She rolled her head in his direction to look at him more fully.