Stricken (The War Scrolls Book 1)

by A. K. Morgen

  The sun was a bright orange ball hanging low in the sky. The light made the blue of his eyes seem brighter than normal. He looked ethereal. Halfling. Nephilim. Fallen. It didn’t matter which descriptor she used, they all meant the same thing—dangerous.

  She shivered, tearing her gaze away from him.

  ***

  Aubrey fell asleep as they drove through Missouri, curling into the passenger seat in a small ball. The soft cadence of her breath eased Killian, lulling him toward an inner quiet he’d lost somewhere beneath the stain of blood and abrupt, violent death in the last four months.

  When she woke at noon, they were halfway through Illinois. She didn’t speak to Killian, and he didn’t push her. Deep shadows surrounded green eyes lost in thought as she stared blindly at the dashboard, rubbing Zee’s fur between her fingers.

  Killian wanted to tell her that everything would work out. That the friends she worried about would be fine and that nothing they found would hurt her. He couldn’t lie to her, though, even had he wanted to. He didn’t. If he’d learned anything about the beautiful little human in the last few days, it was that she preferred the awful truth to a pleasant lie.

  That surprised him.

  She’d run from the past for so long, doing her best to bury the pain beneath the grim weight and daily grind of human life, but even then, she hadn’t lied to herself about it. And she hadn’t lied to him, either. She could have offered him a false smile and told him she was fine like so many other humans seemed to do when they hurt, but she didn’t.

  Had he ever been so honest with himself?

  The desire to kiss her, to hold her, grew a little stronger every day. Talking himself out of that rash act was no easy feat. In truth, he didn’t want to talk himself out of getting further entangled with Aubrey. She was soft and warm when he’d had little of softness or warmth in longer than he cared to consider. Fallen females avoided him, and the human girls who approached him were the type he knew to avoid.

  Aubrey was nothing like those girls. And Killian was tired of trying to convince himself that didn’t matter. She captivated him, confused him, and made him yearn for the intimacy of touch, of surrender. But she was just a girl, and she didn’t feel the same pull. When this nightmare ended for her, if he got her out of it in one piece, she would walk away and not look back.

  She had every right to do so. And he wouldn’t blame her if she did.

  But even so…ever since he’d nearly kissed her in the living room, he struggled to remember all the reasons he couldn’t have her. Not even Abriel’s reminder that she was human had helped. If anything, it’d only served to piss him off. He’d tried to avoid her since, but that hadn’t worked, either. He’d found himself stealing glances at her whenever he could. Found himself drawn to her more and more.

  The reasons for that alarmed him.

  “We’ll have to stop for gas soon,” he murmured to her over the quiet hum of the radio.

  “Okay,” she said, still rubbing the kitten’s fur between her fingers.

  “Do you need anything?”

  “No, thank you.”

  “We should probably let Zee out to walk around.” Killian had never owned a pet, but somewhere over the last week, Zee had grown on him. The little hellcat had grown on his blade-brothers too.

  Aubrey’s gaze moved to the white ball of fur in her lap. “He’s been good.”

  She rewarded Zee with a small smile.

  “He has,” Killian said as the outline of some small town appeared in the distance. “We’ll stop up ahead.”

  “Do we need to let Abriel and Dom know?” she asked, still not looking at him.

  She’d barely looked at him all day, and that drove him insane. He wanted to see those green eyes turned in his direction.

  “No. They’re scouting ahead of us now.”

  “Oh.”

  Killian gave up trying to get her talking and drove into the nondescript town. He settled for the first fill station they came to. An older man fueling an ancient, rickety truck glanced at the car when Killian pulled in, his eyes widening. He shook his head as Killian stopped in front of a gas pump and turned his eyes back to his truck.

  “Take Zee to the side of the building, and stay close,” Killian said, pointing out the grassy area running alongside the parking lot.

  Aubrey nodded and climbed from the car with the kitten in hand. The animal’s ears twitched as he moved his head back and forth, taking in this little part of the world.

  Killian sat there for a moment before following Aubrey. He strolled around the car to begin fueling, watching her as she walked away. Her hips swayed a little, and he jerked his gaze down. He could still see her out of his peripheral, though. The scent of the gasoline was acrid, but he imagined he could still smell her lovely scent beneath the stench too. It was soft and sweet, like lavender and sugar.

  “Get a grip,” he muttered to himself when the pump clicked, indicating his credit card had been accepted. He jerked the nozzle from the holder and shoved it into the gas tank.

  “Zee, get back here,” Aubrey called.

  Killian’s gaze shot up from the pump just in time to see her disappear from view. He didn’t even bother stopping the pump before taking off in her direction, a curse on his lips. He moved quickly, following the soft sound of her voice scolding the wayward hellcat.

  She came into view as he rounded the side of the building, only to disappear again.

  Killian raced toward her, circling the grimy white brick building to scoop Zee up before he could take off through the empty lot behind the station. The kitten squirmed in his arms, not happy with being recaptured when there was so much to explore.

  Killian turned toward Aubrey to hand the hellcat over, only to find her pressed back into the wall, her eyes wide. Fear swam in their depths, instantly putting him on high alert. He scanned the area quickly but saw nothing out of the ordinary.

  “Aubrey?”

  “I’m sorry,” she mumbled. The pulse in her throat fluttered.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing, I—” She shook her head, squeezing her eyes closed. “Nothing.”

  “I frightened you.”

  She didn’t respond.

  “Aubrey?”

  “I didn’t realize you’d followed me. It’s silly. I’m sorry.”

  She looked so vulnerable pressed up against the back of the building with her eyes closed tight. Killian couldn’t resist stepping a little closer to her. He meant to comfort, to reassure, but his body brushed hers, sending a jolt through him.

  He froze.

  Her eyes flew open, her gaze locking on his.

  For long moments, neither moved. Killian couldn’t. The way her body felt against his made him ache from head to toe to drag her closer.

  “I want to kiss you,” he murmured before he could stop himself.

  Her lips parted slightly, her expression soft, dazed.

  She nodded, her sweet breath washing across his face.

  He leaned forward, his eyes not leaving her face.

  She didn’t pull away or try to stop him when he brushed his lips across her cheek and then down to the corner of her mouth. She moaned in the back of her throat, the sound half yes, half no.

  He pressed his lips to hers, letting the kitten go so he could get closer to her. Her little body molded to his, her breasts soft against his chest. Her heart beat frantically, pounding a rhythm he felt on his overheated skin.

  She sighed into his mouth, her lips parting farther for him. He took the invitation without thought, dipping his tongue into her mouth. The taste of her sent another electric jolt through him.

  He groaned, the thin veneer of civility and control he wore like a cloak shredding.

  Her tongue touched his…tentative, questioning.

  A rough growl slipped from his lips, torn from someplace deep inside. The place inside of him desperate to feel her, man to woman. That half-Fallen, half-human place that demanded he take the best of
both worlds. The passion one human had for another, and the deep, abiding love that bound Fallen mates together for centuries. He’d never had either, and Aubrey made him crave both in turns.

  He dug his fingers into the brick above her head to keep his hands off her, trying to let her lead, to let her have control and tell him how much he could take. Her movements were slow, unschooled, and somehow exactly what he needed.

  Sweet Heaven, what was this beautiful, brave girl doing to him?

  His head swam, blood pumping through his veins in a wild rush.

  “Killian,” she whispered against his lips, pressing herself more fully into him.

  Her tongue darted from her mouth and slipped between his lips. She slid her hands up his stomach and then around his neck, pulling him closer. Another low moan tumbled from her.

  The sensual sound shredded the last of Killian’s control.

  If he had to die, he wanted to be with her, man to woman, just once.

  A last request.

  “Killian, please…”

  He tore away from her abruptly, wrenching his mouth from hers and stepping back. Spinning away, he bowed his head, his breath coming in harsh pants. He heard her cry out from behind him but didn’t turn to face her.

  He drew deep, ragged breaths, trying to find the willpower to stop this madness now, before it was too late. He gritted his teeth until they ached. His fingers did the same as he clenched them tightly into fists on his thighs. It didn’t help. Nothing did. He was already in too far. Bonding to her as one Fallen bonded to another. It shouldn’t have been possible. She was human, and he was Nephilim…but it was happening even so. He couldn’t deny it any longer or pretend it wasn’t happening. Somehow, they were bonding.

  “Killian?” she called, her voice confused and frightened.

  “Give me a minute,” he said, trying to shove everything down and regain control. To find a shred of honor or the will to step from the tracks before a runaway train mowed him down and took Aubrey with him.

  She deserved better.

  He had nothing to offer her. Nothing but pain and loss and dishonor.

  And she’d had enough of all three already.

  Unfortunately, he couldn’t seem to convince himself that it mattered.

  ***

  Aubrey walked to the car on wooden legs. She kept her gaze locked on Zee, unable to face Killian. Her lips tingled from his kiss, and blood still pumped through her veins in a heated rush. She didn’t want to think about that, though. She didn’t want to think at all, in fact.

  But her mind raced anyway, swirling through the last few minutes in dizzying flickers. She felt numb and on fire at once. Her thoughts snagged on the way Killian had looked at her with desire stamped across his face. His blue eyes had burned into hers, searing her to her soul.

  Killian had kissed her. And she’d let him.

  No, she hadn’t let him.

  She’d wanted his kiss. And she’d been certain he wanted to kiss her just as much.

  So why had he pulled away so abruptly, refusing to even look at her? Guilt? Shame? Halflings were an embarrassment to the Fallen, he’d said, a reminder of their weakness. Is that how he saw her? As a weakness? An embarrassment?

  She settled into the car, aching and confused.

  Zee scrambled up her arm to perch on her shoulder. He purred in her ear, content.

  At least one of them felt decent. She certainly didn’t.

  Rejection didn’t sting, it flat-out hurt.

  Killian replaced the gas cap before climbing in beside her.

  She wanted to demand an explanation for his behavior but didn’t have the courage to ask him outright what had gone wrong. She simply fastened her seat belt and dug her hands into the seat instead, taking deep, even breaths.

  His arm bumped hers as he put the car in gear.

  “Sorry,” he muttered, jerking away as if burned.

  She swallowed convulsively.

  The engine purred as Killian gunned it. He sat rigidly, his big hands clenched around the steering wheel as he sped out onto the road. He didn’t look at her.

  That hurt too.

  The silence between them stretched on and on, deafening in its intensity. For an hour, the soft music floating from the speakers, Zee’s little purrs, and the louder purr of the engine were the only sounds in the car. Aubrey stared out the passenger-side window as mile after mile of cornfields blurred by, her throat burning.

  Killian’s attraction to her shamed him.

  She blinked rapidly to keep tears from welling in her eyes.

  “Aubrey,” Killian said, her name little more than a sigh on his lips.

  “Please don’t,” she whispered, not wanting to hear whatever platitude he meant to give her.

  “Aubrey, I—”

  “Forget it, Killian,” she snapped, desperate to keep him from talking. If he did, she’d cry. And she’d already shed far too many tears since meeting him. “Please forget it.”

  He hunched his shoulders, bowing his head.

  Aubrey relaxed, relieved he wasn’t going to regale her with a list of reasons or apologies that would only serve to tell her how stupid she’d been to let him get that close in the first place. She closed her eyes and settled back against the seat, trying to find the resolve to get angry, to protect herself.

  “I’m not sure I can forget,” Killian whispered.

  She didn’t think she could, either.

  Didn’t matter though, did it?

  She’d do this thing with him, help him figure out if her dad had studied La Morte Nera, and then she’d slip away. Back to the life she’d made for herself and the little kids who needed her. And when the virus caught up to Killian, she would never know.

  And if it caught her first?

  Well, he wouldn’t know it, either.

  Chapter Twelve

  Killian and Aubrey drove into Madison, Wisconsin, a few minutes after seven. Their silence on the journey was oppressive to him. He wanted to comfort her but didn’t know where to even begin wiping the fragile, shattered look from her face. Her hands shook around her kitten, and her little body trembled with fear. He ached to reach out to her and erase at least part of her hurt. The part he’d caused.

  “Aubrey—”

  She turned away from him, her dark hair hanging like a curtain between them.

  Killian cursed but didn’t try to speak a second time. He’d hurt her today, and that shamed him. She had enough weighing on her mind already. He hated that his actions had made this day worse for her in any way. She deserved better than that, but she refused to let him say as much or to explain anything.

  All afternoon, she’d ignored him.

  They checked into the room Dom and Abriel had reserved for her, still not speaking. In fact, the only conversation they’d had all afternoon was brief and focused entirely on the necessities. Did she want anything to eat? Should they stop to let Zee out? They needed gas; did she need anything?

  She answered his questions in monosyllables, her gaze focused anywhere but on him.

  Her feet dragged as she trailed along behind him to the room. He doubted she wanted to step inside any more than he did. Unfortunately, she didn’t have a choice. Killian didn’t know if she would be safe alone or if she’d try to flee. As much as she didn’t like him at the moment, her safety was still his responsibility. And he wouldn’t force that task on Abriel or Dom. He wouldn’t have been able to do so even had she demanded it of him. Keeping her safe was his job now…it had been since the moment he’d started bonding with her.

  He shoved the keycard in the slot and then pushed the faded red door open, stepping aside for her to enter. She did so slowly, glancing around the simple room. Her gaze lingered on the one large bed for a moment and then darted away.

  Killian wanted to tell her not to worry, that she wouldn’t be forced to share it with him, but an image of the two of them rolling around together, her skin slick with sweat, popped into his mind. The tension buffeting him
like storm winds ratcheted up another notch.

  He never should have kissed her.

  He wanted to do it again and again.

  “I’ll let my brothers know we’re here,” he said abruptly, not even stepping into the room. “I’ll be right next door if you need anything.” He turned and fled to his blade-brothers’ room before she opened her mouth to answer him.

  Dom met him at the door. Whatever his blade-brother saw in Killian’s eyes caused the big grin spread across his face to slip.

  “Don’t,” Killian warned him and Abriel both, pushing his way inside. “Just don’t.”

  Abriel didn’t say a word.

  “You kissed her, didn’t you? You idiot!” Dahmiel’s harsh criticism sounded so loud in their small room—Aubrey probably heard him through the wall. “What the hell, Killian? She’s human!”

  Killian’s pent-up frustration bubbled over at his blade-brother’s chastisement. He lunged for Dom, who danced backward on the balls of his feet, out of Killian’s reach.

  “Don’t start a fight you’re not willing to finish,” Dom said, his face set in stubborn, angry lines. He crossed his arms over his chest, glaring daggers at Killian.

  “Dom, cool it!” Abriel snapped, pushing himself in front of Killian before he could lunge for Dom again. Abriel met Killian’s gaze. “Calm down.”

  Killian gritted his teeth. “Back off, Abriel.”

  “Then knock it off, and think,” his blade-brother snapped. “We have things to do, and attacking our idiot brother won’t get them done any faster. You two can fight this out later.”

  Dom snorted and then backed off. He dropped his massive frame down onto one of the two double beds in the room, his legs hanging off the end. Killian could read the disappointment in his blade-brother’s mind, though. They weren’t finished with this conversation, not by far.

  He settled into the one small chair, clenching and unclenching his hands. He wanted to hit something, anything. “Did you have a chance to check the lab yet?” he asked instead.

  “No, it closes at eight,” Dom said.

  “Security?”