Stricken (The War Scrolls Book 1)

by A. K. Morgen

  Her shoulders shook, a sob catching in her throat. Whatever walls the last three years had built between them tumbled to the ground. The boys converged on her as one to hug her, to welcome her back, and to tease her for crying. For a minute, it was as if nothing at all had changed.

  A piece of her heart that had broken long ago began to heal.

  When she caught sight of Killian watching her, a sad frown on his face, another piece splintered.

  ***

  “Are they still out there?” Aubrey asked as the moon chased the sun from the sky. She stood at the window in her hotel room, peering out into the gathering darkness. Her eyes were gritty from having cried so much…but Killian had been right. She’d needed to say good-bye.

  All she could do was pray that it wasn’t final. That she’d see the boys again.

  “They’re gone,” Killian said from behind her. “They knew you wouldn’t want them to watch you leave.”

  “Oh.” She swallowed the lump his confirmation brought to her throat and let the blinds slip from her fingers. She didn’t turn around, though. She and Killian hadn’t talked much since her outburst earlier, and she didn’t know what to say now. Every time she’d looked at him, she saw regret and guilt burning in his eyes.

  It hurt to know she was the one who’d put both there. What she’d said hadn’t been fair to him. But what he was doing wasn’t fair to her, either. He couldn’t simply decide to die because he thought it would be easier for her. It wouldn’t be. If she survived the virus, she would live the rest of her life with his death on her conscience.

  “How will you do it?” she asked, staring blindly at the window in front of her.

  “Aubrey, don’t.”

  “I have a right to know,” she said as he stepped closer. “Will you get yourself infected? Will your brothers kill you? Will it…will it hurt?”

  “Don’t do this to yourself,” he whispered, placing a hand on her shoulder. As usual, his touch calmed her. Was that because he was part angel? Or because of the bond?

  She didn’t have the heart to ask.

  “Please don’t do this,” she said so faintly she wasn’t even sure he heard the words. She couldn’t find the energy to put any force behind them, though, not when she knew he’d deny her.

  “Aubrey.” He sighed and turned her to face him.

  She tilted her face up toward his, staring at him again. “I’ve lost everyone I care about to your world, Killian,” she whispered. “My father and my brother, and now maybe my friends. Don’t ask me to sit back and let you die too. I can’t do that.”

  Killian slid his hand around to the back of her neck. He pulled her closer, his eyes never leaving her face. “Even if I wasn’t bonding to you, I wouldn’t survive, Aubrey. La Morte Nera has no cure, and I can’t walk away from my duties to the Fallen. I can’t hide out and hope someone else takes charge of the infected or finds a cure.”

  “At least you’d have a chance,” she said, reaching up to stroke his jaw. “If it weren’t for me, you’d fight this. I know you would.”

  “And if I do become infected?” he asked, tilting her head back farther with his hand on the nape of her neck. “If I get you killed?” Pain shone in his eyes as if the mere thought burned him.

  “You’re already killing me,” she said, brushing her fingertips across his lips. “You said the bond was destined. That you didn’t have a choice. Well, I didn’t have a choice, either.”

  “You’ll find someone else.”

  He said that as though it was so simple, and maybe he thought it was, but she knew better. Even if she couldn’t bond to him as he could to her, he’d taken up permanent residence inside her now. There was no getting him out again. She no longer even wanted to do so. He fit there as if he were meant to be in her heart.

  “What if I don’t want to find anyone else? What if I just want you?”

  “I’m no good for you,” he whispered against her fingertips.

  Maybe she could have believed that. Maybe she should have believed that. But she didn’t. Her life had stopped making sense years ago, but he was different. It didn’t matter if he was Nephilim and she was a human. He made more sense to her than anything else had in a long time. “You’re the only thing that’s good for me,” she said, tears burning at her throat once again. “You’re the reason I came back here. You’re the reason I’m fighting for my future. Shouldn’t that mean something, Killian?”

  “Don’t ask me to risk your life.” He swallowed hard and closed his eyes. “Please.”

  “Then don’t ask me to let you throw yours away.” She stroked her fingertips across his cheek. “Maybe I’m not part angel like you, and maybe I’ll never understand what being bonded feels like, but I feel you.” She tugged his free hand up and placed it over her heart. “Right here.”

  “You don’t mean that.” He flattened his palm over her heart.

  “I do,” she said. “You’re in there now, and it feels right. Don’t take that away from me. I…need you, Killian.”

  “And if I get you killed?” He opened his eyes to look at her. “If I become infected or the Dominion finds out about you?”

  “Why can’t you trust yourself? Why can’t you trust me?”

  “You’re asking me to risk your life, Aubrey.”

  “No, I’m not. I’m asking you to spare yours,” she said, pressing her own hand over his heart. “Everything is different now, Killian. I can’t go back to who I’ve been the last few years. I can’t pretend that none of this happened, that people aren’t dying because of my dad. Whether I wanted to be a part of this world or not, it’s here and I can’t go back now. But I can’t live in it without you, either.”

  “You’ll find a way.”

  “Will I?” She smiled sadly, the thought twisting her heart. “I don’t want to.”

  “You don’t mean that.”

  “Yes, I do.” Maybe she wasn’t as weak as she’d always thought, but she wasn’t nearly as strong as he thought she was, either. She couldn’t hide from this world anymore, true enough, but she didn’t want to face it alone. If that was her choice—living alone in a world that had taken everything from her—she didn’t want it. “I don’t want to live in this world without you.”

  “Promise me you won’t hurt yourself,” he demanded, pulling her closer as if he could physically protect her from any threat she might pose to herself. “Promise me you’ll find a way to deal with this. That you’ll find a way to live.”

  Part of her—perhaps the same part that had demanded she run so long ago—wanted to refuse to make that promise if only to get what she wanted from him. But when it came right down to it, she couldn’t do that. “I promise,” she said, knowing it would probably damn her but unable to do anything differently. She wanted him to make this decision because it was the right thing to do for both of them. She wouldn’t be the kind of person who manipulated him into giving her what she wanted even if that meant he refused.

  Killian’s eyes fell closed on a sigh of relief.

  “Please,” she whispered one final time. “Don’t ask me to let you sacrifice yourself for me when my family has killed so many already. Don’t ask me to live with that burden.” She took a deep breath. “You say the Fallen risked human lives so they could live, and now you ask me to let you die so I can. Don’t turn me into a coward like them, Killian. Don’t make me responsible for your death.”

  Silence seemed to stretch forever as she waited for him to say something. The clock ticked in the background. Her heart beat in time. Killian didn’t move and didn’t speak. He stood there for long moments, his eyes closed and his hand pressed to her heart.

  Finally, though, he exhaled and opened his eyes. “I might not have a choice,” he said, doubt and hesitation lingering in his words.

  “Isn’t being with me worth fighting for?” she asked, barely daring to breathe. Barely daring to hope. “Isn’t living worth fighting for? We’ll find a way to convince the Dominion to let me live. But if you
aren’t here—if you die—how am I supposed to do that alone?”

  Killian bowed his head for a long moment before meeting her gaze once more. When he did, promise burned in the Fallen-blue depths of his eyes, and she knew. He was going to try. Relief rushed through her in a flood, thawing all those places that had frozen solid at the thought of him dying because of her.

  “I’ll kill them myself before I let them hurt you.”

  She wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in his chest.

  ***

  Killian held Aubrey’s small body to his chest, listening to the soft rush of her breath and the rhythmic beating of her heart. He felt torn in two, as if she were the only thing keeping him together. He was terrified that he might live to regret his decision and not terrified nearly enough at the same time.

  He wanted her. He wanted to live for her. More than was good for her. More than was honorable or right. He didn’t have the strength to tell her no, though, not when she offered him the things he wanted. Her. Hope. More time. The chance of a future not filled with death and destruction. If there was even a remote chance he could give that to her, that he could have that with her, he had to try, didn’t he?

  He breathed her in, trying to find the trust she seemed to have as they stood in each other’s arms. After everything she’d been through, after everything his world had taken from her…how could she stand there and tell him that she wanted to be with him? That she trusted him to keep her safe from the Dominion?

  Her faith in him was more than he could process.

  “You should try to rest before we leave,” he finally said, relaxing his hold on her a little.

  She shook her head instantly and looked up at him. Her eyes were still red-rimmed from crying as they had been all day, but they were less desolate now. Hope glimmered in the green depths. Hope and him. His reflection. “I don’t want to rest,” she said, her tongue peeking out to touch her bottom lip.

  “No?” he asked, leaning forward until his forehead rested against hers. His heartbeat seemed loud to him as if it thundered in his chest at the heated look in her eyes. He inched forward, until his lips were a mere breath from hers. “What do you want, Aubrey?”

  She closed that small distance without hesitation. “This,” she murmured into his mouth.

  He tightened his hold on her, dragging her body closer as her lips moved against his. Her tongue darted out to touch his bottom lip. Desire burned through him, her boldness whispering to the man within.

  “Killian,” she breathed, weaving her hands into his hair. She tugged lightly on the strands, demanding he get closer, kiss her more fully.

  He growled and swept her into his arms before spinning to lay her on top of the bed.

  “Oh!” she gasped as he followed her down, hovering carefully over her with his mouth on hers.

  He kissed her deeply, sweeping his tongue inside her mouth to tangle with hers. She mewled and arched toward him, clutching strands of his hair in her hands. Their motions were desperate, as if the uncertainty of the last days had finally caught up and demanded an outlet.

  Her heat called to him, luring him to that place he ached to go.

  God help him, he wanted her, man to woman. So badly it hurt.

  He flipped her over, hoping a change in position would give him more control.

  It didn’t, not really.

  She settled on top of him, her hips flush with his.

  He groaned, breaking their kiss. “Aubrey, I don’t think—”

  She pulled his bottom lip into her mouth.

  He moved his hands to her waist and held her in place as hard as he dared.

  Her lust-filled gaze met his. “Don’t think,” she whispered.

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes.”

  Her simple affirmation wound through him, coiling him like a spring.

  Aubrey moaned when he pressed his mouth to hers again.

  He slid his hands up her back, dragging her T-shirt up before delving beneath. Her skin was soft under his hands and so warm. He’d never touched anyone so intimately before. The rush of feeling spiraling through him was indescribable.

  Aubrey slowed the kiss and pulled away.

  Killian growled as her upper body moved away from his and then groaned as her center pressed against him. She placed her hands on his shoulders to steady herself. Her eyes were wide, her lips swollen.

  She smiled at him and grabbed the hem of her shirt.

  In one fluid move, she pulled it up and over her head.

  “Sweet Heaven,” he whispered as the shirt fell from her hands. He stared at her, dazed and afraid to move. He wanted to touch her so badly. To feel all that creamy skin beneath his palms. Beneath his lips.

  His hands trembled as he slid them up her waist and onto her sides.

  Aubrey moaned, her head falling back.

  He quested higher, his fingertips brushing across the bottom of her simple lace bra.

  He swallowed hard against the need burning through him, against the depth of his desire. He’d seen so much in his lifetime. More than he’d ever imagined. But this—her complete faith in him, her willingness to let him see her like this, to let him touch her like this—was more amazing to him than any of that.

  He ran his hands up, brushing his palms across her breasts.

  A low groan tumbled from his lips.

  Aubrey watched him, her body shaking as she sucked in ragged breaths.

  Killian froze, barely daring to breathe.

  “Are you afraid of me?” he asked.

  She lifted her head to meet his gaze again. Her eyes were soft and warm, her smile even more so. “No,” she whispered, reaching around to unclasp her bra. The straps slid down her shoulders before she tugged it off, still smiling at him. “I’ve never been less afraid of you, Killian.”

  He crushed his mouth to hers.

  Chapter Nineteen

  “Are you tired?” Killian asked, running his hands through Aubrey’s hair as she curled around him on the bed.

  “No.” She stretched beside him, groaning. She felt sated in a way she never had before, complete. As if Killian had filled up all the empty, painful places inside her once and for all. She didn’t know what tomorrow would bring for either of them, but tonight had brought peace for both of them.

  The fear was all but gone from his eyes, washed away by what they’d shared. He had been slow and soft with her. And so reverent when he made love to her she’d wanted to cry.

  Her stomach growled, causing Zee to pop up from his spot by Killian’s head and mewl.

  “I think your mama is hungry.” Killian chuckled, stroking a fingertip down Zee’s head. The kitten purred and butted his head against Killian’s hand in a demand for more attention. Killian chuckled again and scratched his ears. “Hellcat,” he muttered without heat before pressing a kiss to Aubrey’s temple. “You haven’t eaten today. We should feed you.”

  “Mm,” she groaned. She hadn’t been particularly hungry before, but she was starving now. “I don’t want to move.”

  Killian laughed softly and kissed her temple again before plopping Zee down in her lap.

  Zee peeked up at her and yawned.

  “What do you want?”

  Aubrey scrunched her nose up, thinking about it. “Animal crackers,” she decided. “And caffeine.”

  “That’s not a meal.” Killian shook his head and climbed from the bed.

  She watched him, her gaze riveted to him as he pulled his clothes on. God, he was beautiful. Every inch of him seem sculpted from marble. And yet…he’d been so gentle with her. As if he might break her.

  When he caught her looking, he leaned down to press his lips to hers.

  Before she could wrap her arms around him and drag him back into the bed, he pulled away.

  “I’ll be right back.” He grabbed the door key and slipped his shoes on.

  “Bring chocolate,” she called after him.

  His lyrical laugh floated back to her
as he pulled the door closed behind him.

  She sighed and looked down at Zee, grinning. She felt…happy. Twenty-four hours ago, she hadn’t been sure she’d ever feel that way again. Hell, four hours ago, she hadn’t been sure she’d ever feel that way again. Even knowing there were no guarantees and that they both might die, she was happy. Content.

  Killian had made love to her. He’d agreed to fight for his life.

  It was more than she’d allowed herself to hope for.

  Zee pounced on her chest.

  Aubrey laughed and scratched his ears.

  “We need to get you a bell, Zee,” she said to the kitten before setting him on the bed and standing. The Fallen settlement in Maine was a long way from Wisconsin. Better to have a bell around his neck than to lose him in the wilderness on their way to see the Dominion to plead her case.

  Zee turned in a circle on the bed and plopped down to roll around on her pillow.

  “You are a hellcat,” she muttered with an amused shake of her head before pulling her clothes on and heading into the bathroom to wash her face.

  She groaned at her reflection in the mirror. Her hair was a mess. Her eyes were still puffy from all the crying she’d done lately, and her lips were swollen from Killian’s kisses. She pressed her fingers to them as if she could still feel his mouth on hers. In a way, she could. They tingled as if she’d eaten Pop Rocks and they still fizzed on her tongue.

  She shook her head at the girlish grin on her face and grabbed a washcloth.

  The outer door opened as she dried her face on the towel hanging above the sink. “That was fast. Did the vending machine have my animal crackers?” she called out, tossing her hair up into a quick ponytail.

  Zee yowled loudly.

  “Killian? Is he okay?”

  Killian didn’t answer.

  Aubrey frowned and pushed the bathroom door open before stepping out into the room.

  Fear shot through her as she took in the scene before her.

  Killian wasn’t in the room. But she wasn’t alone, either. Two men stood beside the bed. One was massive, a giant like Killian, only less beautiful. Nephilim, if she had to guess. The other was Elioud or demon. She wasn’t sure.