Stricken (The War Scrolls Book 1)

by A. K. Morgen

“No buts. I’ve had over two hundred years to live. I’ve seen and done more than you can imagine. And for most of the last two hundred years, every time I’ve thought about forever, it’s been a lonely thought.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “If you had to face forever alone, would you want it?”

  “You might bond with someone,” she argued—though, the thought of him kissing anyone else like he kissed her was painful. Everything but him disappeared when he put his lips to hers. She felt right for once, whole.

  “No,” he said, shaking his head. He had that look in his eye again. It was part earnestness, part sorrow—the same way he’d looked at her yesterday before he’d heard the infected shifter and all hell had broken loose. “I won’t. There is no one else out there for me.”

  “Killian, have you bonded with me?” She was terrified of the answer, but she had to know. Is that why she felt so safe with him? Why the thought of him dying broke her heart? Why the thought of never seeing him again hurt even worse than finding out the truth had? Because she had been chosen by God to complete him?

  He smiled. “Is that so hard to imagine?”

  As much as some part of her had hoped he had bonded with her, the other part was horrified. Not because the thought repulsed her, but because she was just…her. And he was so much more. “But I’m human.”

  He laughed at her shocked tone. “You’re Elioud, and I’m part human. Are we really that different?”

  “But…” But the Elioud didn’t live forever. They grew old and died like everyone else. Nephilim didn’t. Like their Fallen parents, they could live an eternity. “That’s why you’re so calm about this!” she gasped, jerking free of the covers and leaping to her feet to glare at him. His refusal to blame her. His desire to protect her. Why he was so calm about dying. It all made sense now.

  “You can’t bond with me. Make it stop. Make it go away,” she pleaded.

  Killian flipped on the light by the bed and climbed to his feet. His shirt was wrinkled, and so were his jeans. His hair was wild. He looked so rumpled and still so perfect.

  She wanted to cry.

  “It doesn’t work that way, Aubrey. We can’t stop the bond any more than we can will it to start.”

  “What happens if you survive the virus?” she demanded, her heart pounding painfully.

  He smiled and reached out to her. She felt his fingertips glide down her arm before he wrapped them around her wrist to reel her in. She went willingly, allowing him to nestle her in his embrace. She wanted to stay there forever, but she couldn’t. She was human. And Killian…Killian would never grow, never change.

  “What happens to you when I’m gone?” she whispered into his chest, needing to know.

  “Nothing,” he murmured into her hair.

  She knew when she was being placated. “Tell me,” she demanded.

  He was silent for a long moment. “I’ll die.”

  “No,” she whispered, feeling sick to her stomach. If she left, he would die. That’s why he was so calm about La Morte Nera killing him. Even if they found a cure…it wouldn’t save his life. “No,” she said again, struggling to push him away. “I won’t let you do this. I won’t!”

  “It’s not your choice, love,” he murmured, stepping away from her. “It’s mine.”

  “No, it isn’t,” she cried, blinded by tears. “You don’t get to die because of me. You don’t get to make that choice! We’ll find a way. We’ll do…something. I won’t let you do this!”

  “What way?” he asked, reclining against the wall by the bed. “You know this can’t work. You said it yourself. You’re human, and I’m a Fallen warrior, the only Nephilim they’ve ever accepted into their ranks. I belong in this world. You don’t. You deserve a human life, Aubrey.”

  “I don’t care,” she whispered, closing the distance between them. She stared at him for a long moment, memorizing his face. The way his blue eyes shone. The way his hair fell across his forehead. The golden glow to his skin and his full lips.

  He was willing to sacrifice himself so she could walk away from this world, from angels and demons and the frightening things that went bump in the night. To give her what she wanted, he would allow himself to die.

  Had she ever been so unselfish?

  No. Never. But she would be now. For him, she’d give up her life in Memphis. It didn’t matter that she wasn’t ready to face all of this again. She would. If it kept him alive, there was no other choice. None she was willing to make, anyway.

  “I’ll stay with you,” she told him.

  “You can’t,” he said, wiping her tears away with the pads of his thumbs. “It’s not safe for you. I’m not safe for you.”

  “Yes, you are,” she whispered, refusing to believe that. “You are safe for me.” He’d done nothing but keep her safe since he’d met her. Even if she was his mate, he had every reason to hate her for what was happening now, but he didn’t. Instead, he kept promising her that she’d be safe, that he didn’t blame her.

  “I’m not,” he said, shaking his head. “Not anymore.”

  “I trust you.”

  “You shouldn’t,” he whispered, pulling her closer and burying his face in her throat. He inhaled deeply before placing a kiss to her racing pulse and then gently setting her away from him.

  She watched, her body trembling, as he stepped away from her, out of reach. “Killian, ple—”

  “If the Dominion ever find out about your father, they’ll kill you, Aubrey. If they find out about the bond, they might kill us both. I won’t risk your safety just so I can live. It’s not something I’m willing to do.” His eyes gleamed, the bright blue searing her all the way to her soul. “Etiam in morte, superest amor.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “It’s a Fallen saying. It means that even in death, love survives. I need you to live, for me.”

  “That’s not fair.” She shook her head, refusing to accept that answer. He didn’t get to choose for her what she was willing to risk. He didn’t get to sentence himself to death so she could live. It wasn’t right.

  “Abriel and Dom will be leaving for the airport soon, and we need to make a few plans before they go. I’ll be next door if you need anything,” he said, already heading that way.

  “Killian, please,” she tried again, her fists curled so tightly her nails gouged into her palms. She wanted to tell him that he’d promised her. Not even twelve hours ago, he’d promised he wouldn’t leave her. And now he wasn’t only breaking that promise, he was breaking her heart in the process. He wasn’t merely accepting death; he was embracing it.

  “I love you,” she whispered, realizing for the first time that it was true. She’d fallen for the warrior who’d pledged his sword to her. When or how, she didn’t know, but she felt it now, burning bright and hot like the sun.

  He glanced over his shoulder at her, his expression blank, stoic. “You should try to sleep a little longer. I’ll come get you when they’re ready to leave.” He stepped outside, not even acknowledging what she’d said.

  The door closed behind him.

  Aubrey collapsed onto the bed, tears dripping down her face.

  Killian would rather let their bond kill him than risk her safety.

  She hadn’t understood what he’d meant when he said the Fallen loved differently than humans, but she understood now. For the first time since Jason had revealed what her father had done so many years ago, she began to understand why he’d done it.

  Love was a powerful motivator. More powerful than she’d ever realized.

  ***

  Killian closed the door behind him as gently as he could, her words reverberating in his mind. “I love you too,” he whispered to the morning, clenching his fists to keep himself from punching a hole in the wall or opening the door and going back to her.

  He hadn’t let himself consider that she might ever say those words to him. That she might ever feel that for him. He wasn’t even sure if she meant it or if
she’d simply said it for his sake, a last-ditch effort to keep him from following through on what he had to do. But hearing her say it—whatever her reason had been—was Heaven and Hell at once.

  Heaven that she’d said it. Hell that she might actually mean it.

  “Fuck,” he muttered violently, raising his hand to pound on his brothers’ door.

  Abriel opened it, his expression grim.

  Take her t—

  “Don’t,” Killian warned before he could even finish the thought. “I’m not taking her before the Dominion.”

  “It was a wayward thought,” Abriel lied.

  “Why not take her to them?” Dom demanded as Abriel moved aside to let Killian in. He jerked a T-shirt over his head. “She’s your mate. Surely they can’t kill her if they know that.”

  “If she was your mate, would you risk her life on the hope that the Dominion decided to show a little compassion for a Halfling for once? Especially one who mated with a human when a vast majority of the Fallen still alive will never have that bond with anyone?”

  “You might not have a choice,” Abriel answered, crossing his arms over his chest.

  “He speaks the truth,” Dom said, patting at his hair. “At least the Dominion can keep her safe from the Nephilim looking for her.”

  “Yes, right up until they kill her,” Killian snapped, gritting his teeth. There was no way he would risk her safety on the hope that the Dominion would have a little compassion for him for once. “I’m taking her to Utah.”

  “That’s a risky trip,” Abriel said, snagging his bag from the floor to pack up his things.

  “I know,” he answered as calmly as he could, sinking down into a chair. It was a risk to try to take her that far alone, especially now, but it was also the best solution he had. She had no ties to the area, leaving no reason for the Nephilim to send anyone there to find her. And the last Elioud shifter in the state had died weeks ago as far as they were aware. There was no one there to spread the virus. If she stayed there until this was over, maybe she’d survive.

  And quite honestly…he didn’t know what else to do. He couldn’t leave her as long as she was in danger, but the clock was ticking. All he could do was try to hold out long enough to make sure she would be safe when he was gone.

  If he couldn’t, he wanted her as far away from the infected as he could get her.

  “What about her brother’s friends?” Dom asked, shoving his own clothing into his bag without even bothering to fold them.

  “What about them?”

  “Are they going to let her go?” He finished packing and zipped the duffle with a self-satisfied nod. “If they believe the Nephilim are doing this to get back at the Fallen, I’d rather not have them turn on you as soon as they find out you’re taking her away.”

  “They won’t be an issue.”

  Jason was smart. He knew Aubrey didn’t need to be in this area. He might not like her involvement with the Fallen, but Killian was confident Jason wouldn’t try to stop her from leaving with him. The Elioud had promised Aaron that they would protect her, and at this point, Killian was her best bet. Her friends didn’t have to like him to know it was true.

  “Are you sure?” Dom asked. “We can always catch a flight from Utah.”

  “No, we can’t,” Abriel answered for Killian, zipping his own bag. “We’ve got to steal the hard drives from the lab and go. Finding the Nephilim responsible for this can’t wait. They’ve had the virus for three years now. If anyone has a cure, it’s them.”

  Killian nodded his agreement, having worked that out for himself hours ago. Even if the Nephilim didn’t have a cure, Killian would bet his best knife that they were a whole lot closer than anyone else.

  Chapter Eighteen

  “Aubrey, you might not ever see them again. You need to say good-bye,” Killian said later that afternoon, beyond frustrated with the little human glaring at him from across the room. As he’d predicted, Jason had agreed to let him take her to Utah, knowing she would be safer there. But he wanted to see her before they left, and she was dead-set against it. Killian had promised he’d try, though, and he was determined to make it happen. Not for their sakes, but for hers.

  She’s already spent three years feeling guilty for walking away. He didn’t want that for her now, especially when the Elioud were already fighting off the infected. Unless they got really lucky, chances were she’d never see them alive after today.

  “I don’t want to say good-bye.” Her bottom lip quivered on the word.

  Killian sighed, his frustration vanishing in the face of her distress. “You might not have another chance, love. You need to do this.”

  “Why? What am I supposed to say?” she demanded, throwing her hands up in the air. “I’m furious that you lied to me, but I hope you don’t die?” She sank down onto the edge of the bed. “I don’t know how to say good-bye to them, Killian. That’s why I left like I did last time. I didn’t know how to say good-bye.”

  “No one knows how to say good-bye,” he murmured, kneeling beside her. He didn’t touch her, though. If he did…he wasn’t sure how that would end. All day, he’d struggled to keep his distance from her. It was killing him slowly, but he wouldn’t give her false hope.

  “What if they die, Killian?” she whispered. “Can’t we stay here? We could help—”

  He shook his head before she could finish. “You know we can’t. It’s not safe for you.”

  “If they can risk it, I can too.”

  “No.”

  “It’s my choice,” she said, her eyes flashing.

  “Aubrey.” He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose as if that might restore some semblance of patience. It didn’t, of course. “You aren’t staying here. Say good-bye to your friends.”

  “Sometimes I want to stab you.”

  “I have a knife in my bag,” he offered, a dry smile twisting at his lips.

  “You’d love that, wouldn’t you?” she muttered, standing up and stalking to the door. “Since I’m going to get you killed anyway, I might as well do it with my own two hands, right? Really give me something to hate myself over. I bet that would make you real happy, wouldn’t it?” She stepped outside, slamming the door hard behind her.

  Killian was on his feet in two seconds flat, door key in hand. He bounded after her and pulled up short, blocking her path.

  “Move,” she snapped, attempting to step around him to get to the stairs. She squinted up at him, her hair blowing in the late afternoon wind.

  He stepped with her, refusing to let her pass. “You think I want you to hate yourself?” he asked.

  She glared at him.

  “That’s the last thing I want.”

  “Well, we don’t always get what we want, do we?” she asked, rolling her eyes. The action didn’t hide the flash of pain across her face, though. “Now move so I can get this over with.”

  “Aubrey—”

  “Move, Killian. Now!” She shoved past him and stomped down the stairs.

  He stood there for a minute, torn. He’d never meant for her to find out about the bond and what that meant for him, but he couldn’t take it back now. If he could have made the truth hurt less for her, though, he would have. She’d suffered enough already. And now, because of him, she’d suffer more.

  “Hell,” he groaned, starting down the stairs after her.

  His life was Hell.

  ***

  Aubrey stomped down the stairs, refusing to take back what she’d said as Killian fell into step behind her. She knew he didn’t want her to hate herself, but she would anyway. If he died, she’d feel as though it was her fault for the rest of her life. Even had he never bonded with her, she’d have felt that way because of her father. Now that she knew the truth, though…it felt so much worse.

  How the hell was she supposed to stop a half-angelic Warrior of Light from sacrificing himself to protect her? She didn’t even know where to begin. She’d said please, and that hadn’t worked. She’d told hi
m she loved him, and that hadn’t worked. She’d told him she wouldn’t let him do it. That hadn’t worked, either.

  The sad fact was…she had run out of ideas, and she was scared.

  Saying good-bye to the boys didn’t make her feel any better.

  “Where are they?” she demanded.

  “Behind the building,” Killian answered.

  Aubrey squared her shoulders and marched forward, determined to do this and get it over with. Killian walked at her side, not saying anything as they skirted around the edge of the hotel and into the yard beyond. She could see the boys beneath the trees at the edge of the property.

  “Breathe,” Killian murmured when Jason stepped out to meet them.

  The rest of the boys trailed behind him…except, they weren’t boys anymore. They were all grown up now. Even Tyrell towered over her, on the brink of adulthood.

  Aubrey sucked in a breath and popped her eyes open wide to hold the tears at bay when they surrounded her. “Hi,” she whispered, much as she had yesterday.

  Killian halted, giving her space to say good-bye her way as she took another step forward.

  “Hi,” the boys chorused back, shuffling awkwardly from foot to foot.

  Even Tyrell, who always wore a smile, seemed subdued and uncertain, as if he didn’t know if they were okay or not. And Jason…God, Jason reminded her of Aaron so much as he stood there, one watchful eye on the group and another on the woods, protecting them as he’d promised to do when he took Aaron’s place.

  None of them had asked to be Elioud—most hadn’t even understood what that meant for them. They’d all been strays in a way, with no family or no family willing to accept them. They’d found one another by sheer luck and forged a family of their own, one bound by Heaven and the ancient angelic blood running through their veins. Aaron had been their leader and their friend. He’d kept them together, taught them everything his and Aubrey’s mom and dad had passed on to him. And then he’d died. But somehow, despite everything, Jason had held their little family together.

  Would Aubrey ever see them again? Would they survive the virus?