Living To Love You (Santos Family Series Book 4)

by KD Bryan

  “Si, sweet girl…your Mama…your Mama is bye-bye right now. But Reid is here…and Tia Consuela. Would you like to go home with Reid and me to see the girls? Malaya and Pilar would love to play with you today,” said Carli brushing a kiss to the little girls head.

  Smiling broadly, Angelina clapped her tiny hands together and said, “Laya and P’lar, yes. Play with girls today!”

  Climbing down from Carli’s lap, Angelina scooted toward her aunt and said, “Go play today. Laya and P’lar’s house. Adios, Tia Suela.”

  The three adults couldn’t help but laugh at the little girl’s sudden enthusiasm to leave. All thoughts of her Mama had faded for the moment at the prospect of playing with her little friends whom she adored.

  Rising to their feet, Consuela looked at Reid and said, “I have her things…they are in the bedroom. The policia let me go to the apartment today to pack Angelina’s clothes and toys.”

  With a glance at his wife, Reid nodded to the other woman saying, “Okay, show me where they are and I’ll take everything out to the car.”

  A few minutes later, the little girl’s meager items were stashed in the back of Reid’s SUV and he stood quietly as his wife discussed details of the funeral mass with Consuela. He knew Carli had already assured Consuela they would pay for everything, and now it was just a matter of waiting for Martina’s body to be released.

  With Angelina in her arms, Carli made her way to the car and gave Reid a tremulous smile over the little girl’s head. He was standing with the back door open and smiled when Angelina looked at him bashfully.

  “Angelina, are you ready to go? Come to me and I’ll put you in the booster seat, okay?” said Reid as he held out his arms.

  To his surprise, the little girl raised her arms toward him without hesitation and Reid lifted her from Carli’s embrace. On impulse, Reid dropped a kiss on her sweet little cheek before shifting her from his arms and into the booster seat in the back. When she was buckled in tightly, Reid tickled her belly with one finger and smiled at the sweet little giggle she let out. He shut the door, and then looked at his wife who was still standing there watching him.

  “I think we’re ready to go,” said Reid as he turned to walk around the car.

  Swallowing past the ever present emotion clogging her throat, Carli put her hand out to squeeze her husband’s arm. “I love you, Reid Brandt.”

  “And I love you, baby. Now, we better go before our new addition gets impatient. She knows that Malaya and Pilar are waiting at the end of this ride, and I think she’s anxious to see them,” chuckled Reid.

  Climbing into the front of the car, Carli glanced back at the beautiful child who was now in their lives and smiled. Angelina smiled sweetly in return, and then said, “Go, por favor!”

  The two adults in the car burst out laughing, and Carli turned to look at Reid. “Well, you heard her…let’s go.”

  Sliding the car into gear, Reid chuckled again and pointed the car toward home. He now had four beautiful girls in his life, but instead of feeling outnumbered he simply felt blessed.

  “Dress like you are going to meet your worst enemy today.”

  -Coco Chanel

  Chapter Fourteen

  I can do this…I can do this…Jillian felt her heart rate accelerating as St. Elizabeth’s Medical Center came into view, the big building backlit by the sun and waiting for her. Today was the day…her first chemotherapy treatment, and anxiety had her stomach clenching until the pain was a palpable thing. Rob was heading for the parking garage, and a part of Jillian wanted to beg him to just keep driving instead. Escape wasn’t an option, though, and Jillian knew that her fear of the unknown was driving that emotion hard this morning.

  Truthfully, she was almost as anxious to get started with her treatment as she was dreading it because starting meant ending it sooner. Jillian knew she was facing at least three rounds of treatment, and each regimen would be administered at twenty-one day intervals. Dr. Nixon had also explained that three weeks after her last chemo treatment she would begin a five week regimen of radiation therapy. Basically she’d have weeks of enduring whatever it took to hopefully save her life in the end.

  And wasn’t that her ultimate fear in all of this…that there were no guarantees that she’d even go into remission. Dr. Nixon was optimistically hopeful…his words, not hers…but Jillian knew the statistics after researching it one day when she was home alone. Fifty-percent cure rate. The words had jumped out at her causing her stomach to roll that day as well. The odds were either equally or unequally in her favor, but she couldn’t think about that now. She knew that maintaining a positive attitude was important, and she was determined to give it her best effort. She knew there’d be days when that would seem like an impossible task, but hopefully there’d be others there to help lift her up.

  Speaking of which, the man at her side hadn’t faltered once through this whole thing, and Jillian couldn’t imagine trying to navigate the most frightening thing she’d ever faced without Rob. He’d been her rock, and if she’d ever doubted his true feelings for her in the past, well those fears had been put to rest. He’d accompanied her to every doctor’s visit, and for every test that had been performed so far. Never wavering, but instead he’d been there to pick up the slack and ask the questions on the days when she’d simply been unable to.

  Fingering her hair, Jillian looked out the window as a sad smile played at her lips. And last week Rob had gone with her to do one of the hardest things she’d ever done in her life. It hadn’t been about the actual hair…no, it had been about so much more than that. Sure, the thought of losing her hair was tough, but the loss of control was harder. In a moment of defiance she’d decided to be proactive rather than reactive.

  Rob had hid his surprise well when she’d told him about her plan, and Jillian recalled the conversation they’d had that evening followed by her ending up in tears…again. Surprisingly they’d been tears of gratitude for the man who simply got her with no questions asked.

  After dinner one evening Rob had wound up in the bedroom and was flipping through channels when Jillian had walked out of the bathroom. Crawling upon the bed beside him, she’d gotten comfortable and then shared the decision she’d made earlier that day.

  “Rob?”

  “Hmm…yeah, babe?”

  “I have a hair appointment tomorrow.”

  Not thinking, Rob had glanced at her and smiled saying, “Oh, great. You think you’re up for that?”

  Jillian had known he wasn’t thinking… he knew that in her world a hair appointment meant highlights, deep conditioning treatments, a cut and styling…the works. This wasn’t that kind of appointment, though, and Jillian knew Rob had momentarily forgotten what would be happening soon.

  “Roberto, I’m getting my hair cut tomorrow…short. I’m getting all of it cut off before it…well, you know,” said Jillian quietly.

  She’d known when it hit Rob, and Jillian had almost felt sorry for him because he’d looked so crestfallen and apologetic. Grabbing her hand with his, he’d looked at her with pain etched onto his handsome features.

  “Awe hell, baby, I’m so sorry…I wasn’t thinking…I just thought when you said hair appointment…well, you know what I thought,” said Rob with regret evident in his voice.

  Reaching out, Jillian ran a hand down his cheek feeling the stubble that she always found so sexy. A quick kiss to his lips helped soften the blow, but she knew he was still upset at his obvious oversight.

  “Rob, it’s okay, really. I just feel like this is something I need to do. I don’t really know how to explain it exactly. I guess I want this to happen somewhat on my terms. It just seems like everything is out of my control…I want to try and make this not so traumatic,” explained Jillian.

  Pulling her into his arms, Rob dropped a kiss on her head and ran a hand up and down her back in a comforting motion. The hits just kept coming, and he felt like such an idiot for not realizing what Jillian had been saying.

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sp; “Sweetheart, you do whatever it takes to make this better, okay? And I’ll be there…I’ll go with you to the appointment so I can hold your hand the whole time,” he assured her with another kiss pressed against her hair.

  Pulling back a fraction, Rob lifted Jillian’s face up to his and said, “After your appointment, we’ll come home and then guess what we’ll do?”

  Tickling Jillian’s ribs carefully with his fingers, Rob grinned saying, “Come on, try and guess.”

  Rolling her eyes at his antics, Jillian slapped his fingers away from her side and said, “I can’t guess! Just tell me, because I know you want to.”

  Lowering her upper body down to rest on the bed, Rob held her in his arms and then dipped his head to press a lingering kiss to her mouth.

  “We’re going to come home and I’m going to strip you naked…how’s it sounding so far?”

  Mesmerized by the sexy tone of his voice, Jillian swallowed and whispered, “Good.”

  After another lingering kiss to her lips, he said, “And then I’m going to make love to the gorgeous woman you’ll still be…whether your hair is short, long, or gone… you’re still the most beautiful woman in the world to me.”

  And that’s when the tears had started flowing again…

  Startled by the sound of Rob’s voice beside her, Jillian put aside the memory of that night and turned to see they were already parked. Taking a deep breath in, her eyes met Rob’s and she saw the worry in his.

  “Jillian, baby, it’s going to be okay. I’ll be right there with you every minute they’ll let me be,” Rob assured her.

  “I know you will, Rob. And I’m so grateful that you’re here. I’m just scared…I’ve tried not to be, but I can’t seem to help it,” admitted Jillian with a shrug.

  Gathering her close across the console of his car, Rob pressed his lips to the side of her head through the much shorter strands of hair from her new cut. A new cut that actually looked fantastic on her, and everyone had raved about the style when they’d had dinner with his family a few nights ago. Melanie had declared that Jillian looked like Charlize Theron with the new style, and Ansley had raved as well via Skype when they’d connected later with the newlyweds in Florida.

  Now they were here, and the whole ordeal was about to begin. Rob wasn’t sure he was ready for it either, but that was his own fear of course. He, too, was anxious to get things started so they’d be on the way to kicking this thing. And in his mind kicking it was the only option he could even consider. He knew the statistics as well, but a fifty percent cure rate was actually better than he’d imagined in the beginning. It’d also helped when Dr. Nixon had sounded encouraged while he’d discussed all the positives in Jillian’s particular situation.

  A short time later, Rob was clutching Jillian’s hand as her chemo nurse explained in detail what the plan was for today. They’d already heard it from Dr. Nixon, but the words had morphed into a mass of confusion that day in his office. Sylvia had explained things to them again in more depth later, but Rob knew Jillian’s head hadn’t been in it while his mom was talking either.

  Their chemotherapy nurse for today, Anna, had asked Jillian first to slip into a hospital gown for this treatment after explaining it would give them better access to her port. Once Jillian was settled into a comfortable recliner, Anna had proceeded to flush the port and then began to explain what she’d be doing.

  Placing an IV pole and pump next to the chair, Anna checked the small innocuous looking bag hanging from the metal hook and said, “Okay, Jillian, your pre-treatment labs looked good so we’re ready to start this thing. I’ve flushed the port, and you’ve had your anti-nausea medication, your antihistamine, and your steroid dose. The first medication of your R-CHOP21 treatment regimen is called Rituximab, and you’ll feel a warm flush as it goes in. I’ll be giving it alone because this medication does carry a higher risk for an allergic reaction. It will also be administered slowly over the span of a few hours and regulated by the pump.”

  Swallowing against the lump in her throat, Jillian watched as Anna connected the IV line to her port and adjusted the flow rate. It was a surreal moment when she felt the medication hit her system, and Jillian clutched Rob’s hand with hers. She felt the return pressure of Rob’s fingers tightening on hers, and Jillian shifted her gaze to meet his. She saw compassion, as well as understanding, at the significance of this moment in his own eyes, and Jillian had never loved him more.

  As the medication flowed through her system, Jillian concentrated on trying to relax while Rob sat beside her. They eventually talked about mundane things at first, and then more important ones such as the recent events in the Brandt family’s life. It sounded as if there was a real possibility their numbers were going to increase by one, and Jillian wondered how Carli and Reid were both holding up. Knowing their marriage was solid, Jillian knew if any two people could handle another child possibly becoming theirs then it was her best friend and her husband.

  Rob watched some time later as the last of the medication flowed into the port in Jillian’s chest and he breathed a quiet sigh of relief when the bag finally emptied. Their chemo nurse had kept a diligent watch on Jillian throughout, but Rob was thankful they were ready to move on. Anna appeared once again when the pump alarm sounded, and quickly removed the Rituximab line from the port. Next, she adjusted the pump to administer straight IV fluids which would flush everything through.

  Smiling warmly at her patient, Anna said, “Okay, all finished with that one. How do you feel, Jillian? Any shortness of breath, itchiness, dizziness?”

  Shaking her head, Jillian replied, “No…just the initial flushed feeling you’d described, but that’s it.”

  Nodding encouragingly, Anna said, “Good. Now I’m going to administer the next two drugs which are Cytoxan and Hydroxydaunomycin. We’ll do those by bolus injection, then flush again before I start the last medication.”

  Grateful for the step by step explanation, Rob listened closely so he’d know exactly what they’d be experiencing during the next several weeks. Although his main role was to support Jillian mentally and emotionally, he and his mom had also discussed the importance of Rob understanding the actual treatment regimen that Jillian would be receiving as well.

  After another flush, Anna hung the last bag of medication and then directed her gaze at Jillian and then Rob.

  “This is the fourth and final chemotherapy medication of the regimen which is called Vincristine. It’ll be administered over a five to ten minute period by IV infusion as well. Following this we’ll flush again and then have you wait here for a while. You’ll go home with a five day regimen of Prednisone which is a steroid medication you’ll take by mouth to help prevent allergic reactions,” explained Anna.

  Taking their silence as an indication to go on, Anna talked while connecting the bag of medication. “You’ll also receive some oral anti-nausea medication to take home with you, and I strongly advise that you use it as needed, Jillian. Don’t hesitate to medicate against the nausea…there’s no reason for you to be sick if you can possibly prevent it.”

  Nodding that she understood, Jillian clasped Rob’s hand in hers again and held on. This was all so much to take in, and she felt like she was on overload already just listening to Anna’s instructions. Thank goodness Rob was with her to listen as well, and hopefully the two of them could handle what needed to be done.

  A short time later the last medication was complete, and Anna did a final flush of Jillian’s port. Overall Jillian felt like she’d done pretty well for the first visit, and Anna confirmed that a few moments later.

  “Jillian, I think this first treatment went well for you, and I anticipate the others will, too. We need to go over the possible side effects once more, and then we’ll see about getting you both out of here,” she assured them with a smile.

  Of course they’d already heard the list in Dr. Nixon’s office, and truthfully Jillian dreaded hearing a repeat although she knew it had to be done. Things l
ike nausea, vomiting, fatigue, mouth ulcers, hair loss, itching, diarrhea, loss of appetite, and discolored urine were not things she wanted to dwell on, but they were now her reality. A reality she’d never imagined for herself, and the thought still seemed so surreal at times. Looking in the mirror one morning after she’d gotten her hair cut, Jillian had simply stared at her reflection wondering how her life had gotten to this point. She didn’t believe in karma…or punishment for past sins or misdeeds of this magnitude… but it was still difficult at times to not ask why as she faced her own mortality.

  Hours later Rob made another trip to the door of the bedroom to check on a now sleeping Jillian. The day had been completely exhausting for her mentally, emotionally, and physically so he was glad that she was now able to sleep. His parents had shown up earlier to check on things, and then Rob had walked them out later when they’d left to start home.

  Raking a hand down his face, he’d looked at the two people who’d always been there to support him and said quietly, “Thank you both…you have no idea how much it means that you’re here for us…”

  His voice hoarse with emotion, Rob found he simply couldn’t continue. The day had been exhausting for him as well, and his own emotions seemed to be all over the place.

  Enveloping her son into a hug, Sylvia rubbed Rob’s back and said, “Darling, there is nowhere else we want to be, you should know that. We’re here, Rob, for whatever you and Jillian need. Now, I’ll be back in the morning to stay so you can check in at the office.”

  Ric put a reassuring hand on his son’s shoulder and gave it a squeeze. “Your mother is right, Roberto. We will be here no matter what, please know that. And I will be happy to fill in and help at the office if that is needed, too. All you need to do is call, comprehende?”